Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?... (7 page)

I could hear her faint giggling as his other hand began to run up and down her ribs. Alfie was teasing her. I knew exactly what his hands felt like when he did what he was doing to her. He used to do that t
o me.

He seemed very relaxed and content over there, while I was feeling incensed, because she was making him smile. I knew I had no right to think like that, but I did anyway. I was angry with him as well. How could he act like that with her and declare his feelings for me again only a week
ago?

Alfie was slouched low on the seating. His legs were parted, and I could see his girl wiggling her crotch against him. She was probably making him
hard.

The whole scene just made me so desperately sad. I wanted to run away, but I didn’t. Instead, I continued to watch, like some sick, crazy person. Like I wanted to punish myself for what might have been betwee
n us.

It became clear to me that his girlfriend was drunk. She flopped over his chest and rested her head on his shoulder. Then she didn’t
move.

Alfie closed his eyes, as she lay against him. I studied his face. Alfie used to be great at hiding how he felt. He couldn’t do that anymore. I had learned to spot his ‘tells’, especially when he was angry or struggling to contain his emot
ions.

From what I was seeing, there was so much more going on in his head. Closing his eyes couldn’t shut everything out. Alfie was thinking. I could see it. From the way he was chewing the inside of his cheek near his mouth. I think I would have given just about anything to know what was going on in there, and if he was thinking abou
t me.

Sitting there staring at him, my rational side told me that it wasn’t fair for me to think that way. I knew, now, exactly how Alfie felt about me. He’d told me in the dressing room. I only wished things could have been diffe
rent.

Even after everything we’d been through, I still thought he was the most perfect man I’d ever seen. I was mesmerized by him. I only had to see him, and I was captivated. I just sat there staring at his stunning features. To be honest I’ve never been able to describe him adequa
tely.

Feelings of anger were eating away at me at the same time. It was sick, like I wanted to torture myself. I had to do this. Watch him. How could I not? I was still in love with
him.

My eyes briefly fluttered closed, trying to imagine the smell of his scent. When I opened them again, he had tilted his head back to look up at the cei
ling.

Alfie’s hand swept through his hair. This was another one of his ‘tells’. Something was bothering him. Moving his head forward, he glanced down at his sleeping girl. Slowly, he moved her off of him. She rolled onto the seat beside him, curling up, and placing her hands under the side of her face, in a prayer ges
ture.

Alfie edged away from her and slid down the seating more, his face completely passive. He stared straight ahead of him. He obviously didn’t see me. If he had, I knew he would have rea
cted.

Des came into view and leaned in, asking him something. Alfie shook his head slowly and put a hand up, with his palm toward Des, who was holding hands with someone. I couldn’t see her at first, until he strode past Alfie and out of sight again taking her with
him.

I had a clear view of Alfie, from head to toe, by then. Looking at him, he still had the same effect on me as he always had. My whole body screamed with feelings of lust, love and want, hate and despair. It was like Alfie had never been
gone.

I yearned to be near him. To touch him. To run my fingers through his hair. Hell, I wanted to be the one straddling him and laying across his chest, kissing him. He should be teasing me. Touching me. I hated the girl lying next to him, and I’d never even met
her.

Chapter 7
– Trying to make it

H
olly turned her head and smiled at me. When her eyes connected with mine, her expression changed rapidly. Frowning, she rushed to my side. Her eyes narrowing, trying to rea
d me.

“Jesus, Lily, what’s wrong with you?” I shook my head, and when my eyes went back to the curtain, she followed my gaze. “Oh. Shit. Restroom. Now! Suck it up, honey.” Holly tugged me to my feet, and I kept my head
down.

When we reached the restroom, she swept me inside. Elle was standing right in front of us, refreshing her make up in the mirror. “Lily, what the hell are you doing
here?”

Holly sneered at her. “What the hell are you doing here? Is that any way to greet your friend, Elle?” Elle threw her a dirty look and swept past her, wrapping her arms around me. She pulled me into her in a tight
hug.

“Sorry, honey. I was just so surprised to see you in here.” She swallowed hard. “Lily…” Holly cut her
off.

“She knows. We’re sitting in the next fucking area to y’all.” Elle’s eyes glanced at mine, and I hated the look of sympathy there was in them. “How do you know
that?”

Tears rolled down my face as I stared back at her. “I’ve just been treated to an affectionate display between Alfie and his girl, that’s why. Someone disturbed the drapes and I was faced with the truth, that’s all.” I bobbed my head at her and Holly as a tear ran down my c
heek.

“It’s okay. Really. It was just a shock to be faced with the PDA of him with his girl. Although, it wasn’t really in public. I was the one that shouldn’t have been loo
king.”

Elle sounded angry. “I hate that you saw that. We never go to the clubs in Miami. We were all in agreement. You shouldn’t find yourself in this situation. I just never expected to see you here. I’ll get us out of
here.”

