Expecting the Cowboy's Baby (10 page)

Breathless, Cassie came up for air. She gazed into Jake's dark, smoldering and all too knowing eyes.

Backing up a step, he allowed her room to breathe. Then he opened her palm and placed something in her hand. The key.

“It's all yours, sweetheart. But don't think you'll be able to lock me out.”

He kissed her one last time then was gone.

Cassie stood there trembling.

She was trying with all of her heart to do just that.

To lock him out.

 

The next evening, just as Cassie was ready to toss a salad and throw a frozen pizza in the oven, the soft roar of an engine shutting down and the slamming of a car door, caught her attention. She peered out the kitchen window to find Jake with arms loaded, climbing up her steps. She closed her eyes and counted to ten. It didn't help. The knock came all too soon. She needed more time to brace herself for Jake's onslaught.

“Hi,” she said, coming to the door. All too suddenly she became aware of her appearance. She'd thrown on an old pair of ripped-at-the-knee gray sweats and a white T-shirt, planning on slumming tonight in front of the television set. And she hadn't done a thing to her hair since applying a thick layer of mousse after her shower this morning. The auburn strands took on that stringy wet look—a perfect example of a bad hair day, the “before” style in a “before and after” demonstration.

Jake grinned, taking all of her in. “Cute, Cassie. I brought dinner and a movie.” He peeked inside. “You haven't eaten, have you?”

“I, uh,” she began, thinking about the rock-solid frozen pizza she was hoping would develop miraculously into a gourmet meal with a little heat and loving care. “No. But something sure smells good. What's in the bag?”

He winked. “Let me in and I'll show you.”

The delicious aroma wafting in the air was far too tempting for Cassie to turn away. And Jake…well, turning him away was getting to be an arduous, nearly impossible task. How could she deny her heart and protect it at the same time?

But whatever was in that bag swayed her resolve. She was famished and hockey-puck pizza just wouldn't win out tonight. She let him in and followed him to the kitchen. He
began placing round aluminum dishes on the table, the scent of fresh, buttery garlic hit her smack between the eyes.

“Angel-hair pasta with shrimp,” he offered, lifting one lid then the other. “Or chicken. I wasn't sure which you'd prefer. We have both. There's antipasto salad, garlic bread and lemon-raspberry cheesecake for dessert.”

“Oh, it all sounds wonderful. I didn't know you liked Italian food.”

“Hey,” he said, feigning offense, “we cowboys don't just eat pork and beans, you know.”

Cassie reached for plates and utensils, handing them to him to set out on the table while she opted for apple juice for her and beer for him from the refrigerator. But she stopped up short as she closed the refrigerator door. The domestic scene; Jake scattering plates on the table as they worked together to set up the meal and his ability to know exactly what she seemed to need, when she needed it, all struck her with painful clarity. He wasn't here for the right reasons. He'd come to slowly seduce her, to bend her to his will and to make her agree to a marriage she knew wouldn't work. She'd let her grumbling stomach make a decision, but would her aching heart pay the price? He turned to her and immediately noted the concern on her face. She wasn't good at hiding her emotions, but maybe tonight that was a good thing. She needed to clear the air.

“Cassie?”

“What are we doing here, Jake?”

He approached her slowly, taking the bottles from her hands and setting them on the counter, his gaze never leaving her face. “We're having dinner, darlin', and then we'll catch a movie. It's not a chick flick, but I hear it's pretty good.” His smile was meant to reassure, but it had the opposite effect, making her more wary, more cautious of what might develop this evening. She wanted Jake. She couldn't
deny that and when he turned on the charm, he was positively irresistible.

“You should have called first.”

“Probably,” he admitted honestly, “but I'm leaving tomorrow for five days and I wanted to spend time with you tonight.”

He was leaving again?

“Where are you going?” she asked, keeping trepidation out of her voice. It was best that they have time apart, so why did she hate the fact that he could pick up and leave so readily? From what she understood, he'd been doing it for years, using Anderson Ranch as his stopping place—somewhere to hang his hat when nowhere else was available. It was as though he had no ties or commitment to the ranch even though he had family here and friends. If he couldn't commit to his home, how could he commit to her?

