Envious (11 page)

“No, but… I decided to change my major to fine art,” Eric said, reaching over our notes to hand my schedule back to me. “I’ve always loved to draw and I sat in on a drawing class a couple of times. It’s really awesome. Someone had a picture that looked just like you.”

We wouldn’t have classes together? This was horrible.

“That’s great,” I said, wrapping the ends of my green sweatshirt sleeves around my fingers. “I know how much you hate math. It makes more sense to major in art.” I had never understood why he was a business major in the first place.

“Yeah, maybe I could draw you sometime. Not nude though,” he laughed. “Can you believe that’s a class? You draw naked people.”

“Wow,” I said, my voice hollow. I tried to be happy for him; maybe this could be better than classes together. Hours of Eric staring at me intently, instead of the professor. Now, that would be interesting. My grip on the ends of my sleeves began to loosen.

“I have a drawing that’s hanging in the art building. You should see it. Tell me what you think. You want to go over before class, like…now?”

“Sure.” I closed the notes we had been going over. This should be cool. I was sure he was an amazing artist. I had never seen any of his drawings but Aurora always complained about him paying more attention to his sketchbook than to her. If it was something that she didn’t like, I loved it.

The gray sky began to drizzle water like a mist down on us as we walked across the grass to the large gray structure. We ducked through the door, out of the rain, and went up three flights of stairs. I was out of breath long before the top, and I slowed our procession. Eric continued to talk on and on about how excited he was about his new major, how it would take him an extra year to graduate, and how he wished it was time for finals already so he could get started in art classes.

“Jeff, the professor, said I’m doing really great from what he’s seen. He was really impressed with my lack of contour lines, whatever that means. It must mean I’m doing something right, right?”

“Right.” I laughed. The more excited he got, the more I did. A bright grin covered his face and his words kept spilling out with such energy that he could light a whole city for a month.

I walked past a drawing of the dorms building, hanging in the hall, and slowed to a stop. Eric joined me in front of the picture. “Yeah, that’s the one I told you about. She looks like you.”

It must have been the day that Eric and Aurora had a fight and I was sitting outside on the steps. Surprisingly, I looked beautiful. There was so much in the picture, but all color seemed to center around me as I stared into space. It was like the artist thought that I was the most interesting thing she could capture in the picture. All the detail lay on my figure and the rest of the image blurred out around me.

“It really is an awesome picture,” Eric gushed. “I wish I could do something that insightful and gifted. Maybe someday…” he said. I had never seen him so enthralled by something.

“Come on, check out mine.” He grasped my arm and dragged me over to it. It was good. It was Aurora.

It was hard to tell at first, but there she was, looking over her shoulder with a serious expression. It was drawn in black and white and focused in on her face. “It’s not that good…” he said. “I have to take figure drawing, and that should help…”

“It’s great, Eric. Really, you’re so talented,” I told him, and it was the truth. I just wished he wouldn’t focus his talent on Aurora. No matter how I felt about her, one thing never changed. She didn’t deserve Eric. Not now, not ever.

“Yeah, well we starving artists need more than just talent.”

“Don’t worry, Eric. When I’m rich, you can come over anytime to eat,” I joked with him.

“Oh, really? Sure you can afford all I eat?” He grinned as he slapped his hand to his perfectly toned abs and slouched like he was big and fat.

“Hmmm, okay, you’re right. I take it back.”

“Too late. You’re stuck with me now,” he laughed.

After we left the art building, we stood on the aging white wooden porch to the building our class was in. The rain had stopped and left the campus in a rich shade of green under the setting sun. We were early and wasting time. I felt Eric’s eyes on me as I watched the colors.

He cleared his throat and asked me, “Hey, after class, you wanna go to McDonald’s with me? I’ve been dying for a cheeseburger. We could, ya know, hang out.”

“Sounds good to me!” someone else said. Mike. Eric’s creepy friend, Mike, came striding toward us across the wet grass.

