Every Breaking Wave (17 page)

As he drew closer, I knew I should step away. I should push him back, slap him across the face, tell him to go to hell, do something to get him away from me, but I didn’t. I’d once loved Darren. We’d shared a life together. We shared our son. He’d been a good man until he ruined everything with that one terrible decision, a decision I wouldn’t even consider forgiving. He’d begged me not to leave. He’d begged me to give us one more shot, but I’d refused. But now, as he stood before me, a small part of me wondered if maybe I should’ve tried to work it out…for Noah’s sake. He still loved me and I knew a part of me would always love him too.

“I’m so sorry, Beth.” He was getting closer and I prayed he wouldn’t kiss me. I couldn’t have him kiss me, but then his lips landed on my cheek, the warmth of them searing through my body. What the hell was going on?

“I think you should go,” I whispered and he pulled back.

“Just think about it. Please,” he said softly and I nodded, opening the door and then quickly shutting it when he left.

I pressed my back against it for a few moments trying to collect myself. Right after I found out about his affair, he’d begged me to take him back. I’d never even entertained the idea and he gave up, moving on with the dissolution of our lives together, granting me the quick, easy divorce I demanded and just like that, our marriage was over, the only proof we’d ever shared a life together was Noah, an unintentional participant in our battle. Darren had given me everything I’d asked for in the divorce. We shared joint custody of Noah, although I had him more than Darren did. I got the house too with more than adequate child support that he never missed. He’d done everything I asked of him. At the time I thought it was because he was anxious to move on with his life with Stacey or whoever else he wanted to bed, but now I knew why he’d given in to my every request. It was because he was sorry. He was giving me everything I asked because he felt guilty and it was the only way he could think to make it right. I wanted the marriage terminated after he begged me not to and when I didn’t cave, he didn’t fight me anymore because it was what I wanted and the only way he could make amends for his transgression was to give me what I wanted.

“No,” I said out loud to myself as I started walking down the hall. “Do not let him get in your head.”

I stopped at Noah’s door and peeked in. I was surprised to see he was already asleep. He must’ve been exhausted.

I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. My son was incredible. All children were. Their whole lives were ahead of them. What I wouldn’t give to go back and do it all over again because this was not where I pictured I’d be in my life. The possibilities for Noah were endless, possibilities I knew would be easier for him to achieve if he had both of his parents with him all the time instead of being bounced from one to the other.

I tiptoed into his room, kissing him gently on the head and then made my way back into the living room, the gleam of headlights catching my eye. I peeked outside just in time to see Jeremy’s SUV pulling into the driveway. It was nearly eight o’clock. He’d never gotten home this late and I hadn’t heard a word from him. Where had he been? My mind started racing through the possibilities and I suddenly felt a little nauseous as I considered the fact maybe he was seeing someone else. The notion wasn’t ridiculous. It’d happened to me before and by someone who had promised to spend the rest of his life with me. Jeremy and I hadn’t even established what exactly it was we were doing with each other, but then he stepped out of the SUV. I could see he was in full lobster gear and I knew he hadn’t been with someone else. No woman would go near him smelling like that.

He didn’t know I was watching him and he disappeared into the house. My phone was ringing a second later and I knew it was him.

“I’m sorry I’m so late, Beth. The radar short circuited on the boat and we had a hell of a time getting back in. I keep telling Bill to get a new one,” he said when I answered the phone.

“Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. I’m gonna grab a shower. Should I come over when I’m done?

I wanted to see him. He’d been my saving grace this summer, the one to show me my love life hadn’t ended with Darren, but I was too messed up right now. Darren’s proclamation had done a number on me and I didn’t need Jeremy around prodding and asking me what was wrong because I knew he’d see how distracted I was and I wasn’t prepared to handle it right now.

“Actually, Noah got home tonight and I’ve got to do his laundry and get things in order,” I said, hating that I was lying to him, especially about something as stupid as laundry.

“You sure? I could come over and help.”

“I’m kinda tired, Jeremy. You must be too. How about tomorrow?”

