Envious (12 page)

“Some still live,” Heodred told the guard. He leaned me against the cart and joined the effort. I sank to the ground. Never before had my body and soul undergone such torment. I could not stand. My eyes slowly close
d…

CHAPTER 12

A SIGN OF FRIENDSHIP

“Sandy! Cassandra!! Answer me, please!”

I snapped back to the present and sank to the earth. I could feel the cold of the lamppost burning into my back. I could hear frantic breathing close to my face. I could feel the cold night air and could see the face before me coming slowly into focus. “Eric?”

“Oh my God,” he said in a breath. His shoulders collapsed and his head sank as he rested on his knees before me. “Oh, thank God.”

Fearful tears spilled down my cheeks as I felt string after string in my heart snap. My body shook as I tried to get air to my starved lungs. Eric looked at me, his distress clearly written across his face.

“You wouldn’t answer…” he spoke, choking on his fear. “Why? What happened to you? You looked like you were in a trance…”

I reached out and held his wrist, squeezing, as though I thought it would help bring me back to this world and time. My lips trembled uncontrollably and my body felt empty inside. I reached forward and folded my arms around his wide shoulders. He felt so warm, so strong and his racing heartbeat felt comforting against my chest.
Eric’s alright. See? He’s here, now. He’s alright…

He wrapped his arms tightly around me as I sank into him, washing my weak body over him like water. I could feel the beats of his heart and mine, falling into step with each other. Both were racing, but now mine was more under control, much calmer than the hurricane I felt tearing my strength to pieces earlier.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “What happened?”

“Eric…” That was all I could say. He slowly, hesitantly pulled away from me to see my face. Blood had begun moving through my veins again, beginning to bring everything back to life. I looked into Eric’s warm, thoughtful, enveloping eyes. He held my shoulders firm in his strong hands.

“Cassandra, what happened?” His voice was pleading with me, needing an answer.

“I don’t know.” I caved in, leaning the top of my head against his shoulder, the tears still flowing. It was true, I didn’t know. How could a simple fantasy affect me so profoundly? How could it physically drain me and take over my body? They could not be desires, they were real, true visions. There was no other way.

Eric helped me into the car and insisted I go to the hospital. “Sandra, please. Please, there could be something seriously wrong. You have to see someone.”

“I’ll be fine, just take me home.”

“Cassandra…”

“I’m fine…”

I couldn’t get up the next morning. I slept and slept. And when I could sleep no more, I lay in my bed, totally numb and detached from reality. Last night, when Eric walked me into my room, Aurora was asleep on her bed. Eric had wanted to wake her so she could look after me, but I refused to involve her. I told Eric that if he woke her, I wouldn’t go to the college’s health center. That had been our compromise last night: I would go to the health center, not the hospital. I knew there was nothing anyone could do. Not one person, anywhere, would believe I was having visions of my past lives. I also doubted that there was any medicine available to keep them at bay; not that I wanted to do that.

I thought over and over about what I had seen last night. Could Eric really be dead? In the past? Could I really have sat there and spent my last moments with him, watching his life hold by a thread, only to be ripped away when I left his side?
Tears came to my eyes and it seemed I would never again last an hour without spilling my fears down my face.

I sat up, ignoring the deafening pain in my head. The clock said 1:46 p.m. I quickly dressed so that I could go to the health center, have them tell me I was fine, and then loaf the rest of the day. Maybe another vision would come to me.

Aurora walked into our room as I shoved my feet into my sneakers. “Morning, Sleepy. Did you just get up?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“Where were you last night? I tried waiting up for you, but you know what a granny I am.”

“Yeah, um, I went to McDonald’s with Eric.”

“Oh yeah?” she said as she began to run a brush through her golden locks. “I didn’t know you liked their food. Next time I go, I’ll bring you with me.” She smiled her sweet sunshine smile. “So, have you seen Mike?” She batted her mascara-coated eyelashes at me when she said his name.

