Essence of Desire (18 page)

Felicia’s thoughts then drifted to what had happened earlier in her kitchen and what probably would be happening this very minute in her bedroom if Austin hadn’t awakened. She couldn’t believe she’d actually lost control like that. She would never be able to look at her kitchen table again without remembering how she had unraveled in Trask’s arms.

There was no doubt in her mind that he thought he had gotten the best of her, but she had news for him. As far as she was concerned he hadn’t played fair. How was she to know that his kissing abilities had changed that much since they were sixteen? And how was she to know that he was now a man with masterful hands? Those big, strong hands of his--the same ones that had held numerous footballs while he raced down the field to score touchdowns--had had her so aroused, she probably would have let him have his way with her right there on the kitchen table. All she had wanted was to be released from the sexual torment he’d been putting her through.

She frowned. And that wasn’t good. The last thing she wanted or needed was anything from Trask Maxwell, especially sexual release. But then, all it took was one glance at him sitting on her sofa, looking big, sexy, and irresistible, and she would feel her muscles tense in a very private place.

Felicia quickly reined in her unexplainably fiery and passionate attraction for Trask as she glanced at the clock on the wall. It was past time for Austin to go back to bed and for Trask to leave. And after he left, she would go about making sure her head was screwed back on straight. Kissing Trask, tasting him, and rubbing her body against his had literally knocked it off.

“All right, Austin Gardner, it’s time for you to go back to bed now, so tell Mr. Maxwell good night.”

“But, Mommy, I want to stay with Daddy a little while longer.”

Daddy!
Felicia’s mouth dropped open, and her and Trask’s gazes snapped locked for a moment. After getting over her initial shock at hearing Austin call Trask daddy, she was about to say something to correct him, to let him know that Trask was not his daddy, but she didn’t say anything when Trask shook his head, silently advising her not to.

However, she was never good at taking orders, especially when they came from Trask, and a few moments later, she began speaking anyway. “Austin, sweetheart, I think--”

“Your mother thinks if you don’t go to bed now, you’ll be too tired to go with me to pick out that Christmas tree tomorrow,” Trask interrupted.

A huge smile covered Austin’s face as he nodded. “Will you be here in the morning when I wake up?”

“No, he won’t be here,” Felicia answered, not giving Trask a chance to. “Mr. Maxwell is leaving. Now tell him good night.”

“But, Mommy, why can’t Daddy stay here with us? He can sleep with you in your big bed.”

“Yeah, why can’t I?” Trask asked teasingly as a devilish smile curved his lips.

Felicia narrowed her eyes at Trask, suppressing an urge to give him a good, hard slap. Instead, she gave Austin her full attention. It was time to set matters straight once and for all.

“Because sweetheart, although you may have asked Santa for a daddy, Mr. Maxwell will only be around to spend some time with you for the holidays. He won’t be here forever, so you shouldn’t think he will. He goes back on New Year’s Day. You remember him from the wedding don’t you? He’s your cousin Clayton’s friend. You may even run into him every once in a while after New Year’s now that he’s moved back to town. But, Austin, Santa kept his part of the deal and you need to be ready to keep yours, sweetheart. Mr. Maxwell won’t have any reason to come around here to this house after New Year’s Day. Understood?”

“But, Mommy, I--”

“No, Austin, there aren’t any buts. Understood?”

Austin held his head down and stared at the floor. “Yes, ma’am.”

Felicia nodded. She then decided to take another approach in correcting the other issue--Austin calling Trask daddy. “Now tell
Mr. Maxwell
good night.”

“Good night, Daddy.”

“Good night, Austin.”

Felicia raised her eyes to the ceiling when her tactic didn’t work.

“Daddy, will you tuck me back in bed?”

Trask glanced over at Felicia for her consent.

Felicia released a heavy sigh. Some days it didn’t pay to get out of bed. “It’s okay,” she said dryly.

Taking Austin’s smaller hand into his large one, Trask turned, and he and Austin walked out of the room leaving Felicia alone.

***

Felicia turned away from gazing out of the window when she heard Trask return. The fifteen or so minutes that he had been gone had given her time to think--really think. And the more she thought, the angrier she got.

Trask took one look at her face and her hands, which were balled up into fists at her sides, and immediately knew something was wrong. “What’s the matter with you?”

“You have really done it this time, Trask. I never thought you would stoop so low. I just figured out why you’re doing this.”

Trask crossed his arms over his chest and returned Felicia’s belligerent glare. Her pouty lips, he thought, were made for kissing, and not for sprouting off words that didn’t make any sense to him. A shudder passed through him when he remembered how the feel and taste of her lips on his had generated heat throughout his body. He forced his attention from her lips and met her eyes. Unfortunately, he didn’t get any help there. He couldn’t help but recall how those same eyes, which were now dark with fury, had been dark with passion less than an hour ago.

“And what exactly am I suppose to be doing?” he asked.
Other than thinking of a way to get you back in the kitchen and onto that table again,
he thought.

“I can think of no reason for your wanting to spend time with Austin other than to get back at me for harassing you all these years. I can’t believe you would go this far. Having a father figure around for the holidays means everything to Austin, and I won’t let you fill him with hope, dreams, and meaningless words of love, then break his heart. He’s calling you daddy for heaven’s sake! And to make matters worse, he’s made all these plans he thinks the two of you will do together.”

Tears of anger misted Felicia’s eyes. “How could you do that to him? If you want revenge, then go ahead, Trask, go after me. But I won’t let you hurt my son.”

A taut, tense moment of silence passed between them, and Felicia watched as utter rage covered Trask’s face. She didn’t think she had ever seen him that mad before and it surprised her. And with that surprise came the common sense to take a few steps back when he began advancing toward her. His eyes, she noted, flashed fire. And for the first time in all her dealings with Trask, she had a feeling she had gone too far.

