Everything I Shouldn't / Everything I Need (22 page)

She sits next to me, turning to face me, her eyes full of concern. "Spill."

"Spill what? I don't have anything to
spill
." I have an idea what she's talking about, and what it is she wants to know.

Liv just stares at me; like she
knows
I have secrets I'm keeping from her. I haven't told anyone, not even her, about what's going on with Jeremy and me. If I'm not going to tell David, I'm not telling her either. I love Livvie, but she'd either blab to everyone she comes across because the girl sucks at keeping a secret, or she'd gripe at me about how it's not right to keep this a secret from David. I get enough of the last from Jeremy; I don't need it from my best friend too. I just stare back at her, trying to keep my face blank, because if she doesn't know for sure I'm keeping something from her, she'll eventually let this go. She finally looks away before asking, "You're really not going to tell me?" The sadness in her voice kills me and I almost tell her just so I don't have to hear the hurt in her voice. But, I don't, I can't tell anyone until we finally tell my brother...if we ever do tell him.

"There's nothing to tell Livvie. Even if there was, it's not like you're telling me everything. What is the deal with you and Emmett? You're always fighting, breaking up and getting back together. Isn't that exhausting?" Way to go SarahBeth - cause more problems between your friend and her boyfriend just to avoid being called out on your own shit. I'm such an awful friend.

Livvie starts to answer when we hear a throat clear and a female voice says, "Um, hey." We didn't even notice the door to Emmett's room open but the girl Wyatt's been chasing is standing there, looking about as uncomfortable as I feel.

"Hey..." Livvie draws the word out questioningly, "Can we help you?" I can tell by her tone that we are both wondering the same thing. How much of our conversation did she hear?

Peyton looks apologetic, an emotion I would have never thought I'd see in her based on the few times I've seen her. She's always been kinda bitchy and unfriendly. I have no idea what Wyatt sees in her. "Uh, yeah, sorry. I'm just trying to find Kat. Have you guys seen her or Scarlett?"

Neither of us answers right away. I'm still studying Peyton; trying to figure out what it is about her that Wyatt is so interested in. When I realize that I sound like a jealous girlfriend, I force myself to think about what she said. Shaking my head, I tell her, "I haven't seen them for awhile, but the last time I saw them, they were heading out the front door with Max." I smile at her apologetically, because I saw them leaving just as we were coming in, so if they aren't back, they've been gone for a while.

"They left? Great. Well...thanks. I'll leave y'all alone now." She darts out of the room like she's terrified to be alone with us, and when the door shuts; Livvie and I just look at each other before falling back on the bed laughing.

"O. M. G. SB! Did you see her face? It was like she thought you were going to ask what her intentions were with Wy!" Livvie's holding her hands against her stomach trying to hold the laughter in, but it doesn't work. She's laughing so hard soon that tears are falling down into her dark hair.

I cover my eyes with my hand, my whole body shaking. "Oh man, he really needs to explain to her that we are
just
friends. That girl kinda scares me!" I make a mental note to text Wyatt later and let him know that he probably should explain our relationship just as Livvie sits back up. She stands, grabbing my hands and pulling me up with her.

"Come on girlie, let's go back out and dance!" She pulls me out of Emmett's room and into the group of people where she starts dancing to the fast song that's playing. I don't see Wyatt or Peyton anywhere, and after dancing with Livvie, and caving to her
just have one drink
request - which was stupid because I don't think she drank hers at all and I think she was just trying to see if alcohol would make me spill my guts - and dancing some more, I'm ready to go home. I would rather spend the rest of the night with Jeremy, especially since the text I got from my brother this afternoon said he was spending the night at Lyric's and wouldn't be back until late tomorrow night.

I'm so caught up in thoughts of spending the night with Jeremy that I barely notice the fight between Wyatt and Clay. I feel like a jerk for not checking on him, but he went straight into his room when Clay walked away and I was afraid it would cause more problems with Peyton if I went running after him.

Whatever went on has Emmett pissed too, because without saying a word he grabs Livvie and pulls her into his room - probably not for a chat. That leaves me standing alone in the living room, and I take the chance to send Jeremy a text asking him to come pick me up. After he tells me he's on his way, I head for the bathroom to check my makeup and make sure I look okay. I don't want Jeremy seeing me looking like a raccoon after the laughing session earlier and all the dancing. I'm sure my makeup is melting off my face.

The text saying he's here comes about thirty minutes later and Livvie
still
hasn't come out of Emmett's room so I type out a quick message letting her know that Jeremy picked me up as I head down the stairs to his waiting car.

"Hey Little Bit," he says when I shut the door, leaning over to brush a kiss across my cheek. After my whispered, "Hi," he heads back to the house. "Why didn't Olivia bring you home?"

I sigh, "Because she was in Emmett's room and there was
no
way I was going in after her." I shudder at the thought of seeing my friend and her boyfriend doing the deed.

"You're adorable," Jeremy says with a laugh, picking up my hand and twining our fingers together. "Have you eaten? Or should I stop and get you something?"