I smiled at her. “It’s life, Elle. My choice. I can’t expect everyone to keep hiding and worrying about me. I hate that everyone’s doing that. I just need to get on with it. Go have fun, I’m not running, we came for a night out and Luca has gone to a lot of trouble to give me a good
time.”

She hugged me tight again. “You’re here with a guy? Are you sure? Do you want me to come over and stay with
you?”

Squeezing her hand, “I’m a big girl, Elle. Holly’s with me, please go back to
Drew.”

Elle gave me a concerned look. “I don’t want to leave
you.”

I was insistent and pushed her away softly. “I’m okay, really I am
, go.”

Elle left the restroom, and Holly and I headed back to Luca and Brett. I really didn’t want to be there anymore. We arrived back just in time to see Elle arrive and draw the drapes toge
ther.

Luca watched me approach him. “I thought maybe I’d scared you off, Lily.” He smiled and gestured for me to sit next to him. “No more than I’d scare myself off, Luca.” I smiled as I dropped down beside him, resting my head on his shou
lder.

The rest of the time in the club was difficult. I tried hard to look as if I was enjoying myself, but I couldn’t ignore what I knew was happening on the other side of the cur
tain.

Luca tried really hard to get to know me better, and to be fair, I did try hard to push away my feelings. The memories of my time with Alfie were swamping me and preventing me from getting involved with someone
new.

He was the nearest I’d ever come to moving on with my life beyond Alfie, and it was only fair I gave him a chance. We danced for about an hour after my talk with Elle before we headed
home.

Luca casually draped his arm over my shoulder and pulled me close to him, when we were making our way downstairs to the exit. Alfie was standing right by the glass partition at the bottom of the stairs. I almost fell over when I saw him standing t
here.

His girl was standing flush against him with her hands in his back pockets. He has one hand on her hip and was holding his cell phone, scrolling down the lighted screen with his t
humb.

Turning my head in Luca’s direction to hide it from Alfie and looked up at him. He smiled down at me and bent his head to plant a soft, chaste kiss on my
lips.

I smiled at him and when I began to focus on where I was walking, Alfie’s eyes met mine and widened. He stood rigid, staring at me, and his jaw muscle ticked. Call me crazy, but I felt like I was cheating on him. Another man’s arms were around me. Alfie’s face was scowling so badly, and his jaw ticked. He was
mad.

Eye to eye, our gaze connected. I could see how hurt he was about our situation. Then he surprised me by giving me a soft, slow smile. It broke my h
eart.

No words passed between us. We just stood, suspended in time. Our eyes locked on one another, having an unspoken moment. I looked away not able to hold his gaze any longer. When I looked back, he had turned his back to me. Walking past him felt wrong somehow, and although I had asked for this, his snub in public again almost crucifie
d me.

I struggled not to cry as we left the building, and I could swear I could feel his eyes boring into my back as I
left.

Luca didn’t talk to me in the car, which was fine. I was going over what I saw in my head again, feeling first a numbness, and when my feelings caught up with me I was heartbroken all over again. He was still the man who had my heart, and now we were acting like stran
gers.

I didn’t ask Luca upstairs, agreeing to see him the next day. We arranged to meet at Eject, where I was playing. He hadn’t been able to catch XrAid the night at the club. We had almost been finished with the last song by the time he arr
ived.

Not surprisingly, I never slept at all. Alfie was on my mind all night long. Feeling like the living dead, I dragged myself over to Lennon’s for a band meeting the following morning. He had sent me a text last night, asking for us to be at his place by el
even.

I was the last to arrive, and the guys were sitting by the pool chilling out. “Finally!” Lennon exclaimed. “Get yourself something to drink out of the cooler and come over
here.”

Pulling a peach-flavored ice tea out of the cooler, I wiped it down with a napkin and climbed onto the hammock beside him. We both bounced around a little until we got our balance, then I laid back and waited for him to s
peak.

“Okay guys, we have a decision to make t
oday.”

Cody’s eyebrows were bunched. “W
e do?”

Lennon nodded. “Here’s the deal. You remember the demo tape Lily gave to Ba
rney?”

Shawn nodded. “For fuck’s sake Lennon, spit it
out.”

Lennon scowled at Shawn. “I’m trying, but you fuckers keep interrupting,” he huffed, looking exasperated. “Anyway, Barney thinks that we’re ready to record. Thing is Sly Record label also thinks we’re ready. Barney’s deal would offer us state-wide exposure. They can guarantee us venues and promotion all over Flo
rida.”

Shawn got up and ran his hands over his head. “They’re going to give us a fucking
deal?”

Cody’s beer came out his nose. “Cody, you really shouldn’t drink beer if you can’t keep it in the hole you put it in,” I te
ased.

