Envious (31 page)

A crack of lightning lit up the sky, sending flashes of light down on the earth. I pulled. The tuft I held gave way and ripped below my grip. My heart and hopes sank as I dug my fingers into the dirt and heaved again. I felt him reach for my ankle again, and I screamed. His hand gained a firm grip on my leg, through my under dress. He pulled at me, scrambled
, slid, and cursed. My body slipped back towards him. The more he pulled at me, the more I slid and the more I screeched in a scared panic. I could feel my dress coming up above my knees as I slipped down toward him.

He pulled again, and my face hit the dirt. Precious dry dirt. My body had scraped so far down. Thick sheets of rain quickly washed the dirt to mud, but I found a good holding to hoist myse
lf up. It was too late. His hand pressed on my back. His weight fell down upon my spine. My swollen stomach pressed into the earth. Breath escaped me. My lungs were choked. I had no room, no room at all.

I felt his slimy wet hands on my shoulders and his sharp breath in my ear. I heard him say, “I have you now.” He lifted himself off my body and dragged me up after him, pulling me to my feet and gripping me tightly around my waist. I scrambled to p
ull his fingers off me. His flesh tore under my nails, but his fingers refused to move. He dragged me through the corral, moving easily through the mud now, pulling me with him. The rain beat down on us and thunder erupted through the night.

He found his weapon, a sword tangled in a mound of soaked hay. He picked it up, despite my attempts to stop him. I grabbed hold of his sword hand, fighting him, trying to make him drop it again.

I spit dirt from my mouth and screamed through the rain, “Why?!! Why are you doing this?” I broke into sobs. “Stop it!! Stop it! No!!!” I screeched as I fought him.

He ripped his hand out of my grasp and I wiggled around in his hold to face him. Mud streaked down his face, rain poured over his features and through his hair. His light hair was now wet and caked to his forehead, face, and neck. His eyes were hard…cold, almost glowing in the darkness, those blue eyes I loved so dearly… Eric.

He was going to kill me. I knew it. How could I resist him? He was no longer himself. He threw me down to the cold, wet grass. Icy rain poured over us as he lifted his blade. He lifted it high above his head.

I tried to get up to run. My bare feet caught in my dress, tripping me. I slid on the grass and the swinging blade sliced through the side of my shoulder. I collapsed in pain, sobbing in anguish. Rain water poured into my mouth, my dirt-laden mouth. The mouth that had kissed Eric; that had spoken such beautiful words to him. And it was all over now…all over. He would kill me, his own wife. He would kill the child inside me. He would destroy our future. Destroy our love.

And yet, his sword did not fall. The cold blade did not slice through my heart. Lightning streaked the sky, lighting his face, revealing painful fear in his eyes. He held the sword with trembling hands. Steel loomed over me, above his head, but it did not move, not until I heard
her
.

“Eric,” she spoke. “You know what you must do.”

Her voice cut through the storm and her words echoed in my ears. Whispers in my head. I attempted to move, to roll away from Eric, but I couldn’t. I was frozen in place.

I tried to ignore her. I focused on my husband. “Think about what you’re doing!” I told him. “Think about our love. I love you. Don’t do this…don’t blindly follow her. You have a will of your own. Don’t lose it, please!”

The rain still fell, but I was certain of what I saw. Tears rolled down his cheeks. They fell in heavy drops to the ground as he loomed over me.

“Kill her now, Eric!!” she screamed. “Do as I say! You are mine, listen to
my
words! Kill her!”

“Eric, please,” I pleaded. His face twisted in sadness and hurt. “Please…please, don’t.”

“Cassandra…” he choked. “I don’t want to…” his voice quavered. He was trying. He was trying so hard to stop himself… to stop her, but he couldn’t. She was too strong. I could see his strength failing. But he tried…he truly did try.

“I’m sor-rry. So sorry, Cassandra. I can’t…”

He screamed out, yelling in anguish as his blade fell across my neck.

