Every One Of Me (6 page)

I couldn't turn around to face him. I was terrified of what
I might see. I knew if I saw his face, I would crumble to a pitiful lovesick
mess right at his feet and I wouldn't have any problem with it. His hand rested
on my shoulder and I had to grip the counter tightly to keep myself upright
after feeling the familiar current run through me and the air in the room
thicken significantly. "Please don't, Charlie," I whispered. "I
can't… do this."

His hand fell from my shoulder and I nearly cried out at the
loss. Without looking at him, I turned and walked out of the kitchen just as
Trevor walked in looking confused and awkward.

"You ready, Charlie?" he said.

I took the stairs two at a time, making my way to Mom's
room. I paused at the top of the stairs and listened to my brother comfort him.
Charlie's voice was quiet, but held the determination he always demonstrated,
"I'm not giving up, Trevor."

The sting of tears threatening my eyes was a major wakeup
call for me and I realized right then that regardless of how logical it was for
me to avoid the emotions he caused, there was no possible way I could avoid
Charlie without suffering any internal damage.

I opened the door to my mother's room and saw her sitting up
in bed with a laptop in front of her. I knew, before she even gave me the
guilty look, that she was searching Google.

"Find anything interesting?" I asked, flashing her
an amused grin.

She pulled off her cute old lady glasses and shrugged,
"A few things, but mostly stuff that makes little sense to an old woman
like me."

I shut the door and climbed onto the bed next to her.
"You're not old, Mom, and I'm no expert, but I might have some information
for you."

She closed the laptop and smiled as I snuggled in close to
her. "Hit me with it."

I proceeded to tell her everything I had explained to
Trevor. She took it a little better than he did and even threw out a few jokes.
By the time I had explained everything to her, answered her questions, and told
her what the plan was, it was lunch time. Trevor had come back from where ever
it was he had gone with Charlie with his arms full of ice cream and cheese
pizza.

"Compliments of Charlie Mackenzie," he said when I
grabbed a slice.

I paused with the slice midway to my open mouth and narrowed
my eyes at my devious brother.

"Don't look at me like that. I was ready to come home.
He was the one who forced me to drive to the store for him. Shoved all this in
my arms and told me to say 'Hi'." He held his arms up in surrender and
backed away from the table. "He would have brought it in himself, but he
wasn't sure how well that would be received seeing as how you have pretty much
built a wall around you."

I scowled at him, but it didn't hold for very long. He was
right.

I looked down at the slice in my hand with a pang of regret,
wondering if maybe… I pulled a chunk of cheese away. When I saw the tiny pieces
of bacon mixed in with the sauce, I about lost it. "He remembered?"

My mother looked at me like I had grown a second head.
"What? What is she talking about, Trevor?"

Trevor smiled at her and shrugged, "Ask Tess."
Then he walked out of the kitchen and out the front door.

"Theresa? What's going on, sweetie?" She sat down
next to me and peeked at the piece of pizza sitting unsteadily between my
shaking fingers like it was a grenade and I had just pulled the pin.

"Bacon in the sauce," was all I could get out. She
looked hilariously confused, but shrugged and pulled a slice out for herself. I
didn't even have to look at the ice cream to know what kind it was. I knew he
wouldn't have forgotten that. I hurried out of the kitchen and was pulling open
the door with the pizza still in my hand and saw Trevor backing down the
driveway with Charlie sitting in the passenger seat looking at me with a bright
smile. Surprising myself, I smiled back and lifted the pizza in my hand with a
thumbs up in the other. He gave me a thumbs up in return and I watched them
drive away.

It was a simple thing to someone who didn't know us well.
The thumbs up was my attempt at
keeping
things simple. I really wanted
to wrap my arms around him and hold on tight.

I headed back into the house with that same smile plastered
on my face and ran into Mom in the door of the kitchen.

