Ex-Rating (2 page)

“Don’t worry, honey,” Russell said. “We just have to get used to thinking of you as a—”

“A sexual being,” M.C. finished.

“Mom! Gross!” Audrey said.

“I was going to say ‘growing young lady,’” Russell said. “But your mother is right. No reason to tiptoe around it.”

“Maybe we just shouldn’t talk about it at all,” Mads said. “How does that sound?” She went up to her room.

“We really do think you did a great job, though!” M.C. called up after her.

Mads slammed her bedroom door and flopped onto her bed. Her nauseo-spazzmosis was back with a vengeance.

Stupid parents
, she thought.
What do they know?

I bet everybody at school thought the interview was excellent. Better than excellent. The greatest thing ever! Well, maybe
not that great. But good
.

Still, her mother’s words echoed in her mind. Or rather, Audrey’s version of her mother’s words: “You sounded like sluts.”
Did they? Did everybody in town think so, too? Or was her mother being overly sensitive, as usual?

Overly sensitive
, Mads decided. It was the obvious choice. The only choice that left her dignity intact.

She logged onto the Dating Game and checked the inbox for new mail. Nothing.

It was too soon, she knew. The interview had only aired that day. But Mads couldn’t wait. She was dying to know. What did
everybody think?

HERE IS TODAY’S HOROSCOPE: CAPRICORN: To your face, people praise your good work; but behind your back, all they talk about
is your visible panty line.

H
olly sat in her room with Mads and Lina, staring at her laptop. X-Ratings had poured into the blog since the girls were on
the radio, and the girls were busy sorting through them. Because Holly’s parents were the coolest about the Dating Game (and
every-thing else), her house was chosen as X-Rating Central. It was Sunday, the day after the radio interview, and judging
by the jump in traffic on the blog, a lot of kids had heard it.

“Sylvia completely flipped out,” Lina said, referring to her mother. “Completely!”

“I know,” Holly said. “She called my mother. She wanted the mothers to band together and do something about us troubled teens.
My mother didn’t feel like it. Your mom happened to catch her at a bad moment: all out of Nicorette.”

Unlike the Ozus and the Markowitzes, Holly’s parents had loved the interview. Holly’s openness reflected well on their groovy
self-images.

“She called my mother, too,” Mads said. “Like M.C. wasn’t freaking enough already.”

“She kept saying, ‘I just hope your grandmother doesn’t hear about this,’” Lina said. “She still thinks you’re a nice girl.
You’ll feel so guilty if she has a stroke!”

“That’s harsh,” Mads said.

“Yeah, I can’t believe somebody could have a stroke over anything on National Radio Network,” Holly said. “It’s so mellow.”
She punched a few keys and pulled up the completed X-Rating forms on her computer screen. “We’d better get started—there are
a lot of these.”

Your name:
Sage Bernstein

Your grade:
12th

Your ex’s name:
Holter Knapp

Your ex’s grade:
12th

How do you know him/her?
school

How long were you together?
a year

Who dumped who?
I dumped him
.

Why did you break up?
He loved me too much
.

Are you friends now?
Yes—finally
(
it took him a long time to get over the breakup
).

What do you think of your ex as a friend?
He’s excellent—he’s always calling me to see if I need anything or want a ride anywhere, and he brings me little presents
like candy or flowers all the time
.

What do you think of your ex as a boyfriend/girlfriend? (What was good and bad about him or her? Vices? Habits? Hang-ups?
Family problems?)
He’s so thoughtful and sweet, but he can be suffocating. But some girls like that
.

What would a new person have to have (that you didn’t have) to make a relationship with your ex work?
She’d have to be really insecure and need constant reassurance that he loves her—because she’ll get it whether she wants it
or not. Also, I guess she can’t be the type who’d get jealous of my friendship with him. Like, if I call him because I need
him to do an errand for me, she shouldn’t get upset
.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest, rate your ex:
6

“Hmmm,” Mads said. “Who would be good with a guy like Holter?”

Holly didn’t know Holter or Sage well, but she knew who they were. “It sounds to me like Holter still loves Sage and is going
along with her ‘just friends’ thing so he can be around her all the time.”

“And she’s letting him,” Lina said. “Because she can get him to do whatever she wants.”

“And torture him,” Holly added.

“But why would she want to fix him up with a new girl?” Mads asked.

“Maybe so she can torture Holter
and
his new girlfriend,” Lina said.

“Nobody could be that heinous,” Mads said.

“Please, Mads,” Holly said. “You know better.”

“Well, who could we match Holter with, then?” Mads asked.

“Maybe Autumn, if she and Vince ever break up,” Lina said. “She and Sage could battle it out for control of Holter.”

“Till then, let’s put him on hold,” Holly said. “Next.”