“Arizona. Suzette and some of her college friends are coming down for the rodeo.”

Blood drained from her face. She smiled, but if Jake had even an ounce of male perception, he'd read her thoughts and understand the falsity of her smile. “How nice.”

She tried to brush past him to busy herself at the kitchen table, but he blocked her with a broad, unyielding body. He pinned her with a dark, earnest gaze. “She's like a sister to me, darlin'.”

She knew that. Lottie and John T. both had told her as much. Her jealousy was unfounded and totally irrational. She blamed the pregnancy on her unreasonable assumptions. She looked away uncomfortably. “It's none of my business, anyway.”

Jake put a finger under her chin and lifted gently, making her peer directly into his eyes. “It is your business. I'm not asking her to marry me. I'm asking you. She's not carrying my child. You are.”

Cassie blinked. Another proposal from Jake?

Her first thought was that he'd better be a darn good rodeo rider because he certainly wouldn't win any championships in the gallantry department. And with dawning clarity, Cassie understood from what wasn't in Jake's proposal. Again she was reminded of his reasons for marrying her, which had nothing to do with the true conventions of marriage. No love. No real commitment. She did believe he'd make a good father, though, and she wouldn't deny him that right. But entering into a union that was one-sided, would be torture for her, misery for him and in the end the baby would suffer most.

She sighed. “I haven't changed my mind.”

“I know, but I'm working on that.”

As a true competitor, he probably relished the challenge she posed. But Cassie couldn't back down. This was too important. “You're not planning on sleeping here, are you?”

Jake reached out to toy with a strand of her hair, curling one unruly tress around his finger. His gaze swept over her face, his smile devilish. “I'm always
planning
on sleeping with you. But I promise I won't stay over. Unless…”

“Not a chance, cowboy,” she said hurriedly.

Jake didn't take her rejection to heart. Instead they ate their meal then settled in for an evening in front of the television. Jake took the bigger sofa and Cassie got comfortable on the love seat. Both ate mouth-watering cheesecake while watching the DVD he'd brought over. He seemed enthralled with the action of Mel Gibson's latest war movie. With legs sprawled out in front of him, Jake sat slouched down, his dark hair curling against the collar of a rather worn chambray work shirt. Rarely had Cassie seen him so relaxed.

She wondered about his life, how he'd gotten to this point
with so much controlled anger and hostility toward his only living relative. She knew he barely tolerated John T. and that most likely the man had deserved some of Jake's wrath. But there came a time to forgive and Cassie wondered if Jake had it in his heart to give his father a second chance. Jake caught her staring at him and she immediately turned her attention back to the movie.

An hour later when the movie ended, true to his word, Jake stood to leave. Cassie thanked him for the meal and walked him outside. The air was warm but there was enough of a refreshingly cool breeze to lift her hair and tussle the strands, the windblown look a definite improvement, she thought. The faint sound of wind chimes from one of the outer buildings drifted out, a harmonious tinkling that soothed, a subtle awakening in the dark quiet night.

“I'll be back late Sunday night.”

Cassie nodded, her lips pressed tight. She'd stopped herself from inviting him over when he returned. She didn't want to send him mixed messages. Being in close contact with Jake wouldn't make her task any easier. She knew his intentions and knew he'd do whatever he could to break down her defenses. But it was
his
defenses, the barrier he'd positioned around his heart, that was the real problem.

Sadly, Cassie understood too well that Jake might never allow himself to feel again. He might never know the joy of true and honest love, the no-strings-attached kind of love that broke down all defenses, tore down all obstacles and left you vulnerable, with only your faith and trust to hold you up and protect you.

“I'll miss you, Cassie,” he said softly.

Her heart squeezed tight. The dull, numbing ache spread itself out until she felt hollow inside. She believed him. She'd miss him, too. When they weren't entirely at odds, they were good together, but it wasn't enough. Cassie
needed more than benign companionship from the man she loved. “Have a safe trip, Jake.”

Jake stepped closer.

Cassie took a step back.

“Don't be afraid of me,” he said, searching her eyes. He took her into an embrace, his arms winding around her waist and the warmth of his touch seeping into her skin.

Cassie lifted her chin. She wouldn't show fear. She could stand up to Jake and come out the winner. “I'm not afraid.”