Digs shook his head. “Too funny, Lily.” He smi
rked.

Lennon scowled at the digression. “Can you all stop fucking about? I’m trying to impart some serious shit here.” He exhaled lo
udly.

I giggled but stopped when I saw how ticked he was getting. “Sorry Lennon,” I mumbled, feeling ungrat
eful.

Lennon rubbed my knee absentmindedly, and I could see he was ner
vous.

“Go, on Lennon,” I said, encouraging him to spit it
out.

“The feedback from the festival was that Sly Record label wants to do a deal with us. It wouldn’t be rocket science to know that we’d be traveling a lot with them. With Barney we’d be headliners, but in State, with Sly, we’d be a supporting band. Maybe we’d only be a supporting band for a long time at that. However, it would get us right out there. Bigger gigs, bigger exposure. If we gamble, we may get international recogni
tion.”

We all sat numb, staring at each other, digesting Lennon’s information and what it would mean for us as a
band.

Cody was the first to speak. “Sly. I want Sly. None of us have any long term ties or responsibilities here. Sure, we have families, but we don’t have sweethearts or kids. If we’re doing this, we should take the gamble for the biggest re
turn.”

Digs smirked. “I’d miss my family, but hell, I don’t see why they wouldn’t make time to come see me if I couldn’t get home. Besides if we were doing the state thing, it would all be by bus, and we’d be out on the road for most of the time an
yway.”

Shawn sat stroking his goatee beard. “
Lily?”

I shook my head. “Nope. You first Shawn.” I definitely didn’t want to sway anyone’s opinion by what I wa
nted.

Hell, I wasn’t sure what I wanted. Shawn huffed and blew a slow breath. “Guess I’m with these
guys.”

Lennon turned to face me. “I guess it doesn’t matter what we say, majority rules, r
ight?”

I smiled. “I’m okay with whatever you guys want. I just want to make music.” That wasn’t strictly true. I was worried. Crakt Soundzz and Cobham Street were with the same label. Chances were, if there was a major gig in the future, we could find ourselves sharing a stage a
gain.

However, XrAid had a way to go before we’d ever have to face supporting either one of those two bands. Lennon blew his breath out. “I wanted Sly too…just for the re
cord.”

We all sat quietly while Lennon made the call. Cody was grinning from ear to ear. Shawn threw himself into the pool backwards, and Digs stared intensely at Lennon as he spoke on the phone with the l
abel.

I knew I’d have to smooth things over with Barney, but deep down he’d be fine that we chose the bigger label. Lennon swiped his phone closed. “Okay guys I need to call Louie now. We have a meeting at two o’clock today, and we need to bring a lawyer with us. Louie told us that James Stein, his lawyer, was ours whenever we needed him.” Lennon rang Louie and grinned widely when he finished his call. “No sweat, Louie is ecstatic for us. James was with him and will meet us at the ‘suits’ office downtown ten minutes before our mee
ting.”

We all squashed into Lennon’s car, and he drove down near the label’s office. We had lunch in a little diner, but I was too nervous to eat anyt
hing.

The feelings I had were similar to those I had the first night I ever played with XrAid. I was so choked with nerves that anything I tried to put in my mouth got stuck in my th
roat.

I sat sipping my diet Coke, my other hand fiddling nervously with the condiments on the table. Cody swiped the ketchup bottle away from me and set it back in the metal condiment holder. “For fuck’s sake, Lily, you’re making me nervous,” he gro
wled.

By the time we got into the offices, my brain was in a complete fog. Their space was very trendy, all clean lines and decorated in a minimalist
way.

Huge picture windows brightened the room and the plush white leather sofas and black carpets gave it a modern feel. I couldn’t help myself for thinking that the carpets would be a nightmare to keep free of
lint.

The pretty Hispanic receptionist smiled and poked at a touch screen monitor. She announced our arrival and asked us to take our seats and wait for Keiron Hughes, the CEO of Sly Rec
ords.

I wandered over to where Cody was sitting, glancing up at the array of records hanging on the walls of the of
fice.

Gold and Platinum records were displayed in glass, chrome, and gold frames with little tags underneath. Each had a small logo of the band as well as their name and the name of the record. As I looked around the room, it was filled with Crakt Soundzz and Cobham Street d
iscs.

There was one for Crakt Soundzz that was different. “Guys, does anyone know what a Diamond Disc
for?”

Lennon smirked, and shook his head. “Ten fucking million units.” I swallowed audibly. Good grief. I couldn’t even begin to imagine my music being bought or downloaded; never mind that much. What made it all the more impressive was that less than two years ago, they hadn’t even been signed as recording art
ists.

At the time when Alfie told me they had been signed, I knew they would make it, but it never occurred to me what it really meant for them. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be sitting in a record label’s office on the cusp of an adventure like
that.