"You look happy," she said with a mouthful of
pizza. "Care to share?" She was grinning knowingly, even though she
had no idea what made me so happy. All she knew was that Charlie was the cause
and that made her feel triumphant. She looked so young with that grin on her
face and that flicker in her eyes and I felt a weightlessness that I hadn't had
in a long, long time. It was good to be home.

I plopped down in a chair and took a bite of the delicious
pizza while Mom grabbed a couple spoons and pulled out the chocolate chip
cookie dough ice cream. "When we were younger, I used to always wish that
pizza was made with tiny pieces of bacon mixed in with the sauce. Whenever we
got pizza together, I would ask them to make it special like that, but they
always said no."

Mom looked at the pizza a little closer. "And there is
bacon in the sauce now?"

I nodded, "Charlie convinced the pizza place to do it
for me a few times and I always made such a big deal out of it. I didn't think
he would remember that."

She laughed and scooped out a spoonful of ice cream before
setting the carton down in front of me. "Oh, sweetie. I think you should know
that boy remembers everything about you. You were inseparable and he… that man
adored you. Still does. You were best friends."

I shook my head and scooped my own giant spoonful. "We
were always
just
friends, Mom. Best friends, but just friends."

"And now?" she asked.

I picked up my slice of pizza and thought back to all the
times I thought maybe we could be something more, but never thought he would go
for it. He was always so supportive of me going out with other guys, always
there to listen. He was protective, but didn't seem to be interested in me that
way. Now? A lot of things had changed, but he was still able to make my knees
weak. "I don't think it would be wise to go back to that, Mom. I have too
much baggage and too much to worry about for myself." I looked up and met
her gaze. "I don't want to end up hurting him," I added, "or
being hurt."

She folded her arms across her chest and pursed her lips,
obviously pondering something serious. "Well, dear, I think he has other
plans. Plus, you need a friend."

"I have Benny. Speaking of which, I need to call
her." I took a bite and pulled the crappy cell phone out of my pocket that
Mom had gotten for me before picking me up in Boston.

"Theresa." My mom's voice was firm and I knew by
the way she said my full name, she was about to say something important and I
cringed slightly knowing her words were going to cause some sort of epiphany or
something that would make me see reason. "Just… think about it,
okay?"

She kissed the top of my head and left with the carton of
ice cream in hand. I smiled after her knowing that thinking about it was all I
was going to be doing.

Charlie

I couldn't think about anything but the smile on Tessa's
face as we drove away from her. The rest of the afternoon was spent formulating
ways to see her. Trevor must have slapped the back of my head ten times before
I told everyone that I was done for the day. He was sparring with me for the
day because my coach was out of town and he was extremely annoyed with my lack
of concentration.

Being home didn't help either. I was there five minutes
before I finally grabbed my keys and drove over to the Marshall's, anxious to
see Tess. Sarah answered the door and instead of letting me in, she stepped out
onto the porch and shut the door quietly.

"I need your help with something," she whispered
and looked inside the side window to make sure no one was watching.

"And what would that be?" I asked, bemused and a
little curious about why she was so nervous. She was known to manipulate
certain situations to turn out the way she wanted them. Tess always said that
her mom could predict the future. I knew it was just good planning.

"Tessa needs a little nudge. I have a bunch of old
photo albums with pictures of you both and I think it would be a good idea to
bring them out," she informed me and looked back into the house quickly.

"Okay…? Um, what do you need
me
for?"

She slapped my shoulder, harder than she usually did, and
narrowed her eyes at me. "Ow, jeez!" I rubbed my shoulder to get rid
of the sting. "That actually hurt, Sarah. Have you been working out?"

She started laughing, but caught herself and slapped her
hand over her mouth to silence it. "You stop that, Charlie Mackenzie. I
need you to come by while she is looking at them. I think it would be good for
her to see the two of you together… the way you were. Maybe it will help put
some things into perspective." She wrung her hands together and looked at
me pleadingly. "I wouldn't do it if I thought it would hurt in the
slightest."

