Fabio's Remorse (Hell Raiders MC Book 5) (7 page)

12

Justine

Life became one long series of terror-filled obstacles. If I thought I was scared after
that
night, I leaned what real fear was after the first phone call. They kept coming, on a regular basis, and he always called from a different number. I knew better than to answer a call from any number I didn't recognize, but somehow, not picking up made it even worse. At least if I heard his voice, I knew.

Finally, the strain took such a toll, I changed my number. Those first few weeks after the new number almost felt okay, but subconsciously, I must have known it was only a matter of time. It felt like holding my breath and waiting for the next blow to come. Which, of course, it did. The call came.

"Hey there, Teach, I'm disappointed. You got a new number. I had to fucking break into your school to get your new one."

The familiar surge of terror came, and I threw the phone. Unable to take it any longer, I moved, but he found me the same way he got my phone number. I never knew when I would hear from him, but every time he called, a rash of assaults similar to mine were reported. Sometimes they came before, sometimes after, and sometimes both.

It haunted me. He had formed some sick attachment to me, and somehow the calls were connected to his new crimes. Every time it happened, I knew I should report it. But, truly, it would serve no purpose to humiliate myself any further. I didn't know anything that could help them catch him. So, like always, I stayed silent and retreated further into my shell.

Eventually, I felt like I had nowhere else to run to, so I went back to my original safety zone. I moved back home for the sake of what was left of my sanity. My obsessions with security had only worsened, until they took up most of my free time. I couldn't keep doing it alone.

The move back to my parents' house might have made me feel a bit safer, at least initially. But it came with a different set of pitfalls and torments that might have been even more hazardous for me. Everywhere I looked were reminders of my life with Caleb—pictures of us together as kids, prom pictures, keepsakes my mom hung onto.

I redecorated my own room, removed every trace of him, but the rest of the house still held onto his memory. And my mother refused to even consider packing some things away to make it a little easier for me, even when my dad intervened and asked. Instead, she seemed to take perverse pleasure in finding a billion little ways to remind me what I'd given up.

Every morning, I started off with a little prayer just to get through the day without too much pain. I understood, in a way, why she did it. She'd loved Caleb, and been terribly upset when I told her I broke it off with him. She couldn’t understand, and I couldn't tell her the truth. So not only did I lose the man I loved, I lost my mom in every way that counted, too.

After work, I usually spent some time in the backyard with Sam and Hudson before I did anything else. They needed as much attention as I could give them. Mom pitched a fit about my bringing them when I moved back, but she mellowed a little toward them, at least. I wished I could say the same for myself.

While my dad welcomed me back with open arms, my mother firmly kept me at a distance. All of her resentment at what she saw as merely rebellion from me welled up with a vengeance.

One Friday evening, I sat on the back porch reading while the dogs lay contented at my feet. Out there, and in my room, were the only places in the house I could pretty well count on mom not following me, haranguing me with constant criticisms. So I took advantage and spent as much time with the dogs as I could, even if was just sitting by them and reading.

The sounds of things banging around in the kitchen came through the window, reminding me of the time, and the torture session coming up. Mom insisted on re-instituting the same rules from before I moved out on my own. She and I prepared dinner together every day, and we always ate dinner as a family. As a teenager, I'd thought it was stupid and controlling. Now, as an adult, I knew exactly what it was—the perfect excuse to criticize and belittle me.

And now I had to face it yet again. I sighed and stood, silently wishing I was the sort of person who could use curse words every other breath. With a final pat on the dogs' heads, I went inside to wash up and help with dinner.

Mom glanced up from where she peeled potatoes at the sink. "You decided to come in and help, finally?"

I swallowed my resentment. "Sorry, I didn't realize you had already started." It went the same way every evening, yet I wasn't allowed to start without her. I gritted my teeth and tried to get ready for it.

"Right, the sounds of things being moved in the kitchen told you nothing." She rolled her eyes. "If you can bring yourself to finish these, I'll get the chicken breaded and going."

