Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?... (13 page)

Kissing Luca back with everything I had, I knew I needed to fight this thing with Alfie. I couldn’t afford to be weak about it, not after everyt
hing.

Luca led me off the floor and back to the table. Zoe stood up as Elle came over to me. She smiled at Elle, but Elle’s eyes flicked from me to Zoe, and I could sense something wa
s up.

“Hi, I’m Zoe. Alfie’s girlfriend. You’re Elle’s friend from London right?” I struggled for what to say back. What could I say
, Alfie was mine first? Was he ever really
mine?

I forced a smile. “Yeah, Elle’s friend from London,” I muttered back but wanted to say I was much more than that. She seemed like a nice person, and I was fed up about that, because I had wanted her to be a bitch. Then I could have hated her without tr
ying.

Zoe chatted easily, and it became clear she had no idea that Alfie and I had a past and boy could the girl talk. “So, you’re in a band too. I saw Alfie talking to you at the party. That must be exciting for you. I didn’t see you play at your launch night. Alfie had me come direct to the after-party. I guess he was doing stuff with the management, and he didn’t want me to get b
ored.”

I wondered if that was the real reason he left her behind. Was it in the event he might run int
o me?

Elle briefly excused herself and came back with Drew. I could see that he was hesitant about Zoe and me being at the same table as well. Jack came running over t
o us.

“Elle, dance with me. I’ve missed you, honey.” Elle giggled, and Drew threw his eyes in the air. “Don’t move, Lily. I know how jealous you get, but be patient. I’ll be back to wriggle myself against your hot little body after this song.” Jack smi
rked.

“Promise?” I pouted, and he gave me a chaste kiss on my lips. I swore I heard Alfie g
rowl.

“Trust me honey, you’re the one. These other women…I’m just sharpening my skills to give you the best o
f me.”

Jack winked and grabbed Elle by the arm, dragging her in the direction of the dance f
loor.

Zoe bunched her brows. “You’re with him? I’m confused. I thought you were with the hot Italian guy.” Alfie smirked and put his bottle
down.

“Yeah, it’s all too easy to get confused about her, honey. She’s with everyone.” Luca scowled and stood up, and I threw my hand up to stop
him.

“What’s that supposed to
mean?”

Alfie shrugged. “I don’t know, you tell me. I can’t keep up, and I’ve known you a while. I can see how she’s confused.” Alfie’s jaw ticked, he was barely containing himself. Pushing himself to stand, walked away in the direction of the
bar.

Zoe’s head spun in Alfie’s direction then back at me. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what’s got up his ass, let me go talk to him. He could at least apologize for his beha
vior.”

Drew put his hand on Zoe’s arm. “Leave him. Let him come out of his own funk. It’s not the first time he and Lily have cla
shed.”

Drew’s eyes were full of sympathy at me having to deal with Alfie and his girl, when I had been trying to be the bigger person in all of this. Zoe looked at me puz
zled.

“I guess I didn’t realize you knew Alfie too, apart from the party, but I thought you were Elle’s friend. I guess Elle’s been around a while, so it makes sense you’d have met all the guys in the band at some p
oint.”

For the first time I felt sorry for Zoe. She really had no idea why Alfie was behaving so irrationally towar
d me.

Chapter 13
– Telling the truth

I
tried to smile at Zoe, mainly because I felt sorry for her. She seemed to be embarrassed about Alfie’s behavior. I might have even liked this girl under different circumsta
nces.

“Seriously, don’t worry about it. I’ll go talk to him, and we’ll sort it out between us. I’m not going to ruin everyone’s n
ight.”

Luca gave me a smile and a nod, so I went off to find Alfie and divert another crisis betwee
n us.

Lennon grabbed my arm. “Think about what you’re doing right
now.”

Frowning, I shifted onto one leg. “What the hell does that mean?” Lennon pulled me toward
him.

“You’re going after him, when the guy you’re trying to have a relationship with sits and watches? How long do you think Luca’s going to hang around when he realizes, no matter what he does, he’s going to come out a poor se
cond?”

I knew Lennon was right with what he was saying, but I wasn’t going to admit that to him. “So, what? I just accept him talking to me like I’m some piece of community ass? Free for anyone who wants me? That’s how he just described me to his fucking girlfr
iend.”

Lennon’s solid look told me he was worried. “No Lily, he wanted to get a rise out of you, and guess what? It worked. Think about it. He walks away while you take off after him. Mission accompli
shed.”

I could appreciate that Lennon was trying to stop Alfie from drawing me into a situation where he could gain the upper hand with me a
gain.

However, my temper didn’t want to leave things as they were. “Thanks for the analysis Lennon, but I’m not letting this one slide. If we don’t sort it out tonight, then Elle’s going to have to find another maid of honor, because I’m definitely not going to see her big day ru
ined.”