“Are you okay, Beth?” I shouldn’t have been surprised. I knew he’d hear the distraction in my voice.

“I’m fine. Tired is all. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Sure. See you tomorrow. Good night, Beth.”

“Night, Jeremy,” I said and hung up the phone as my eyes drifted once again to the house next door, missing the man who lived there, and wondering what in the hell I was going to do. 

Eighteen

Jeremy wasn’t nearly as late the next night. Just as Noah and I sat down for dinner, he pulled into the driveway. He must’ve seen us looking out the window because he waved before going inside to presumably shower and change before coming over to eat the plate of pot roast I’d set aside for him.

Noah and I had spent the day at the beach. He’d played with a group of kids while I ran my toes through the sand. It was almost as if Noah had never left and we’d returned to our routine seamlessly. The only thing out of the ordinary was a text from Darren. I wasn’t exactly surprised when I got it, not after our conversation the night before. He’d told me he hoped Noah and I were having fun and he requested a picture of Noah, which I promptly sent. As I’d sent the picture, my eyes focused on the date on my cell phone screen. I was almost startled when I saw it. I hadn’t realized how fast the summer was going. We only had two more weeks before having to return to Providence so I could get ready for the new school year to begin. I couldn’t believe it had gone by so quickly. Jeremy and I hadn’t talked about what would happen when I left Travers Cove. We hadn’t even defined our relationship yet and soon we’d be left with figuring out what to do when the summer was over.

I tried putting it to the back of my thoughts as I pieced at my dinner and it wasn’t long before Jeremy was knocking on the door. He came in, all cleaned up from his day on the boat.

“Hey,” he said when he walked in. I knew he wanted to kiss me, but Noah was around. Instead of a kiss, he opted for a hand to the small of my back when I stood up to get his plate.

“Are you hungry?” I asked him and he nodded. “I’ll get your plate.”

He sat down and instantly started talking to Noah about his trip. I loved watching them together. Jeremy was so attentive and I knew my son adored him. I had to say I did as well, which is what made Darren’s words that much harder to hear.

Jeremy ate his dinner quickly and then did up the dishes while I helped Noah in the tub. It was all very reminiscent of the night before with Darren. I’d tried telling Jeremy I’d do the dishes. I wasn’t comfortable leaving them for him the way I was with Darren. Jeremy had insisted though and once Noah was out of the tub, we watched an episode of
Paw
Patrol
and then it was time for Noah to go to bed.

He was excited Jeremy was there to help tuck him in. We read
Curious George
three times again, only this time he was on a train instead of at a toy store. As we were walking out of the room, I realized Noah didn’t have his binky and he didn’t ask for it. I almost stopped to give it to him, but I didn’t, hoping maybe he was growing out of the need for it on his own.

I felt Jeremy’s hand slide around my waist when we walked into the living room, spinning me around, and pulling me to him, not waiting to begin the welcomed assault on my mouth.

“I’ve been waiting to do that since I walked in,” he said as he moved away from my lips and onto my neck. I closed my eyes as he ran the tip of his tongue over my throat and moved his hands under my shirt. “I missed you last night.” He was inching me towards the couch and then he collapsed onto me and I started laughing.

“We can’t do this here,” I whispered. “Noah’s home, remember?”

“Damn,” he sighed and then he kissed me before reluctantly pulling himself off of me. “My mind goes to mush around you.” We both laughed as we sat side by side, much more innocently than we had a moment before.

“Sorry. That’s one of the downfalls of dating someone with a kid.”

“I see it as a perk of dating someone with a kid. Noah’s way cooler than any of the douchebags I usually hang out with,” he said, both of us laughing as I turned to him, figuring now was as good a time as any to broach the subject.

“So…are we dating?”

Jeremy looked at me curiously, but then he smiled.

“I’d say so. Did you have doubts?”

“I was just curious. We haven’t really laid out this little arrangement we’ve created.”

