Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?... (5 page)

The jungle of metal poles, holding up the makeshift stage, made the space under the stage as big as it was above. There was a network of people weaving in and out of the scaffolding poles as they laid cables or moved equip
ment.

The backstage and technical crews worked with a sense of urgency to support the acts. Although the talent of the artists was what the crowds came to see, without the crew’s support, the magic above there on stage wouldn’t ha
ppen.

Adrenaline pumped through my system. My senses were finely tuned. My nerves jangled and my senses were on high alert as I fled the backstage area. My heart was pounding in my chest and restricting my breathing at the same time. I felt slightly dizzy with the fear of being caught by Alfie. I really didn’t want to face him a
gain.

I was almost at the end of the passage and could see the security detail when someone swung around one of the scaffolding poles holding the stage structure up. He came out of nowhere, swinging into my pathway, and slammed straight into me. He knocked me on my ass and totally took the wind out of me. A strong arm swept under my shoulders, while his other hand snaked around my waist, pulling me off the gr
ound.

A familiar electrical current ran through my body from his touch and his scent was so…him. My mouth went dry, and I swallowed hard. “Sorry, darlin’ I didn’t know anyone was t
here.”

His voice was overwhelming and melodic. Tears pricked in my eyes and I fought with myself in the dark, not to allow him to affect me, not to let him fill me with sad feelings a
gain.

“I’m fine. Let me go. I’m in a hurry. I need to be somew
here.”

I heard Alfie exhale heavily. “Lily? Is that you? God. Are you
okay?”

His hand tensed on my waist. I tried to take a step back. Pressure gripped at my shoulder and he tugged me closer into him. I nodded in the dark. “Yeah, sure I am. I need to go, A
lfie.”

Alfie’s voice came back sounding agitated and abrupt. “You can’t even speak to me? After all this time, we’re just going to be what… strangers now,
Lily?”

I sighed heavily, and his grip landed on my wrist. He still knew me well. He was preventing me from running away from him. “Of course we can talk, but I’m late. I need to run,” I
lied.

His presence totally unnerved me. My heart was beating erratically as I fought for control of my emotions under his touch. Alfie drew a deep breath and grabbed my other hand. He began pulling me back in the direction of his dressing
room.

“That’s a crock of shit, Lily. You can spare me five minutes at the very least.” Still holding my hand, he flung the dressing room door open. It bounced off the wall, and he stopped it by slamming the palm of his other hand agains
t it.

All the guys’ heads turned, their eyes flew over in the direction of the noise and settled on me. Des’ eyes widened. “Shit.” The word was forced
out.

“Get out! We need privacy,” Alfie barked at Drew, Des, and
Andy.

Drew stood up and glanced at me with concern. “You okay with this,
Lily?”

I didn’t get to answer. “Mind your own fucking business, Drew.
Out.”

Alfie sounded major-league pissed. His mood wasn’t lost on his bandmates either. The whole time he was talking to them, his eyes never wavered from
mine.

Des walked across and put his hand on Alfie’s shoulder. “Come on, dude. Don’t do this now. We’re on in twenty minutes,” he warned
him.

Alfie broke his gaze to glare at Des. It stopped Des from commenting further. Des threw his hands up. “Fine. Ten minutes, Alfie. Then whatever the fuck is going on is forgotten. We’ve got a gig t
o do.”

Des walked out the door, banging it hard behind him. Andy picked up a towel. He draped it over the back of his neck and opened the door, shaking his
head.

Drew stared Alfie down. “Why can’t you just leave her alone, Alfie? Can’t you see what this is doing to her?” Drew gestured him to look at me and shook his head. He gave me a sympathetic look. “I’m outside if you need me,
Lily.”

I could see Drew understood how difficult this was for me. I had always suspected Elle had probably spoken to him about how I was feeling at the time when Alfie and I spli
t up.

Chapter 5
– Coincidences

O
nce we were alone, his breathing seemed ragged as he continued to stare into my eyes. I was as nervous as hell, and the ache I had inside from missing him was back in full f
orce.

It was absolutely torturous for me to be near him and look at him so closely again. The fleeting encounters I had with him had attacked my senses and brought back so many memories of our time toge
ther.

Reaching forward, Alfie clung to me. His strong arms held me tightly, like he might never get the chance to do this again. The front of his hard body came flush with mine. I could feel he was aroused as he tilted his hips into mine. My body went stiff, and I fought with everything I had inside me to resist him, even though I still craved this closeness with
him.

Alfie let out a heavy breath and kissed the skin on my neck before drawing his nose the length of it and letting me go. In my head I was telling myself to get out of there before something happened between us. Because if it did, I knew I’d be lost to him all over a
gain.

Protecting myself, my arms came across my chest. I was afraid if he touched me again, I wouldn’t be able to remain strong. I couldn’t think of anything at all, except to wonder what was going through his mind. What was he thinking, after seeing me again? When he eventually spoke, his low, rich voice was so soft and te
nder.

