Envious (15 page)

I walked into the living room, passing by Todd’s bedroom with my head held high. My grandma was none the wiser to my victory where she sat asleep on the sofa. The TV was on and I sat down to watch the Macy’s parade. It went to a commercial.
I
basted the turkey again and grabbed a fruit cocktail someone had made, filling a bowl for myself. I walked back towards the living room but paused outside Todd’s door. I could hear him breathing inside. Maybe I did push too much this time. Mom was sick of everyone always fighting on holidays. She would have a fit when she came home.

I decided I would fake an apology. I silently opened his door and saw him laying on his bed with his face pressed down into his pillows. He gripped the edge of one tightly. It was wrinkled from his massive sweaty hands.

“Todd,” I started before he cut me off.

“Get out,” he grated. His voice seemed strained, even through the pillow.

“Hey, I’m
trying
to be the bigger person here,” I said.

He sat up suddenly and hurled a pillow at me. It knocked my bowl to the floor, spilling fruit onto the carpet. He threw himself back onto his last remaining pillow.

“I was gonna eat that, jerk.”

“Too bad,” Todd muttered, rolling onto his side with his back to me.

“Well,
you’re
gonna have to clean it up,” I snapped.

“Whatever, get out.”

I kicked his disgusting pillow back into his mess of a room and slammed the door shut.

“Sandy, dear? What’s going on?” my grandma asked from the living room. She lifted herself from the sofa with the help of her cane.

“Todd’s just being a jerk, as usual.”

“Yes, but if he’s the jerk, then why is
he
the one who’s crying?”

I was shocked and exclaimed, “Grandma?”
Did she just call me a jerk?
“He started it, besides, he’s not crying.”

“Sweetheart, you can’t always take your anger out on him,” she explained.

My eyes narrowed. “Why not? He’s always making fun of me and getting in the way. He’s the
source
of my anger.”

“Being so angry, dear…it’s not good for the soul. Think about how your words hurt Todd. Then think about why exactly you said those words. I know both of you so well, and I’ve never seen you react so brutally towards your cousin.” That wasn’t exactly true. Todd and I had way worse arguments before. I opened my mouth to protest, but she shook her head slowly and continued on. “I think you should take some time to think your feelings through. If I were you, I’d go to my room and make a list. Don’t you agree?”

I looked down at the floor. My grandma was always so sincere and knowledgeable. It was hard
not
to take her advice gracefully. “Yes, I agree.”

My list of my anger issues:

To
dd- he’s a stupid jerk and I hate him. I wish mom had never agreed to take him in. Immature. Stubborn. Stupid. Smart.

Mom- let that jerk in our house-lets him stay. He’s always bothering me about sex and boyfriends. He’s obsessed with it, really. Never leaves me alone! I hate him! He’s messy and gross and a jerk.

Auro
 
Eri
Eric- he used me…he hurt me on purpose. He hurt Elijah. He attacked my brother, the jerk. He made me feel love and took it away, in both lives. In every life.

Ok, so maybe I had been unfair to Todd. I did hate him, but my anger had no reason to focus so tightly on him. Eric was what was bothering me. I heard a door shut downstairs. My parents must be home from church. I exploded from my room, ran down the stairs and rushed through the living room, past the dining room and Todd’s room, only to find I was too late. Grandma was already speaking with them in the kitchen. She was telling them about the fight.

“He started it,” I said defensively.

“Todd…” my mother snapped. I didn’t know why I had gotten nervous. She always blamed Todd anyways. “Where is he?” she asked.

“Don’t worry,” my grandma answered. “I think Sandy has learned why she hurt him. Once she apologizes, we can put this all behind us.”

“No!” I said. “I may have been a little mean, but I am not going to apologize for it.” My grandma gave me “the look” and I cringed under it. “Fine,” I spat. I stepped up to Todd’s bedroom door and flung it open.

Todd nearly jumped to his feet in surprise, his cigarette falling from his mouth and onto his lap. He was sitting on the only clear space on his floor, writing.

“Jesus, Sandy! What if I was changing or something?” he exclaimed as he quickly picked up his cigarette and brushed ash from his torn jeans.

“It’s not like I haven’t ever seen you naked,” I said with attitude. And it was true, unfortunately. Because of his former drug habit, my parents didn’t allow him to lock any door in the house, and it took me a while to get used to knocking first.

“Well, Peeping Tom, what do you want?” Todd asked calmly, setting his cigarette on a plate he used for an ashtray.

“I’m sorry, okay?” I turned to leave, but he hopped up quickly, grabbing me by the wrist.

“Excuse me, could you repeat that but nicer this time?” he asked, smiling slyly.

“You’re such a jerk,” I told him.

“Oh. Well that’s a nice apology.”

“Yeah, why don’t you go cry about it?” I challenged him.

“I have a question,” he began diplomatically. “Are you like this with everyone, or do you just save your attitude for me?” I didn’t answer. I gave other people attitude but never for no specific reason like I did with Todd. “Is that a yes? You do? Wow, I feel so special, so…loved.”

“Go to hell,” I said, eyes narrow with anger. I hated when he acted like this, all cool and superior.

He let go of my wrist, saying calmly, “No thanks. You can go ahead without me.”

“Whatever.”

“Sandy, you should be a linguist. That was a fine use of language.”

“I hate you,” I sneered.

He paused, probably thinking of what the most embarrassing comeback would be so that he could use it. “That’s sad…cuz I don’t hate you.”

I stormed out of his room, slamming the door behind me. I hated how he could make me feel inferior in my own house.
Why can’t he just leave?!