CHAPTER 26

FEELING OF LOSS

My eyes were open, but I was sent flailing out of my vision. I fell off my bed and landed in a crushed heap on the floor. I started to cry, wail, and sob. I couldn’t help myself. I felt so empty…so hurt. I lay on the floor for an hour, letting the last moments slip from consciousness, letting the feelings slide away. My heart calmed and slowed, my breathing regulated, and my face eventually dried. The salt from my tears caked over my cheeks, feeling like a thick, tightening crust.

When my fear and anguish gave way, I looked around and saw it was dark out. Bailey lay in bed, mere feet from me, but she slept. She had not woken and seen my craziness. I could hear the soft thumping from the music upstairs. I looked at the clock. One a.m.

I dragged myself back into bed and under the covers. I was still fully clothed but shivering uncontrollably. Huddling under the mass of blankets, I forced myself to think the frightening dream through.
Could this one have been real?
I wasn’t sure if I believed it. For months I had been remembering further back, to the castle, but this was different. I had only one memory from this time, and it was a mere unsettling conversation with Aurora. Now it had been followed by my murder?
Why would Eric have killed me?
Who was the woman?
I knew her, I was sure of that.

It felt as real as all the others, as real as every other memory vision thing. I could still feel the blade in my shoulder and the hot pain from it. But it couldn’t be real. Not this one. If it was real, it would have picked up where the last one of that time left off, and would not have been so sporadically placed. No, it wasn’t real. I refused to believe it for my own sanity.

I sat in my bedroom, where I had stayed since Friday night. It was now Sunday night. Friday had turned out to be a horrible night for a lot of people. The police and campus security broke up the party upstairs. A lot of people got in a lot of trouble for drug possession and minors drinking, and even assault. Apparently there was a fight. A big one. I heard that five people were kicked out of the college, and many others were being watched very closely now, on some sort of academic probation. Thankfully, I hadn’t gone to that party. Neither had Eric or Aurora, but a part of me wished they had. Then I wouldn’t have to be careful to avoid them.

Bailey walked into our room. “They had chicken tenders for dinner again,” she complained. “Yuck. If I have to eat one more chicken tender, I’ll get sick. I swear, this school’s cafeteria sucks. Something has to be done. I’ll go to the dean if I have to. Are you with me?”

“Uh, sure,” I said, not really paying attention to what she was saying. I was busy with homework. I had been ignoring the papers and readings since I started to spend time with Mike. It was hard to have a social life and good grades. I just couldn’t see how everyone else did it. Some people have both those
and
work on top of it all.

The phone rang and my heart skipped a beat.
Was it Mike?

“Hello?” Bailey answered. “Yep. Is there a
Cassie
in the house?” she asked, holding the phone out to me.

Mike was coming to pick me up any second. I hurried to get ready with Bailey cheering me on. Teasing is more like it. As I worried over how I looked, I made myself a promise. No more giving in, no more submitting. I would do things my way. He said he had rented movies, and I wanted to watch them, not make out or strip down in any way. This time, things would end differently. This time, I wouldn’t feel so dirty when I came home.

Mike arrived. He scooped me into his arms and kissed me so quickly that I barely had time to realize it was him. When we arrived at his apartment, Mike led me up a set of narrow stairs to the third floor. The door to his apartment was covered in layers and layers of peeling paint. He unlocked it and led me in. It was small but cute. The door opened up to the kitchen, to the right was the bathroom, and to the left was a bedroom. Needless to say, the grand tour didn’t take very long.

“Want anything to eat? Or drink?” Mike asked.

“Um, no thanks.”

“Ah, so that’s how you keep that perfect figure.” He smiled his cocky grin.

“So…” I began, trying to shake off a sudden wave of nausea. “What are we going to watch?”