“Mike, sup?” Eric said dryly, pushing his hands deep into his track jacket pockets.

“Can I hang out with you and the chicky?” Mike asked.

Eric shifted his weight uncomfortably. “Uh, yeah, sure. You can come, if you want.”

Mike hopped up the porch steps and stood next to me by the railing. “So, Cassie, when are we going?”

“Um, I don’t know if I can,” I lied. “I have a big test tomorrow.” Another lie.

“Don’t be a tease. You don’t have a class tomorrow,” Mike said with a smile as he leaned in towards me.

Eric spoke up, “We have to go now,” putting his hand on my back, guiding me away from Mike and through the door.

“I’ll see you at nine!” Mike called after us as we entered the building.

“He’s so weird sometimes,” Eric apologized for his friend as we walked up the old, creaking steps. I nodded. It’s not as if I could seriously disagree with that. Mike was weird, every time that I saw him.

Our class droned on and on for hours until we were free.

“You never said if you wanted to go or not,” Eric mentioned as he stuffed his books in his bag.

“How did he know that I don’t have a class tomorrow?” I asked Eric.

“I have no idea. Maybe… I don’t know. Somehow he always knows everybody’s business.” Eric smiled a goofy grin, “Maybe he’s a gypsy
schedule
-reader.”

“Ooh, does he use a crystal ball?” I asked, playing along.

“No, he uses a rolled up gym sock. It works very well. The stench helps with the psychic flow,” he joked. I snorted. “So…?”

“Sure… I’ll go.”

“If I get rid of Mike, right? I’ll try, but he’s a pest. We have to hurry, hopefully we’ll get to the car before he does,” Eric said as he stuffed my books into his bag, too.

We rushed out the building.

“Race you,” I said as I broke into a run through the darkness. Eric joined me and raced ahead a few feet.

“You’re too slow!” he called back as he slowed to a stop. I slowed to a walk, then leaned over, resting my hands on my knees.

“No I’m not, you’re just too fast.” I coughed and began to catch my breath.

“Tired already? Here,” he said as he lifted me off my feet and over his shoulder. It happened so fast that it took me a second to figure out where I was. Eric casually walked out into the parking lot, carrying me easily. I was surprised that I wasn’t embarrassed at all. I was relieved, actually. I hated walking from one end of campus to the other. I always thought I’d die on the way. And I always had to stop so I could breathe.

“Is this better?” he asked.

“Yeah. I think I’ll go to sleep right here,” I replied. Suddenly Eric stopped walking.

“Heads up,” he said as he put me back on my feet. Blood rushed from my head, making me feel a little dizzy. “Um, we’re almost there.”

I looked at him and saw guilt in his face. He had been treating me like a good friend, but I think he thought that I might have taken it as a come-on. It was that whole problem from before, with the party. He didn’t want to give me the wrong idea. Or was there something else? We reached the car and got in, just as Mike stepped up to Eric’s window.

Eric rolled down his window reluctantly.

“Eric, man. Skipping out on me? Taking Cassie by yourself?” Mike asked. There was something odd about how he said that. I could barely see his face in the darkness, but his tone of voice was more than creepy.

“Yeah. Me and Sandy are just gonna go, but I’ll see you tomorrow,” Eric answered, sounding so serious.

“Wait. Are you sure?” Mike asked. “I won’t bother you.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

I spoke up, giving the final word, “Bye, Mike,” which of course meant,
get lost
. Mike hesitantly backed away from the car. The shadows on his face showed his anger, though he tried to hide it. Eric sped away.

After going through the drive thru, we parked the car. Eric had gotten two cheeseburgers and a huge pack of fries, along with a huge soda.

“How can you eat all that?” I asked.

“I’m a growing boy,” he said, smiling. “Growing wider, that is.” He handed me fries, which I had not ordered. When he had asked me at the window, I said I didn’t want anything, so he ordered a medium fries for me. Now, he expected me to eat it.

