Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?... (14 page)

We pulled up by my building, but Luca didn’t move. Henry, Louie’s chauffeur, opened the door for us. Looking up at Luca, I saw his eyes were filled with sad
ness.

“Go, Lily. Sweet dreams,” he cooed. I smiled feeling bad for the way Alfie beh
aved.

“It’s okay for you to come up,
Luca.”

Luca shook his head slowly and drew in a deep sharp breath. “No it isn’t, Lily. You’re not ready for me. I like you very much,” he hesitated and huffed a breath out. “Tonight, from what I witnessed, I know there is much more unfinished business between you and Alfie, more than even I can deal
with.”

He held my gaze, looking at me affectionately. “I am a tolerant man. I could fall hard for you, Lily. I’m walking away, honey. This isn’t for your sake, it’s for
mine
. Goodnight, Bellis
simo.”

I stepped out of the car, and Henry closed the door, got behind the wheel, and pulled away. This had to be the perfect ending to the shittiest day on record fo
r me.

Such a desolate feeling washed over me. Feeling dejected, I had managed to fuck up my whole life because I met A
lfie.

I barely made it to the elevator before I started crying. By the time the elevator door opened on my floor I was a teary mess of mascara and
snot.

As soon as I got home I sent a text to Holly to tell her I was home and that I was alone. I was on my bed, still numb, an hour later, when I heard the door open. Holly had come home to see me because Luca had dumpe
d me.

Chapter 14
– Facing facts

I
was lying in bed with the sheet over my head when I heard the door handle latch click as she came in to my
room.

“I’m fine Holly, just leave me alone,” I sniffed. I didn’t want to talk about what had happ
ened.

The mattress dipped, and a caring hand landed on my back. I had a sudden feeling of elation, and my heartbeat raced. The touch ignited a buzz giving me feelings of a more sensual na
ture.

I threw the sheet back and jumped into a sitting position. Alfie was sitting at the side of my bed, his face looking g
aunt.

I could see the turmoil in his face, not sure what to say, but I freaked out, because I had spent the last year and a half trying to be clever about avoiding him. Yet, he was in my bedroom, sitting on my
bed.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I spat at him, embarrassed that I had been crying and devastated he was able to see my feelings laid
bare.

“I knew you needed me.” His low voice cracked with emotion as he said it. I shook my head and tried to get up. Alfie pushed me back on my pillow and leaned over me, his hands on either side of me. We were face to
face.

“Alfie you’re the last person I needed tonight. How did you get in here?” I just couldn’t understand any of
this.

My heart was racing from how near he was. I could smell his scent, and my body hummed with the sensation of his touch. I was still trembling from the adrenaline rush I’d had when I realized he was actually in my bedroom. Us girls had picked this building because of its security feat
ures.

“Holly’s phone was on the table in the club when your text arrived. Her keys were in her purse. I saw the text was from you and read the text as it displayed when it came through. So I took her keys. I wanted to know if you were
okay.”

“I was okay until I saw you again, Alfie. My life was coming together and now you’re back. Here, in my bedroom, giving me the same mind fuck that you alway
s do.”

“No, Lily. I gave up that particular line of pursuit with you a long time ago. My life has been a meaningless without you. I. Can’t. Fucking. Live. Without. You. I don’t want to,” he whispered so
ftly.

Alfie’s eyes searched my face frantically, as if he needed me to understand what he was sa
ying.

“I fucking know you love me, Lily. Don’t try to deny it.” His fingers dug into the flesh of my upper arms. His eyes pleaded for honesty fro
m me.

I pushed put my hands on his chest and pushed him backwards, sitting up as he moved away. His hands cupped my face, and he pulled me toward him, my face close to
his.

“Say it, damn it. The truth. You need to tell me you feel the same way as I do.” I was stock still. I couldn’t look away. We were frozen, hypnotized by each o
ther.

Alfie’s eyes filled with tears, and one huge perfect teardrop streaked down his face and ran into the side of his lip. I couldn’t allow myself to react, because I’d be done all over again if I
did.