“Well, that’s your choice. Come with me.” I followed him into his bedroom, which, in addition to a bed and dresser, also had a comfy-looking sofa. For a guy who had so much pride in his expensive car, his apartment was pretty modest. It wasn’t overdone, but it also wasn’t cheap like the usual dorm style of fold-up furniture and throwaway decorations. His room was simple but classy.

Mike opened a movie cabinet under a massive TV. He pulled four DVD’s out. “Your pick. Or we can ‘watch’ them all.”

I took a deep breath. I had to straighten things out now. “Mike?” He raised his eyebrows. “I really like you.”

“I really like you too,” he said pulling me into his arms.

“With that said…I think we should slow down a little bit.”

“Slow down? Don’t play all innocent
now
,” he said through a sly grin.

“I’m serious. I think things are moving a little too fast. Could we just back up a little?”

Mike smoothed my hair back from my face. “Sure, Cassie.” Then he kissed my cheek and sat down on his low black sofa. He led me down next to him on the soft microsuede. “So which movie?” he asked. I smiled, feeling so relieved. I said what I felt and there was no problem.
I knew Mike would understand. I knew that everyone was wrong about him.

We watched the first movie,
Office Space
. I had heard people rave about it, but after seeing it, I couldn’t understand why. It was pathetic humor. Halfway through, Mike must have gotten bored, too, because he pulled my chin over to him and kissed my mouth. We made out for the rest of the movie, and he never touched me badly. We just kissed, necked, and kissed some more.

The movie ended. I caught the credits rolling mid-kiss. When Mike noticed it, he pulled away, leaving me with a lost, empty feeling. I wanted his attention back. I wanted to snuggle into his warmth. It
was
cold in his apartment.

He pulled the DVD out and put it back in its case. Then he put a CD into his stereo. It was some kind of mind numbing techno-rock, much like the music of choice at the parties in the dorms. “You want a beer?”

I shook my head no.

“You want to kiss me?” he asked.

I nodded. Yes, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted him to warm my body and keep me from thinking. He squatted close to me and kissed my face. When he pulled back, he lifted me from the sofa, carrying me in his arms over to his bed. He gently placed me down and climbed on top of me. I felt his weight slowly press against my body. He kissed me, and I let my hand roam freely over his back.

Then he began to pull at my thin sweater, trying to get me to take it off. I pulled my mouth away from his. “No, Mike. I’m not ready.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled against my lips. This lasted only a moment before one of his hands moved back to my shirt seam. I pushed it away.

His hand came right back. Both hands. I drew away from his kisses. “Stop.”

It didn’t work. Mike pushed his tongue into my mouth, tasting passionately, with his persistent hand staying at my shirt. He pulled at the cloth until I gave up fighting, and he managed to roughly pull it off me. I shivered from the collapse of my determination. He rubbed his hand down my body, groping my chest and making my stomach twist nervously. His hand trailed down my stomach to my lower stomach. He slid his fingers into my pants. My body jolted into action, grabbing at his wrist before he got anywhere. I pulled at his strong hand in vain, but he didn’t retreat. He didn’t go in further either but touched lightly now. “Mike…” I began in warning. He wasn’t paying attention to what I wanted.

Just relax Sandy.
He wasn’t trying anything more. All he was doing was touching my lower stomach.
You’re a woman, act like it.
Aurora wouldn’t freak about this.

Who says I have to be like Aurora?

Mike’s kisses gained strength and his hand emerged from my jeans at my persistence, moving up and latching onto my waist. He suckled my neck as I watched him with as suspicious gaze. He was behaving. He wasn’t pushing anymore.
Good.

Then he reached under me for my bra clasp. I sat up quickly and shoved him off of me, shocking the both of us. He fell back to the end of the bed, hitting his back against the footboard. I didn’t realize I had so much strength in my arms. I nervously wiped saliva from my face with trembling fingers. I looked down and saw that he had been in the process of taking off my jeans.

“This is too much,” I said confidently. “Give me my shirt.”

“No,” he said.

“What?” I exclaimed as I re-buttoned my pants.