He smiled, bent his head and kissed her gently on the lips. “Good night, Cassie.”

Then he wrapped a hand around her abdomen, lifting her shirt to make small sweet circles on her bare skin. His fingertips lightly brushed over her belly where their child grew. He smiled again, staring down. “Good night, little baby.”

Cassie stood on the porch long minutes after he was gone, hugging the post, holding on for dear life and realizing she hadn't come out the winner tonight. Jake's sweet approach, his soft words to his child and the adoring look in his eyes had completely defeated her. No longer able to bank her tears, she let them flow.

“I
don't know how much longer I can live here,” Cassie said, sipping her lemonade, thinking out loud. Lottie jerked her head up, her gaze softening as she came to sit down next to her.

Lottie had been a godsend, a blessing in the guise of a woman who had befriended her, given her advice and consoled her whenever she needed a lift. She'd taken her to see a doctor in town today, and Cassie had come away with a clean bill of health. Both baby and mommy were doing fine. In seven months the baby would be born. Seven months seemed like an eternity to her. She didn't know how she could continue to live at the ranch with Jake applying slow and steady pressure to marry him.

They sat by a small lake ten miles outside of town, tossing remnants of the lunch they'd bought to the jays, watching the cornflower-blue birds nip away at the crumbs.

“Is it Jake?” Lottie asked, a knowing glint in her eyes.

She nodded and let go a breathy sigh. “He's doing all the right things. He sent me flowers the other day. Did I tell you that? And he comes over to spend time with me. I guess you could say he's courting me in his own way, when he's in town.”

“But?”

“But, I know it's his way of winning me over. He wants to marry me for the baby's sake.”

“And you want more, right?”

“Right. Oh, Lottie, I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think I'm being unfair to him. But I have a bad history with men and things never seem to work out. I've learned my lesson. I don't just want more…I want it all, the whole package. I don't think Jake is capable of that. But when I'm with him, I can't think straight. He makes me crazy sometimes.”

Cassie flung a piece of bread out onto the grassy bank, watching three birds race toward it. “My brother Brian wants me to move back home. Ironically, my ex-fiancé, who was also Brian's partner, has dissolved their partnership. He's branched out on his own. Brian offered me that position as his equal partner. My big brother needs me right now. And I'm thinking that maybe it might be best for the baby and me if I did leave.”

Lottie scooted closer, her blue eyes resting softly on Cassie. “You're deeply in love with Jake and you're afraid he'll never be able to return your love. You think putting distance between you will protect your heart.”

Lottie understood. It was as if she had read Cassie's heart. And then it hit Cassie with sudden clear impact that Lottie had been in the same position. She'd been in love, and when that love hadn't been returned, she'd moved on. “You understand.”

“I'm living it, honey.” She winked. “And I'll tell you
honestly, it is easier when you don't have to see him every day and wonder why the heck you stayed around so long. So, yes, I do understand. But you haven't put in the time that I have. I can't fault you, though. It's hard loving and not being loved in return.”

“John T. cares for you, Lottie. I thought you two were making headway.”

“He's an exasperating man, Cassie. And I know he cares, but drawing that man out was like pouring cold molasses on dry toast—not worth the wait. So I finally moved on. And I was having a really good time, until he started doing things.”

“Doing things?” Cassie's mind reeled. This conversation was a great distraction and a way to ease tension. “What kind of things, exactly?”

“Why, the man sent me roses! Imagine, after some twenty years, he sent me my first bouquet of roses and now I know why. He must have gotten the idea from Jake!”

Cassie burst out laughing. “You're probably right. The flowers Jake sent had been delivered to the main house, so John T. brought them over and he had the strangest look on his face, like maybe he'd just gotten a clue.”

Lottie's face beamed. “A real quick learner.”

They chuckled again and Cassie felt a little better after their talk. Lottie hadn't pressured her to stay because she'd been in the same predicament. She truly did understand how Cassie felt about Jake.

“So tell me, what other things is John T. up to?”

“Well, just the other day he called to invite me to the chamber of commerce dinner, but I had to refuse. I had plans to spend the evening with my oldest son and his children. The man hates not getting his way. He got grouchy on the phone with me so I hung up on him.”