“If this is your way of asking if there’s anyone else, the answer is a resounding no, Beth. When I’m with someone, I’m with them all the way.”

My mind instantly went to Darren. That had not been his mantra during our marriage.

“I’m leaving in two weeks though,” I said and the lighthearted mood instantly vanished.

“I know,” he answered simply.

“We haven’t even talked about what we’re gonna do when I leave.”

“I thought if we never talked about it, we wouldn’t have to face it.”

Again, he laughed, but I could tell there was some truth to his words because I felt the same.

“Ignoring it won’t make it go away.”

“I know,” he said, taking my hand and kissing the back of it.

“What’re we gonna do?”

“Providence really isn’t that far away. I’d like to give it a shot…the distance thing. What about you?”

“I’d like to try,” I agreed, not thinking about the doubts Darren had planted last night.

“Then it’s settled. I’ve got you for the next two weeks. Let’s make the best of it and see what happens.”

Nineteen

My time in Travers Cove flew by and before I knew it, it was the night before I was to head back to Providence. Just as Jeremy had said that night, we’d made the best of it. Noah and I spent our days at the beach while Jeremy spent his days on the lobster boat, returning each night and spending the evenings with us.

I didn’t want to think about getting in my old Camry and heading south in the morning, so I focused on finishing getting myself ready. Jeremy’s sister had invited us over for a barbecue, which thrilled Noah. He’d grown especially fond of Sophie over the summer. She’d come over nearly every day over the past few weeks and spent at least a little time with Noah on the beach and I knew he’d miss her when we left.

It was a warm afternoon and I chose a sleeveless white maxi dress and sandals to try and stay cool. It was difficult getting my hair to cooperate between the humidity and the cast that I still donned. I couldn’t wait for it to finally come off in a couple of weeks. While I’d adjusted to life as the Incredible Hulk, I was anxious to get back to normal.

I ran the curling iron over a few more strands and then gave up, pulling it into a loose twist and clipping it off my neck before applying my make-up. Jeremy was already ready to go. He hadn’t gone out on the boat, wanting to spend the day with Noah and me and was now entertaining Noah while I got myself together.

They were playing Play-Doh when I walked into the kitchen. Jeremy glanced up at me and I saw his eyes travel the length of my body. I could tell he wanted me just as I wanted him. We hadn’t been together since Noah returned from Florida and I wondered when we’d ever find time to be together again.

“Ready to go?” I asked as Jeremy continued to eye me.

“I’m gonna need a minute,” he grinned slyly and I couldn’t help but laugh at his implication.

“Then I’ll get Noah buckled in while you collect yourself.”

I walked over, patting Jeremy on the back, my fingers tickling over his shirt for a few seconds. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to feel his hands on my body, but Noah was around and I was still not comfortable showing much affection in front of him yet. Noah didn’t need any more confusion in his life.

“I’ll be right out,” he said, discreetly taking my hand and holding it for a moment, my eyes locking on his and I knew how much I’d miss these little moments with him when I was gone.

I squeezed his hand, not wanting to get lost in my nervous anticipation and went to Noah, leading him out to the car, Jeremy joining us a minute later.

“Are you all set there, cowboy?” I laughed as I shut the back door, having just finished strapping Noah into his car seat.

“You women have no idea the struggle it is to be a man,” he said and I burst out laughing.

“Struggle? I’d hardly call erections at inopportune times a struggle. Men don’t struggle.”

“We do when women that look like you walk around in dresses like that,” he said, both of us stopping in front of the car, taking advantage of the few moments away from Noah’s prying ears.

“This dress is perfectly modest.”

“And that’s the problem. It molds to your body just enough so all I can think about is what you look like underneath it.”

He reached down and cupped my backside with his hand and I started giggling, shooing him away before making my way to the driver’s seat.

I was still grinning as I pulled out of the driveway and I could feel his eyes still on me. He reached across the console, surreptitiously placing his hand on my thigh as I drove towards his sister’s house. I didn’t move it. I liked having it there as an innocent reminder that he was there and Noah couldn’t see it. I knew I’d miss his touch when I left in the morning. The passenger seat would seem so empty without him in it.

