Envious (30 page)

He looked at me as though he didn’t understand how I could turn him down for another round of making out. “Come on, I need someone to brighten my mood. My car
did
get smashed. How can I go home so sad? Cassie?”

I breathed in deeply before saying, “I really should go. Sorry about your car.” I pulled my coat off the front passenger seat and got out of his car. Mike turned off the engine and followed me. He looked mad, but I was too tired to care.

We entered the building and went up the stairs. As we passed by the upper lounge, I saw Eric, Elijah, and Tom in there playing video games. I quickly looked away before they could look up and catch me staring at them. Mike grabbed my hand in his and when we reached my door, he put his arms around my waist and kissed me. I touched his waist lightly with my fingers while his lips moved over mine. When he finally let go, he said, “I had a lot of fun tonight.”

“Me too.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said. I nodded and he turned away. Once he was out of sight, I unlocked my door. I entered, flicking on the lights, and collapsed on the bed without even shutting the door all the way. When I realized that, I didn’t care. Bailey would be back soon and she would shut the door for me.

My mind began to drift as what little vigor I had left slowly drained from my body, but a sudden realization sent a brisk wave of energy through my body. I sat up quickly. The castle in the photo was the castle in my memories, wasn’t it? It looked so much like it. I wonder…

I decided to put this spurt of energy to use and get ready for bed, even though it was only nine o’clock. If I didn’t get ready now, my drive would dissipate and I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to move later. I’d be Sandy-mush. I stood and caught a glimpse of my disheveled reflection. I started to drag a brush through my tangled hair when I heard someone in the hall say, “Tony, you gonna check on her?”

“Yeah. I’ll stop by later,” he answered and then a knock came to my door. It was just a slight tap before Elijah/Tony entered. “Hi,” he said, flashing his adorable smile with just a hint of shyness. “Can I come in…well, all the way in?”

“Of course you can.” I smiled as he came inside.

“So…how’s your head? Still got the tension headaches?”

I sat on my bed and turned my back to him asking sweetly, “Will you do the honors?”

Elijah took his place sitting behind me on my bed. He gently rubbed and smoothed out the aching muscles that formed my shoulders. “Wow. This is really bad. Like you slept on a rock or something. You’re not sleeping on the school’s mattress, are you?”

I winced as he worked on a particularly tense muscle. “Yeah, these mattresses are horrible.” Elijah was so sweet, that never changed, no matter how much time passed. Though I appreciated his help, it felt strange having him touch me this time. I felt dirty as it was from my night with Mike, but with Elijah there, I felt even more guilty. I felt like I was making
him
dirty in a weird sort of way. This night was so strange.

“So, how was your date?” Elijah asked innocently.

“Um, good,” I said, without being sure of the right answer.

“Mike looked happy.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You, on the other hand, don’t. Why so sad?”

“I’m not sad. Just…” Elijah patiently waited for me to continue. “It wasn’t what I wanted.” He rested his hands on my shoulders and I felt close to tears. “I don’t even know
what
I wanted, or what I want.”

Elijah was silent for a moment before he quietly asked, “What
did
happen?”

“Nothing. I guess. Its just…I don’t know.” Tears slipped from my eyes and down my cheeks. I didn’t even know why I was crying. I felt so confused…so lost. “Mike…he just makes me so tired.” There was no other way to describe it.

“Tired?” He thought for a second, his hands stilled on my shoulders. “I know a girl who used to go out with him. She said he was really controlling. That was why she broke up with him, because he always wanted things
his
way.”

“But he wasn’t that way with me…”
Was he?
“He didn’t want to go to the movies, but I wanted to, so we did…”
Well, we didn’t actually see the movie. He wanted to go back to his car, and we did.

Tony shifted away. “I’m just giving you one person’s situation. Mike could be different. I doubt it, but if you think so… I wasn’t there, so obviously I won’t try to tell you what went on.”

I turned to face Elijah and he slowly, sadly closed his lips together in a sort of subconscious pout. With tears staining my cheeks, I smiled and said, “I had fun…” A lie, somewhat. I had liked the attention but felt like I had been pushed into something I didn’t want. I had.

