Every Breaking Wave (16 page)

Seventeen

The day Noah was to come home, I couldn’t wait to see him. Darren had called me every day so I could speak to Noah and he sent me pictures. It was obvious he was having a blast, but I was ready for him to come home.

I found it easy to think of Travers Cove as home, even though it wasn’t really our home. Home was back in Providence, but the little beach house had become such a sanctuary and the thought of returning to my real life was not something I wanted to think about.

Jeremy was out on the boat when Darren pulled up. I’d been sitting outside under the pretense of reading a book and enjoying the unusually comfortable evening, when I was actually waiting for Noah.

“Mommy!” he shouted when Darren had taken him out of the car seat and he came running into my open arms.

I took him in and held him tighter than I ever had. I knew I’d missed him, but I didn’t realize how much until he was in my arms again.

“I’ve missed you so much, baby,” I told him.

“I missed you too,” he said and then proceeded to show me everything he’d brought back with him from Florida.

“My goodness,” I said as I stared at the assortment of souvenirs.

“Daddy said I should get you something too.”

He held up a little Minnie Mouse to me.

“I love it,” I said, kissing him on the cheek.

“I’m gonna go put my stuff away,” he said and then he was gone, disappearing into the house, leaving just Darren and me.

“Looks like you guys had a good time.”

“We did,” Darren said with a slight chuckle and a shake of his head. “He can be exhausting though. I don’t know how you do it,” he said as we walked to the car to get the rest of Noah’s things. “You’re a good mom, Beth.”

I stopped as I was slinging Noah’s backpack onto my shoulder and turned to look at him.

“Why are you telling me this, Darren?”

“Because it’s true and you need to hear it,” he reached into the trunk and pulled out Noah’s suitcase. “And because I didn’t tell you that enough when we were together.”

“Well, you should’ve thought about that before you did what you did,” I said softly.

“Yes, I should have.”

I didn’t wait to hear anything else he had to say. Instead, I brushed by him and walked into the house. Darren followed and we found Noah sitting on the couch, all of his souvenirs lined up next to him.

“Are you hungry, Noah?” I asked him and he nodded. “What would you like for dinner?”

“Cheese sandwich,” he answered.

“How about grilled cheese?” I asked and he agreed. “What about you, Darren? You want one?”

“If you’re offering, I’ll accept.”

I went into the kitchen and I could hear Darren’s footsteps behind me. I reached for a pan to cook the sandwiches in and then grabbed a small pot. Grilled cheese was nothing without tomato soup.

“Can I give you a hand?” Darren asked and I turned to see him leaning against the counter, arms folded, staring at me.

“I’m good. Thanks,” I said quickly as I began buttering a slice of bread.

“C’mon, Beth. Let me help,” he said, taking the soup can and opening it up. “I wasn’t much help when we were married.” He poured the soup into the pot and then added some milk as he turned on the burner and began stirring. “I wasn’t a lot of things,” he added quietly.

It was strange standing next to him like this. He was right though. He hadn’t been much help in the kitchen when we were married. He’d help on occasion, but not very often and as we stood side by side, I was reminded of the times he had helped…in our kitchen…as husband and wife…a family.

“When are you heading back to Providence?” I asked, uncomfortable with the entire situation.

“In the morning. It’s too late to go back now.”

“You’re staying at a hotel then?”

“That’s the plan,” he said, but then turned to look at me as I used the spatula to turn one of the sandwiches. “Unless you’re offering to let me stay here.”

I couldn’t stifle the laughter as I moved another sandwich onto a plate.

“I most certainly am not making that offer.”

“C’mon. I just spent a fortune at Disney World. I mean, look at those souvenirs! Save me a hundred bucks by not making me go to a hotel,” he laughed.

“You can afford it,” I said and I knew he could.

“That’s not the point.”

“Go home tonight then. It’s only a few hours back if you don’t want to spend the money.”

He grinned and shook his head.

“You used to be putty in my hands, Beth.”

“Exactly. Used to. Past tense.”

“Point taken,” he said and then started looking through the cupboards until he found the bowls. He ladled some soup in for each of us and placed them on the table as I finished up with the sandwiches.

“Noah!” I called. “Dinner’s ready!”

I heard scuffling in the living room, but then he came skipping into the room, souvenirs in hand and began setting them on one of the chairs. When he was done, he sat down in the chair next to them.

“Thanks, Mommy,” he said when I placed the sandwich in front of him.

Darren gave us each a glass of ice water and we sat down at the table to eat, just as we had the night before he’d taken Noah to Disney World. As we ate, Noah rambled on and on about his trip, repeating the same story a few times, but I didn’t care. I’d missed my boy and the sound of his chatter had been absent too long.

My eyes drifted a few times out the window at the house next door, wondering when Jeremy would be home. It wasn’t like him to be this late.

When we were done eating, Noah bolted back into the living room and Darren started doing the dishes. I followed Noah and rounded him up for bath time. He fought me at first, but I eventually convinced him to get in the tub and I had to admit it was nice not having to worry about the dishes. I was used to being the one doing everything and as I shampooed Noah’s hair, I’d forgotten how nice it was to be part of a collective team. Jeremy was helpful when we were together, but if I was being truthful, I felt a little weird about it sometimes. Jeremy wasn’t Noah’s father. He had no obligation to help with anything. I didn’t feel guilty that Darren was cleaning up while I took care of our son.

“You’re still in here?” Darren’s voice interrupted my thoughts and I turned to see him leaning against the doorframe into the bathroom.

“He thinks it’s a spa.”

“We had it down pat in Florida. Ten minutes tops.”

“I guess we do things differently, Darren,” I said curtly.

“I didn’t mean anything by it. That wasn’t meant to be an insult.”