“Not really,” I lied. I didn’t want her to mention Mike ever again. There was something so strange about the way he acted toward me.

“It wouldn’t hurt you to go on a date once in a while. I have some friends I could introduce you to.”

“Nah. What are you and Eric doing for your anniversary? It’s been a year,” I asked. I didn’t really want to know, but I figured that was the only subject that might divert her.

She narrowed her eyes just slightly, as if she were trying to read into my expression. Then she raised her eyebrows and said, “I don’t know. He’s totally broke, so it’s not like we can do anything special.”

“Oh, well, I should get going. I’ll be back soon.” I stood and left.

What had she been thinking when she stared at me like that? I turned my face to avoid contact with Mike, who was coming down the hall. He passed by without really seeming to notice me. Thank God he left me alone. I couldn’t deal with his awkward stares. I’d get plenty of that in the health center.

When I stepped into the office, all that I could smell was disinfectant. They must have used the entire bottle, it stank so bad. Why did that stuff have to smell so much anyway? A foul-tempered nurse caught sight of me. “Can I help you?”

“Um, yeah…I’m Cassandra Whitmer…um…”

“Hey, get Cassandra Whitmer for me,” she told the student behind her. The slender, short boy rummaged through files and handed a very thin folder to the nurse.

“Hey, Sandy,” he said, with a slight blush. It was Tony, Eric’s roommate.

“Hi Tony,” I said, surprised to see him there.

He must have noticed my surprise so he added, “Uh, work study, Bio major.”

The nurse cut him off and asked me, “Now, what’s the problem?”

“Umm,” I stared at Tony and he turned away, pretending not to listen, “I felt really dizzy last night, and I thought I might have a fever or something.” Nice story, a little off though.

“Take her temperature and fill out the slip,” the nurse told Tony. He nodded politely and pulled a sheet from the cabinet.

“Sandy, you can sit over there if you want,” he said, motioning to one of those tall doctor’s office beds. At least this one didn’t have a sheet of paper over it. I hated the crinkling sounds. They always seemed to make me nervous, though I never had any actual reason to be.

“Any preference? Ear temp, or tongue?” Tony asked.

I sat on the edge of the bed and answered, “Um, whatever. Whatever works best, I guess.”

“Hmm, I guess the ear. It’s quick, but you still have to stay for the paperwork stuff.” He brought it to my ear. “So, dizzy, huh? Were you hungry?”

“Uh, no.”

“That’s a problem my, uh, ex-girlfriend always had. She would get so into a painting or something, and she would forget to eat. Can you believe it? Oh, 98.8. A little higher than natural but nothing serious. Have a sore throat or anything?”

“Uh, no,” I answered, again, if that even counted as an answer.

“Do you mind if I practice on you?” he asked. “Just look at your throat and eyes and stuff? You don’t have to; I do it to Eric all the time. Need the practice if I’m going to be a doctor.”

“Uh, sure, if you want.” He was hard to say no to. He talked so sincerely. I had noticed that the night we when for ice cream, but he had gotten quiet fast. Now he seemed much more comfortable. And he looked like a sweet little boy playing doctor, with the stethoscope hanging around his neck.

He caught me looking at it. “Isn’t it cool? Makes me feel important,” he said with that young smile he had.

“What year are you in?” I asked.

“My third. I know I look like a fifteen-year-old, but I’m not.” He smiled again, and this time it stayed, plastered to his face. “I started here when I was seventeen.”

“Me too.” I smiled.

“Graduated early?”

“Um, no. I started kindergarten early.” He looked in my ears with his little flashlight.

“That’s cool.” He looked at my eyes next. He was so adorable. His hair was completely black and left down today. Any other time I saw him, it was gelled up to over a hundred little spikes, each an inch long. Now it lay naturally on his head. Both looks were becoming, but this one made him look younger. He picked up a Popsicle stick thing and said, “Open up, tongue down.” I did so, feeling incredibly foolish for volunteering to be “examined.”