The request needed no reply, so I gave none. The less I had to say to her, the better. Instead, I just took the knife, and her place at the sink, and went to work on the potatoes. If I was lucky, dinner would be simple and quick, but I seriously doubted it.

Mom went about getting the chicken started, talking to herself, but making sure I heard it all. "I don't know how some people can just sit and read all day. Never get anything done. Well, they probably have serious regrets about things they've done." She clattered around a little more, clearly waiting for some response from me. "Hm, you know what? I don't feel like standing over it and frying the chicken today. I think I'll just roast it with garlic. Caleb always used to love that."

My knife slipped and the blade bit into my thumb, right at the joint. Blood started flowing and I dropped the knife and potato to grab a paper towel. I stood there, blood seeping through the paper towel from my throbbing thumb, and anger swept over me in a terrifying wave.

"Oh, are you okay? What happened?" Mom half smirked over her shoulder. She knew exactly what happened. She liked having solid evidence of how much her words had shaken me.

Rather than get into it with her again, I just turned and left the room. Upstairs, I stopped in the bathroom long enough to clean and dress my cut, even though it still bled. In my room, I sat on the bed, and tried to stay numb. Other than fear, I allowed myself no emotions. I couldn't afford it.

A tear rolled over my lashes, and I brushed it away angrily. My mom and I had been so close before, but I ruined that, just like I did everything else in my life. I stood and paced around the small room until something on my dresser caught my attention.

No.

She did
not
.

But there it sat. The picture Caleb's mother took of him and me hugging right before he left.

I thought all the copies of that were destroyed, but apparently my mother found one. That shouldn't surprise me. Lately, if there was a way to hurt me, she would move heaven and earth to find it. My fingers trembled as I picked it up, looking closely.

God, we were so young there. We actually believed things would work in our favor, and our lives would be some happily ever after fairy tale that never happens. Such fools. I stared at us, at the grief in our faces, mixed with hope.

Why did he have to leave? Just to follow some stupid family tradition that really meant nothing to him. He went off chasing adventure and action, leaving me alone and defenseless for the twisted monsters this life spawned.

Fury like I never felt before pounded through my blood. I swept everything off the top of my dresser with one hand, not caring how much noise I made, or what broke. None of that mattered.

How could my Caleb do that to me? I'd loved him, given him everything, and he still left. All of this was his fault. All of it.

I turned, and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Tears I hadn't even noticed wet my cheeks, and I looked all disheveled and broken. That was me. Broken. Caleb broke me when he left and let those men rape me.

I crossed the room to the mirror and stared at myself for a moment. The creature looking back at me was nothing more than a shell, an automaton going through the motions because she had to.

Screams of rage tore from my throat and I hit the creature in the mirror until the glass shattered, and still I didn't stop.

Someone pounded on my door, but I didn't answer. I fell to the floor, shaking and sobbing and screaming and breaking even further apart.

Nothing could fix me now, not even Caleb.

13

Fabio

The Hell Raiders became as close to family as I could get. We all looked out for each other, accepted each other. Hell, that was more than some families did for each other. While I stayed loosely in contact with Alexis, I had no intentions of ever going home. Stags Leap was my home now.

Trip stuck his head in the door of the little office where Badger and I kept track of the club's defensive, and offensive, resources. "Yo, Fabio, need to get with you on details for the run tomorrow."

"I got time now, if you do. Just finished up."

He came in and dropped into the extra chair. "We'll be meeting up with some of the Tennessee boys, and continuing on down through Georgia and into Florida."

Normally, I would accompany them on such a run, but Kellen and I were catching up with a gun deal. "Going through the Saxons territory."

Trip grinned. "Yeah. Our intel is that they've fragmented, no one trying to hold onto their old ground. And I'll be damned if I go the long way around just to avoid them."

We spent the next ten minutes discussing the possibility of trouble, but my phone rang, interrupting. Unknown number. I let it go to voicemail while Trip and I finished up. It rang again as he left.

"Yeah."

"Is this Caleb Reach?" The male voice on the other end had an official ring to it.

"Who's asking?" Official and me didn't mix all that well these days.