Alfie was sitting at a table on the far end of the bar surrounded by fans. He was taking tequila shots with
them.

I tapped his shoulder, and he glanced over it. His widened when he realized it was me. “Sorry guys I need to spend time with my girl
here.”

His arm went around my waist, and he pulled me close to him, as he led me away from the t
able.

“Don’t, Alfie, for goodness’ sake get a grip.” He glanced down at where his arm was and pulled me tig
hter.

Feeling his breath hiss in my ear, his low voice sent vibrations through me. “Is this tight enough now for you,
Lily?”

I pushed him back, but his lips skimmed the length of my neck before I could free myself, sending a shiver through my whole
body.

“So you’re going to treat me like a whore now?” Alfie dropped his hands immediately, and his palms were chest height stretched out in front of
him.

“Jesus, Lily, you know me better than
that.”

I scowled and exhaled heavily. “Do I? That’s
exactly
how you just treated me back there.” I pointed in the direction of the group. “You know Alfie, poor Elle and Drew want nothing more than a drama-free wedding. I was willing to put the issues with us to the side, but you couldn’t think about anyone but your
self.”

Alfie stared intensely at me, running his hand through his hair. “No Lily, it’s not because I’m thinking about myself. It’s when I’m thinking of you. Don’t you know you fucking destroy me? Do you realize what it feels like to see some guy with his tongue down your throat, but more than that, when you’re responding to it? I fucking remember how we both felt when we did that toge
ther.”

He swallowed hard and put his hand on my arm and stroked it. I turned preparing to leave and looked over my shoulder. “What the hell are you doing? Your girl is sitting thirty feet away A
lfie.”

He exhaled and his eyes flicked over in the direction of her again. “You know what Lily? Zoe is a great girl, I really like her. I do.” I was about to say I felt the same about Luca, but he wasn’t finished what he wanted to say. “She’s not you though. It’s always going to be you. You fucking own me. I love you more than life itself. Forever, Lily,” he whisp
ered.

I closed my eyes feeling my tears surfacing again. “Stop it, A
lfie.”

He grabbed my wrist, and his eyes were dark with anger. “Stop what, Lily? The feelings I have for the only woman I’ll ever love? Stop loving the one person that could complete me? Tell me how the fuck I do that? Seeing you with that guy is killing me. When he lays his hands on you, I want to beat the shit out of him. You have no idea how fucking hurt it makes me feel. I’m dying a little inside each time he touches
you.”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I spoke softly to him. “Don’t Alfie. Stop telling me. I can’t change things about us.” The look in Alfie’s eyes was one of infinite sadness. My heart sank. I hated seeing him like
this.

“Please meet me. Please talk to me. I need to see you without all this shit.” His hand pointed at the dancing and crowds of people. “And, especially without all of them over there.” He wagged his finger at our friends. My heart was breaking at just how much our situation was affecting him, affecting us; it just felt like an impossible situa
tion.

I couldn’t break my resolve now. Not when I had come this far. If I saw him alone, I’d cave in again, and I’d end up living a life that in the long run would only create bitterness for the both of us. I’ve spent the past eighteen months telling myself I’ve made the right ch
oice.

“Alfie…no. I’m with Luca. You’re with Zoe. My relationship with him is going great. He makes me h
appy.”

He smirked but sounded aggravated. “He makes you happy; does his touch do what mine does for
you?”

“Don’t do this,” I pleaded, his desolate look, making me want to wrap my arms around him and tell him I would do anything he wa
nted.

“Answer me.” His eyes stared intensely into mine. I swallowed hard, knowing what I was about to do would hurt him. “Yes, Alfie. Yes it does,” I lied. “What we had was great, but it has to be over. Luca’s my future
now.”

The pain I felt saying that was excruciating. The last thing I wanted to do was to kick Alfie when he was so low. The alternative, though, would be suffocating fo
r me.

Alfie’s eyes closed, and he slumped onto an empty seat by the bar. “It’s really over, Lily? There’s no way around this?” His eyes were frantically searching my face for the smallest encourage
ment.

I shook my head, but I was screaming inside, because I was letting him go. I tried to stay strong. “Let me go, Alfie.” Alfie shrugged, looking defeated and began shaking his head. His eyes flew to mine and connected in the same intense way they always
did.

“I’m sorry, Lily. For everything. I’ll never be done being sorry for how we started out, how it shaped us, and our whole relation
ship.”

Taking him by the hand, I fought myself to ignore the chain reaction of goose-bumps our skin connecting gave me. My body betrayed me with the enormity of what I was about to say, and a tear rolled down my face. I dropped his hand. “We need to start living. Without each other, Alfie. I mean…really start li
ving.”

