Exclusively Yours (23 page)

She pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Joseph.”

“I asked her to stay,” he said, a little embarrassed by the breaking in his voice.

“What did she say?”

“She asked me to go with her.”

“Then why are you still here?”

Did she think they meant so little to him and his life he’d just pack up and move thousands of miles from them? He knew the near future was going to hurt without Keri in it, but he couldn’t even conceive of a future isolated from his family.

But he couldn’t explain that to Ma. Even if he wanted to do, the knot in his throat had choked off his voice and all he could do was sit and shake while tears streamed down his face.

His mother’s chin rested on his shoulder so she could press her cheek to his. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

He nodded, relieved when she gave him a squeeze and then backed off. “I’ll go tell your brothers to start loading the machines up without you.”

“No.” He stopped to clear his throat, swiping angrily at his face. “Gimme a few minutes and I’ll be down.”

“We can do this, Joseph. You can pack up and sneak off if you want.”

“I know. Not in the mood for being alone right now.”

He wasn’t surprised when she walked around the chair to peer into his face. Her eyes were soft and warm, but her mouth had that set to it that let him know it didn’t matter how big he was or how old he was. He’d get the wooden spoon upside his head if he didn’t listen.

“You should come home with us. Stay in your old bedroom for a while.”

Now
that
would drive anybody to drink. “I don’t need a sleepover, Ma. And I don’t need kid gloves. I’d just rather move on with things than sit here and sulk.”

She kissed his cheek, unmindful of the wetness lingering there. “Fine. I’ll tell your brothers you’ll be over in a few minutes to help them.”

When he finally got his shit together and walked down to help the four-wheelers onto the trailers, everybody acted more or less normally. As normal as Kowalskis got on leaving day, anyway.

They drove four-wheelers onto trailers, tying them down with ratchet straps, and made sure all the gear was back in the bins. They risked hernias to get the massive grill loaded and spent twenty minutes looking for Brian’s left shoe. While the women packed the RVs, the guys took down tarps and folded up awnings.

Finally the Kowalski debris was stowed or tossed away and there was nothing left to do but leave behind the place Joe had just spent the happiest two weeks of his life.

Only fifteen minutes had passed between emailing the Joseph Kowalski piece to Tina and the summons to the top floor, which didn’t bode well for her promotion. The elevator chimed—it was much too classy to merely ding—and the doors swished open.

Taking a deep breath, Keri stepped out and took a right, heading into the mouth of hell. Her heels clicked on the polished marble floor in a steady rhythm, though she faltered a little when Tina’s executive assistant wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“Go in, Ms. Daniels. She’s waiting for you.”

And that she was. Perched on the edge of her luxurious leather chair, tension emanating from her like a toxic cloud. Keri closed the door behind her. There wasn’t much she could do about the puffy eyes, but she could try not to look as though her stomach was tumbling like a Laundromat dryer.

Tina held up what looked like a hard copy of the interview. “You spent two weeks with the man and all you give me is this Stock Interview 101 shit?”

“You told me to get an exclusive interview with Joseph Kowalski. You got one.”

Tina threw the pages in her direction, but they fluttered harmlessly to the ground. She must have been really pissed if she printed the article just to throw it in her face. “Do you honestly think anybody gives a flying fuck that he puts mayonnaise on his hot dogs?”

“A lot of people find that disgusting. And did you skip right over his struggle to write alcohol-free?”

Tina leaned back in her chair and ran her tongue over freshly-whitened teeth. “I’ve read FBI most wanted posters with more personal dirt than you handed me. I want to know who he sleeps with, whose picture’s in his wallet. What laws he’s breaking. Boxers or briefs.”

That would be Keri and Keri again. The only thing being broken was her heart. And boxer briefs. “That’s all he approved.”

“You know those sharks in the legal department we feed fresh interns once a week? That’s why we pay them the big bucks.” Tina sat upright again, her glare trying to burn a hole through Keri. “And speaking of the big bucks, you have two hours. Go sit in that cushy office that’s just one of the many perks I choose to give you, think back over the last two weeks and write me shit I can use. If you don’t have the balls for this job anymore, Daniels, then get the fuck out of my building.”

Two minutes later, Keri tried to slam the door to said cushy office, but it caught on the plush, ivory carpet and stopped an inch short. She was halfway to her desk and didn’t bother going back to close it.

Tina thought she didn’t have the balls for the job anymore? That was bullshit, plain and simple. Keri slapped her mouse to wake her computer up and pulled out the keyboard drawer.

She didn’t even have to close her eyes for the Kowalski family dramas to replay in her mind. Terry’s marital problems and Stephanie’s tears. Mike’s fist denting the side of his RV. Danny’s writing aspirations. The story of Joe’s relationship with Lauren. Kevin was a goldmine of violence, sex and politics. She’d seen the family at their best and at their worst.

