Expecting the Cowboy's Baby (9 page)

Cassie turned her face away and sipped her coffee. She hated confrontations, but she knew she couldn't marry Jake. Jeez, even Rick had done a better job of proposing. But at least with Rick there was the idea of love behind the marriage proposal. Cassie knew without a doubt, Jake didn't love her. He didn't want to marry. She was nothing to him but an obligation.

Heavens, he'd just learned that he was going to be a father and how did he put it? As soon as he got back from Oklahoma he'd get the nasty business of marrying her
out of the way.

Quick and simple.

Cassie couldn't make another mistake. Now that she had a baby to consider, she didn't want to make any hasty de
cisions. She knew the baby took priority, but marrying Jake wasn't the answer. He wasn't capable of loving her the way she wanted. He had an entire set of priorities that didn't include her. The rodeo, for one. And holding on to his bitterness toward his father, for another. Cassie had an uncanny feeling that somehow the two went hand in hand.

And most of all, Cassie refused to play second fiddle again.

“Thank you for the offer, but no thanks,” Cassie repeated.

Jake came around the table to face her. With hands braced on the tabletop and arms rigid, he leaned in. “You're carrying my child, Cassie.”

“Yes, I'm aware of that.”

Nostrils flaring, his intense gaze pinned her down. “And you're refusing to marry me?”

“Yes. Yes, I am.” She wouldn't allow Jake to intimidate her. Somehow, over the past month, Cassie had gained the strength she needed to stick to her resolve. She'd made herself a promise and was bound and determined to keep it. But oh, how wonderful it would have been if Jake's proposal had come out of love and commitment. How quickly she'd grab that brass ring and settle into life with him and their baby.

Jake straightened, his hands flying up in the air in a gesture of frustration. “I know what you're doing, Cassie. It's that crazy reasoning of yours. You're attracted to me, but that's a bad thing because you don't trust your instincts anymore. You don't want to get hurt again. Okay, I get that. But you have to get something, too. I'm not going to allow the baby—
my
baby—to be raised in a fatherless home. Children need two parents. They need to know they'll always have a roof over their head and food on the table. They
need to know that when bad times hit, they have someone to turn to, someone who will always be there for them.”

“Jake, it's not as though you won't see the baby.”

“Dammit, Cassie! That's not enough. I won't repeat the same pattern my father set. I won't abandon my child.”

“You wouldn't be.”

“The child needs a stable home life. The baby needs to have my name.”

“The baby needs much more than that. And so do I.”

Jake cursed then, taking time to breathe deeply. He stared at her, his gaze probing, searching. Quietly he asked, “What do you want, Cassie?”

Cassie stood and suddenly realized exactly what she wanted. She wanted it with an intensity that shook her to her core. She stared back at Jake, loving him, perhaps not a wise thing, but loving him all the same. With sadness in her heart, for Jake and all he'd gone through as a child, she spoke with clarity. “I want what you can't give me, Jake. Have a good trip.”

Cassie headed to the bedroom and closed the door. She laid a hand on her abdomen and only when she heard the soft click of her front door, did she allow one sole tear to trickle down her cheek.

“I
'll call you if I need anything. Yes, anything at all, I promise,” Cassie said, twisting the phone cord in her fingers. Early morning sunlight brightened her kitchen and Cassie squinted, turning away to lean against the counter. “I love you, too, Brian. And tell Alicia not to worry about me, either. I'm getting the hang of this pregnancy thing.”

Cassie hung up the phone and released a long sigh. Of course Brian was worried about her. Of course, both he and Alicia wanted her to return home, to Los Angeles. But oddly, Cassie felt more at home here, at the ranch with work she enjoyed and her new friendship with Lottie and John T. She'd tried to put it as delicately as possible that she didn't need Brian's help right now, just his moral support.

