Facade (20 page)

“You do.” And it’s probably the realest truth I’ve given her. She does. She makes me feel good. There is suddenly nothing that could make me leave this room. My jacket comes off, tossed to the chair.

“Come here,” but I don’t wait for her. I pull her to me. Her breasts press against my chest and her breath smells like apple cider and I let the scent comfort me the way she said it does her.

“I want you bare to me, my little ghost. I don’t know all your secrets and you know none of mine, but I don’t want to wear masks with you right now. I want to see all of you. Show me those ghosts in your eyes and I’ll try to kiss them away. Let me bare my scars to you and feel your lips on them.” Because fuck if I don’t need to tear down this façade. I know she sees how broken I am, but to admit it is different. To acknowledge the masks are there—regardless if she knows what they are or not—and to feel her try to comfort me. To give her that in return is a burning need inside me. An ache that can only be cured with her because no matter what, she doesn’t push me and that means something.

“I want that, Adrian. I would do anything to take your pain away.”

And I believe her. My hands travel over the landscape of her back. I let them slide down until they’re under her ass, and then I lift her. Easily she comes to me, trusts me, wrapping her legs around my waist. Her shoes dig into my thighs and I welcome it. Feel her jeans as they stretch across her ass and wish it was her naked skin under my hands.

My mouth trails down to her neck and she arches for me, giving me free rein to explore her. “Such a gift,” I tell her as I lick the soft skin there. Taste her, learn her, until she invades all of my senses. She’s what I hear, see, taste, and smell. I want all of it.

As if she’s just as hungry for me, her mouth finds mine. Her arms are so tight around my neck as though she’s afraid I’m going to let her go.

“I won’t let you go,” I say, though we both know eventually I will.

She shows me her eyes and I see the knowledge there. See her pain and excitement and everything I could want her to show me.

I turn and lay her on the bed. Push my stupid fucking bag to the floor because it’s not like I’m going anywhere tonight.

I slide the straps of her bra down. My fingers drift behind her back to the hooks. When it’s gone, I drink my fill with my eyes. Kiss each peak with my mouth. When I pull gently with my teeth, she cries out.

“Adrian… oh God…”

I can’t stop there, so I kiss my way down her torso. Unbutton her jeans, take off her shoes, her pants, before I start at her ankles and work my way back up with my mouth. Each place I kiss her, touch her, I pretend it wipes away one of her ghosts. Cures one of her aches and relieves some of her pain.

Her legs hang over the side of the bed as I kneel on the floor between them. She’s so beautiful. So fucking beautiful that when I look at her, it’s hard to remember there’s any bad in the world. “Tell me what you want. Tell me what you need.”

She doesn’t answer. Only cries out as I push a finger inside her.

“You… just you…”

“I’m here.” I move up her body, lean over her to take her mouth as I kiss her again. Pump my fingers and revel in the little gasps of pleasure she makes. When her body begins to stiffen under me, she says, “Oh God, oh God, oh God,” over and over. I kiss her again, deeper, until her words are lost and she’s coming apart beneath me.

I can’t help but smile. “You are so sexy.”

She doesn’t smile back. She’s still completely open to me like I ask and so serious when she says, “Let me kiss your scars, Adrian. Show them to me.”

There’s never been anyone I’ve wanted to show more. “Yes.”

I take my shirt off, kick out of my pants, and then lay on the bed, as bare as she is. Her eyes skate over my body, exploring me with all that innocence and curiosity in her that makes me smile.

“Don’t be scared,” I tell her, hoping to wipe away her fear.

When she straddles me, her warm, wet heat against me, it’s searing. A wildfire raging inside me. She kisses my stomach.

“I lied to you. When I said I wasn’t close with my sister. She was my best friend. The only person I used to have in my corner.”

I know her mouth can’t really take away these scars, but it feels so good to show them. To bare them in a way I’ve never done.

Her mouth moves up to my chest, kisses the right side.

“My father used to beat the shit out of us. Mom… Angel… and me. We all just fucking took it, but then Angel left and she came back for me.”

Her mouth stops moving, “Adrian—”

“No, baby. Don’t. Not right now.” If she talks, I won’t be able to and she deserves to know the things I can handle telling her.

Her mouth comes down again. This time on the little fist tattooed over my heart, the one that holds my heart in its tiny hand.

“There was only one responsibility I ever had. Only one person I should have taken care of… and I let him die.”

She freezes on top of me like I knew she would. What other response can someone have to something like that?

“Adrian… no. You didn’t. You couldn’t.”

“Shhh.” I run my hand through her hair. See her eyes water and wipe away the tears. “Don’t stop, Little Ghost.”