"I see." I rubbed my chin thoughtfully and let her
squirm for a few seconds. When she realized what I was doing, she made a move
to slap my arm again. "Okay, okay," I chuckled and put my hands up in
surrender. "I'll be there. I promise. I don't know that it will change
anything, but I'll be there."

"Good. I'll let you know when. Now, you can come
inside." She turned swiftly and hurried through the front door, leaving me
to follow in her wake. I planned on taking things a little slower with Tess.
Let her get used to the idea of having me around her again, but my patience
wasn't very saintly and now that I was thinking of what we used to be to each
other, all the memories we had together, I was wearing a little thin.

"Charlie?"

I turned when I heard her sweet voice coming from the top of
the stairs and took a breath. She was… God, I missed her. "Hi, Tess,"
I said breathlessly before clearing my throat and giving my voice a little more
power. "I, uh, I was hoping I could get a minute with you… to talk."

She blinked several times before responding. "Oh. Um, I
was just about to head out, but I guess I can sit for a minute." She
looked nervous, tired, and like she had the weight of the world on her
shoulders even though she did everything she could to hide it. She started down
the stairs, arms folded over her stomach like she was holding herself together
and I almost dropped to my knees in front of her and begged her to let me take
some of the worry, some of that burden.

"What? Where were you going?" Sarah interjected.

"Nowhere in particular," she muttered and rolled
her eyes. "Just out." Probably anywhere that was far away from where
I was.

Sarah looked like she wanted to say something about that,
but I spoke before she could, "Would you mind if I took you somewhere? Or
tagged along?"

Her eyes widened and the few seconds it took her to respond
felt like a lifetime. Her answer surprised me, but I wasn't about to complain.
"Um, I guess. I haven't driven in forever, so it might be better if I just
went with you anyway." Her submission was reluctant, almost as if she had
been defeated in a battle of wills without the actual battle. The hurt I felt
at her reluctance quickly dissipated.

I tried not to let my smile take over my entire face, but I
was struggling. It was hard not to feel like this was Christmas when I was 10
and she had just given me the newest bike out on the market. "Great!"
I had to clear my throat after my voice squeaked like a 15 year old boy.
"Let's go then."

Sarah waved excitedly when I opened the door for Tess and I
shook my head at her to let her know she was over doing it. She didn't really
seem to care, she looked like she was about to break out in a dance, rocking
side to side excitedly. That woman was something else and I loved her for it,
but sometimes she didn't know how to tone it down.

Tess climbed in the car before I could really get to the
passenger door and open it for her. She smirked when I grunted in frustration,
but I just gave her my best smile and winked. That always seemed to do the
trick when we were in high school. Things hadn't seemed to change in that
aspect. Her breath hitched and confirmed that she was still very much attracted
to me.

I drove the short distance to the dock where we had always
gone for peace and quiet. It was almost sunset and the view would be perfect. I
almost decided to head somewhere a little less romantic, but changed my mind
when she continued to look out the window without saying a word to me. I would
need all the help I could get.

We parked in the empty lot and I turned off the ignition.
She was out of the car and walking before I could open my door. She wouldn't
make it easy, but I never expected her to. She hadn't known my feelings for
her, but she never made it easy to come out and tell her either.

I followed her to the end of the dock and watched her look
out at the water with a lost and empty expression. When I stepped next to her,
she ran a hand through all that long dark hair and closed her eyes with a deep
breath.

"Thanks for the pizza and ice cream. You didn't have to
do that," she said without looking at me.

"Yes I did," I replied.

She looked down at her feet then sat down and let her legs
hang off the edge. I plopped down next to her, but kept several inches between
us. Inches that felt like miles to me. The wooden planks creaked and tilted as
we sat in silence and looked out over the glistening water. I was surprised
there weren't imprints of our asses in the exact spots we were sitting. We had
done this countless times before and tonight, it felt as if no time had passed
since the last. The sound of the water lapping against the dock always put us
in a trance. She had her eyes closed, listening, and I took the opportunity to
study her face that was even more beautiful than before. She wasn't the 18 year
old girl I was so infatuated with. She was a woman now.