Jeremy’s hand remained there the whole drive and when we pulled up to Aubrey’s house, Sophie came bounding out the front door to greet us. Noah was just as excited to see his friend and Jeremy quickly helped him escape the constraints of his car seat, the two of them running into the house before we could stop them.

Jeremy reached for the strawberry salad I’d brought along and we made our way inside.

“Hey, you two!” Aubrey called to us from the deck. I could see her silhouette through the screen and we walked outside. Kevin was grilling and Aubrey was setting up the side dishes. I was surprised to see Mrs. Parrish sitting in a chair, a glass of iced tea in her hand.

“Hi, Grandma,” Jeremy said, leaning down and giving her a hug. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Of course I’d be here. I wouldn’t miss the chance to say goodbye to the girl who has you so smitten.” She smiled and then her soft brown eyes looked over to me. Jeremy looked over to me too and I could tell he was embarrassed by his grandmother’s words. “How are you, dear?”

“I’m good, Mrs. Parrish,” I said, walking to her and giving her tiny frame a gentle hug.

“That’s nice, dear. Please call me Peggy.”

“Thank you, Peggy.”

She smiled sweetly and patted my cheek before easing herself back into her chair.

“I hope burgers and dogs are okay, Beth,” Kevin called from the grill.

“Sounds wonderful. Thank you for having us,” I said and I saw his eyes focusing on my cast.

“When does that thing come off?”

“Two weeks, I think. I need to touch base with my doctor back in Providence though to know for sure.”

“I’m sorry that happened, but it still goes down as the greatest game ever.”

“I’m glad I’ll be remembered when I head out. Perhaps you’ll convince Bill to erect a statue of me so my feat will never be forgotten.”

We all started laughing, but I noticed Jeremy wasn’t. The smile on his face was slight and I could tell it was forced. He came over and linked his hand with mine, holding it tightly.

“Everything’s just about ready,” Kevin said, beginning to move the burgers and hot dogs off the grill. “You wanna round those two up?” He gestured to Sophie and Noah who were attempting to play a game of tetherball, when really, Sophie was just hitting the ball at Noah.

“I’ll get them,” Jeremy said, letting go of my hand and walking off the deck.

“What can I do to help?” I asked and Aubrey shooed me away.

“Sit back and relax. That’s what you can do.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Grab a drink and take a seat.”

I knew it was futile to refuse so I poured myself some iced tea and sat next to Peggy. Jeremy and the kids returned a few moments later and soon we were all sitting around eating.

It was easy being with Jeremy’s family. They treated Noah and I like one of them, as if we’d always been there and I loved hearing Peggy tell stories about Aubrey and Jeremy as kids. She talked about her husband too and she smiled when she spoke of him. I recalled the old man behind the counter of Travers Market when I was a girl. He’d looked like a kind man, the type you’d see on the old
Saturday Evening Posts
and I could tell Peggy missed her husband. I could see Jeremy and Aubrey missed him too. No one spoke of Jeremy’s parents though. I wasn’t sure if it was intentional or not. I could only imagine it still hurt, considering the way they’d died. I couldn’t imagine losing both of my parents at the same time. I’d be lost without them, but Jeremy and Aubrey had lived it and Jeremy had only been a kid. It amazed me he turned out so well…so kind and gentle and caring. He could’ve easily gone down the wrong path and used what happened to his parents as an excuse, but he hadn’t. He’d become a man I felt so lucky to know. A man who had shown me how to open my heart again, even though it still scared me to let him in. I reached over and took his hand as we talked and I knew his family was a huge reason he was the type of man he was. I felt gratitude for them…especially Aubrey. She’d given up everything for him and she didn’t seem to have any regrets.

“C’mon, Grandma! You too, Uncle Jeremy!” Sophie suddenly exclaimed, taking Noah’s hand and standing up. “Come watch us on the trampoline!”