He didn’t move, and he didn’t blink. He just sat there continuing to stare at me with a tortured look. “Please…” he mouthed silently and swallowed hard. I heard how difficult it was for him to swallow, as another tear rolled down from sad
eyes.

I couldn’t let it fall this time. My forefinger touched his cheek, and his tear melted into my fingertip. His hand caught my finger, and he put it to his mouth, kissing the tear
away.

When he did that, it broke my heart. I couldn’t keep up the pretence. Not when he was laying himself bare to me a
gain.

My eyes closed with the admission as it passed my lips. “Of course I love you. There’s never been anyone else to love, since you.” I began to sob as my confession rolled off my tongue. I swallowed hard, but the relief I felt at being able to say it out loud was imm
ense.

Alfie’s head reeled back like I had slapped him. “Say it again!” He sat open mouthed, cupping my face again. He couldn’t believe that I had uttered the words he’d been waiting to
hear.

I sat expressionless. “I love you with everything I am, Alfie. It doesn’t mean we’re going to be together again.” I shook my head slowly and held the intense look he was givin
g me.

His eyes rolled back and closed. “No. Fuck. Lily. Don’t do this. Don’t throw away our last chance to be together.” His voice sounded desperate, begging. “What do I have to do? Name it. I can’t live without you. I’ll do whatever it takes to have you in my
life.”

I bunched my brows. “Sure you can do it, Alfie. You have Zoe, now. She’s a lovely girl.” He stood up and ran his hand through his hair, then shoved both hands in his poc
kets.

“I’m sad that I might hurt her, but she knows the score. She isn’t you, Lily.” His head started shaking vigorously. “I can’t and won’t be without you again. I can’t bear not seeing you. Not touching you.” He paused, thin
king.

“The thought of some guy touching you, Lily. Touching what’s mine.” He shook his head again, his closed fist banging on his chest. “Doing things I should be doing with you…to you. Please, I can’t…” he whisp
ered.

Alfie closed his eyes and began to cry again. I’d never seen a boy cry before, let alone the man I loved. It was heart wrenching. All I wanted to do was hug him and tell him that it was okay, that we were
okay.

Each time his eyes met mine, I could feel him drawing me in, bringing me close. This was not an act though. Alfie was showing the depth of his feelings and what I meant to
him.

The barriers I had erected to resist Alfie were slowly falling like dominos. Alfie knelt in front of me and grabbed my
hand.

He placed my palm over his heart. His warm, hard body was instantly familiar, and I wanted to run my fingertips over his smooth muscles under his t-s
hirt.

His heart was beating rapidly under his shirt. He pushed my hand back in my lap and stood up, pulling the bottom of his t-shirt from his p
ants.

He bent his arm over his shoulder and gripped the material behind his neck, pulling the t-shirt over his head. It was as if he’d known what I’d been thinking. “A
lfie…”

He glared at me. “S
hush.”

He picked my hand up and knelt before me again. Placing my palm back over his heart again, I could feel his smooth, silky skin, and I could smell the scent of
him.

He stared intensely into my eyes. “You feel that? You feel my skin? How warm my body is? You feel my strong heart beating inside o
f me?”

“I do.” I had no idea what he was d
oing.

“My heart beats strongly, because you are in my heart. My skin is warm, because you are under it. You. Own. Me. You are my heart. If you choose not to be, everything stops. I can’t go on without you. Each day without you, I die a little
more.”

I felt a sense of panic at what he was saying. He sounded so desperate. “Alfie, you have your life, and I have
mine.”

“Bullshit, Lily. I don’t want my fucking life if you aren’t in it. Can’t I get that through your thick skull? This fucking stops now. Today. I am not doing this shit with you another minute.” He wagged his finge
r no.

He pointed at me. “You’re mine,” then pointed to him-self, “And I am yours, Lily. We’re never going to be
over.”

Alfie was my first love. He was my only real love. I had even more feelings for him at that point than I had at our best and worst of t
imes.

After all this time, no one else came close to the way he made me feel. At that moment I just wanted him to have all he wanted from me, because I realized I wanted it too, but I was sc
ared.

The difficulty was the same sticking point we would arrive at all our lives, unless one of us called a halt to it. Exactly what I was trying t
o do.

