Esrever Doom (Xanth) (38 page)

“That is an unkind uncertainty,” Yukay said. “We’ll be with you, of course.”

“No, I don’t want you with me at that point,” Kody said. “I want to be sure the rest of you survive, even if I don’t.”

“I don’t want to survive if you don’t,” Zosi said.

“Here is the equation,” Kody said. “I see it as a fifty-fifty gamble whether detonating the Bomb will kill me or merely send me back to Mundania. So if I set it off alone, I still have an even chance to visit you later. But if you are with me, and you get killed, I will have nothing to return to, even if I survive. I don’t want you with me then.”

“He’s got a case,” Yukay said.

“Squawk,” Zap agreed.

Zosi struggled, then agreed. “But if you don’t return, I will revert to being a zombie. Then it won’t hurt so much.”

“So where can I take this thing to blow it up?” Kody asked.

“Let’s consider,” Yukay said. “There may be some isolated spot in Xanth that will do. But I don’t think we should risk that unless we have to. What about one of the Moons of Ida? Not Demo Derby, but somewhere else. There must be a barren moon somewhere along that chain.”

“If we can get to it,” Naomi said. “Is it pictured in the chess set?”

Kody brought out the board. “All I see is Demo Derby.”

“They won’t allow it,” Ivan said. “They crash cars, but they won’t want to maybe crash their whole world.”

“What about a sometime island?” Naomi asked.

“A what?” Kody asked.

“There are islands off the coast of Xanth that are there only sometimes. If you happen to be there when one manifests, you can cross over to it. If there were a small barren island, that might be good. Set off the Bomb when the island is out of contact with Xanth.”

Kody looked at the chessboard. “I see no island.”

“Bleep! Then how about Counter Xanth?”

“That reverses everything,” Naomi said. “It might reverse the detonation. That might not be healthy.”

“The dream realm?” Zosi asked.

“Would the Night Stallion appreciate that?” Kody asked. “He gives me a pass, I bring in a Bomb?”

“Trojan might not be amused,” Yukay agreed.

Kody was still looking at the chessboard. He saw what looked like a planetoid orbiting in deep space. “How about this one?”

The others clustered around. “That looks desolate,” Yukay agreed. “But there may not be air there for us to breathe.”

“Would the board have a site that is lethal?” Kody asked.

“Probably not, if it is meant for human use,” Yukay said. “So it’s a gamble, but maybe not much of one.”

“If we go there, and it is lethal, and we die there,” Zosi said, “will that leave the Bomb where it can’t bother Xanth?”

“It might,” Yukay said. “Or we might take the Bomb there and leave it, well clear of Xanth.”

“Let’s try it,” Kody said.

They gathered around the chessboard, touching each other, with Ivan holding Sniffer, and Zap pecked the picture. Immediately they were there, and there was air to breathe. It was indeed a planetoid, uninhabited, far from anywhere. It seemed ideal.

“Uh-oh,” Kody said. “I see Sniffer, but—”

“What?” Yukay asked.

“The Bomb didn’t make it here.”

“
BLEEP!!
” Yukay swore in bold capitals with double exclamation points.

“I hope I can find the way back,” Kody said, peering at the pictures.

“No need.”

They turned to see a lovely woman with a Demon glow. She was a Demoness.

“Don’t tell me, let me guess,” Yukay said. “Demoness Fornax.”

“You are astute,” Fornax agreed. “Come into my parlor.” She made a sweeping gesture, and the parlor formed around them: a phenomenal palace. There were fantastic plants growing under arches, and assorted gems sparkled on every surface, and a table was laid out with a sumptuous banquet. “Serve yourselves,” Fornax said, indicating the luxurious chairs by the table. “Buffet style. I assure you it is not poisonous.”

“Am I confused?” Kody asked as he took a piece of cake. The others did the same, including Zap, who found a nice leg of raw meat, and Sniffer, who found some really nice dry aromatic wood. “I thought Demons were not allowed to take direct action in Demon games.”

“You are confused,” Fornax agreed. “It depends on the game. In this case I set the Bomb in Xanth and have not touched it since, or interfered in any way with the mortals who are participating. But we are not in Xanth now. We are in my home galaxy of Fornax, hundreds of thousands of light-years from Xanth.”