“The last time I saw you, Lily, I never thought you could look more beautiful than you did that morning.” He sighed heavily. He was taking shuddery breaths, as his dark, sensual eyes ticked over my body. He shook his head from left to right. I wasn’t sure if he was doing this absentmindedly, or because I was really in front of him. I could relate to that, I couldn’t believe it ei
ther.

“You were lying on your stomach, so peacefully asleep. I watched you for the longest time. Your beautiful, long, dark hair was cascading across the smooth, silky skin on your back. And the contrast of it ending just above the sun kissed dimples at the base of your spine was incred
ible.”

His eyes shone with love at the memory. It made me want to cry. He tentatively took a strand of my hair between his thumb and forefinger. “Some loose strands of hair were spilled over onto my pillow. The sheet draped across you was barely hiding your butt. Tantalizing me. The crack of your butt was just visible. You think I really wanted to leave you like
that?”

Alfie chuckled softly. “You had a slight smile on your face, lips slightly parted. You looked so peaceful and content. The breaking dawn light made you look so serene, absolutely perfect.” He swallowed hard, and I heard a noisy click in his throat before he closed his
eyes.

From his description of the moment, the scene might as well have been running on playback in his mind. He exhaled very slowly, and his gruff voice was charged with emotion. It almost cracked when he spoke as he began shaking his head again, staring at me eye to eye. “I was so very wrong about that,
Lily.”

His eyes twinkled as a smile reached up into them. “You’re even more beautiful now,” he whispered huskily. His smile grew wider and flashed the dimple in his left cheek. As Alfie’s eyes stared into mine, they were sparkling with vivid flecks of green. The memory he was relaying gave him plea
sure.

Before I knew what was happening, I was being drawn to him, my body tilting toward him, like a magnet being teased toward steel. I caught myself just as I was becoming caught up in the moment. “Don’t!” I stepped to the side and swallowed hard; my mouth was
dry.

My hands automatically rose up to his chest to create a barrier between us, but I instantly regretted my action, as I could feel his warm, hard chest and his strong, rapidly beating heart beneath my p
alms.

The band on stage was playing a cover of ‘It’s Not Over,’ by Daughtry. Alfie heard this, nodded his head towards the stage to bring it to my attention and gave me his signature lopsided smile. The smile I always had problems resis
ting.

Fighting against this love wasn’t easy, but I dug deep and stood firm. “I made a decision about us, Alfie, and we moved on. Our lives are very different
now.”

Wrapping his fingers around mine on his chest, I felt an instant buzzing sensation and for a second, we connected. I pulled my hand away as if I’d been bitten. The feel of his skin touching mine gave me goose-bumps, and I was swamped by all the familiar feelings of desire along with grief at the same time. Feelings I’d been suppressing since I ran into him before I went on stage. The connection seemed even stronger than I had remembere
d it.

“Stop it Alfie. It just wouldn’t work, we’d hurt each other more in the long term. I’m at a crossroads with the band, and you have a fabulous life living
your
d
ream.”

I threw my arms wide. “Don’t do this. Let me walk away. Please don’t make me cry. You’re a great musician. You have fame, and everyone loves you, Alfie. I’m contented with where I am at.” I tried to smile. “I wish you all the best in life Alfie, truly,
I do.”

I could see that what I was saying wasn’t having much impact on him. So I made the decision to talk about his girlfriend. He had been splattered all over the press with a pretty blond girl rece
ntly.

“Why are you even doing this to me again? You’re in a relationship Alfie. I’m glad you found someone that makes you happy, I think it’s great.” I really hoped she would drop dead, but I couldn’t tell him
that.

“I’m happy for you,” I lied. I tried for a warm smile and to make my voice sound sincere. “I really don’t want to be dragged back to our past. So, please just …let m
e go.”

Alfie raked his hand through his hair and shook his head. “What if I’m not happy? What if my dream isn’t my dream without you? I love you, Lily. It broke my heart to leave you that morning. Just so we’re both clear on those two points.” He wagged his finger betwee
n us.

“My feelings for you are even stronger than at the height of what we had. You are the first thing I think about every single day, Lily.” Alfie was shaking his head vigorously from left to right, his intense look never breaking his stare. He left me feeling paralyzed a
gain.

I tried to swallow past my parched throat. It made a noisy, forced sound as I still stared back at him. I couldn’t go through all the horrible feelings and insecurities again with him. So I did my best not to show any emo
tion.

Eventually he broke his gaze and inhaled deeply. Before he could say anything else, I tried to shut down the conversation. “I need to go now.” My voice sounded slightly harsher than I’d inte
nded.

When I was speaking; as if on cue, a knock on the door signaled ten minutes until his band had to perform on stage. Alfie flexed his neck both ways and cleared his throat. “I need to warm up before I go on.” I smiled slowly, how could I not, when I was looking at the man I l
oved?