Swiping the tears from her eyes so she could see the screen, Keri opened a new document file and started to type.

It was the ticking of the clock getting to him. Or it would be if his clocks weren’t all digital.

He’d told himself he’d wait thirty-four hours before he called her. He’d started with twenty-four, but then realized that would be smack dab in the middle of her first morning back at work. Another twelve tacked on made it probably too late to call, so he’d gone with thirty-four.

Seemed very logical at the time. Now it seemed like some stupid, random number that did nothing but fuck with his head.

So here he was at two o’clock in the afternoon of his first full day back at home and he’d spent the last who knew how many hours staring out the window and wanting a beer.

He hadn’t slept for shit. He missed Keri’s body next to him. He missed her warmth. Even her snoring. His nerves were shot and his mood was as sour as the milk he’d forgotten to throw away before heading north.

A cold, foaming brewski would take the edge off. Just one.

The phone rang and he picked it up without looking at the caller ID because if it wasn’t Keri he wouldn’t answer it and then he’d continue to sit there and think about beer. “Hello?”

“Joseph,” his mother said, “it’s your mother.”

As if it was necessary to tell him that despite her being the only person on the planet who called him Joseph on a regular basis.

“If you’re working, I can call back later, but I was hoping you’d—”

“I want a beer, Ma.”

That rendered her speechless for a couple of seconds but, as was her way, she rallied quickly. “Have you had one?”

“No. But I’ve been thinking about it. A lot.”

“Well, you’re not going to have one. You’re going to write down the list of things we need at the hardware store and then, after you stop and pick them up, you’re going to come over here and help your father change the garbage disposal thing in the sink.”

“What happened to it?”

“My youngest grandson.”

Joe laughed and rummaged around for a pen on his desk. He really needed to declutter it. Again. “Give me the list, Ma.”

Two hours later, Ma had a new garbage disposal unit and it still wasn’t time to call Keri. But he’d decided against having a beer.

“We should have stretched this out a little longer,” Pop said. “God only knows what your mother’s going to come up with for us to do now.”

“I was thinking about taking a ride down to see Kevin.”

“Your brother owns a bar. You think anybody in this family will have a moment’s peace if your mother finds out you went to a bar?”

“I’m at Jasper’s all the time.” The place had been called Jasper’s Bar Grille when Kevin bought it and, rather than pay for a new sign, Jasper’s it had remained.

“Not today.”

Joe sighed. “I’ll probably go home and try to call Keri.”

“You got your cell. Call her from here and if it don’t go well, we’ll find something else to do around here.” Pop walked away to give him some privacy.

He got her voicemail. “Hi, babe. It’s me. Joe. I was just…checking to make sure you got home okay. So…gimme a call, okay?”

He’d helped his Pop do the maintenance on the lawn tractor and put in a few hours cleaning the garage before he finally gave up on her and crashed in his old room—in the twin sized bed with the brown comforter.

She did crack a smile, though, when he pulled her chair out for her. Corny, but he was trying. “Thank you.”

“Steph get off to her sleepover okay?”

“There was some matinee they wanted to see, I guess, so I dropped her off earlier this afternoon.”

Turning his water glass around in his hands, he gave her a sheepish smile. “Sorry. We’re supposed to talk about something besides parent stuff.”

“There’s no sense in pretending to be people we’re not.” She flipped open the menu, trying not to look for the obvious comfort foods. She’d struggled enough keeping the weight off during the recent months of stress and loneliness. “If we can’t be together for an hour without acting, there’s no point in even being here.”

“I don’t think not talking about our daughter or our work or whatever is pretending to be somebody we’re not. We should have been having a night out alone for years, with no worrying about anything but us.”

She took a sip of water. “So what
are
we going to talk about, then? No Steph and no work doesn’t leave a wide open field.”

“Did you know if you wash your jeans with tissues left in the pockets, you never see them coming out of the washer, but it takes three hours to pick all the shredded tissue off after the dryer cycle?”

The perplexed look on his face made her laugh loudly enough to make the hostess look in her direction. “You didn’t know that?”

“I don’t remember ever doing laundry before in my life.”

It would have been easy to point out it was his own damn fault he had to do it now, but ruining the mood before they’d even gotten their drinks probably wouldn’t be a good thing. “You only pick shredded tissues off your clothes a few times before you start remembering to check the pockets
before
you wash them.”

He leaned forward suddenly, amusement fading into seriousness as he rested his elbows on the table. “I want to come home, Theresa.”