“Hundreds of thousands of light-years!” Kody said incredulously between sips of excellent multicolored wine. “But we traveled here instantly. That’s not possible.”

“You are from a Science realm,” Fornax said. “Your silly limitations do not apply here. Demons are not bound by them anyway.”

“Oh.” That was all the comment he could muster at the moment. He sat in a plush chair, nibbling on excellent nuts.

“As long as you remained in Xanth, I could not intervene without forfeiting my stake in the game. But you, of your own volition, departed from Xanth and came to my realm of CT matter. Here I am free to dialogue with you without violating any of the rules that govern you in Xanth.”

“What realm?” Yukay asked.

“CT,” Kody repeated tightly. “Contra-terrene. Antimatter. The opposite of our type of matter. You know of it, but don’t want to believe it. Contact between the two types makes both instantly explode in total conversion of mass into energy. There’s no other explosion like it.”

“Except that I am shielding you from that conversion,” Fornax said. “Because it is not in my interest to destroy you. I want to acquaint you with certain things.”

“Such as why you planted the Bomb?” Kody asked.

“That I have already answered. What I want you to know is that you do not have to destroy the Bomb; it is merely a token, an artifact serving as the focus. You can bury it in the ground where no one else will find it, and be done with it.”

“But it will still be affecting Xanth,” Kody said, “making lovely landscapes seem ugly to the people.”

“Yes, but that’s minor. They will get used to it. What counts is how you will benefit.”

“Benefit?”

“You can come here with your paramour,” Fornax said, glancing at Zosi. “Who can be given the power to generate zombies by the mere touch of her hands, immediately solving the problem of the current shortage. Between times you can make continuous love, your every need attended to. Or if you tire of her, I will accommodate you myself, and guarantee your rapture.” She glowed, her dress melting away to reveal a matchless female form.

Kody didn’t need to glance at Zosi. “No thanks. I prefer to remain with my friends.”

“They are welcome too.” Fornax made a gesture, and a large serpent slithered forward. Then he transformed into an impressively endowed man. “Nolan Naga is eager for compatible company, having been long away from his own kind.”

Naomi looked at Nolan, and it was plain she was impressed.

Fornax made another gesture, and a male griffin appeared. “Germane Griffin is also lonely, isolated from his own kind by the inadvertent acquisition of a soul. He thinks you are a very fine-looking griffiness and he would like to know you better, Zap.”

Zap was also visibly impressed.

“And the pair of you, Ivan and Yukay, can have your own kingdom here, in every manner the equal of anything you might ever achieve in Xanth.”

“You’re a Demoness,” Yukay said. “With powers such as we can’t even dream of. You already have all the kingdoms and powers you want. Why are you bothering with us? We are no more than gnats on your horizon.”

Fornax smiled indulgently. “Gnats? You flatter yourself. You are a thousand times less than that. But I will answer. I am doing it to win a full Demon point. There is nothing you are equipped to imagine that can approach the value of that to me. All this that I offer you is inconsequential to me. All that matters is that invaluable status point.”

“Oh, I see,” Yukay said. “Status is the only currency that Demons value.”

“Correct, apart from a few foolish relationships, such as marriage to royal mortals. So I am offering this package of benefits, in return for one simple thing: bury the Bomb and depart. Are you interested, Kody Mundane?”

“Intrigued,” Kody agreed. “And I hate to deny such gifts for my companions. But no, I do not accept this deal.”

“I will enhance it. You can have an entire harem of exquisitely beautiful and highly obliging young women.”

Kody smiled. “There may be one or two things you don’t know about me. I’m not particularly susceptible to bribes, and in any event I will not be remaining in the fantasy realm. I am here only in a dream, and soon I will wake and it will be over. So there is nothing you can offer me for the longer term; I would be unable to accept it even if I wanted it.”

Fornax considered him thoughtfully. “I see you were an artful choice for this Quest.”

“So it seems,” Kody agreed. “The other Demons must have known you would try to corrupt me.”

“Of course. But there are ways and ways. For instance, have you considered the welfare of your friends? If you detonate the Bomb, all of them will be blown up too, unless they are far away from you. Is that your desire?”

“No! But we’re looking for a safe place to do it. I can go there alone.”

“And if you do, and destroy yourself in the process, what of Zosi? She does not wish to live without you.”

