Every Shattered Thing (Come Alive) (6 page)

Chapter Five

I wake in the middle of the night to a short tap on my window. Pictures of Tyler waiting with a gun tumble through my brain and I hold my breath until I realize he wouldn’t have enough patience or intelligence to try to get us through a piece of glass. He’s the sort that would try to pick the lock with a paper clip before realizing the door has been unlocked the whole time. I grab my robe and tie it tightly around me to counter the cold floor and lack of heat in my room and peak through the make-shift curtains.

Kevin’s face stares back at me, smiling.

What the hell?

I run to the front of the house and out the door, forgetting about my lack of clothing or make-up.

“Kevin?! Wha...why are you...is everything okay? What’s going on? It’s the middle of the night...” I stop mid sentence when I notice him laughing.

“Everything’s fine, Steph. I just wanted to take you somewhere.” He shuffles his feet and I can’t tell whether he’s cold or nervous. When he sees my look of incredulity he shrugs, “I can’t tell you where we are going.” he says, “It’s a surprise.”

I’m not sure what to think. It’s in the middle of the night and it’s cold and the last thing I want or need is a rendezvous with Kevin going sour. I hold myself against the cold air. “Kevin...” I hesitate, “this is crazy. I have my brother with me tonight and if he wakes up and I’m not there he’s going to freak and...”

He interrupts me by placing a finger on my mouth and slowly moving a stray hair behind my ear.

I try to ignore the butterflies crashing around inside my chest. “Trust me, Stephanie. You want to see this.” He holds out his hand, “You coming?” His voice is so appealing I would have agreed to take a space shuttle to Mars had it been a different situation. I nod.

“Let me just go put on some warmer clothes and I’ll be right back.”

“Perfect!” Kevin whispers and fist pumps the air. “It’s like we’re on an adventure” he says as he leans close enough to my face I can feel his breath against my cheek. I go weak in the knees for a split second and force myself to stay in the moment.

Pulling back from him so I don’t forget to change, I motion for him to be quiet and run into my bedroom. I shuffle through my drawers and settle on jeans and a hoodie under my heavy jacket. Grabbing gloves and a hat, I quietly rush outside. I briefly notice my dad’s truck isn’t there and frown.

Where can he be this late?
Knowing I don’t really want to know the answer to the question, I focus on other thoughts and walk over to where Kevin is standing in the middle of our lawn, watching a stray cat make its bed on the hood of a nearby car.

“This better be good, Matouse.” He turns and looks at me in surprise. I used his last name, a handle used often by people at the high school but never by me in our conversations. “I mean it! You’re encroaching on quality sleeping time for me.” I glare to show him how serious I am, “What time is it anyway?”

“Just past 1:30, which means we should probably hurry.”

“Oh really? We should hurry?” I say as we start walking down the street. “Why? It’s not like we have anywhere to be or we are breaking curfew or it’s below freezing out here...I mean, this is completely normal. Two teenagers, walking down the street in the middle of the night, with only one truly knowing where they’re going.” I give him a grin despite my sarcasm and nudge him with my shoulder, “Right?”

Kevin snorts and I stop short and jump on his back. Laughing, he takes off in a sprint as I fight back the shrieks of glee and absolute . . . life. For that moment, I feel completely alive and I can’t even catch my breath to take in the beauty of it. I remember one of my favorite books and how the main character mentions feeling infinite—and for the first time, I finally understand what that truly means. I bury my head in Kevin’s neck and enjoy the ride.

***

“So, where is this mysterious place you are taking me?” I look at Kevin and smile. He looks like a kid at Christmas—anxious and eager to give a big gift. Our impromptu piggy back lasted for a little over a block until he finally put me down. So now we are walking, hand in hand, down the street, dodging cop cars on patrol. It wouldn’t be in our best interest to be caught past curfew.

He looks at me out of the corner of his eye and laughs. “You’re persistent, aren’t you? Just be patient. We’ll get there soon enough” We leave neighborhoods and into a more secluded area of town. He stops and looks around, a shadow of sudden recognition crossing his face. “Oh! We’re here!”