“Okay,” Peggy relented, easing herself out of the chair. Jeremy stood and helped her.

“If you’ll excuse me. We’ve been summoned,” Jeremy said, leading his grandmother down the stairs.

“You too, Daddy!” Sophie called out and Kevin got up, following them, leaving Aubrey and I alone on the deck.

“Can I refill your tea?” Aubrey asked.

“Please,” I said, and she took the cup, getting us each a fresh glass and she sat down next to me as we gazed into the backyard. Jeremy was lying on the trampoline while Noah and Sophie ran around him as he tried to grab them each time they passed. They were laughing hysterically and Kevin had his arm around Peggy to keep her stable.

“Jeremy is so good with kids,” I said and Aubrey nodded.

“He is. Sophie adores him.”

“So does Noah. He’s been so good with him this summer. It’ll be hard for Noah to say goodbye.”

“I think it’ll be even harder for my brother,” Aubrey said and I could hear concern in her voice. I turned to look at her and she was still watching Jeremy and the kids, but then she looked at me. “He’s grown quite fond of Noah…” she added and paused for a second before continuing. “And you.”

“We’ve had fun this summer,” I said, moving my gaze back to the laughter.

“I don’t mean to pry, Beth,” she began hesitantly.

“But I take it you are anyway?”

“Yes, I am,” she said and we both laughed for a moment. “Is this thing between you two done after tomorrow? I’ve tried asking Jeremy, but he’s giving me nothing.”

“It’s not done between us. We’re just going to see what happens.”

She nodded and it was quiet for a while as we focused back on the kids.

“Jeremy hasn’t had the easiest life,” Aubrey began, drawing my attention back to her. She was looking at him, but then she turned to me.

“I know. He told me about your parents,” I said somberly. “And he told me what you did for him. He thinks the world of you, Aubrey.”

“The feeling is mutual.”

“He’s so lucky to have you.”

“I look at it the other way around. I’m lucky to have him. I wouldn’t have been able to make it through my parents’ deaths if it wasn’t for him. He gave me a reason to go on. I had to make sure he was okay. He became my reason to keep going. Without him, I don’t know what I would’ve done.”

“You did a great job with him,” I said and she smiled, gazing over to him and then back to me.

“He seems happy and that’s all I ever wanted for him. He lost my parents and then he lost baseball. I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time.” She paused for a moment, staring out at her brother before continuing. “When they died, he pulled away from everyone. He thought it was his fault because they were coming home from his game. We all told him he was being ridiculous, but it didn’t help. He was going to believe what he wanted. I didn’t think he’d ever come out of it. Sometimes he’d disappear for hours at a time. I didn’t know where he went and sometimes I was afraid he wouldn’t come back,” she said softly and I nodded, thinking back to his secret beach he’d taken me to, knowing exactly where he’d gone. “He started opening up a little more after the first year, but when he lost baseball, I thought that was going to be it. He loved baseball and when he found out he’d never play competitively again, I didn’t know how he’d take it. He never showed how much it bothered him though. I think that was because he knows what’s really important in life after what happened to my parents. He was never really the same after that though. I’m seeing more of the old Jeremy now and I owe that to you, Beth, no matter what happens with you two in the future. It’s been good to see him smile so much since you moved in next door. I don’t want that to end, but I’m grateful for you whether you and Jeremy keep seeing each other or not.”

“He’s made me just as happy,” I replied softly as my eyes drifted to him, smiling at the sight of him and the kids.

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but…” she began, hesitation in her voice and I turned to look at her again. “I know it’s your last night in town and I was wondering if you might like Noah to sleep over. That way he and Sophie can have one last hoorah and you and Jeremy can be alone…if you’d like.”

I felt my cheeks blush, but I hoped Aubrey hadn’t noticed. I had to admit though, her offer did sound tempting.

“If it’s not too much trouble,” I said and she interrupted.

“It’s no trouble at all.”

“Thank you, Aubrey. That’d be nice,” I said, my eyes drifting back to Jeremy and I suddenly couldn’t wait to get home.