Envious (8 page)

His body appeared exhausted, as though it took great strength to stay an entire three feet from my body. He lowered his head as he took a step nearer. I stepped back and he sighed.

“I am so sorry. You were right. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was drunk and took advantage of you. I kissed you and ruined our friendship. I forced secrets on you. If it weren’t for me, you and Aurora’s friendship wouldn’t be in any danger. There would be no secrets and no trouble. I should never have drank and I shouldn’t have kissed you. I wish I could turn back time and fix all this. I’m so sorry.”

I looked strangely at him. Could he really be this sorry, this shaken up? It was just a mistake, an accident. Nothing more. So why should he feel this bad?

“Aurora and I have kept secrets before,” I told him. “This is no different. And as for the kiss, it’s ancient history. Forgotten, alright?”

He nodded his head solemnly.

We walked back to the dorms together, through the darkness in silence. I couldn’t keep my mind off of him all night. And once I fell asleep, I had dreams…strange dreams, the kind that seem to never end. I ran, chased by an unseen danger. Branches from nowhere pulled at me, ripping my clothes and tangling my hair. I fell down a pit…a well. Falling and falling for hours. I hit the water and sank, all the while choking and being attacked by sea monsters, crabs and seaweed. I breathed water. I drank blood, and all the time I thought of Eric. Frantic, sputtering, choking, drowning in my own blood, I scraped the walls of my cage and woke, bathed in sweat.

I grabbed my clothes, towel, and shower basket, eager to wash the nightmares away. The bathroom was packed with divas. The last thing I wanted was to flaunt my tiny body for those critical eyes. They were already examining me with their x-ray vision, finding each imperfect fiber of my being. I disappeared from the doorway and made my way up the stairs to the third floor, and, hopefully, a safer bathroom.

As I made my way down the hall, I heard giggling and a groaning sound. Maybe my ears tricked me? No. Passing Eric’s open door, I saw it. Aurora lay over Eric on his bed, giggling in a whisper as Eric buried his face in her hair, kissing and nibbling at her neck, as she held her visible hand on his hip, her fingertips sneaking their way under his jeans. I felt my entire body go hot. I was boiling. My stomach churned.
Don’t they ever shut the door?
The sick witch left it open on purpose. I bet she wanted the world to see her get some. Eric’s hands slid from her waist and into the back pockets of her tight jeans. At least I didn’t have to see him sneak under her clothes like she was doing to him. At least Eric wasn’t sick like the girl he thought he loved…

I rushed down the hall and into the bathroom. I slammed the shower stall door shut and threw the lock in place. I pulled at the ends of my hair, hoping to erase the image of them from my mind. No success. I quickly stripped, tossing my clothes on the changing bench, stepped into the tiled shower area and drew the curtain closed. Water ran cold over my naked body, cooling my anger and embarrassment. I didn’t know why I had wanted to protect Aurora. While she was gone, I had forgotten how horrible she was. I had felt sorry for her. However, clearly, she was not grieving. No crushed girl would behave like that, displaying her lust for all to see. Aurora. She disgusted me.

Friday. A party day. I’d heard people talking about it all week. Everyone thought that the week before was the best and they couldn’t wait for more. Eric had brought that party to life, but I was sure he wouldn’t be there this time. Aurora would never let him go. She controlled his every action.

I wouldn’t be there either. I planned to stay exactly where I was, lying down on my bed, reading. I had a stack of books on hand, ready for hours of use. Nothing could upset me so long as I had Harry Potter and Agatha Christie. And I threw an unfamiliar one in, too.
The Juniper Game.
Seemed promising.

I heard Aurora fumbling with her keys outside our room before she slammed the door open and threw her books to the ground. “Eric took you to a party?!” she yelled.

My heart stopped. I rolled onto my back to see the disheveled appearance of my friend. Her face was flushed and her eyes wild. Her long, silky hair was a mess around her face. “Last week?!”

“Yeah,” I answered slowly.
How much did she know?
“I wanted to see what it was like.” I tried my very best to hide the guilt creeping to the surface.