I stop for a moment and look around, and all I see are weeds. We’ve ended up in one of the nearby fields. Totally neglected, the grass has gotten pretty high. I follow Kevin into a clearing where the grass is slightly shorter. Tall grass or short grass, it doesn’t matter to me: I’m not what you’d consider

“outdoorsy.” I can’t help but cringe at the thought of the creepy crawlies inhabiting this area and try not to think about the time Pacey brought home a snake he killed in this very field.

Kevin’s staring at me.

“What? I can feel your eyes burning a hole in my head.” I meet his gaze but immediately look away because of the intensity in his stare. I’m still getting use to looking people in the eyes and seeing trust instead of hate, or something more sinister. Kevin pulls me closer to him and holds me against the cold.

“Are you going to talk about what happened tonight at your house?”

I look at him, my eyes narrowed, “How'd you know something happened?”

“Steph. I live around the corner. I heard the sirens.” he glances at me, “I walked over to see if everything was alright. After last night, I was worried.” He puts his hand up when I open my mouth quieting my protests, “I stayed behind the crowd. And when people started leaving, I took a spot around the corner. I didn’t want to miss it if something happened after everyone left.” He gently touches my chin,

“So...what happened?”

I scratch my nose and play with the tips of my hair, something I do when avoiding a question or distracting myself from what was going on around me. It doesn’t work this time, though. Kevin’s question wasn’t meant to be ignored. He won’t settle for anything less than a real answer. I frown and pull a hair out in spite and then turn to look at him, waiting.

“Tyler showed up tonight with a gun. He, uh...he wanted to shoot dad.”

Kevin looks at me in shock and shakes his head. “You’ve got to be kidding." He watches my reaction, waiting for the punchline. Realizing I am serious, he rubs his face and then stares at me. “What happened?” His voice is barely audible, almost hesitant.

I snort and shrug my shoulders, “Who ever knows with my family? Pills have a funny way of making you behave differently than you were meant to and everyone I know has some type of addiction except for you, my brother and Emma.” I shudder, “It was terrifying. Pacey was freaking out and the police took forever to get there and my mom was eerily silent and hiding—as usual.” I start fidgeting with my hands. Sighing, I look him in the eyes. “It's hard to ignore what becomes so normal in life, you know?”

Kevin closes his eyes for a split second and then traces my cheek with his fingertips. I shiver.

“Steph, you know this isn’t okay, right? You know parents aren’t supposed to act like this; there has to be a way out. I just...I don’t understand why you insist on staying.”

I laugh. “A way out? Kevin, my life isn’t a Disney movie or Friday night sitcom. It’s just something I have to accept. It doesn’t mean I’m okay with it, it just means I was dealt a crappy hand of cards and it’s what I have to work with—nothing more, nothing less.” I smile to reassure him —although the smile doesn’t really reach my eyes.

“You keep saying you were dealt this crappy hand of cards—and I get it—we aren’t able to choose where we are born or who our parents are.” Kevin looks at me and places his hands on my shoulders and lightly lifts my chin so I will look up at him, “But. Even though our cards may not be the best in the deck, we still have the ability to make the most of the situation. To change our surroundings.

Stephanie, don’t let your family poison you. You’re too pure.”

His words hang on the air. I know he’s waiting for me to respond. But, how do I respond to something so naive? Pure? I fight a wave of laughter threatening to ruin the moment. I realize then just how little Kevin knows about me, and I’m afraid now. What will happen when he finds out the truth?

What will happen when he finally understands just how
fucked up
I am? I wait a little while before speaking, hoping my voice won’t give away how much I’m shaking.

“I think it’s easier for you to talk about changing your hand when you were dealt with easier cards to begin with—it doesn’t make you wrong or insensitive.” I grab his hand and wipe a stray eyelash off his cheek. “It just means we come from different worlds. And different worlds have different rules.

Sometimes, those rules are broken. Most of the time, they aren’t and you remain stuck.”

I drop his hand and stretch my shoulders. “Don’t get me wrong, Kevin. I want out of my house.

I’m counting the days until I can ride off into the sunset and never look back. I want to make something of myself —I refuse to fail. But. For now? I can’t leave. It’s just something I’ve got to survive.”