“You didn't!”

“I did and I'd do it again. I took his gruff ways when I worked for him, but I don't have to anymore. He has to learn how to treat a woman. I think I'm making him a little crazy.”

Cassie grinned. “Why's that?”

“Because not five minutes later he called back to apologize. If you know anything about John T., you know he rarely apologizes to anyone, about anything. But he was very sweet when he called so I agreed to go out to dinner with him next week.”

“That's great, Lottie. Really, really great.”

“Yeah, I guess. It's taken twenty years for the molasses to heat up, honey. I haven't got that much time left.”

Twenty years? Cassie didn't know if she could hold out for the next few months. Jake would be home in a few days. She'd have to give Brian's offer a great deal of thought and hope that she'd make the right decision, one that was best for everyone.

 

Jake sat in John T.'s study, leaning back in the chair, one booted foot crossed over the other in a casual position he didn't feel at the moment. He'd come home too late last night to visit Cassie, so he'd bounded out of bed first thing this morning, showered and dressed quickly and headed down the stairs, eager to see her this morning. He'd almost made it out the door when John T.'s booming voice had stopped him, calling him to the older man's office.

Jake tapped out a hasty rhythm on the arm of the chair, staring at John T., but his mind was on Cassie and how much he'd missed her these past five days. He'd found himself thinking about her often while he was away, thoughts of her messing up his concentration, making for less than perfect practice runs with Shadow. His roping skills had suffered, as well. It had taken supreme effort on his part to
stay focused during the actual roping event and even at that, he'd battled to come in second place.

“I'm going to need your help around here, son,” John T. stated plainly. “Toby is out of commission for a few days with a sprained wrist and a few of the boys are out sick. Work's been piling up. We could use your skills here.”

Jake scrubbed his jaw, wondering if this was just another of John T.'s ploys to keep him home for a spell. And it never thrilled him when John T. called him
son.
He'd always known that he was John T.'s son by default only. His father used that term only when he needed something from Jake. “I'm heading out again next week, but I'll pitch in until then.”

“That'll do fine,” John T. said with authority. Jake hated sitting in his study facing off with the stern man as if he were a schoolboy who'd been summoned to the principal's office. Hell, he'd had enough of those real-life memories to clog his head for years to come.

Anxious to leave the house and find Cassie, Jake made a move to rise. “Not so fast. There's something else I want to discuss with you.”

Jake lowered his body down again and sighed, causing John T. to lift his graying brows. “What else?”

“Your birthday's coming up soon.”

Jake scoffed. He didn't like being reminded of his birthday. It had never been a happy occasion for him. As a young boy he had one vague memory of cake and candles, of delight and laughter, of his attempts to blow out tapering flames and of the only gift he'd remembered receiving from his mother—a watercolor she'd painted of a little boy sitting atop a gray mare, his face infused with joy, amid a mountain backdrop. Jake had kept that picture with him always. It was almost as though his mother had known that one day he'd end up here at Anderson Ranch, or was it just wishful
thinking on a hope-filled young woman's part? Jake had surmised that must have been his fifth birthday because it was the last happy memory he'd had, faint as it was, of his mother. “I don't do birthdays, John T. You know that.”

“Well, it's time, don't you think? I'd like to throw a little party. I'd like us to celebrate as a family.”

“No. I don't think so.” His face set, Jake wanted to leave no room for doubt. He had no need for a strained celebration, no need for John T.'s brand of family. It was too late for those things.

“Things are different now, Jake,” John T. persisted. “You're going to be a father.”

Jake jerked his head up. “You know?”

His father nodded, his voice taking on a somber edge. “Cassie told me the other day. Good thing, too, because I doubt I'd have heard it anytime soon from you.”

Jake stood and began pacing. He glanced out the window, his anger swallowing him up, blinding him from seeing anything but Cassie's constant rejection. Hell, he didn't know what the woman wanted. He braced his hands on the back of the leather chair and leaned in. “We have some things to work out. I suppose she told you that I've asked her to marry me and she refused. I'll be damned if I'm going to let that woman walk out of my life. I plan on raising my child.”

John T. nodded, his eagle-sharp eyes following his every move.