“And he drank?” She seemed to be stating it more than asking, which made me even more nervous, like she would continue on to say,
And you sucked face with him?

“Yes, he drank.”

“I can’t believe this!” Aurora exclaimed. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me he got drunk?”

“Well, I,” I began, and thank God she cut off my sentence, because I had no clue what I was going to say.

“I had to overhear it. I had to overhear. Eric didn’t tell me. You didn’t tell me. Why would he do that? Why would he drink?” She sank down onto her purple bed, seemingly defeated, anger fading.

I almost visibly sighed in relief. She obviously didn’t know about the kiss, or she would have said something already. “I don’t see what the big deal is,” I told her wanting to somehow rectify the situation. “Everyone thought it was cool.”

“Even you?” she asked.

I stared at her, again at a loss for words.

“Listen, Sandy, I haven’t been completely honest with you about Eric. I didn’t see why I should tell you. But now, I realize I was wrong. Eric…he-”

As if on cue, Eric burst into the room. He looked like he ran there. “Aurora! I can explain!” He was sweaty and out of breath. He must have run from the school’s gym. He was wearing workout clothes, silky black shorts with red and white stripes down the sides and a dark t-shirt with the sleeves cut off. I tried not to notice how good he looked. They both looked at me.
Did they notice me stare?
No. I knew what they wanted. I didn’t budge, just raised my eyebrows. If they wanted privacy, they had to ask. I was perfectly comfortable where I was.

“Sandra, could um…” Eric began. He obviously felt weird asking me to leave my own room.

“I don’t see why she should leave,” Aurora said, anger beginning to return to her voice. “I mean, she already knows. She was there!” Aurora exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

Aurora wanted to use me to make Eric feel guilty. No way. Grabbing my key and ID from my bedside table, I stood. “Take your time,” I told Eric. I wasn’t going to make him feel uncomfortable, especially not for Aurora. As I shut the door behind me, I realized I had left my book behind. I thought about going back for it, but that’s when the argument erupted. Aurora yelled at Eric for going to the party, Eric yelled at Aurora for trying to control his life. Aurora was mad that he didn’t tell her, and Eric was sorry but still angry about her trying to control him. I walked away. No need to have the entire hall staring at me listening to them. As I reached the stairs, I could swear I heard Aurora bring me into the argument. Convincing myself I was wrong, I headed down the stairs and outside to wait-out their fight.

I sat down on the wide concrete steps just outside the building. There were a few groups of people talking, but no one bothered me. I doubt they even noticed me. Then I saw someone who did. She was an art major, no doubt. She sat on the grass and fallen yellow leaves, holding a large sketchbook, and she stared at me as she drew. I folded my arms and she erased madly. I felt strangely confident knowing that of all the people there she chose to draw me, and, for that reason, I tried not to move.

The art majors seemed so interesting. They always had so many things with them. A sketchbook and toolbox seemed to be necessities. Somehow, they always drew attention when it seemed that’s what they tried so hard to avoid. They were the silent observers. A few people walking by stopped to watch her work, nodding their heads in appreciation. I hardly noticed when Aurora ran down the steps past me.

“Aurora, wait!” I called out to her. She seemed surprised, like she hadn’t noticed me either, and returned to sit beside me. “How did it go?”

She sighed, an action that seemed to demand each muscle in her body to react. “Not so good.”

“Where were you going?”

“I thought I’d go to Rachel’s house tonight.” Rachel, she was a commuter in Aurora’s major. “I just can’t stay here, knowing that Eric’s at that awful party. I’ll see you later. Bye Sandy.” She embraced me quickly before she stood up and walked off.

Eric’s going to the party?
I couldn’t help but smile.

1204

I was there by the road when the King’s guard rode past, bringing a second horse with him, and I was there when he returned, and Eric rode that horse. He looked so regal, sitting atop his mighty steed. The gash on his sweet face had closed for the most part, and I wondered if it would be gone the next time I laid eyes on him. How long would I go without seeing him? A month? A year? Would he recognize my face?

