Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?... (24 page)

Chapter 24
– On tour

W
e arrived at the hotel around midnight and tried to get some sleep. I was too excited, though, and as this was another pivotal moment in my life, my mind went over everything that had happened to me since coming to Flo
rida.

There were some tough times in the past, especially with how I dealt with finding my sexual identity, and I made a few pretty stupid decisions, even the one including A
lfie.

Accepting that a lot of what happened helped me to grow, I still felt that I should have been able to say no. I often reflect on why I was so weak willed back then and think it might have been because I had no one around that truly knew me. No one I completely trusted, like Jack, who I could have talked to at the
time.

The strength I’ve gained as a person has made me more confident and assertive, which has made my decision making much clearer. I did the things I wanted to do, not because of pressure from other pe
ople.

Alfie has been a constant thorn in all of my planning. He’s been the curveball I just never saw coming. I never expected to fall in love with anyone for a while, and I didn’t know how powerful or debilitating loving someone was until I loved
him.

Sometimes I wondered if he hadn’t told me not to fall in love with him, if I would have. Then again, I’d be lying to myself. Falling in love with Alfie was a foregone conclusion for me from that first
kiss.

After breakfast we headed over to the venue in Columbia and did our sound checks, then ran through a few of the numbers in full, just to hear the acoustics as a
band.

I was nervous. Those excited, ‘on the brink,’ feelings I felt yesterday were now replaced by the nervous feelings I felt whenever I sat in the dentist’s chair. I now had a bad case of ne
rves.

The venue in South Carolina was one of the biggest we were performing at, holding five thousand people. Panic threatened to grip me when I thought about walking out there and seeing only like three people in one row and five in ano
ther.

I envisioned someone handing flyers out stating, ‘free concert,’ telling anyone in the street to come and fill up some of the seats, just so that it wouldn’t look so e
mpty.

It wasn’t a sell- out, but it wasn’t empty either. Keiron reckoned there were almost four thousand tickets sold already. Stupid, really, but I was focusing on the thousand that hadn’t, which was still a lot of space to fill. I calculated twenty percent un
sold.

Keiron explained the ticket sales were going well for the other venues, and we were sold out in all but five states. “Extremely promising,” for a band such as ours, with the little exposure we’d had so
far.

By the time we were going on stage I thought I was going to puke. I couldn’t eat again today. My choice of outfit was meant to make me seem super confident and sexy, just in case I needed that distraction on stage if my playing su
cked.

Lennon looked incredible, the image consultant had dressed him in black leather pants and a fitted white t-shirt, with a leather sleeveless vest over it and biker boots. She had told him not to shave, so he had that sexy stubble thing going, and they had kohl on his eyes and put product in his
hair.

It was the hottest I’d ever seen Lennon look. I’d always thought that Lennon was a very hot, if not an understated guy, but the way they had tweaked him, he was going to have some serious female fans when they saw
him.

Cody was his usual cocky self, and I had to admit he had every right to be. He looked stunningly attractive in blue jeans, a grey t-shirt, and a red button-down suit vest, the back of which was red satin. His hair had been growing longer, and it suited
him.

Digs was left kind of grungy, in jeans and a red biker t-shirt. Actually, since I’ve known Digs, when I got past all the ink, he was a pretty good-looking guy. I think I was just intimidated by all the tattoos on my first impres
sion.

I didn’t really think anyone had to do anything in particular to Digs’ appearance. With such an individual look, it would have been kind of stupid to try to enhance what was already un
ique.

Shawn’s look was the other pleasant surprise for me. His hair was a buzz cut, but he’d had XrAid shaved into the buzz and dyed black, white, and silver like our logo. It was very
cute.

Like Digs, Shawn didn’t need to wear anything except short pants and a vest top. Watching him go out to work on his drum kit was like watching a track athletic training. He was so fit with huge biceps. This was reflected in his ability to play complex percussions and maintain the strength to do it at the same time for hours on
end.

Lennon didn’t give me shit about my outfit either. I had chosen to wear the same outfit as I did the very first time we ever performed. I used it at times when I wanted that little extra bit of confidence to go out t
here.

Once we were all ready, we were talking and psyching ourselves up, when there was a knock on the door. Keiron’s head peered in. “Someone to see you,
Lily.”

Keiron extended the door open, and Alfie was standing there grinning widely, that sexy dimple of his showing. He was wearing dark denim jeans with the belt that had my favorite buckle, and his brown leather jacket; his hands were stuffed deep into his poc
kets.

Alfie took my breath away as usual, and my heart almost burst out of my chest. He always looked so stunning. It was hard for me not to pass out this
time.

Next thing I knew, he was striding toward me, his hands appearing from his pockets. I was sitting at the dressing table, and he squatted down to my height. I smelled his scent as he disturbed the air beside me and inhaled de
eply.

“Hey,” he cooed. He kissed my lips chastely, then scooped me out of the chair, sat down, and placed me back in his lap. I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding, and my heartbeat was a little more under control, but the effect he had on me, just seeing him, was elec
tric.

“Miss me?” he whispered, his hot breath tickled my neck. Jeez, if I thought I had butterflies before he turned up, there was a whole colony of them flooding my nervous system
now.

All the anguish I had been fighting for the past few days about him being somewhere else without me dissolved and was replaced with a feeling of completeness, like he was the one thing that was missing in all of
this.