“There's not much else to say, is there?” Jake couldn't keep the bitterness out of his tone. On the one hand, he was furious with Cassie for refusing his proposal and denying him a future with his child. But on the other hand, he couldn't wait to see her. Couldn't wait to gaze into those big green eyes. Or kiss the sass right off that pouty little
mouth of hers. Thoughts of her clouded his mind, messing with his focus and concentration.

“There is, if you're in love with her, son.”

Jake huffed out a breath. Love? He wasn't sure he knew that emotion. He'd thought he was in love once, but that relationship had ended with a quick divorce. He knew he wanted Cassie, desired her in a way that made him crazy. He wanted to make love to her, and if she ever agreed to marry him, visions of long, slow, seductive nights danced in his head. And he wanted his child. He wanted to be the kind of father John T. hadn't been. He wanted to be there for his child at every turn, to let him know he wasn't alone. He wanted his child to have what Jake had never had—his father's name.

When Jake gave him no answer, John T. grimaced, a look of frustration sweeping across his features. “Hell, I wish I knew what to tell you. But I'm the last man to give advice regarding women. At least, think about the birthday celebration, son.”

Son?
There it was again. “I don't have to think about it, John T. My answer is no.” Jake strode to the door. “I have work to do.”

Jake slammed the door, heading for the guest house, but the carefree sound of Cassie's laughter had him turning toward the stables. It didn't take him long to spot her, surrounded by four ranch hands, the whole group looking extremely happy with themselves.

Jake's gut clenched. One of the men had taken his hat off and plopped it on Cassie's head. She was wearing denim today, a short skirt and Western boots. In that getup, Cassie looked as though she truly belonged here, as if she were made to live at the ranch. Her appearance stirred his blood but made it boil, too. Was she deliberately flirting with the hands, trying to find a man she wasn't attracted to, someone
she'd feel safe with, someone she could trust with her heart? Irrational as it seemed, Jake couldn't get the notion out of his head.

He sidled up next to her and laced his arm around her waist. Without giving her notice, he pulled her close so that her waist brushed against him and he kissed her soundly on the lips. Her sweet, startled taste rattled his brain. “Good morning, darlin'. Did you miss me?”

Jake ignored Cassie's flaming face. He glanced at all four men, making eye contact with each one individually. Their shock at his actions didn't surprise him. Other than his short-lived marriage, Jake had never brought a woman to the ranch before, and he doubted the men knew his history with Cassie. It was about time he staked his claim. “Morning, boys.”

They grumbled perfunctory greetings in return.

“John T. tells me we're shorthanded today. I'm taking over Toby's duties until he gets back.”

One by one, the men tipped their hats to Cassie and said their goodbyes. Jake lifted the hat off her head and handed it back to the youngest of the crew, a cowboy named Nate. “Here you go,” he said, “best to keep this on your own head.”

“Yes, sir.” Nate blushed and took off to do his chores.

Jake turned to Cassie, her face a mass of emotion he didn't want to consider. He returned her look with one equally as quelling. “Well, you didn't answer my question. Did you miss me?”

 

Cassie glared at Jake, too irritated to give him an answer. She'd been happy to see him, for about half a second, until he'd mortified her with that kiss, the deliberate message he sent to the ranch hands sounding loud and clear.

She turned on her heel and swiftly headed for the guest house.

Jake followed her. “Dammit, Cassie. Slow down.”

“Go away, Jake.” She kept on walking.

“I'm not going away. I'm staying, so you might as well talk to me.”

“You'll be going away soon enough. You always do.”

“Hey,” Jake said, taking her arm gently, stopping her stride and turning her to face him. “You did miss me.”

Cassie paused to look deep into his dark eyes. Ranch sounds surrounded her; a distant hammering from the barn area, horses whinnying out of unison and truck motors revving up. Dust swirled around, coloring the air a hazy reddish-brown only to be lifted away by a light wind as the Nevada sun beat down with simmering morning heat. Cassie sighed, not ready for this confrontation. Up until his appearance this morning, she'd been having a pleasant day. “You had no right to kiss me that way, Jake. I was working on the payroll and had some questions for the boys. We were having a nice conversation until you showed up.”