I stepped up to the path, my valor well wasted on a garden and a few chickens. As the warrior approached, I asked him, “I see you have a long journey to the King. Would you like a drink? Come, take rest in my humble home.” The man was handsome, rugged as he may be, with hair as dark as mine, curling slightly, though pulled back. His face was scarred, much like my love’s would soon be.

Eric’s face betrayed him, revealing his jealousy. The guard slid from his mount. He was not as tall as I expected. He was less than one head taller than I was, and young. Maybe six years or so older than myself. He smiled, a warrior’s smile.

“Beautiful maiden, I would be honored to rest a while in your company. We shall stay. I wish we had days to spare, but only hours, kind girl.” Eric slowly dismounted, burning holes in his new master’s back. Jealousy did not wear well on him. “Come, young guard. Take pleasure in the offerings of this house.”

I had never spoken with a warrior. I had been warned against it. They were called brutish and were known for having their way with women, whether consented or not. I had always kept from them, but I needed to see Eric. I longed to share time with him once more before he pledged his life to the King’s will. I brought out the finest wine and mead, hoping my father would not notice if it went missing. The guard introduced himself as Heodred, son of Hretheow, also a warrior.

“I am half the size of my father but can drink twice as much!” He laughed a hardy, contagious laugh. I found myself laughing at his every word. Eric, however, did not laugh.

“This boy,” Heodred exclaimed, throwing his arm around Eric’s shoulders, “will be accomplished in battle some day, as I am. Maiden, my cup runs dry.” I poured more mead into his flagon and offered the jug to Eric. He took the mead although somewhat forced by Heodred. “Drink, and be happy. Today is a happy day. This woman is lovely, and loves to serve you! Take pride in it and drink!” I beamed. Heodred laughed. Eric sulked in embarrassme
nt, face hidden behind his mug.

CHAPTER 9

GETTING LOOSE

I pulled my hair loosely up into a ponytail. It was curlier than usual today and it looked better messy. I had laid on my makeup thicker, attempting to make a more grown up and mysterious look; I completed the appearance by wearing my coolest clothes, a skin tight, short-sleeved V-neck shirt with a pushup bra and my tightest jeans. I wished I didn’t need padding to give me any shape, but that’s life.

I rushed up the stairs and immediately was struck by the music’s strong beat. Handing someone some money, I headed into the crowd. I grabbed a beer and popped it open, sniffing it suspiciously. It didn’t smell all that great, but I didn’t think it was supposed to. I took a cautious sip. Yuck! It tasted like a skunk. I reluctantly took it with me on my search for Eric. He had to be there already.
Just look for the crowd.
There! By the speakers. He was in a group of people jumping.
Jumping?
Jumping to the music.
I guess they couldn’t dance.
Oh, well. I made my way through and next to Eric.

“HI!” I yelled above the music.

He saw me and yelled back, “Sup, sweetheart?!! You drinking, Wild Thang?!”

I blushed. “Yeah! Want some?!”

“Yeah! Let’s go!” He put his arm around my waist and carefully guided me through the crowd and back to the beer. Eric filled a cup from the keg and gulped it down. “So, you look sexy tonight. Showin’ off for me?”

I laughed, “You wish.” He hit the nail on the head with that one.

“Oh, ouch! That hurt,” he said as he grabbed me around the waist again. That seemed to be something he loved when he drank. And I loved it too.

I sipped from my can and Eric burst out laughing. He crushed me into his chest with both arms, nearly spilling my can.

“It’s not gonna bite, Sandra! Haha! You’re so funny!” He held me, laughing for what felt like forever.
Oh my God, his body feels good against mine!
“You
sipped
your beer…hehehe…oh!”

Finally he let me go and I could breath again.

“Whoa, check it out! Drinking contest! C’mon, lets go watch!”

We did watch, until Eric got in the game. He sat down on a beanbag chair and easily took down two shots.