Alfie grabbed my hand again and squeezed it tightly. My insides fizzed from his touch making my body hum. His hand was trembling. I hid my reaction well; Alfie less well. He stared down at where we were connected, and his eyes shut t
ight.

I began moving toward our friends before he could talk me out of it anymore, and my hand slipped from his as he loosened his grip. Luca stood up and came walking toward me smiling, which became a grin, and he opened his arms. “Bellissimo.” I stepped into his arms, and he cradled me in
them.

“You came back,” he whispered huskily, kissing the top of my head and drawing a circle with his fingers on my
back.

“You didn’t think I would?” Luca looked intently at me, his face showing just a hint of st
rain.

“I would never presume anything with you, Lily. That would be a big mistake I think.” Luca had taken the time to figure me out, and his assessment was just right in relation to my feelings with A
lfie.

Alfie and I stayed apart the rest of the evening, stealing glances at each other, and it was hard to try to have fun with all the hurt hanging in the air betwee
n us.

He barely touched Zoe all evening. The poor girl tried so hard to keep him interested, but he waved her off several times. Des stepped in to pick up the pieces by dancing with her and ensuring she had dr
inks.

Jack even asked her to dance. I think he thought, in some small way, it would make me feel better about how Alfie was treating her. And it did. Jack always read me just r
ight.

Holly and I headed to the restroom. I didn’t want to go alone, because Alfie might follow me. Everyone seemed determined to keep him from getting near me for the rest of the n
ight.

Rosie followed us in. “Can I talk to you for a minute, Lily.” I glanced at Holly, and she shrugged. “I’ll be outside the door, don’t be long.” She drawled eyeing Rosie up and
down.

Rosie wrung her hands. “I know you’re not interested in Jack now, Lily. I can’t say I understand you guys, but I realize that there isn’t anything sexual between you and
Jack.”

I smiled warmly. “I thought we’d dealt with this last time you were here, R
osie?”

She rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around her waist. She shook her head. “You might have, but I definitely didn’t. But seeing you tonight? The way you look at Alfie, you’re so deeply in love with him. The way you look at Jack is different, it’s love, but a different look altogether. Plus, I heard Alfie telling Drew you’re full of bullshit, and he can feel how much you still love him.” She smi
rked.

My jaw hung at what Rosie was saying. Was I really that transparent? I thought I’d been doing well in masking my feelings for Alfie. My plan to put us all in the same room had failed miserably. What in the hell was I thin
king?

I opened the door, and Holly’s hair swished in front of me as she turned to stare at me. “Alright?” she drawled. I gave her a worried look, and she reached out and touched my
arm.

“I need to get out of here. Tell Luca to come and meet me, and I’ll get a cab. Make sure Jack, Rosie, and the guys get in the mini bus okay?” Holly didn’t stop to question me, which I was really grateful
for.

I waited in the restroom with Rosie, so I took the opportunity to put her worries about Jack and me to
bed.

“I love Jack, Rosie. It’s a weird relationship to other people, and I don’t want to hurt you. He’s the nearest thing to being my brother without being my brother. That’s why we can do all that flirty stuff, but that’s all it is, stuff. I know that you don’t want to hear this part, but I’m going to tell you anyway. Jack and I have slept in the same bed for years. Every time we got the chance. We’ve snuggled up to each other, spooned, and hell I even woke up once with my hand on his dick. That was an accident. We have never crossed the line. It isn’t that way for either of us at all. Jack is my platonic soul mate, and I’m
his.”

Huffing, I continued, “If you can accept how he is with me, I figure you could well be his partner for life. Jack is a fiercely loyal, amazing man. He’s never going to give me up. Even if I tried to shut him down, he wouldn’t give us up. Trust me when I say this, Rosie, what we have is weird, but wonderful for both of us. Alfie even got it when I was with him. He once said he could never fuck with my relationship with Jack, because Jack just completely got me. Alfie hates anyone touching me, but in the end he accepted that Jack wasn’t a threat to him, even if we did walk a fine line at t
imes.”

Holly swung the door open. “Luca’s at the front door talking to Louie. You should leave now; Alfie’s on the dance floor.” I hugged Rosie and Holly walked out in front of me; shielding me from any of our fri
ends.

Luca came forward and took my hand. “I hear we’re going home,” I stated as Louie pulled me in for a
hug.

Louie signaled to one of his security men. “Take the limo and call me, h
oney.”

I smiled affectionately and kissed Louie’s cheek. “I’ll call you tomo
rrow.”

Luca and I were ushered outside. The chauffeur opened the door for us. When we were inside Luca exhaled and held my hand. “Tough night for you,” he stated. I didn’t know how to respond so I di
dn’t.

We sat in silence, and he put his arm around my shoulder, drawing me into his side, and kissing the top of my head. I felt like crying. Luca was everything I should want, but Alfie was messing with my psyche a
gain.