The time it took for her to register the sudden change in his tone was just long enough to allow her to resist sliding to the floor in a sobbing puddle of relief. Even as she drew in what seemed like her first full breath in three months, she knew she couldn’t make it that easy for him.

He’d hurt her. Badly. And he was going to do a little groveling before he parked his car in her garage again.

“Pretty drastic measures to get out of doing laundry,” she replied, making sure her voice didn’t reveal any of the hope that was fluttering in her heart like a moth against glass.

“It’s not that and you—” He broke off when their server appeared.

Terry ordered a coffee and the chicken alfredo special in a fog, not caring in the least what food was going to be set in front of her. What was important was why Evan suddenly wanted back in and whether or not she could risk opening that door. Lord knew she wanted to. But if he changed his mind and she had to stand there while he left her again, she wasn’t sure she could survive it. Being strong for her daughter—putting on a good face for the family—only stretched so far. She could only take so much pain.

They were both silent while the server went and poured their coffees. It wouldn’t take long and Terry doubted Evan would want to be interrupted again. She spent those few minutes steadying her nerves and trying to harden her heart against whatever proclamations and promises her husband was about to throw in her direction. Steph, she thought. She’d focus on just how devastating it would be for her daughter to have parents who separated and reunited, only to separate again. Heading into her teenage years, Stephanie didn’t need the emotional upheaval. She couldn’t take any more pain, either.

“If I hated doing laundry that much, I’d pay the laundry service downstairs,” Evan said when their coffees had been delivered and they were alone again. “You may not believe it, but there’s nothing I’m not capable of either doing for myself or paying somebody to do.”

“Well, gee, when you segue from your laundry woes to wanting to come home, what am I supposed to think?”

“I didn’t mean for it to pop out like that,” he said, and there was a hint of a blush on his cheeks. “I’m not very good at this, I guess. The whole date night thing, I mean.”

Probably because neither of them had dated in almost a decade and a half. That she knew of. “Have you been seeing anybody else?”

“No.” The way he said it, and the look on his face when he did, made her believe he was telling the truth. “I don’t want anybody else.”

But he hadn’t wanted her anymore, either. He’d made that pretty damn clear. “Nothing’s changed, Evan. Everything’s the same, so the stuff that made you unhappy enough to leave will just make you unhappy enough to leave again. I’m not putting myself—or our daughter—through that.”

“
Everything
has changed. The pretense is over and if we spend the rest of our lives together it’ll be because we both want to, not because neither of us had the guts to walk out the door.”

She ripped open a third packet of sugar and dumped it into her coffee just because she deserved it. “What if we both want to, but we still can’t make it work?”

“Do you love me?” The question came at her so fast, she nodded in reflex before she could think about whether she was ready to give him that much power. “Then we can make it work.”

“I loved you three months ago and it wasn’t enough.” Why couldn’t he understand that wasn’t as simple as deciding he was ready to come home? “And you just think it will magically be enough now?”

“Not magically. But now that we’ve dragged our baggage out from under the bed, we can start dealing with it. It’ll take time, but our marriage is worth it.”

He sounded sincere enough, but he lost her with that last bit. He’d gone straight from A to Z by walking out on her that morning with no warning. Now he wanted to go back and sort through B through Y? They could have tried rummaging through some of the baggage before he packed his.

When she didn’t say anything, Evan drank some of his coffee. Fidgeted with his silverware. Buttered and ate a slice of the bread that had arrived with their coffees. The silence stretched on long enough to grow awkward, but she still couldn’t find the right words to fill it.

“You don’t think so?” he finally asked.

“I don’t know.” She buttered a slice of the homemade bread herself, but then just stared at it. “Why didn’t you tell me you were so miserable you were thinking about leaving?”

“Because you’re a control freak and if you think something’s okay, it must be okay. I had to do it quick, like ripping off a Band-Aid, or you were going to keep telling yourself it was all in my head.”

She set the buttered bread on her napkin and pressed her fingertips to her eyes, trying to stem the tears. She was tired. She was sad and confused and angry and heartbroken and she didn’t want to be anymore. “I’m scared, Evan. It hurt. It still hurts.”

“I know you don’t believe me, but it hurt me too. It hurts a lot more, though, being without you.”

And that was the bottom line. It hurt so much when he left and the thought of risking that again hurt, too. But the thought of living the rest of her life without this man hurt in a way that tightened her throat and robbed her of rational thought.

“Not tonight,” she whispered. “I’m not ready yet.”

“But you’ll try?”

She nodded and he reached across the table for her hand. She let him hold it. “We need a little more time…to talk. But I want to work toward you coming home, too. See if we can be friends again.”

“I love you, Terry.”

Squeezing his fingers, she smiled at him through the sheen of tears. “I love you, too.”