Todd spent most of the morning outside, installing a stereo in his car. He was always working on something in his car. Changing the oil, or tuning up the engine. It was so old and beat up, a boxy, white rust bucket, I didn’t understand why he would keep it at all, no less bother with updating the stereo. It wasn’t even a new stereo. He got it used.
Just update the whole car.
How can he not be embarrassed driving around in that beater? But I wasn’t about to ask him that. I wouldn’t say anything to him. I had promised Grandma not to fight with Todd anymore today. I didn’t know why she cared about the jerk. No one else did.

He finished up with the stereo and moved on to the engine. Of course. No one could waste time on a car better than he could. As I watched through the front window, letting my hatred for him grow, Aurora came skipping down the sidewalk toward him.
What’s she doing?
She came up next to him, staring down into the open hood with him. He ignored her, continuing to work, and she continued to flirt. She ran her hand through his dark hair. Gross.
I guess she’s done with Eric and moving on to my nasty cousin.
Though, I had to admit, she was good at flirting. I never stood a chance against her, even in high school. I was like guy repellant.

Aurora whispered something in Todd’s ear, and I saw his knees literally weaken. Then suddenly, he threw down his tools and stormed off down the street on foot, leaving Aurora standing there alone next to his car. That was weird. Apparently her flirting powers didn’t work on everyone. I turned away, looking for something else to occupy myself with.

At dinner, Todd slowly chewed his food while I pretended to. I loved all the food on my plate, but I just couldn’t eat. Had my stomach shrunk that much? Or was I too mad at Todd to swallow? Luckily my family didn’t notice how little I ate, or else I would have had to face an interrogation. Todd, on the other hand, stared at my plate and then at me. My parents were talking with great excitement to each other about some business deal. Grandma looked to Todd, saying, “The turkey is wonderful, dear.”

Todd didn’t even crack a smile at the complement of his cooking skills. “It’s too dry. Would have been better if
someone
didn’t insist I baste it,” Todd said, shooting a look at my mom.

Without even glancing at him, my mom said, “Everyone knows you’re supposed to baste a turkey.”

“Opening the oven while it’s cooking dries it out,” Todd muttered. My mom ignored him, and I couldn’t blame her. When Todd thought that he was right, there was nothing that could change his mind. The battle wasn’t worth the effort.

Grandma ignored the drama, commenting to Todd, “I’m sure your mother would have enjoyed it, if she had been invited to dinner.” As if my mom would ever have invited my Aunt Debbie. They talked on the phone sometimes but barely saw each other. They got along better that way.

“It’s Aunt Linda’s house, Grandma,” Todd answered, swallowing a mouthful of turkey.

Grandma shrugged her tiny shoulders and smiled encouragingly at Todd. “You should bring her a plate. That would be nice.”

Todd speared his vegetables violently, refusing to look at Grandma or even respond.
What a jerk. After all she’s done for him. If it weren’t for her, he never would have been able to afford rehab. He owed her his life.
Todd looked back to my plate, watching me flatten my scoop of mashed potatoes with my fork. Grandma turned back to her food, picking the carrots out of the mixed vegetables on her plate, but Todd kept staring at my plate.

“Did you want some?” I asked him, my voice edged with annoyance.

He narrowed his eyes at me. “Well, I know
you
won’t miss it.”

1205

I opened my eyes slowly. Where was I? With Eric. Eric was laying on the bed that my head rested on. All night, I had stayed there, sitting in a chair by his side. I worried that if I left him, he would die, so I stayed where the Queen had left me last night. Eric was still breathing, and that was all that mattered to me. I smoothed his hair back from his heated forehead and my fingertips traced along the scar on his cheek.

Heodred stepped into the shining room. Light shimmered across the walls and rested on his rough face.

“Lady, this man needs to tend to our friend. Let us give him time to help.” I hadn’t noticed the small man behind him. He was Heodred’s height but much more slim. Heodred took me by the hand and led me out.

“Come and eat. You must tend to yourself as well.”

I smiled weakly. “I had a dream, a wonderful dream. Eric woke and his wounds were gone. He was presented to the hall, and he attended the ceremony for his fallen friends.”

“Dreams can hold truths, but they are also known for deceiving. Pay no mind to it.” Just at that moment, as the last word died on his lips, a horn sang out, echoing off the stone walls. I went to a large window and saw a woman, riding swiftly on horseback. Her garnet dress flew about her and trailed over the horse. Three soldiers followed closely behind.

“The King’s daughter, maiden. She rides from Halvor.”

“Halvor? To the north?”

“Yes, she was sent to bring peace to our nations. I fear she may have failed.”

“Why send her?”

“The king has no son and heir. She is all he has. I must warn you, lady. She’s taken to Eric. Though she has not won his heart, she will not give up.
”

CHAPTER 15

THE TRUE YOU

I threw my bag into the backseat of Aurora’s jeep and quickly scrambled into the front. Aurora drove off, and we were on our way back to school. Todd had made himself scarce all weekend, probably avoiding another fight. That was fine with me.

Aurora sped down the highway and turned down the whining music. “How was your holiday?” she asked.

“Fine, I guess.”

“Yeah, mine too,” she added. “It was weird…without Uncle Al, but okay. I actually almost forgot about Eric. I still can’t believe he would use you. What, was he trying to make me jealous? And to use
you
, of all people? Come on!”

That sentence struck me as odd. What exactly was she saying? “You think he was trying to make you jealous?”

“I don’t know, but if he was, it didn’t work at all.” Aurora slammed on her horn. “Did you see that?! The stupid jerk cut me off!” She drove on a while, swerving around the other cars on the road before asking, “You okay? You’re really quiet. Something bothering you?”

“No,” I lied.

When we got back to the dorms, I tossed my bag on my bed and left immediately to go see Elijah…Tony. I had been worried about him, worried that Eric might attack him again. I knocked on the door and Tony opened it. “Sandy, hi.”