Exquisite Betrayal (17 page)

“
S’true. But I’m cool with it. I’ve
gotten over the part where I’ll die if I’m not perfect. Besides, if
they don’t like it, fuck ‘em.”

I laugh because she has a great attitude.
“You’re right. But you look great.” And she does.

“
But it’s not like
you
have anything to worry about.” R.T. eyes
me.

I shrug. “The real reason is stress and lack
of money to eat out. I run to get rid of my tension.”

“
I don’t know how you do it. I can
only run to my fridge and back.”

We both laugh at that while I put our salads
in two large bowls and serve it up with the wine she bought. We sit
to eat at my dinky table then she toasts me and laughs. “Quite a
little romantic dinner we have here.”

“
Oh, yeah. I have them lining up by
the dozens. Oh, wait. I think I hear one knocking now.”

She pauses and looks thoughtful. “I would
think that’s your reality.”

An image of Bryce The Dickface flashes
before me. I shudder and blink, although R.T’s so observant, she
catches it.

“
I don’t mean to pry.”

“
Not at all. I was the girl who
wouldn’t put out. I guess word got out and…” I shrug and then roll
my shoulders back to ease the tension that’s grabbed
them.

“
Was it just one guy?”

“
Naw… but my finest moment was with
this guy I’d been seeing and thought he cared. I told her the story
and watched her scowl.

“
Jesus, Fallon. What a bloody
cretin.”

“
Here’s the thing. My dad always told
me to look for clues about people. You know, little things that
reveal their true nature. The Dickface had been leaving nuggets of
information about himself all over the place, but I chose to ignore
them all. So, I suppose I got what I deserved.”

“
Stop it. You think you deserved to be
treated like that? Are you joking? Fallon, the guy was a piece of
crap. So you ignored a few things about him, but come on. He stood
there and let some chick blow him and
forced
you to watch. That’s not only mean, it’s
perverted and abusive. He should have the bloody shit beaten out of
him.”

“
Yeah, well, it’s over and done. I’m
past it and
—
”

“
Then what about your little Vegas
thing? If you were really past it, why were you so hell bent on
losing your virginity?”

I’m suddenly very ill-at-ease discussing
this. R.T. knows the basics of what happened with Ryland, but I’m
not in the mood to have a therapy session with her.

“
Please don’t take this the wrong way,
but I really don’t want to talk about this.”

“
Right, you don’t because you weren’t
over it, were you?”

“
No, that wasn’t it.”

“
Then what?”

“
I was tired of hearing everyone go on
and on about sex. I read about it all the time. And dammit, I just
wanted to
feel
it for once in
my life. I wanted to be the girl to have the fun, too. With
Dickface, it never felt right. I mean, he always made me feel like
I
had
to give it up; always
pressuring me. I wanted to do it on
my
terms, you know? In Vegas, I figured I could
do that. And then, when I saw Ryland, there was this… this, I don’t
know.” I pinch the spot between my eyes.

“
What?”

“
This fucking attraction that was
stronger than anything I’d ever felt in my life. And I wanted for
once to experience something just for me. For the first time, I
felt the impulse to have sex. And I wanted it bad. I thought he was
on the same page. I mean, we mended our broken bridge after that
disastrous ride from Vegas to his house, but…” a fierce thought
strikes me then. “You know, I just realized something. I must not
be able to read people very well and I must be a crappy judge of
character. Maybe that was God’s way of letting me know that,
besides punishing me for doing something so damn
stupid.”

“
Now that’s the dumbest thing I’ve
ever heard. You’re not being punished and you’re not a poor judge
of character.”

“
Oh really? Then explain to me how I
end up in these situations.”

“
If I were to guess, I think the thing
with you and Ryland was a huge misunderstanding.”

I laugh, yet it isn’t a humorous one.

“
Yeah, well, tell that to my bruised
ego, and please keep this between us. I know y’all are close, but I
don’t want him to know any of this stuff.”