I wiped at my cheeks and sniffled, saying, “I don’t know why I’m crying. I guess I’m just weird.”

“No, not weird. Different, maybe. But not weird.” He looked down at his hands. I could tell that he was thinking about something and watched as the wheels turned in his head. “Sandy, tiredness can have all kinds of causes, and people can add to that. Eating cafeteria food isn’t always enough. You need…balance. Fruit, veggies, protein…” I smiled as I listened. Elijah would make a great doctor someday.

“Okay,” I said, feeling the need to say something but having nothing to say at all.

“Not saying that you were wrong when you said Mike makes you tired, because I can definitely relate…but food, sleeping patterns, stress…these all are factors.”

Yes, Doctor Elijah.

Then Bailey walked in. “Hey Tony. Hi Sandy. What’s up?”

Mike didn’t call the next day as he had promised. I tried not to get upset that he blew me off. I did my best to not make a big deal out of it. Through the day, I tried not to wonder when he would call, or what he was doing, or if he was thinking of me. I went through the rest of the week that way. It was becoming an unwelcome obsession. I didn’t see him again until Friday. I was walking back from one of my classes when his car pulled into the parking lot. He got out and jogged up next to me, holding my hand as soon as he was within reach.

“Hey, Cassie. Am I glad to see you! I’ve been having the worst week possible, but now…” He kissed my hand that he held. It was freezing cold and he was wonderfully warm.

“Hi Mike…” I said, in a daze.

“I’m free tonight,” he stated. “Want to go see another movie?”

Though I was happy he actually remembered me, I was about to turn him down. I felt too tired to keep him at bay and was about to say so, but then I saw Eric. He was pulling his backpack out of his car and stopped dead when he saw me. His jaw hung slightly and his eyes looked hurt. He was so pale…

“Cassie? Hey, chicky-girl? Lost in thought? Thinking about our last date?”

“Um, Mike…I’ll catch up with you later, okay?” I blurted out as I walked away from him. A part of me screamed inside that I was making a huge mistake, but my heart disagreed.

As I walked toward Eric, I heard Mike call out, “Fine.
I’ll
call you.”

Eric looked down, pretending he hadn’t seen me. I stepped right up to him and he finally faced me. “Hi Sandra,” he said. He choked on the words a little.

“Is something wrong?” I asked. I felt concerned, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I was annoyed. Annoyed because he had been staring at me. Why was he? Was he jealous?

“Uh, no. I’ve got a cold. Nothing serious, everyone’s getting sick, so…”

“Oh, okay,” I responded. His staring was probably cold medicine induced. Every movement he made seemed slower. Longer. I suddenly felt incredibly awkward. I had just broken our promise to ignore each other.
I
broke it. “Well…” I began to say an awkward goodbye as I turned to go.

“So, how,” he paused, coughing, “how are your classes going?”

I reluctantly turned back to him. “Uh, fine. You?”

He immediately answered, “Good, good…yeah…”

I stepped back, preparing for my exit, again, saying, “Okay-”

“There’s another party tonight,” Eric blurted out. “I think I might go. Are you?”

He looked hopeful and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but another part of me wanted to rip him apart for it. “Umm, I’m probably going out with Mike tonight.”
What?!

Oh,” he said in an attempt to respond. He coughed loudly into the crook of his arm. It sounded harsh, painful even, and I felt a pang of sympathy. “How is that? You and Mike?” Eric asked in his now raspy sounding voice.

“Fine.”

He looked down at his feet. “So you’re actually going out with him?”

“Well, we’re dating…I guess,” I said, starting to get annoyed.

“You said he was weird. I thought you didn’t like him.”

“Well I do now, okay?”

“Why?” he asked, looking me in the face again.

“
Why
what?”

Eric cleared his throat. “Why do you like him? I thought you had better taste than that.”

That sentence struck me hard. “What, like
you
? That was a mistake. A huge mistake. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were acting jealous,” I snapped. “But since it’s not that, I guess maybe I have to spell it out for you. I like Mike. And he likes me. So just stay out of it.”