I ignored him and turned back to Noah who stood up and started climbing out. Darren handed me a towel and I wrapped it around Noah who proceeded to waddle into his bedroom.

“I’ll get him ready, Beth. Relax,” Darren said, following Noah. I decided to follow too, sitting down on the bed while I opened Noah’s suitcase, taking out a pair of pajamas. I was surprised to see all of the clothes neatly folded inside.

“Are these clean?” I asked, the surprise evident in my voice.

“Yep. I remembered how you hated packing dirty clothes for the trip home so I sent Noah’s laundry out the day before we left so it’d be ready for you when he got back.”

“Okay,” I said with a chuckle. “Who are you and what have you done with Darren Sawyer?”

He laughed too as he toweled off Noah’s hair.

“I guess I deserve that,” he said, turning to face me. “I’m not the same person I was, Beth.”

His eyes locked on mine, almost as if he was trying to tell me something without words. I felt a pit in my stomach. Darren was making me nervous. I wasn’t an idiot. I’d caught his insinuations since the moment he showed up in Travers Cove, but I didn’t know what his motive was.

“You should probably get going soon. Noah’s had a crazy day and he needs to get to bed.”

I stood up and left the room before he could say anything. I went into the kitchen, peeking out the window, but Jeremy’s driveway was still empty. Where the hell was he? I checked my phone for any text messages, but the screen was blank.

I could hear Noah and Darren walking into the living room a few minutes later and I went and joined them. They were settled on the couch looking through a book. I didn’t mention to Darren again that he should leave though. Noah looked too content and I didn’t want to ruin that.

“I think it’s time for you to go to bed now,” Darren said after the fifth story.

I expected Noah to protest, but he didn’t. Instead, he grabbed his souvenirs and ran into his bedroom. After tucking them into his bed, Darren took him into the bathroom where he brushed his teeth, returning a few minutes later.

“Mind if I tuck him in?” Darren asked.

“Not at all,” I said, even though I’d been looking forward to putting Noah to bed. Darren may have had him the past week, but I got way more time with Noah and as much as I told myself I disliked Darren, I never wanted to keep him from spending time with his son.

Noah was already in bed and I walked over, kissing him on the cheek and hugging him. “Good night, sweetie,” I said, planting a kiss on his forehead. “I’m so happy you’re home. I’ll see you in the morning. Have a good rest.”

“I will. Night, Mommy.”

I kissed him again and then left the room. I sat on the couch in the living room, but I could hear Darren and Noah down the hallway. I had to chuckle to myself when I heard the banter between them. Noah kept negotiating for another story and Darren kept giving in. Finally, after the third reading of
Curious George and the Toy Store
, I heard Darren say goodnight and then his footsteps were coming towards me.

“All set?” I asked when Darren entered the room.

“Yes, finally. That kid loves to read,” Darren sighed and I was surprised when he sat down beside me on the couch.

“Aren’t you heading out?” I asked, wishing he’d leave already.

“You’re anxious to get rid of me,” he stated and I nodded.

“Thank you for taking Noah to Disney World. I know he had a great time, but now that he’s back, you should probably go.”

Darren didn’t move though. Instead, he ran a hand through his sandy hair and sighed, resting against the back of the couch.

“Why the hell did I fuck everything up?”

“Excuse me?” I asked, even though I’d heard him perfectly.

“Us. You. Our family. How did I fuck up our lives so badly?”

“Because you wanted to fuck someone else,” I chided, promptly standing up and heading towards the front door to open it as an invitation for him to leave. Before I could though, I felt his grip around my arm, turning me to face him.

“No, Beth. I didn’t want to be with anyone else.”

“Could’ve fooled me when I saw her riding you like a pony,” I shot at him, my memories rushing back to when I walked in on them screwing each other’s brains out.

I saw him close his eyes, cringing at my words, but then he looked at me again and I felt his grip loosen on my arm.

“I have tried telling you how sorry I am for what I did. I will never forgive myself for what I did to you and Noah. But you wouldn’t even give me a chance to make it up to you.”

“Because you didn’t deserve a chance.”

“No, I didn’t…but Noah did. You wouldn’t even try to work it out. You were dead set on ending our marriage without even trying to work it out.”

“Are you serious right now, Darren?” I scoffed. “You can’t be serious! How was I supposed to react? I caught you having sex with one of my best friends!” I wanted to scream at him, but I kept my voice low, not wanting to wake Noah.

“And it was the biggest mistake of my life! There’s no excusing what I did, but our family deserved a chance. I would’ve done anything to make it right.”

“It could never have been right with us again. Ever,” I spat at him. “I trusted you, Darren. I trusted you to love me forever, but…”

“And I will,” he interrupted me, brushing his fingertips over my cheeks. “Even if you never love me again, Beth, I will always love you. You will always be the one and what I did to you will always be my greatest regret. I think about it every day, trying to figure out why I did what I did, how I could ever think there could be anyone better than you.”

“Darren,” I whispered quietly as our eyes locked and I felt goosebumps trail down my neck as his fingers ran across my skin. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I want us to be a family again,” he said softly and I opened my mouth to try and say something, but nothing came out. I was too stunned to speak. “I had a great time with Noah at Disney, but there was something missing.” He paused for a moment, glancing down briefly until raising his eyes to meet mine. “You.”

“Darren…” I finally got out, but then he held a finger up to my lips to silence me.

“All I could think about while Noah and I were gone was that you should be with us…that this should’ve been something we experienced together, just like we should’ve gone to Fenway together. Noah is our son. Part you and part me and we should be together. I know I messed up. What I did was unforgiveable, but I’m asking for your forgiveness and I’m asking you to consider being a family again because I love Noah,” he continued as his body drew closer to mine, the smell of his familiar aftershave activating a million memories. “But mostly because I love you, Beth, and I’ll never stop loving you.”