“Can I check your blood pressure?”

“Sure.”

He velcroed the contraption to my arm and stuck the cold stethoscope to my skin. It sent a shiver down my spine.

“Oh, sorry,” he said as he pulled it away and began to rub it vigorously on his sweater. When he placed it against my skin again, it was almost warm. His hands were so gentle, like Eric’s when he had held me the night before. Tony’s eyes lit up as he tightened the bag on my arm and read the results.

“Good, but I wanted to look at your ears again.”

“Why, see something interesting in there?” I joked.

He looked a little embarrassed. “No, I just, you know…” Then he handed me the sheet. “You can start filling that out now, if you want.” Then he went back to my ears, and then to my eyes.

Tony’s chocolaty brown eyes hardened a little, then melted again. “Okay, I’m finished bothering you.” He smiled.

After being told absolutely nothing important,
eat a balanced diet, get enough sleep,
I left and returned to the dorms. As I walked down the hall to my room, I could hear shouting. It got louder with each step I took, until I realized it was coming
from my room. I put my ear to the door, listening carefully.

“How could you kiss her?!” I heard Aurora screech. My heart pounded against my ribs. “I don’t care if you were drunk! You know how she feels about you! You know!”

“Aurora, I didn’t mean-” Eric began.

“Don’t. Don’t make excuses. You took her to a party, got her drunk and made out with her. Twice. Twice! How can you make a mistake over and over again? You’re back to drinking and now you’ve involved Sandy.” So Eric had told her about our kiss. Despite what I told him, he still had to go and ruin everything. “How could you do that? How could you not tell me?!” she yelled.

What? Not tell her? Then who told her? How did she find out? We were so careful, weren’t we?

I snuck away from the door and rushed to the library to sort out my thoughts. I threw my body onto the sofa and began to write what I heard. I wanted to keep it fresh in my mind, I couldn’t lose any part of it.

You took her to a party, got her drunk and made out with her, twice. How could you make the same mistake over and over. You’re back to drinking and now you’ve involved Sandy. How could you not tell me?

A few parts stood out in my mind. Twice. She said, “Made out with her, twice.” Eric didn’t even know about the second time. He couldn’t remember it, and I had made it very clear to him that nothing had happened between us. I lied, but he didn’t know that. So, whoever told would have seen us both times. Tony saw us leave the party together. He had told Eric how close we looked, that we looked like we were together. But it couldn’t have been Tony. He wouldn’t, right?

Wait, he couldn’t have. Aurora obviously just found out. She was acting perfectly normal before I left and saw Tony. Tony had had no chance to tell her.

It could have been anyone…but Tony, Eric and me. That didn’t narrow anything down.

“You know how she feels about you… You took her to a party, got her drunk and made out with her… You know how she feels about you…”

Oh my God…no, no… Eric knows? Aurora knows?

I felt my world crumbling around me. I dropped my pen to the floor. Aurora knew that I was in love with her boyfriend? How? When did she find out? How did she know?

How did Eric know? My heart crushed in on itself, leaving me hurt and helpless. My life was over. Eric and Aurora both knew and I thought I had hid it so well.

I gasped. Did Eric only kiss me to use me? He knew that I liked him, and yet he still led me on at the parties. Was it all just a game to him? He couldn’t…but he could.

I realized I would have to face Aurora sooner or later. I still couldn’t believe that my secrets had been revealed. She knew, and she had known for quite some time, it seemed. It had been an hour since I fled to my sanctuary, and now it was time to face my fate. Aurora, my best friend, my only friend…I would lose her. I would be alone forever. I walked to my dorm room, one silent step followed by another toward the solemn Dark Ages of my life.

I unlocked my room and stepped cautiously inside. Aurora sat on her bed with her back to me. As I shut the door, she faced me.