"Mr. Reach, this is Trooper Michael Addison with the Oklahoma State Police. Will you confirm that you are Caleb Reach?"

My gut flipped over. "Yeah, I am. What's up?" Instinctively, I knew I didn't want to hear what Trooper Addison had to say.

"Alexis Reach Blair is your sister?"

"She is. Is something wrong with Alexis or the kids?" Of course there wasn't. My heart still sat like a fucking stone in my chest, though.

"Sir, I regret to inform you, your sister and her husband were killed in a traffic accident."

All the air left my lungs. Not Alexis, too.

"Sir, are you still there?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry." Fuck.

"Sir, there's more. Your niece and nephew are with a family friend now, but it appears you are their only surviving relative. You'll need to make arrangements of some sort for them, or they will become wards of the state."

Wards of the state. Fuck no. "Uh, yeah, okay. I'll be there as soon as possible."

The Trooper gave me contact info and said call him when I reached Duncan, and that the Stephens County Sheriff's Office would be in touch as well, then hung up.

I sat there, letting it sink in. Alexis. Gone. I hadn't known her husband well, so I didn't really feel his loss. Fuck, I should have manned up and gone home to visit when she asked. Guilt slammed into me. I gave up on my own sister, just because some bitch did me wrong. How fucking pathetic was that?

My fist went through the wall, and I ignored the ache of bruised knuckles. It did nothing for the empty hole sitting in my chest. I locked up and headed out to the bar. Beer first, then find Kellen.

"Hey, Fabio, 'sup? You look like somebody done pissed in your Cheerios." Cherry stood behind the bar with the new Prospect, no doubt showing him where to find everything. Without her, the Hell Raiders would be screwed. She kept us all in line.

"Yeah, kinda feel that way, Cherry. Can I get a beer?"

"Sure, honey. What's going on?" She handed me an icy cold bottle.

I downed half of it before I replied. "Just got a call from back home. My sister and her husband got killed in a car accident."

She came out from behind the bar in a hurry and enveloped me in her trademark hug. "Honey, I'm so sorry. Tell me what you need. Are you going back?"

I leaned into that hug and let her comfort me, just like all my Brothers did when something knocked us for a loop. "Yeah, I have to. We didn't have any other family. And I have to see about her kids."

Cherry patted my cheek. "Honey, you just let me know what I can do. And you take care of them babies."

That hug did something to me. A sob choked me. "I didn't go back to visit when she asked."

"Oh, honey." She pulled me in closer. "She loved you, so she understood. You can't change that now, but you can be there for her kids. So that's what you do."

I sat there and cried, and let her hold me for a long time. Vaguely, I realized most of the rest of the club had gathered in silence, just showing support. Eventually, I calmed down enough to talk.

"Uh, I just got word my sister was killed. I have to take a trip. Not sure how long I'll be gone."

Several Raiders nodded, gave their condolences, and went back to whatever they'd been doing. We were tight and supportive of one another, but business had to go on.

Kellen stopped and pulled me into a rough embrace. "You take all the time you need, man. And you let us know if there's anything you need. We got your back."

"Thanks, Prez."

"When do we leave?" Crank leaned against the bar behind Cherry.

"I'm leaving in a couple hours. Cherry, you'll look out for Samurai?"

"Of course, honey, you don't even have to ask that."

"I'm going with you. You need a Brother at your side to face this shit." Crank's tone clearly said he'd made up his mind, and it wasn't up for discussion.

All I could do was nod. "Thanks, man. I appreciate it. Not looking forward to this."

"I'll get my shit together, and we'll roll." He squeezed my shoulder and headed for his room.

I returned Cherry's hug once more. "Thank you."

She smiled and patted my cheek once more. "Honey, you know I’m here."

I nodded and said my farewells to the woman who had become like a mother to me. It only took a few minutes to get my shit together for the trip. I tended to travel light, and usually kept a bag ready to grab. One last minute check-in with Kellen, Trip, and Badger to make sure everything was squared away, and I was ready.