“It really was… great to see you, Alfie.” I said this genuinely. Apart from all the horrible conflicting feelings I had, he still had my heart, and I was definitely still
in
love with him. The complex situation of our lives and a relationship with Alfie was the only reason we couldn’t be toge
ther.

I stood up straight, and he broke the stare, preparing to leave. Alfie blew out a forced breath and shoved his hands into his jean pockets, his arms stiffening, before he relaxed them, but left his hands in the pockets. His stance and attitude changed, and he became almost arro
gant.

“Sure, I only wanted to say hi. I’ve done that. And to tell you that you’re going to be a star, honey. You and your band were great out there today. You’ve come a long way from the shy, little girl I had sitting beside me on the campus lawn, blus
hing.”

Smirking when I looked up at him, his face softened again. “I guess I have, but as for the star part, I have never been interested in fame and fortune, Alfie. I’m already wealthy, and I’m not really one that relishes being in the limelight. It has always been about the music for me, that’s why we would have never worked. I have dreams, too, but in another life… who knows what we could have had toge
ther.”

I turned and pulled the dressing room door open and as I was walking through the door, Alfie’s voice was barely audible, but I heard him say, “I’m never going to give up on you, Lily Par
nell.”

Managing a weak smile at Drew, I dropped my head and hurried back down the dark passage to the exit, sucking up the emotions that were threatening to engulf me. Fighting with every ounce of strength I had in me not to turn back and run into his
arms.

I was physically shaking from the exchange between us, and my body was aching to experience everything he used to make me feel. I was not going to allow myself to do that though. Not when I’d come so far a
gain.

Running toward the security barrier to take me outside, I felt Lennon’s long fingers wrapped around my wrist. “Drew told me where you were so I waited out here for you. I thought maybe you could use a friend. Digs already left and took the others
home.”

I smiled affectionately at Lennon. Touched. He was still looking out for me. He always seemed to be one step ahead and in tune to just what support I needed and when I needed it the
most.

“Thanks, you’re too good to me, Lennon, what did I ever do to deserve you?” I mumbled as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his
side.

We headed over to his car over in the field parking lot. A couple of high school boys came toward us, and one started bouncing on his
toes.

“Lennon, Lily, can we get your autographs, please?” I raked around in my purse and found a pen. I had some post-it notes in my bag as well. “Is this okay?” I gestured at the small lime green
pad.

The taller of the boys grinned. “Sure, anything, Lily, I think you’re incredible,” he swooned and wiped his sweaty palms down the thighs of his j
eans.

“What’s your name h
oney?”

I could see he was a little starstruck. It reminded me of when I first met Rick Fars, the lead singer of Cobham Street. His friend nudged him. “Bradley,” he squeaked out, his voice getting caught in his throat, before he cleared it and tried again, “Bradley.” He managed to make it sound lower this
time.

His friend was much more self- assured and cocky. He was smirking. “Bradley here has a ‘thing’ for you, don’t ya Brad?” he teased making quotations with his fingers on the word t
hing.

Bradley blushed and held his body awkwardly. “Jeez, Denver, thanks,” he huffed. My eyes glanced at Lennon, who was graciously trying to remain passive about Denver’s admis
sion.

Smiling warmly at him, “Well, you know Bradley, if I was like about eight years younger, you’d have definitely have had a shot with me.” I winked. I handed the note I’d been writing for
him.

Bradley’s eyes flicked to Denver, a smug look crossing his face as he looked down at the post-it I’d given
him.

To Bradley, you’re going to break someone’s heart with those good looks of yours one day. Thank you for coming to see us play at ‘On the Verge of
Fame.’

With Love

Lily Parnell xx X
rAid.

A wide grin spread across his face, which was slightly flushed now. “Thanks, Lily.” I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. His hand flew up and caressed where my mouth had
been.

Lennon finished signing his post-it and handed one to each of the boys. “I’ll skip on the kiss if that’s okay with you, dudes,” he te
ased.

For Denver, my note was more generic. I just signed my name and ‘watch this space’… He seemed just as impressed with that as Bradley did with his note. Lennon excused us, and we resumed our walk to his
car.

He began to chuckle and nudged me. “What? What’s so funny?” I a
sked.

Lennon smirked. “You do realize that kid almost creamed his pants back there with the way you handled
him?”

I bunched my brows. “What do you mean, I thought I was
cool.”

He chuckled harder. “Oh, you were cool alright. Don’t think that’s quite how Brad was feeling. He’s a horny teenager, and you’re a hot rock chic. The little dude will probably be tugging himself off to that post- it note, stuck on his headboard, for months after that little dis
play.”

I smirked. “You’re horrible Le
nnon.”

He nudged my shoulder. “Yeah, but honest, right?” I giggled, and he laughed loudly. “Feeling better?” he asked, looking me in the eye. I had managed to walk away from Alfie this time without shedding a
tear.