She'd thought Brian would have a coronary when she'd told him about her pregnancy. Brian put all the blame on Jake, accusing him of neglecting her, but Cassie had set him straight immediately. To Jake's credit, he'd tried to do the
right thing by offering her marriage. And Cassie had tried to explain to Brian that a marriage without love and commitment would be no marriage at all. Brian hadn't been easy to convince, he'd been too busy being a protective brother. He probably still wasn't entirely certain that Cassie was doing the right thing, but Cassie was sure, and in the end, that's all that really mattered.

A minute later Cassie stood facing John T. at her front door. He held a long, gold-foil flower box in his arms. “Did I miss your birthday?”

“Uh, no. That's not for several more months.” Cassie let him in and accepted the box he handed her.

“They were delivered to the main house. Thought you'd like to have them fresh.”

Cassie set the box down on the kitchen table and untied a crimson bow, opening the lid to an array of the most beautiful long-stemmed burnt-orange roses Cassie had ever seen before. Their color appeared unnatural for roses, the hue reminding her of cinnamon and honey. “Oh, these are amazing.”

She fingered the petals, aware of John T.'s curious stare. She couldn't blame him. She was pretty curious, too. She found a card tucked into the stems and lifted it up to read it silently. “The color reminds me of your hair. Until Monday.”

Emotion coiled tight in her stomach. She held back silly tears. Pregnancy had a way of blowing every slight sensation a woman felt into something wildly glorious or hideously monstrous. Cassie was certain she felt an equal measure of both right now. There were no words of endearment on the card, not even a signature, but Cassie knew intuitively that Jake Griffin rarely, if ever, sent flowers to a woman.

John T. waited patiently for an explanation. She wished
she didn't have to explain the roses to him, but he'd been kind to deliver them personally and to ignore his questioning look would be rude. “They're from Jake.”

John T. blinked. “Jake? My son, Jake?”

Cassie chuckled, releasing a wave of emotion that she'd bottled up inside. John T.'s expression, the look on his face, mirrored her surprise. “Yes,” she said, smiling now, “Jake sent them.”

John T. stared down at the box filled with roses. “Well, if that don't beat all.”

Cassie wouldn't explain about the baby to John T., believing it was Jake's place to tell his father if he hadn't already guessed. According to Lottie, Cassie's symptoms were classic and quite obvious to anyone who'd ever had a child of their own.

She put the roses in a water-filled vase, aware of John T.'s gaze on her. His eagle eyes appeared darker, the sharpness blunted, and a clouded expression seemed to fall on his face. She looked up from the vase she'd just placed on the kitchen table, wondering about his mood.

“I've got business in town today. There're some people you ought to meet. I'd like you to join me.”

Cassie spent the remainder of the morning with John T., meeting his banker, being introduced to the mayor and having a pleasant lunch in the oldest restaurant in Carson City, a barbecue place that claimed the best ribs in the county. Cassie had to agree, they'd been wonderful. She'd been especially grateful her stomach had cooperated.

Yet there had been something odd about John T. today, his usual gruffness replaced by something subtle, a mellow attitude almost bordering on sadness. It was just a feeling Cassie had, and as he'd driven home, asking if she'd mind taking a slight detour, Cassie knew her intuition had been right on. They pulled into a cemetery. When they got out
of the car and walked to a marked grave, Cassie had known whose name she'd see on the headstone.

“It's John Junior's birthday today. He would have been twenty-seven.” John T. slanted her a somber look and sorrow filled her heart. “I shouldn't have let him take the boat out that day. He wasn't ready.”

Cassie swallowed hard. Gently she touched his arm. “You couldn't have known.”

He smiled sadly. “His mother was against it. She'd been right, and I'll go to my grave regretting that decision. I think I indulged that boy too much out of guilt over my other son, the one I didn't acknowledge. I had no idea that Jake's mother passed away when he was just five years old. I really didn't. I'd lost contact with Isabella. It's the way she wanted it, but it was easier for me, too, I'll admit. I didn't have to explain a love affair and an illegitimate child to my wife. After John's death I did everything I could to find Jake, and when I did and brought him back here, I wanted to make things right with him. But I'd been too late. He wouldn't allow me to be his father.” He stopped briefly, staring intently at the grave, and Cassie noticed his body trembling. He shook his head with sorrow. “In a sense, I lost both my boys.”