Alfie was making it extremely difficult for me, though. “Tell me Alfie, what do you see happening if we did this?” He fro
wned.

“We’d be happy for a start,” he said fl
atly.

“Sure we would…at first.” I waited to see what else he could add to his short an
swer.

“We’d have fun, make music, travel, settle down, have babies, and have a helluva time making those babies.” He smi
rked.

“Yeah? Exactly how do we both make music? I’m in a band that’s going in one direction, and you’re going in ano
ther.”

Alfie smiled. “Don’t you see? It’s even better than where we’ve been be
fore?”

I didn’t. “Enlighte
n me.”

“You get on great with the guys in my band. They’re all cool guys in your band. We’d have a blast touring together. You’d get time to spend with Elle on the road, play music, and be with me.” I sat quietly thinking about what he was sa
ying.

“Okay, so you just go to the record label and say, ‘Oh by the way, XrAid is going to be the resident supporting band for Crakt Soundzz from no
w on?’”

Alfie smirked. “Fuck, Lily, I’m in the hottest band in the world right now, I could tell the ‘suits’ I’ll only speak to them if they are dressed in chicken suits and pretending to peck on corn from the floor when I walk in the room, and they’d d
o it.”

I grinned, it was too funny. Some of the executives from the label were very conventional. “Well Alfie you have this all figured out in your mind, don’t
you?”

Alfie smirked. “Don’t ask, you don’t get.” He put on a thick southern accent and rubbed his
chin.

“What about everyone else involved, Alfie? This is what you want. What about what everyone else w
ants?”

He scowled and rubbed his hands together. “I’m sure what’s best for me is best for the band.” I sighed. He could only see his side of th
ings.

“What about XrAid, Alfie? The guys have free will. They won’t want to hang with you guys all the time. It might work in the early days, but what if…what if…we get to be just as successful in our own right? We won’t be supporting anymore and then there are two lots of tours to negotiate.” I was on a roll now. “Are we all going to be cozy on one bus? How do we travel? How do you envisage all of us taking turns with the one big room on the tour
bus?”

Alfie growled, “Stop! Just fucking stop, will you? Your need to know the end of the movie frustrates the fuck out of me. What we have right here is a love song. People would sing about us until the fucking cows came home. We have a once in a lifetime thing right here. That’s not enough for you to throw caution to the wind?” He started ranting. “Oh no. You’re going on about fucking buses and sharing bedrooms, and…and…jeez, you’re fucking crazy. You ought to be certified,
girl.”

I stared up at him pacing my room, running his hands through his hair and giggled nervously. I couldn’t help my
self.

“Now it’s funny…you think this is fucking funny, Lily?” I collected myself and tried to appear as serious as I c
ould.

“I don’t think it’s funny at all, apart from the part where you abandoned your girlfriend, stole someone’s keys and intruded on my privacy by breaking into my home. You came into my bedroom, and
I’m
the one that’s certifi
able?”

“I didn’t break in, I had a key remember?” Alfie threw himself on the bed and lay on his side with his head raised up on his e
lbow.

“I love you, Lily Parnell. Me. Alfie Black. And. You. Love. Me. Back. I fucking know you do. We’ll find a way. You need to take that stick out of your ass, and beat yourself with it. I’m never going to leave you alone, Lily. You need to let yourself take that leap of faith, and get by my
side.”

Staring at him, I watched him lying there on my bed, with his gorgeous immaculately perfect mouth stretched into the most adorable s
mile.

In the hour since he’d arrived, I had seen him go through a range of emotions, from a broken heart to ela
tion.

“Get off the bed, Alfie.” He grinned at me cockily with an air of mischief about him. “Or? What? You’ll get down here wit
h me?”

I wasn’t smiling at all. I was serious. In fact, his lack of regard for Zoe was pissing me
off.

“You need to leave Alfie. I don’t want you here. You have a girlfriend, and I’ve made enough mistakes since I met you. What happened at our launch night should never have happened. Zoe doesn’t deserv
e it.”

He stood up and the mattress bounced as his weight left it. “You’re right. I need her t
o go.”

I snickered in disbelief. “Just like that,
huh?”