Crank and I rolled out just after noon, ready to lay down some miles. Barring any trouble, we should make it to Duncan early in the morning, if we rode straight through. I had no intentions of stopping, knowing Alexis' kids were at risk of being turned over to the state. I knew very well what that shit did to a kid, and they were not going to see it.

The solitude of the ride yawned before me like a chasm waiting to swallow me. Normally, I enjoyed it. This time, I figured I could do without the time to think. Too damn much misery waiting for me. The demons had to be confronted, though. I'd mostly avoided it for far too long.

So I rode. And I thought.

How would I feel about being home again? In the town where I grew up, around the people I knew back then? Part of me looked forward to it. I wondered if Mrs. Calhoun still lived down the street from my old house. My ninth grade Algebra teacher forced me to work my ass off in her class, and won my respect along the way.

The funeral. Most likely, nothing was arranged yet. I would have to handle it all. Just getting through that shit would kill me. No man should have to make funeral arrangements for his sister.

We stopped for a few minutes in southern Indiana to stretch and get a drink. I'd been opposed to any stops at first, but Crank made a good point. No matter how hard we rode, we couldn't get there before morning, and we couldn't do anything in the middle of the night except sit and twiddle our thumbs. So we took it a little easier.

Crank took one look at my face when we pulled into that rest stop, and knew I'd been putting myself through hell. "Stop it, Fabio. You can't do anything about the past."

"Yeah, man, I know. Still, I shouldn't have let one messed up bitch ruin shit for me with my family." The damn lukewarm water from the vending machine threatened to come back up. "When I think about all I let her take from me, and from my sister, I can't help getting pissed even more."

"I get that, man. But blaming yourself now ain't going to help your sister, or those kids. The important thing is, you're taking care of business there now."

He was right, of course, as usual. By the time we got back on the road, the guilt eased up a little. Just enough for me to think about Justine.

Was she still in Duncan, with some other man? What would I do if I ran into her? The though fucking tormented me. Somewhere in Illinois, self-pity got the better of me, and tears ran down my cheeks, only to be immediately dried by the wind.

Why me? What the hell had I done to deserve that? Absolutely nothing. She utterly crushed me with that one little letter, and as I rode back toward her, I felt every bit of it all over again. All that heartbreak, grief, and misery poured through me in a tidal wave that threatened to pull my bike into a header with the next oncoming semi.

I went back through all my memories, searching for some indication, some hint, of the betrayal to come. Like always, I found absolutely nothing. One minute, we were fine, the next, she dumped me. I had to be the biggest fucking fool in history to have fallen for her lies so long. The power I had given her over me for such a long time made me feel like even more of an idiot.

The familiar rage returned to color the misery. By the next stop, somewhere in Missouri, I had a plan.

"You doing okay?" Crank's words threatened to break through my resolve.

Fuck no, I wasn't okay. But I would be. "Yeah, man, I'm good."

We rolled into Duncan around four a.m., absolutely exhausted. The little motel by the highway seemed like as good a place as any to catch a couple hours' sleep before I had to dive into the hell waiting for me.

The night clerk, who looked all of fifteen, eyed us warily as I filled out the registration and paid for three nights. "You won't cause any trouble, will you?" Her hands shook as she took the cash.

I shook my head. "No, sugar. We just want to rest a few hours." Killed me, everywhere we went, people assumed the bike, cut, and ink meant we wanted to shoot up the town and rape their daughters.

"Okay. I just have to make sure. My dad would kill me if I checked in anyone that tore up the room, or anything like that." She looked around nervously, avoiding my eyes.

"Well, I can promise, we won't do anything but sleep and get a shower. Ain't got time for raising hell." Crank leaned against the counter, ready to turn on the charm. "Where's the best place around here to eat breakfast?"

Not for the first time, I was glad for his company. The bastard could make just about any situation a little easier to bear. People liked him, despite the cut, bike, and ink. His laid back manner put them at ease.

He chatted with the girl a few more minutes before we headed out to find our room. I didn't bother to take off more than my boots before I fell into the bed exhausted.