Envious (28 page)

I was wide awake and it was well past midday when we finally stopped. Heodred’s horse stood before a small, run-down cabin that was half hidden by trees and vines. From what I could see, it was in disrepair, with parts of the roof caved in.

“We will stay here until dark. Then we will continue on,” Elijah said, sounding so sure of himself, and I realized that Heodred had talked him through everything. Elijah had led us directly to this abandoned cabin, as though he knew it would be here. They had planned everything. It must have taken so much time and thought, which made me feel even worse when I said, “I have to go back.”

“No, you cannot,” Elijah pleaded, begged.

“I must. Eric is still there. I cannot leave him. I cannot abandon him.”

“I will not let you go,” he said, standing up to me in pure defiance, his eyes holding a fierce look. “Afterward, when it’s safe. Maybe then you can go, but not now. He will be alright where he is.”

“Is he dead?” I asked.

“I do not know, but I will not allow you to risk your life
for him. I must keep you safe.”

CHAPTER 24

A NEW LOVE

Once the movie was over, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I returned to my room after I had finished. Bailey hung up the phone just as I entered. “Oh, Sandy, sorry, that was for you.”

“Was it Mike?” It seemed strange that he would call me tonight, but I guess I was feeling a little optimistic…and a little horny. I really wanted to get back to where we had left off in the cafeteria.

To my disappointment, she said, “No. It was someone named Todd. He wants you to call him back.”

“No way. That jerk actually had the nerve to
call
me?” I exclaimed.
How did he get my number?
“Well there is no way I will ever call him back. He can burn in hell.”

“Wow, someone feels strongly about her hate. Remind me never to get on your bad side,” Bailey joked as she smushed the side of her face into her pillow. “Good night.”

“G’night Bailey.”

“Don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

I slipped under the covers and sighed deeply, trying to forget that spurt of hatred I had just felt. I hated to fall asleep angry. Because then I would dream angry and wake up angry. I tried to think of something good, then I realized the only good things to think about were Mike and Aurora. Maybe I would end the night thinking of Mike, with his lips touching mine, more forcefully than Eric had kissed…

No thinking of Eric! Before I knew it I had closed my eyes and…

“Remember Athena?” I asked.

“Yeah, she’s like you. Smart…goddess of wisdom.”

I blushed at his comment. Comparing me with a goddess…that had never been done before.

“Well, yes, but she was also the goddess of war.”

“Who was goddess of the hunt?”

“That’s Artemis.”

“That’s right. My uncle has her tattooed on his arm. Loved to show it off whenever we went hunting.”

“You hunt?” I asked, surprised.

“Yeah, I guess,” Eric said, his face beginning to turn pink. “I try not to actually hit anything. I don’t like the killing part of it.” He began to smile as he continued, “
My family could never understand why I did so well with targets but couldn’t shoot a rabbit. Those darn Disney movies,”  he said through his laughter. “I can’t seem to get Thumper and Bambi out of my head.”

I smiled back at his goofy grin.

“What?” he laughed.

“Are you serious?” I asked carefully. He burst out laughing.

My eyes slowly opened in the winter morning light. I had dreamed of September, a memory from this life. The present.

I had hoped for another memory of the far past, so I would see if there was ever a chance for Eric. But this memory was only months ago. Yet everything seemed so different, so innocent back then. It was before Eric and I had kissed, before I had kissed anyone. I had just begun spending time with Eric, and that was all I had ever hoped for. I had felt so shy around him, carefully planning what I would say.

Things have changed.
Eric now knew how I felt, and we would never have sweet moments again. The innocence was lost, and all that remained was rubble of past dreams. It hurt me to think of Eric and the way things used to be. And it also hurt to think of the way things were now. I remembered kissing him, holding him. It had felt so good, so right. But now it felt like a knife, twisting and turning in my abdomen, shredding my insides and leaving me helpless and vulnerable. I was sick of that feeling. Sick to death.

I got up and walked out into the hall. I had to use the bathroom. The hall was freezing cold. I tightened my pale yellow robe over my pj’s as I shuffled along. It was early for anyone to be up on a Sunday, but I heard someone bounding down the stairs. I caught a glimpse of the person through the stairwell door window. And he saw me too. It was Elijah. He stopped short and came through the door.

“Sandy,” he said, quietly, as though he thought his voice could wake the whole dorm building. “Hey, how’s it going?” His black hair was down, not gelled up like usual, and he had a name tag and stethoscope around his neck. He must be going to the Wellness Center, to work.

“Uh, not bad. How are you?”

“I’m okay,” he answered. His adorable face looked a little worried. His eyebrows were raised and his face was tense. “Hey, Sandy? Um, I wanted to warn you about Mike. I’ve heard stories…”

“Stories?” I inquired, pulling my robe tighter to me.

“Yeah. He’s not a great guy. You could do much better than him.”

“Elijah, I don’t know why you’re saying this…”

“Eric told me that you’re going out with him. I really think you should reconsider. You shouldn’t-”

I stepped around him toward the bathroom door, “Tell Eric that I can spend time with who I want. And that message is for you too.” Then I stepped into the bathroom where I knew Elijah/Tony couldn’t follow. The nerve of Eric to tell Elijah.
I’m not even going out with Mike.
What, was Eric,
jealous?

I heard Elijah speak to me through the door. “Sandy, I just want you to be careful, okay. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

Why would Mike ever hurt me?
There was no reason. He didn’t have some strange agenda like Aurora did. Eric and my feelings for him were her reasons, but Mike had none. I didn’t know his friends, other than Eric and Elijah. But Elijah wasn’t close with him. He just basically hung out with him if Eric was there. I didn’t know what Elijah was so scared about.
Eric must have put the idea in his head.
Maybe Eric was upset that I wasn’t still pining after him, that I was over him. I doubted it, but I had been wrong in the past.