I started to storm off, but Eric grabbed my arm, yanking me to a dead stop. I glared back at him. Eric didn’t care. He held me in place as he spoke his mind, “You think he likes you because you’re pretty? Or because you’re smart? Well, you’re wrong. He likes you because you’re a girl. Because you’re a shy, inexperienced girl he thinks he can manipulate and control. He’s done it before. You’re not the first one. Once he gets what he wants, he’ll be gone.” He stopped the spill of words from his mouth to breathe in short raspy breaths. Then he slowly continued, almost pleading with me. “Sandy, you mean nothing to him. Don’t you see that?”

“Let me go!” I yelled, trying to shake his hand away.

“Not until you listen!” His voice was raw and cracking from his cold and frustration. “God! Why don’t you understand? I’m trying to look out for you! Tony and Aurora, too. You just won’t listen, to either of them, to any of us!”

I gave him a defiant glare. His eyes glinted fire, matching my furious gaze. His pale face had become a pasty shade of angry pink, but I didn’t care. What right did Eric have to worry about me? He chose to care for Aurora, not me.

He loosened his grip on my arm but not enough for me to break free. “You are so thick. I though you would at least listen to
Aurora’s
warning. But apparently
that
didn’t even work.”

“Aurora never warned me,” I spat. “Why would she? She obviously sees how paranoid you’re acting.”

He let go of me, eyes wide. “What? She never talked to you about this?”

“No,” I stated.

Eric ran his frozen hands through his hair. He didn’t know what else to say, and I wasn’t going to wait. I walked away. In desperation, he called after me, “I care about you, Cassandra.”

It was so hard to hate him when he called me that. I looked down at my icy cold hands, twisting them together nervously, and answered, “I know. But let me live my
own
life, Eric. Just butt out. You live your life and I’ll live mine.”

I shivered as I made my way across the parking lot and back toward the dorms. I wished life could be easier. I wished that the feelings I felt whenever Eric was around would just disappear. It hurt so much to love someone, knowing they’d never love you back. It felt even worse knowing that he
had
loved me once, long ago. I cursed my visions. I cursed the day I started to believe them, and I cursed the way they made me feel.

I just wanted out.

When I got back to my tiny room, I called Mike’s cell phone. When he answered with a bored, “Hey,” I knew what I wanted to say.

“Mike, hi. It’s…Cassie.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Oh. Okay, well I was hoping your offer still stood for tonight. It sounds like a lot of fun.”

“I made other plans.” I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. His tone was unreadable.

“Oh. Um, another time then?” I asked hopefully.

“Yeah, maybe. I’ve got to go. Talk to you later.”

“Okay. Bye.” I regretfully hung up the phone. I didn’t want to give up, but I didn’t want to push too hard. Why did he make other plans? And only ten minutes after he asked me? Was he mad that I had ditched him to see Eric? Maybe he was upset that I hadn’t answered his offer right away. Or he didn’t like me anymore.

I felt like crying. I lay back on my bed, so alone and cursing my life when…

1805

I gasped for air. The roaring wind seemed to whip the breath from my lips. I
took in some air…not enough. My vision was pierced by flashes of blinding light. I blinked wildly with rain pounding down on my face, entering my mouth, my nose, my eyes. I was sprawled in the mud in the dark. I tried to get up, tried to run. I couldn’t. I slipped again, my face slapping against the muddy ground. I felt a hand close on my ankle. Screaming, I tried to pull away, but it yanked me back, dragging me through the muck. I tasted the grit of wet dirt in my mouth. I spit and tried to breathe.
Yes.
I caught a break in the wind and filled my lungs with air. I wriggled through the mud and freed my leg from his grasp. Scrambling in panic, I whimpered like a sobbing child. I slipped and slid as I crawled across the wet earth. I found a patch of grass and pulled my weight to it. I heard him slip behind me, and saw the splash of mud and water fly through the storm. His knife glinted as it flew from his grip and disappeared into the darkness that surrounded us. I held the slimy grass in my fist and heaved, sliding forward.