That was his problem. Kody knew he could do what he had to do. But to torment Zosi in the process? That was beyond him.

“Here is an option you may not have considered,” Fornax continued. “You do not need to keep the Bomb yourself. It belongs to whoever is holding it. You can give it to any one of your friends, or to an enemy, and be done with it. You could give it to Zap, and it could make her the queen of griffins, with any male of her choice. You could give it to Yukay, and exploring its ramifications could give meaning to the rest of her life.” She paused. “Or you could give it to Zosi, and it could make her happy as she completes her own Quest. There is a setting for that.”

Zosi was on that. “It can reverse happiness? So that I would become happy with life, while happy folk become miserable?”

“That would not bother you,” Fornax said. “You would still be happy.”

Zosi shuddered. “It’s not the kind of happiness I care for.”

“You are a foolish girl.”

Kody reached out, took Zosi’s hand, and squeezed it, signaling his approval of her attitude.

“So your choices are three,” Fornax concluded, speaking to Kody. “You can blow yourself and your friends to smithereens. You can give the Bomb to someone else. Or you can bury it where it will not be found. In due course you will wake in Mundania, and at that point the Demon game will be over and a victor decided, depending on your decision. You will never know which Demon wins, so it is of no concern to you. Do you understand?”

“Oh, yes,” Kody said grimly. “I’m a tiny ant, or a mere germ on an ant, and the bet is which way I will turn. None of you Demons really cares about the welfare of mortal folk like us.”

“Nicely put,” Fornax agreed. “Now are there any further temptations I can ply you with, or are we done here?”

“We’re done here,” Kody said.

And they were back in Xanth, where they had been, gazing at the chessboard. Kody felt the Bomb in his pocket, where it had been. It seemed that no time had passed. Demons were good at freezing time.

Kody folded the board. “I think we have some things to consider,” he said.

“No, we don’t,” Yukay said.

“But those other options—”

“We don’t need them,” Naomi said.

“But—”

“We know you’ll do the right thing, whatever it is,” Ivan said.

“But—”

“Squawk.”

“Beep.” Sniffer emitted an agreeing puff of smoke.

Kody looked helplessly at the only one who had not spoken.

“I love you,” Zosi said.

“That’s beside the point.”

“No, it isn’t,” Yukay said. “You love her. You’ll do what’s best for her. That will be what’s best for Xanth. Then you’ll go home.”

“Bleep!” Kody swore. “I need better advice than that. What good are the lot of you if you won’t help me think?”

“You need it in words of one syllable?” Yukay asked.

“Yes!”

Yukay looked at each of the others in turn.

“Get by your self,” Naomi said.

“Blow the Bomb,” Ivan said.

“Hope you can come back,” Zosi said.

“Squawk.”
SOON

And there it was. If destroying the Bomb completed his Quest, he would wake in Mundania, with the dream pass that would enable him to visit the land of Xanth again. To see all of them. Especially Zosi. If it did not, he would be dead, but Xanth would still be saved.

They were right. There was nothing to discuss.

Kody shook his head. “I thought maybe there would be a huge dramatic crisis, dragons charging, empires clashing, magic running riot, scary wizards invoking hell-fire. You know, fantasy adventure climax. This is sort of anticlimactic.”

“You have to do it,” Yukay said. “Because none of the rest of us can. We would lack the courage, even if we were dreaming.”

“We still have to find a suitable place,” Kody said. “Soon.”

Then a bulb flashed over his head. “I’ll be bleeped! It’s obvious.”

“That’s nice,” Yukay said.

Kody lifted his arm as if hailing a passing taxi. “Caprice Castle! We need you.”

And there before them the castle formed, quietly filling the space.

They walked up to the front gate. It opened and two little skeletons dashed out, accompanied by two puppies: Piton and Data. Wolfe and Rowena. In half a moment the visitors were getting hugged, licked, and nose-sniffed. It was as if they had been expected.

“Tell your folks we’d like to stay the night, then have a little ceremony of termination tomorrow morning, attended by anyone interested,” Kody said. “Caprice will know where.”

“Caprice does,” Data said. “We were waiting.”

“We knew when Mommy got pretty again,” Piton said.

That did seem to explain it. Of course all Xanth had been immediately affected. They knew the Bomb had been possessed, if not turned completely off.