Your name:
Claire Kessler

Your grade:
10th

Your ex’s name:
Derek Scotto

Your ex’s grade:
10th

How do you know him/her?
school, plus our parents are friends

How long were you together?
a year and a half

Who dumped who?
It was mutual
.

Why did you break up?
We could just tell it wasn’t right. We got along really well, but the zing wasn’t there. No chemistry. I don’t want to get
into it too much, but kissing him just didn’t feel right
.

Are you friends now?
yes

What do you think of your ex as a friend?
He’s great—almost like a girlfriend. We hang together, go to movies when there’s nothing else to do, and I can talk to him
about my crushes and stuff. He gives great boy advice
.

What do you think of your ex as a boyfriend/girlfriend? (What was good and bad about him or her? Vices? Habits? Hang-ups?
Family problems?)
He’s really nice and cute. He’s really into music—if you don’t like the bands he likes, he plays them over and over until
you give up and say you like them. But overall, he’s a great guy
.

What would a new person have to have (that you didn’t have) to make a relationship with your ex work?
She should love indie rock and hip-hop, and she should be nice and fairly together. Other than that, just chemistry, I guess
.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest, rate your ex:
10

“Now that’s a good guy,” Lina said.

“Wait—I saw a good match for this guy,” Holly said.

She pawed through a pile of printouts—matchmaking questionnaires—until she found the one she remembered. “Here—Alison Hicks.
She’s in ninth grade, she likes music, and she seems sweet.”

“It could work,” Lina said.

“Let’s see if she’s interested.” Holly forwarded Derek’s X-Rating to Alison.

“Look” Mads said, scanning down to the next form. “Someone X-Rated Sean!” Mads had a giant, long-standing crush on Sean Benedetto,
the handsome blond It boy of the senior class. Completely unreciprocated, of course.

Your name:
Ashanti Burke

Your grade:
11th

Your ex’s name:
Sean Benedetto

Your ex’s grade:
12th

How do you know him/her?
school

How long were you together?
two weeks

Who dumped who?
I guess he dumped me, but he never said anything to me. He just stopped calling, and the next thing I knew he was seeing some
blond named Jane
.

Why did you break up?
Guess he lost interest

Are you friends now?
Kind of. We joke around a lot, and he’s nice to me. Once I got over getting dumped, I didn’t hate him anymore
.

What do you think of your ex as a friend?
He’s okay
.

What do you think of your ex as a boyfriend/girlfriend? (What was good and bad about him or her? Vices? Habits? Hang-ups?
Family problems?)
He’s so friggin’ sexy, it’s hard to say no to him. But so many girls like him. His eyes are always straying. He has a huge
ego. But on the other hand—so cute!

What would a new person have to have (that you didn’t have) to make a relationship with your ex work?
She’d have to be like a hypnotist who can put him under a spell to control him. Or she’d have to have something no other girl
has—what, I don’t know. She’d have to be some kind of movie star or something
.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest, rate your ex:
2 (I was just writing in to complain about him.)

“I didn’t know Sean went out with Ashanti Burke,” Mads said.

“Or Danica Ball, or Shelby Smith, or Ariel Gruber?” Lina said.

Mads scanned through the forms. “Oh my god, there are at least six X-Ratings of Sean here.”

“And they’re all bad,” Holly said. “Listen to this: ‘Sean went to the bathroom in the middle of our date and never came back.’”

Lina laughed and read another one out loud. “’Sean asked another girl out in front of me while we were at the Halloween Dance.’”

“Wait—here’s a good one,” Holly said. “‘Sean came to pick me up for a date and hit on my mother!’”

Lina and Holly keeled over laughing. Mads laughed, too, but it hurt a little. She loved Sean’s outrageousness. Maybe Holly
and Lina thought it was obnoxious, but Mads wouldn’t change anything about Sean. Okay, one thing: She’d make him notice her—truly,
deeply notice her. If only! Though she’d settle for being superficially noticed, too.

“He’s still with Jane,” Mads reminded them. Jane Cotham was a tall, beautiful, hip, blond college student who seemed to have
Sean in her power. Mads got to know her a little bit that spring when they both acted in a play Mads’ mother had written.
“He’s been with her for a couple of months now. Maybe those other girls just weren’t the one. If you know someone’s not the
one, why keep up the charade?”

“Oh, Mads,” Holly said. “He’s terrible. He’s like the Demon Ex. Leaves a trail of bad feelings wherever he goes.”

After a breakup, can you stay friends? Or are you a human tsunami, leaving a trail of destruction in your wake? Take this
quiz and face the facts about yourself.

1.
After getting dumped, your first move is to:

a
cry, then get on with it.

b
vow revenge.

c
join a convent (or monastery, as the case may be).