Cassie reached out to take his hand, looking into his eyes. “I don't think you've lost Jake. I think once he becomes a father, he'll be more understanding.”

He flinched, doubt creeping into his expression. “I don't know if I'll live to see the day.”

Cassie heard the anguish in his voice and it pained her greatly. This proud and cantankerous man rarely opened his heart to anyone. He'd held his heartache in for years, using it as a shield perhaps, not unlike Jake. For him to confide in her and to bring her to his son's grave, meant a great deal to Cassie. At that moment she made up her mind to
tell John T. the truth. He'd find out soon enough, anyway, and today of all days, the man needed to hear good news. Babies had a way of giving people hope. “Jake's going to be a father sooner than you think.” She pressed her hand to her stomach, her mind calculating the exact amount of days, almost to the minute, but she didn't bore him with the details. “I'd say in less than seven and a half months.”

John T.'s sad expression changed instantly. He peered down at her hand splayed across her belly. Surprise registered, a kind of stunned amazement, then once he regrouped he took her hand and led her to a wrought-iron bench on the grounds. “Want to tell me about it?”

Cassie left out the torrid details, but she did speak candidly with John T. about her life and past mistakes, how she met up with Jake at the rodeo and how much she wanted to do the right thing for the baby. He seemed to understand, but she wasn't quite sure he agreed with her decision not to marry Jake.

“He wants to marry me out of obligation. He doesn't love me. I don't think that's any way to raise a child, in a loveless home.”

“Are you saying you don't love my son?” John T.'s eyes softened on hers and Cassie knew he wasn't pressuring her, only trying to get at the truth.

“I'm saying it might be a big mistake marrying him. I don't want to be hurt again.”

John T. sighed, leaning back against the seat. They'd been talking for a long time, sharing confidences with brutal honesty. “My son is a stubborn one, but I think we both know he's worth the trouble.”

Cassie smiled softly. John T. was right. Jake was a woman's best kind of trouble. She was dreadfully in love with him, but set on protecting herself. He'd built up great walls of defense, shutting people out, and Cassie knew until
he learned how to open up and forgive, she'd never have his love.

“Yes, he's worth the trouble. But I won't play second fiddle again so I guess we're at a stalemate right now.” Cassie couldn't bring herself to say that she and the baby deserved to be loved. That she'd dreamed about one day having a family, a husband who loved her and a child to adore, but circumstances had always gotten in the way. Cassie couldn't resign herself to anything less. She'd reached a plateau in her life and wouldn't back down. If anything, she would rise up even higher and fight like mad not to go tumbling downward.

John T. grinned. “You're a tough cookie, Cassie Munroe. Jake's gotta have rocks in his head not to fall in love with you.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek, then stood, offering her his hand. “C'mon, let's get my grandchild home. I bet his mama is tired.”

 

A streaming ray of sunshine slanting in from her window woke Cassie from a sound sleep. She let out a tiny groan of dismay. Mornings were tough. She'd overcome her bouts of queasiness, thankfully, but getting out of bed seemed like a huge endeavor lately. No matter how much she slept at night, she'd always wake up feeling as though she hadn't slept at all.

But it was Monday morning and she had a pile of work on her desk, so she pressed herself up, washed her face and headed to the kitchen to make a pot of decaf. Halfway there, she stopped up short, catching her breath when she realized she was not alone. Her heart hammered with dread as she heard sounds coming from the living room. Slowly she walked in to investigate, blaming an overactive imagination. She'd always felt safe living at the ranch.

When she spotted him asleep on her couch, she gasped out loud. “Jake?”