She reaches across and pats my hand. “I
won’t say a word, and I know how hurt you were. I was there
afterwards, remember?”

I nod. “I’m glad you came when you did.
Those last few days would’ve been boob crushing.”

“
Boob crushing?”

“
You know. Guys are always talking
about their precious balls. Well, have you ever had your boob
smashed?”

“
Whatever do you mean?”

“
This wreck I was in… my seatbelt had
somehow slipped down across my boob and when it snatched me back
during the impact, my damn boob got crushed and it hurt worse than
anything else on my body. It’s still killing me. So those guys that
whine about their little gonads all the time oughta have their
boobs smashed. Just sayin’.”

R.T. starts out with a tiny giggle, though
soon, her whole body is shaking as she holds her sides. “Oh, dear,
I don’t mean to laugh, but that was damn funny!”

“
Tell that to my boob. Damn thing is
swollen and purple. Looks like an eggplant. How would you like to
have an eggplant for a boob? I’m freakin’ lopsided.”

Out of the blue, she says, “He’d kill me if
he knew I said this, but he looks like hell and has been an arse
ever since you left. Wouldn’t take my calls for months. This was
the first time I’ve seen him since you left. He knows he fucked up…
knows what he did to you was wrong, but that’s all I’m gonna say,
‘cause I’ve already said too much.”

I mumble, “You know what? I’m glad he’s
hurting because he really cut me down and I’m not sure I’ll ever
get over that. We’d just shared something amazing, and he abandons
me there, like I was a speck of dirt. Nothing more than that. And
then I even go to him, hunt him down to… ah hell, what’s the use in
hashing it all over again. What’s done is done, and I don’t want to
see him again. I can’t afford to have my heart get trampled on like
that another time.”

“
I understand. What shall I tell
him?”

“
I don’t care. But make sure he has no
false illusions of us hooking up ‘cuz it ain’t gonna
happen.”

“
Fair enough,” she says,
nodding.

We sit in silence and continue to eat. I can
tell she’s thinking, though, by the glances she keeps giving
me.

“
Stop that. I know you’re conjuring up
something in your mind.”

“
Not really. I’m simply trying to
figure out how it all could’ve gone so wrong between the two of
you.”

“
Why does it matter so
much?”

“
I want to see you happy,
Fallon.”

“
Glad to know someone
does.”

“
Can I ask you a personal question?
Aside from the Ryland issue?” she asks.

Why the hell not. I mean Ryland was the most
intimate. “Sure.”

“
What happened with your
parents?”

“
Oh. My dad died and my mom’s crazy.”
I tell her the story and she sympathizes. “Thanks, but my mom is
who she is. I keep hoping, but… it’ll never change. I wish I could
move on, yet you know, she’s my mom and it’s just difficult. Dad
was the best and now that he’s gone, so she’s all I’ve got. I’m not
sure she does me any good, though.”

“
Why don’t you spend Christmas with
me? You can come out to San Francisco early and get moved in right
afterwards. You’d have a few days to get to know the city. What do
you say?”

There isn’t an adequate reason to say no, so
I accept her invitation. “Why are you doing all this for me?”

“
I like you. You’re a great person and
friend. I hope you feel the same.”

“
R.T., honestly, I don’t know what I
would do without you.”

With that, she squeezes me in a tight
hug.

“
Hey, watch the boob!”

“
Oops! Sorry. I’m going to love having
you in Cali. I hope these next couple of weeks fly by.”

***

Between my final week of work, limping
around in that silly boot and packing to move, the last two and a
half weeks are a blur. Before I know it, I’m on I-40, heading west
towards San Francisco.

I’m so excited I can almost taste it.
Everything feels fresh to me; from my new, used car to my old
clothes and meager belongings tossed in the back and trunk of the
car.