His hand ran up my neck and into my hair. “C’mere,” he cooed as he wetted his lips. “I need to kiss you.” He bent his head to my forehead and husked, “Fuck, I missed you so
much.”

I swear that I had some cavewoman tendencies right then, but I fought to stay in control. I let him give me a small kiss but pulled away after that, conscious there were four other horny guys in the room. I wasn’t about to give them a peep
show.

I distracted him, because if I didn’t, I was going to have to change my panties. He had already turned me on just by touching my skin and that stupid, “Hey,” thing he does all the time. “So, Alfie, tell me, which was it, the backstage pass or the blo
wjob?”

Cody snickered and stared at Alfie. He didn’t know what the hell I was talking about, but he was not going anywhere until Alfie answered either. Alfie burst out laughing and raised an eyebrow a
t me.

“Hmm…did I tell you there are females on the security detail out t
here?”

I swatted his arm. “Ther
e is?”

Alfie then stood and wrapped his arms around me. “Who do you think frisks all the female fans?” He chuckled. “Trust me, seeing them and looking at you…backstage pass, no competition.” He winked. I smiled, it was a good an
swer.

We got the call and headed toward the stage. My nerves as I stood in the dark, waiting for the cue to take to the stage, were making me crazy. They were beginning to freak me out. Cody put his arm around me and began speaking softly into my
ear.

I thought I heard Alfie growl, but Cody just raised his head slightly, before refocusing on me again. This was a routine that Cody did to help me take that first step out on stage. To be honest, I needed him more than I needed Alfie in that moment. This was strictly work and had nothing to do with anything
else.

The anticipation of going out on stage, without the security of the small familiar venue and captive audience in the clubbers we had at Louie’s places, made me freak. This time we were facing people who had paid a lot of money to see us, and this raised the bar for their expectations o
f us.

Knowing this gave me a great sense of responsibility to ensure that they had a great time out there. Being in a rock band might seem glamorous, but in reality, everyone had to be pleased with your performance, both on stage and
off.

I was a wreck when the emcee gave his greeting to the crowd and announced our imminent arrival on stage. The crowd roared and whistled their appreciation and then a hush fell over the auditorium as the lights dimmed and the stage went black. I glanced to the side and saw Alfie wink at me. “You’ll be fabulous,” he mou
thed.

Cody laced his fingers in mine. “Come on, babe, show’em what you’ve got.” He pulled me by my hand and led me out to the front of the stage. Someone handed me my guitar, and I pulled the strap over my
head.

I was still facing backwards when we were suddenly bathed in light, and we began the intro to our first song. Turning to the audience I heard the erupting screams of the fans and a sea of hands, raised above their heads clapping and chee
ring.

The noise level at a concert and the atmosphere were always a thrill to me, being on stage was so much more exciting than looking on, as I had when I saw Alfie play from the side of the stage that first
time.

We gave our fans everything we had. Playing like our lives depended on their pleasure. Lennon was on fire with his solos, and Shawn was drenched in sweat by the time we finished. We must have been doing something right, because the fans demanded an en
core.

When we came off stage, Alfie dipped his knees and grabbed me by my hips, lifting me so that I was looking down at him. “Fuck me. You were fucking awesome, baby,” he growled and buried his face in my neck, making me shiver with his sensual
act.

Lennon was at my side when Alfie placed me back on the ground. I turned and hugged him tightly. “Good job, you were amazing, Lennon.” I smiled up at him, and he bent his head to kiss my fore
head.

“Ditto.” He smi
rked.

Cody came up and lifted me off the ground and twirled me around, growling, “Damn, sexy girl. You were on fire out there.” He chuckled. Alfie chewed his lip watching Cody intensely. I hesitated about Cody’s behavior, but what the hell, he was only letting off some steam after the gig, and it actually felt good to get feedback from my bandm
ates.

Cody was still hugging me when Digs placed his hand on his shoulder. “Dude, do you mind. You’re encroaching on my hugging time.” Cody smirked and let me go as Digs swooped in for a hug. “Excellent gig baby girl.” He patted my hair down and away from my face. Digs was always looking afte
r me.

That first gig we played was an incredible buzz. I’ll never forget the feeling of walking out there to a crowd that was actually there to see us play. Our own fans. I still couldn’t believe I was actually doing all of this, and I had the four guys in the band to thank for letting me be part o
f it.

Alfie stood with his arms folded, looking like he might punch Cody or Digs, but I was secretly pleased that he wasn’t immune to the fact that guys could hit on me just as women were doing with him all the
time.

If he needed further evidence of that, it was to come after the show. We had been fairly fortunate these past couple of weeks when we went out. There hadn’t been that much opportunity for his fans to interfere with our private lives, apart from a few times at the club, but we dealt with
that.

We were set up for a ‘meet and greet’ session with some of the fans backstage. There were a few that had won contests at a local radio station, and there were some that had been selected from our newly formed fan
club.

My camp of fans seemed to be split into two groups; the high school or first year college kids on one hand and some very muscular guys about my age on the o
ther.

The fans were mainly polite and wanted to talk about our music, but two of the older guys passed me CDs to sign. Both had written notes with their telephone numbers on it. When I opened one of them to sign the paper inside, he had put a naked picture of him inside and winked at me when I looked up at
him.