I stepped into a stall, drew the half broken lock and sat on the toilet. A pain shot through my body. My butt was sore from where I had fallen last night. I rubbed my dark purple bruise, hoping it would go away, but I knew it would be there for a long time.

After my classes on Monday, I went to the library. I needed some time to just relax and read. I went upstairs to my spot and sat down comfortably on the sofa. A little wave of dizziness came over me, but it passed quickly, and I immersed myself in a book. It was a book of poetry. Normally, I didn’t care at all for poetry, but I felt different today. I felt…giddy. I never went through a poetry stage. Todd was permanently stuck in a poetry stage, writing them constantly. Not love poems or anything like that, but tragic poems and really odd things that were probably drug induced. What I had snuck around for the chance to read actually wasn’t bad. Aurora was right. He had a gift for writing.

Aurora went through her poetry stage when she was thirteen and got her first boyfriend. He always wrote her short love poems during classes, and I would make fun of them. I suppose I was jealous. I saw that she was becoming a woman, and popular, and that I wasn’t. I was still the quiet girl who was always picked on. Most of these bullies were the annoying ones, the ones with stupid laughs and ugly faces. And, of course, they were the ones with friends and multiple boyfriends. They somehow found their popularity despite being poor, ugly, having bad taste, bad hair, and bad clothes. Boys liked them, not even just the stupid guys but the nerdy ones, too. No matter how badly these girls made fun of them, they would come back for more. I would never understand why they had friends, but I finally did understand how they had boyfriends. They were easy. Easy bitches who would give it to practically anyone. And they would give it anywhere.

I had never had a boyfriend, but Aurora had had many. That fact made me wonder about Aurora. Todd said he had had sex with her, but I hadn’t been sure whether or not to believe it. After all, Todd was a liar. Maybe some of what he said was true but not most of it. Aurora had never come out and said she had had sex with anyone, but, come to think of it, she had alluded to it many times. She had told me when she met Eric that she “just wanted to take him right then and there.” I had assumed she was joking, or exaggerating. But now…

Had she and Eric had sex?
Of course they had.
It would be stupid of me not to believe that.
Is that why she was able to keep men coming to her? Is that why I still have no one?
Mike hadn’t called yesterday, or today. Was it because he didn’t like me? Did he think I was prude? I wasn’t, I think.

I touched my hand to my forehead. My constant headache seemed to be getting steadily worse. The buzzing sound in my ears was starting to become more than just an annoyance. I pulled a sandwich out of my bag. Bailey had made peanut butter and jelly this morning, and she had made one for me, too. Maybe the food would help. I wasn’t hungry and the thought of eating made me nauseous, but maybe it would help.
Just force it down.
I took a bite and held back my gag reflex. It wasn’t that it tasted bad. It was okay. But I couldn’t eat…and I didn’t want to suffer a rerun of my diner trip with Todd.
Forget eating.

When I returned to my room, the light on the answering machine was blinking. I looked and found the play button. The first message was for Bailey. Her boyfriend couldn’t see her tonight. The next was for me. The voice, Todd’s voice, came across loud and clear: “Sandy, you damn bitch. You’d better be all right. If you don’t call me back, I’m calling your fucking parents. Or the cops. Shit. Or I’ll come see your bitchy ass and I’ll come with a bat of my own.”

I deleted it immediately after he finished ranting. I didn’t want Bailey to hear that. We were starting to become friends and I didn’t want my stupid, loser cousin to ruin that.

The next message was also for me, but it was much more welcome: “Cassie, this is Mike. So, I’m callin’ like I promised. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at six. How’s that sound?” He always seemed so self assured, so confident. He left his number in case I needed to cancel, which he doubted. He was the complete opposite of Eric. It didn’t seem that Mike would ever get nervous about anything. Mike knew that he was good-looking and that he had me hooked, and he wasn’t afraid to show it. I bet he would never tell me that he
needed
me or anyone else the way Eric depended on Aurora. And I liked that. That was what bothered me about Eric. I wanted someone independent and strong willed.
Someone like Mike.
I smiled at the thought.

“Someone looks happy,” Bailey commented as she entered the room. She tossed her books on her bed and collapsed next to them.

“Your boyfriend called,” I told her, but she just nodded.

“I know. I already heard. Some guy called for you too. Who was that? He seemed psycho.”

“He’s harmless,” I lied. “My cousin.”

“Ah, relatives. Such a pain. Every last one. My cousins pretend they don’t even know me. They think it would be bad for their reputation to even say hi. But I don’t like them either, so I guess it all ends even.”

“I just have the one cousin, and he’s such a pain. He
tries
to ruin my life, every chance he gets.” I lay back on my bed. “Mike called.”

Bailey jumped into life, leaning at the edge of her bed. “Ooh,
really?
And what did the stud say?”

“He wants to hang out tomorrow night.”

“Are you going?”

“Yes,” I said, my smile growing wider.

“Where are you going?”

I thought for a second. “I don’t know. He didn’t say.” I took one more second to think before asking, “Bailey? Is it weird I’m a virgin? Still?”

She leaned back on her bed. “No. Not at all.” She looked at me strangely, “Why, are you planning not to be one much longer?”

I looked away, embarrassed. “I don’t know.”

“Okay, well you’re in luck. I was a peer counselor in high school, so here’s the checklist. Ready?” I nodded. “Okay, number one. Are you sure it’s what
you
want? Number two. Do you have protection? Always use two forms of birth control. Number three. Is it something you can look back on and not regret at all? Meaning…the right time, the right place, the right guy? And two out of three is not good enough. Lastly, number four. Are you aware of all possible consequences? Pregnancy, STDs, AIDs, dot dot dot. The list goes on and on.”