In the end, instead of renting a trailer, I
decide to leave my old bed and chest of drawers behind. The bed was
an ancient hand-me-down and the chest was something I found at a
yard sale. I’ll just buy something else when I can afford it and I
can always sleep on a blow up mattress until I can afford a
bed.

It’s going to take me a few days to get
there, but I don’t care. I’ll spend the night somewhere along the
way when I get sleepy.

My excitement is crazy through the roof
because I’ve never done anything like this before. I’m so happy
that I can visualize that mountain of debt shrinking when I think
about being able to pay off my student loans.

It’s a foggy evening when I pull into San
Francisco and locate R.T.’s house. My body is fatigued from the
drive, but I’m super psyched to be here nevertheless. She lives in
a lovely Victorian in Cow Hollow with a driveway, which is an
absolute impossibility to find in this city.

I hike up the steps to her porch and admire
her Christmas lights and decorations everywhere. When I ring the
bell and the door opens, my jaw drops as I stare right into that
incredible set of green eyes I left behind several months ago.

Her face tells me everything her voice
doesn’t. I’m the last person she expects or wants to see.

“
Fallon.” My throat tightens as though
someone is squeezing it while I stare at her for a minute and
absorb her. The scent that lingered in her room for so long washes
over me and I inhale it as I close my eyes before I give myself a
mental shake and pull it together.

“
Please come in.” I smile. I want to
hug the shit out of her, she looks that good. Then I notice the
boot she has on. “Good Lord, let me help you.” I grab the things
out of her hands, but she doesn’t move. I’m sure she’s shocked to
see me, so I blurt out, “R.T. had to run out for something, but
she’ll be back in a sec. Not to worry. You’re not stuck with me for
long.” She still hasn’t said a word. “Fallon. Everything
okay?”

Her eyes are stormy. “Hell, no, it’s not
okay. You stand there like… like… like I’m supposed to be overjoyed
to see you. Well, I’m not.” She crosses her arms over chest and
glares at me.

Shit. I was hoping for a bit of a better
response. “Right then. I don’t suppose you are, me being the arse
that I am, but it’s damp and chilly out, and I know you’re
knackered from the drive, so come on in and I’ll get you something
to drink while you get settled in. You don’t have to speak to me if
you don’t want.”

Those damn eyes of hers always nail me, but
this time, I feel like I’m five-years-old and being scolded for
eating all the cookies in the jar. The guilt she evokes in me
forces me to look away from her.

I shutter my eyes from her penetrating gaze
and say, “Please, Fallon. I feel like an absolute shit as it is. I
know I deserve to be strung up by my balls and then some, but come
in for Christ’s sake. You can’t stand on the porch all night.
You’ll catch a chill.”

At last she nods. Once. And then limps
passed me, head held high. The slight breeze she creates is filled
with her scent, and all I can think of is burying my face in her
hair. My dick jolts and I suddenly have the hard-on from hell.
“Fuck,” I mumble.

“
What’s that?”

My voice is firm as I answer, “I said fuck.
As in me. I’m a fuck, Fallon. Through and through.” I’ve come this
far, so I might as well continue.

She’s stopped by now and is studying me, her
head tipped to the side.

“
I deserve every nasty and ugly word
you can send my way because I treated you abominably. And I’m
sorry. More than I can say.”

Tilly barges in the door right then,
interrupting my apology. I don’t know whether to be pissed or
happy.

“
Fallon!” The two girls hug and Tilly
is trying to hop around.

“
R.T., don’t forget about Fallon’s
foot.”

“
Bugger, I’m sorry. I forgot about
your boot thing. Shit, Fallon.” She peers at Fallon for a second
and notices something’s up. “So, how was the drive?”

“
Long. I’m glad I’m here.” It’s a
half-hearted comment.

“
Um, did I interrupt
something?”

Fallon and I answer at the same time. Of
course, she says no and I say yes. Tills looks confused.

“
S’okay. I was going to fix us all
drinks anyway. So what can I get everyone?”

They both want wine so I pour us glasses of
merlot.