One eye opened lazily.

“What are you doing here?” With hands on hips, she gazed down, not caring that her raised voice made the sleepy man jump.

He opened both eyes now, squinted up at her, then smiled, a lazy sort of smile that could charm the pants off of…well, her. Darn him. Her irritation ebbing, she shook her head. “Let me guess, you still have the key to the house.”

“Good morning to you, too, darlin',” he said, his eyes adjusting to the morning light. Sprawled out on his back on the sofa, wearing nothing but faded jeans, unsnapped at the waist, he stretched and scratched his chest, his fingers splaying through scattered coils of hair.

Cassie's toes curled. The man gave new meaning to the word seductive.

“I drove straight through. Got in very early this morning. I wanted to see you.”

“Jake, you can't crash on my sofa anytime you want.”

“Would you rather I'd joined you, in bed? I sure have to admit, it was tempting.” He focused on her nightclothes, a soft pink tank top and matching cotton shorts. His expression left no room for doubt what would have happened if he shared her bed.

“Jake,” Cassie said, exasperated. The man knew how to turn her on, big time, but she fought the lusty images flashing in her head. She couldn't fall victim to him again. And where had all this charm come from, especially so early in the morning? Cassie felt like the Wicked Witch of the West until she had her first cup of coffee.

Alert now, and sitting up, she noted his gaze traveling over her body and resting solely on her abdomen, on the baby.

“How are you?” he asked.

“I'm fine, really.”

“No more dizzy spells?”

“No, I'm over all that. I just tire more easily now, but that should pass soon, too.”

“That's good.”

He stood and stretched again. Cassie groaned silently, watching the fluid play of muscles tightening across his chest. She couldn't bring herself to tear her gaze away. She'd missed him.

“I'll fix us breakfast,” he said.

Cassie headed to the kitchen. If the man wanted to cook for her, who was she to deny him that privilege? Since her bouts of queasiness had diminished, she found herself more often than not, famished. “Two eggs, over easy, bacon and toast, lathered in butter and orange juice, please.”

He grinned devilishly. “I see you've gotten your appetite back.”

“I'm eating for two now.”

After an astonishingly good breakfast, Cassie carried the dishes to the sink. She began to load the dishwasher when a thought struck her. “I'd like you to return the house key,” she said firmly, but she couldn't turn to meet his eyes. This was, after all, his home and he'd been gracious enough not to send her packing. She knew John T.'s ploy wouldn't have stopped Jake from reclaiming his home if he'd really wanted it. But he'd made the sacrifice for her. He was living in the main house with his father, a place he'd rather not be. The slight tinge of guilt she felt made her uneasy.

Jake came up from behind. He wrapped his arms around her waist and brought his body close, his groin pressing into her backside. He spoke softly in her ear. “Okay, but it's gonna cost you.”

Her toes curled again and fiery heat shot through her. She
should just melt into him and be done with it. Whatever he had in mind would probably be too high a price. But Cassie couldn't have the sexy man traipsing into her house at all hours, playing havoc with her heart and mind.

She froze, her hands braced against the edge of the counter. Swallowing hard, she ventured, “What…what do you want?”

His arms tightened around her and he kissed her throat, his tongue coming out to moisten the skin just behind her ear. Her skin prickled and an unwelcome tightness assailed her body. His warm breath across her throat and the faint scent of spicy aftershave reeled her senses. Then she found herself being turned in his arms. He stared at her lips. “You know what I want, but for now I'll settle for this.”

His mouth claimed hers with urgent need, a tender kiss that escalated with each second that passed. Cassie was unable to stop it, to stop him from rekindling fiery passion that threatened like a live wire skittering out of control. His tongue brushed her lips, tasting her, pressing her, and she opened for him. Electricity filled the warm, sunlit room. Her heart pounded, her bones melted as Jake worked his magic with a demanding mouth, strong embrace and the hard beckoning call of his body.