I shake my head, "No, I'm good. Just ready to go home." Even if I
were
hungry, I wouldn't tell him. The closer we get to the house, the more nervous I become. I'm ready to move things forward, but I'm so freaking inexperienced that I have no idea how to make it happen.

The rest of the ride, I stare out the window, chewing on my thumbnail in thought and trying to figure out how to bring up what I want. I have no clue how to be sexy and just undressing in front of him seems a little too slutty to me...at least for our first time. I don't know why I'm so afraid, it's not like this hasn't been coming for a while.

Over the past month, we've made out countless times, and I've dry humped Jeremy to more orgasms than I want to think about. He's been extremely patient, in fact, he's been too patient in some ways, always stopping before we get to the point where clothes are going to either come off or be pulled to the side the way they are in books. Anytime I've made a move towards the button on his jeans, he always intercepts me, kissing me witless or rubbing me outside my panties until I'm mindless with pleasure. Tonight, I want to take it further, I want to give him
me.

Unfortunately, Jeremy doesn't seem to have the same idea because when we get home, he says he's going to bed and sends me upstairs to do the same. When I shut my door, I go over the ride home in my head, wondering what the hell just happened. Then I realize that I pretty much checked out on the way here. I didn't talk to him, I didn't acknowledge anything he might have said to me, I was too caught up in my own thoughts about what I
wanted
to do with him that I ignored him.

Resolving myself for what I have to do, I hurry over to my dresser and pull out the single pair of kinda sexy pajamas I have - a pale pink satin camisole that has three buttons down the front that hold it together and a pair of matching bottoms that are short even on me, barely covering the essential bits. I change quickly, avoiding the mirror because if I see myself like this, I'm sure to lose my nerve. I run downstairs and knock on Jeremy's bedroom door before I can have any second thoughts.

Jeremy

T
here's a knock on my door that can't be anyone but SarahBeth since we're the only two in the house and I hesitate before answering it. Earlier this afternoon, things were fine, but after I picked her up from the party, she was quiet. She didn't really talk to me on the ride home and it made me concerned that I'm pushing her too far, too fast.

When I finally do open the door, I stand there in shock. SarahBeth's just outside the door, her hands clasped in front of her and her head down. She's wearing a tiny little pair of pink pajamas, pajamas that make me want to do nothing but rip them off her. I have to clear my throat and attempt to calm down before I can say anything to her.

"Hey. I thought you were going to bed?"

She shakes her head. "No, I'm not ready for sleep yet." She looks up at me, and the only thing I can think is that she looks fucking beautiful standing here in front of me. Her cheeks are flushed with embarrassment and what seem to be nerves, and she's twisting her fingers as she speaks. "I'm sorry. I know I kind of ignored you on the way home, but I didn't mean to." Her eyes are watery, full of unshed tears and I can't be upset with her.

"C'mere Little Bit," I mutter, crushing her to my chest and holding her close.

Her tiny fists are trapped between us and I know she'd be gripping my shirt if I was wearing one, but I wasn't lying when I said I was going to bed. "Can I stay in here with you?" she asks, her voice muffled against me.

I stiffen, because if she stays in here, with me, wearing
that
, there's no way she's leaving here in the morning without having been well and truly fucked. I only have so much control. With the way her voice shook from asking me, there's also no way I can tell her no, so I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to think of anything but the feel of her warm skin under my hands and against my chest. It's a losing battle, because it's fucking SarahBeth. Pulling away from her, I look down and see that her eyes are clear and she's staring up at me steadily. I know she wasn't drunk when I picked her up, she wasn't even tipsy, so it's not alcohol making this decision for her. I nod, taking her hand and leading her over to my bed, gesturing for her to pick a side.

SarahBeth gets into my bed, sliding her toned legs under the covers and laying almost dead in the middle of my bed. Groaning inwardly, I slip in beside her wearing nothing but a pair of sleep pants, praying that the feel of her body next to me doesn't drive me fucking crazy by morning. I've got to keep it together because I don't know that she's really
ready
for that particular step. It's the reason I've never touched her bare skin or let her touch mine. I know that when we cross that boundary, all bets are off.

As soon as I lay down beside her, she moves closer, wrapping an arm around my waist and laying her head on my shoulder. I can feel her breath on my neck when she speaks, "Jeremy?"

"Mmhmm," I murmur, closing my eyes and trying to will away the erection that will be against her leg any minute. She doesn't say anything, but I can feel her move against me, prompting me to open them back up to find her kneeling next to me on the bed, looking down at me with her brow wrinkled in confusion. "What is it Sarah?"

She leans over to brush her mouth against mine and I go rigid. What the fuck is she doing right now? Putting her hands on my chest, she leans into me further and I put the arm that was underneath her around her waist to pull her closer to me. It's almost a reflex because I can't have her be this close to me and
not
touch her somehow. In this position, the back of her tank top has ridden up and my fingers are touching bare skin. I trace circles along her exposed skin as she deepens our kiss. This kiss is different than the ones we normally have. Instead of the normal consuming, can't get enough of each other kisses, this one is slow and seems to say everything we haven't said out loud.