“Other than my mother, brother, and Clayton, you should know me better than anyone, Felicia. You of all people know my history,” he said in a voice filled with fury.

“My father turned his back on me and Alex, the same way Austin’s father turned his back on him. You know how hard that was for me as a child growing up. In addition to the holidays, I had those sports events to deal with. Unlike others on the team, I couldn’t look up in the stands and know I had a father there rooting for me. I didn’t have a father giving me that special smile or thumbs up to let me know how proud he was of me,” Trask said, not even trying to control the anger in his voice.

“The reason I’m doing this for Austin is because I’ve been where he’s at now. I know exactly how it feels to want a father figure around for the holidays. Do you know how much I appreciated your uncles for what they did for me during those times? There was never a game that I played in while in high school, college, or the pros that I didn’t know for certain that one, some, or all of your uncles were somewhere up there in the stands cheering for me. I think I did my best because of them. They proved they were proud of me, regardless of whether I was winning or losing.”

Felicia’s hands untightened and the anger she had felt earlier suddenly left her. Trask was right--she knew his history. She had always been a part of it. Although she and Trask had bickered relentlessly as kids, she and Clayton were the ones he had shared his innermost thoughts and feelings with.

“Trask, I--”

“No, Felicia, for once you will shut up and listen,” he snapped. “Unlike what you think, one of the reasons that I’ve decided to spend time with Austin is because he’s a Madaris. And I owe a lot to your family, for being there when no one else was. It’s the least I can do. It’s something that I want to do.”

He didn’t add that, for some unknown reason, he also felt close to her son mainly because Austin belonged to her. “And as far as him calling me daddy, I don’t have a problem with it and neither should you. A daddy and everything he’s supposed to represent is a part of Austin’s holiday fantasy, so it comes natural to him to call me that because to him that’s who I’ll be for the next four weeks.”

Trask hesitated before continuing. “And what I’m doing for Austin has nothing to do with this feud between us. We’ve been at each other’s throats for years. It’s more out of habit than anything else. What happened earlier tonight, in your kitchen, proves that we can get along. In fact I think it’s a pretty enjoyable experience when we do.”

“I wish you wouldn’t bring that up.”

Trask stared at her lips for a moment, before blinking and refocusing on her face. “Yes, I’m sure you wish I wouldn’t,” was his reply.

Felicia’s face turned a darker brown before she cleared her throat. “Look, Trask. Maybe I did draw the wrong conclusions about your reasons for wanting to spend time with Austin for the holidays, and I apologize. But when it comes to Austin I can’t help but want to protect him.”

“Of course you can’t and you should. He’s your son.”

Felicia nodded. “And although you have the best intentions for wanting to help, it may cause more harm than good. Austin has already gotten attached to you. He’s never called anyone daddy before.”

Trask frowned. He knew the situation with her first husband, but didn’t know much about the second one, other than that he had screwed around on her. “He didn’t call your second husband daddy?”

“No. Charles preferred that Austin call him by his first name.”

Trask opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it. He could give her an earful about what he thought about that tidbit.

He didn’t have to say anything. Felicia clearly read the emotions that had crossed his face, but like him, she decided to leave it alone. “Anyway, Austin really believes you’re the daddy he’s asked for.”

“And for a while I will be.”

“But we’ll continue to make sure that Austin understands this is a temporary arrangement.”

Trask nodded and released a deep sigh. “I don’t get it. I could have been any other man who dropped by tonight. Why did he take one look at me and think I was the one Santa delivered?”

Felicia frowned. “Because for your information, Trask Maxwell, I don’t have men dropping by. Since I moved here nearly six months ago, there has never been a man who’s come to this house other than one of my family members.” She didn’t want to go into details about why she had moved out of her other home to this one and why she had not dated since then. “To Austin, it’s a rare occurrence to see a man here that he’s not related to. So naturally, he assumed you were sent by Santa.”

Trask raised a brow. “What do you mean you don’t have men dropping by? You date, don’t you?”

“No.”

Trask looked at her as if she had gone foolish. “What do you mean by no?”

“I mean just what I said. I don’t date and haven’t dated in nearly six months.”

“Why?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“What if I said that I’m making it my business?” He took a step that brought him closer to her. “And the main reason is that tonight I got just the response I wanted to get out of you, so now you’re it.”

“Your plaything for the holidays?” Felicia sneered.

“No, my lover for the holidays, and I don’t like sharing. So whether or not you’re dating is my business.”

Felicia opened her mouth to tell him just where he could put his business, but never got a chance to do so. Trask’s mouth swooped down on hers, effectively absorbing any sound she was about to make. His kiss was strong, sure, and sensuous as his tongue stroked, sucked, and soothed. Felicia’s legs didn’t feel quite so steady and her heart began beating three times its normal rate. Again, she felt powerless to do anything but return Trask’s kiss.

Trask broke off the kiss. The look on his face at first was tender, and then arrogant when he said, “Yes it’s a very enjoyable experience when we do something other than bicker back and forth. You did agree to be my holiday lover, and I’ve never known you to go back on your word, Felicia.”

He smiled at her glare. “Cheer up, sweetheart. This is the season to be jolly. Joy to the world, deck the halls, and all that good stuff.”

Trask knew that, if given the chance, she would do more than deck the halls right now. No doubt she would deck him good. The look of anger on her face indicated as much. Remembering that she could throw a good right punch, he thought it was best to leave before she decided to do so.

“Good night, Felicia. I hope your dreams are as pleasant as mine will be.” He then turned and walked out of her house.