He looks at me and wants to protest, I can see it in his eyes. I lean forward before he can start talking and kiss him. “Kevin. You’re one of the only people I know who truly cares about me.” I still see the questions in his eyes and I ignore them; I change the subject. “So. Why are we out here again? I see, um...a field and some grass and I’m pretty sure a spider just crawled up my leg but I don’t really wanna look.”

He hangs on to my gaze for a few seconds, probably to make sure I really want to drop the discussion about my family. I know he still has questions, but right now I want to forget about myself for awhile. He sighs and wraps his arms around me.

“You’re looking in the wrong place, Steph.” He motions for me to look up, pointing to the pitch black sky.

“Um. It’s black. That’s usually what happens at night.”

He laughs at my confusion and just says, “Wait.”

And then it happens. A sudden shower of shooting stars —brilliant and streaking across the sky. I gasp and cover my mouth as the beauty of the night sky unleashes its power.

“Kevin, how on earth did you know this was going to happen?” My words are hushed and

awestruck—I’ve never seen anything like this. I’ve never had the opportunity to look at the stars because normally when I’m out late, it’s because I’m running from someone.

He pokes me in the side. “I pay attention in science.”

I glare at him and sit down in the grass, the icy blades poking through my jeans. I grimace and shift around before deciding to lay straight on my back so I’m facing the meteor shower. It looks like tiny pieces of glass tearing themselves against a black velvet tapestry.

“It’s beautiful," I whisper.

He sits down beside me and rests his hand on mine.

“I figured you might like it,” Kevin says. “It seemed to be something you would understand—

complete beauty found in the darkest of places.”

I turn and look at him, the blades of grass poking my cheek. I squeeze his hand. “What do you mean? Why would I understand this more than anyone else? You can’t deny the beauty here...it’s—

stunning.”

Kevin meets my gaze. “Yes. It is. But you were about to completely dismiss it. What did you see when I first brought you here?”

“A field with snakes and spiders,” I answer, suddenly feeling a little itchy around my ankles. I push the thought out of my head, keeping my eyes on Kevin’s face. I can tell he is thinking about something. Something he has been mulling over in his head for quite awhile. He seems confident. Sure.

I wish I could take some of that confidence and bottle it up to use with my family.

Kevin laughs. “Yeah. A field with spiders,” he says. “But if your face would have been stuck in the grass, you would have missed the show.” His gaze turns electric as he places his hand on my cheek.

“It’s just like you, Steph. There’s a lot of dark places inside. Places you don’t want anyone to see or know about. Places where you hide your insecurities and used razors and the bruises you don’t deserve. But you’re beautiful. You’re the most beautiful person I have ever met—inside and out—and I think if you let yourself look inside, you’d find some beautiful places you never thought were there.”

“Kevin...”

“Steph, don’t try and explain this away. Don’t try and tell me I don’t know where you come from

—because I do. Don’t try and tell me I don’t know what I’m getting myself into—because I’m already in too deep. Just promise me you’ll stay with me.”

I bite my lip. No one ever makes commitments with Stephanie Tiller. No one ever pays this much attention to her.

And here I am, face to face with a boy I could very much fall in love with, and he’s asking
me
to promise
him
I will stay with him. I nod. It’s the only response I can give him because words aren’t coming to me. He smiles and moves his hands and before I know it his lips are on mine and my heart is pounding and his tongue is moving and my breath is gone. Just gone. I reach out and grab the tussle of hair on his neck and pull him closer. He groans and positions himself where our legs are tangled and his hands are in better reaching position. He brushes his fingertips on my arms, my neck, the curve of my elbow, my lower back. His kisses follow his hands and this is all so familiar but
different.
My body feels on fire and I’m wanting it all but wanting it slow because I’m thinking about nothing other than his lips and hands and the feel of him against me. When it’s over I’m shivering in all of the right places and I feel our promise hanging in the air for a brief second before it floats up and away, joining the millions of stars shooting across the sky in a celebration of love and promise and hope.

“You know what this reminds me of?” I whisper, still unsure of whether or not I want to break the silence.