Indecision shows on her face. It’s not as though a comment like mine wouldn’t cause it. She has every right to stop. Probably should stop, but she doesn’t. Instead she takes my hand, the fingers that just wiped her tears and she kisses each one of them.

“I need you,” I tell her. She’s still straddling me as I sit up and grab my bag, pulling out a condom from inside. Her eyes don’t leave my hand as I open the package, roll it on, before I push in, disappearing inside her.

“Oh God… Adrian.”

I lay back and she goes with me. I thrust forward and her hips roll with mine. We move together, in unison. She’s the fire in my veins, the breath in my lungs, and the glue trying to hold each of my scars together.

I’ve had sex. A lot of sex, but nothing like this. Nothing like it is with her. It’s raw and real and fucking incredible.

“You feel so good.” I know if it were possible to save me, to make me feel whole, she would be the one to do it. I can’t be whole again, but it’s nice to pretend.

My hands won’t stop moving. I want to know all of her. Use her as my paper, like she said. Her back, her shoulders. Every part of her I explore while we move together.

“Adrian… I’m…”

“I know, baby. Let go,” I tell her.

And she does. Quivering above me, she lets go. Lets me catch her and then I’m doing the same.

* * *

My eyes jerk open when the nightmare ends. Delaney’s naked and wrapped in my arms. I pull her close, as close as I can get to her. Why didn’t I listen? Why couldn’t I have done the right thing by them?

“Were you dreaming?” she asks softly.

“Yeah.”

She rolls over so she’s facing me. Leaning up on my elbow, I look down at her. It’s just now dusk outside. The last of the day, disappearing into night. Here, then gone, like Ashton was.

“Can I tell you something? It’s probably not what you want to hear and I know it’s not the right time, but I feel it and I need to—”

“Say it,” I finish for her. “I want to hear whatever you have to say.”

“I know I shouldn’t and I know there’s so much we don’t know about each other and it’s probably wrong of me but… but I’m falling in love with you. And I want you to know. You deserve to know and—”

“Say it again.” I close my eyes. Focus on the words.

“I love you.”

Those words wash through me. Fucking fill me up. She moves closer to me. Buries her face in my chest and I want nothing more than to be the man she deserves. “There have only ever been two people in my life who have loved me, and they both had no choice. And I let them down, Little Ghost. I don’t want to break you too.”

“You won’t, Adrian. God, if you could only see. You’re so much better than you give yourself credit for.”

I let her think that’s true. Wish it was. And I know I should be man enough to return her words, but I can’t, so I give her what I can.

In the morning, I don’t have to open my eyes to know I’m alone in the bed. The knowledge adds another weight to the anchor already holding me down. I should be floating. Part of me is. I love Adrian. I really, really do. And he didn’t freak out when I told him. He didn’t say it back and I didn’t expect him to. Maybe I’m even partly glad he didn’t because I wouldn’t want him to admit something like that with the weight of my betrayal between us.

But he didn’t run and the words he spoke were the most beautiful to ever touch my ears. Love and life and all the things that matter in this world live inside Adrian and he’s shown me those pieces of him. I want to honor them and treasure them and lock them away in my heart forever.

Live inside me
, he’d said, and I want to be there, the way he already inhabits me.

Which means I have to tell him right away and hope there is some way to salvage what we have between us. Because I know when I do, he might hate me. Odds are he will.

The door to our room clicks and I know it’s absolutely ridiculous, but I keep my eyes closed, not ready to see him. But it’s hard, so very hard because my heart is calling to him and I want to soak in every part of him that I can.

The bed dips next to me and his hand pushes the hair away from my face.

“Don’t open your eyes,” he whispers, which immediately makes them pop open. “I knew you would cheat.” He winks at me.

My heart flips, the way he tossed those perfect pancakes into the air.

He’s not perfect, but he’s sexy and beautifully broken, inspiring and passionate and
everything
at the same time.

“It’s impossible not to open your eyes when someone tells you not to,” I say.

“Then close your eyes.” His hand moves to my forehead and then slides down, as though it is magical, making my eyes obey.

There’s a rustling sound. My lips stretch into a smile and happiness bursts inside me, sending confetti all through me at the sweet scent that hits my nose.

“Open your eyes now, Little Ghost.”

I do and they fill with tears. I don’t try to stop them as they roll down my face and soak into the pillows we slept on last night.

“You bought me a caramel apple?” My voice cracks.

“Not to make you cry.” He wipes my tears and holds it out to me. “You wear your emotions so openly. That’s a gift. Don’t ever lose that.”

“I won’t.” I can hardly get the words out as I sit up and take the apple from him.

He opens another for himself and we lean against the headboard and eat caramel apples for breakfast, me still naked and him cold from braving the weather.

“Tell me more about you and your father,” he says.