“I told you I’m not hungry.”

“Yeah, I know. But I wasn’t sure if you were just saying that or you meant it. Besides, I don’t like to eat in front of people. It feels stingy, so even if you don’t eat the fries, they
are there
for you.”

“Oh.” I said, feeling bad for thinking the worst of him. He wasn’t trying to feed me because I’m skinny. He was just trying to be nice.

“Um, Sandra? I, uh… I wanted to tell you something.” I subconsciously straightened in my seat and shoved a fry in my mouth.

“I love,” he began and my heart skipped a beat. I knew Eric wasn’t going to say
I love you
, but my heart didn’t seem to understand that. “Aurora. And that’s why I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?”

“I can’t keep our kiss a secret from her anymore. I have to tell her.”

“No!” I exclaimed.

“She deserves to know,” he added calmly.

“You can’t!” I felt so desperate. How could he not see the pain it would cause everyone. “Aurora can never know! She can’t! Don’t do this!”

“I love her! Okay, Sandy? I love her, and I can’t keep this from her anymore. We’ve never had secrets before and now…” he squeezed his eyes shut and turned away from me. “I need to tell her.”

“You can’t. You’ll ruin everything. She’ll hate you. She’ll hate me. I can’t let her feel alone like that. Don’t tell her!”

“Maybe she’ll understand. We didn’t mean for it to happen. It just did. Maybe she’ll understand and everything will go on the same.”

“No, it won’t,” I said, slowing my speech. I was running out of arguments quickly. He was so hard to convince…

“Aurora is a strong person. She can handle the truth. She’s a good person. Aurora has overlooked so many things about me.” Eric’s voice shook with emotion. His eyes were moist and his face tired. “She is the most caring person I know and she deserves the truth.”

Deserves the truth?
She didn’t deserve much of anything.

“Eric, betrayal is a powerful thing. Even if we should have told her, it’s too late now. It’s been weeks. She’ll know that you tried to hide it. She won’t forgive
that
.”
Please understand, Eric.

He wiped under his eyes with the back of his hand. The moonlight glistened on his wet skin, and that was when I realized he had cried. He had actually cried for Aurora. Our secret was hurting him more than I wanted to believe. I could only imagine how hurt he’d be when Aurora found out the truth…

“Sandy, I am telling Aurora, with or without you and your permission. Our anniversary is on Saturday. I’m telling her before then. I just wanted to give you some warning about it.”

“No. If you tell her, I’ll never forgive you. She’ll hate me and it will be your fault.” I yanked the door handle and leapt out of the car. I couldn’t breathe in there, so close to him. I leaned against a light pole with my back to my betrayer.

“Sandy, get back in. Sandy!”

1205

The cart shook as it wheeled down the bumpy path. We had ridden for hours, most of the day, and the rain had come. It washed in torrents over the landscape. It matted my hair to my back and the sides of my face. I gently stroked the dirt and dried blood from Eric’s weary face. His eyes had not opened since I had heard of his injury. Much of the blood was caked thickly across his face, and the rain would not wash it away. His mouth hung open as he breathed the slightest bit of air into his worn body. His clothes stank of old blood, dirt, chaos, and death. But I refused to give up hope. One last thread held my heart in place, and that is where it would stay. My slender, clean fingers felt over every contour of his face, each lovely dip and curve. His scar, barely visible under the thick dirt, was not lost to my hands. His eyes, I could never forget his eyes, glowing with firelight from the center and to the deep ocean currents on the outer edge. How I longed to see them stare back at me, I would give anything.

The cart came to a stop and I felt a hand touch my trembling shoulder. Heodred effortlessly lifted me from my place alongside my love. I let his strength hold me, for I knew that my legs could not. I had spent a day with the dead and dying. My heart barely held and a storm raged inside and outside my mind. Soldiers closed in around us and began emptying the cart.