Face Time (37 page)

He stands up and turns around, opening the cabinet above the sink. “This is a guest bathroom, so here…” He places a toothbrush still wrapped in plastic on the counter next to the toothpaste, and I smile remembering Theresa doing the same thing for me a few days ago. “Get cleaned up. I’ll take you downstairs to the media room and wine cellar while I deal with my mother.”

He pulls me to my feet, and I stand in front of the mirror and assess my disheveled state. I’m pale and dark circles have formed under my eyes from the stress of the funeral and jet lag. Lee makes eye contact with me in the mirror before closing his eyes and hugging me from behind. “You must be exhausted,” he says, before kissing me on the neck. “I’ll make it quick.”

The kitchen is silent when I walk in, my mother alone again at the wide, dark wood table. This room used to be filled with lively family conversation. Now the lights are dim and the only sound is the wind in the trees outside.

“Mom, I’m going to leave soon with Laura.” I sit down in Laura’s chair. Her turquoise scarf is still here, draped over the back, so I fold it and set it on the table. “I won’t be back.”

“How can you stay with that girl after what she did?” she asks, and I’m relieved she’s back to English. I don’t want to fight with her in Korean.

“Mom, it’s not as if it’s any of your business, but Laura’s abortion happened a very long time ago. Over ten years ago. It’s in the past.” I sigh and tap my fingers on the table. “You should have talked with me before accusing her of things you know nothing about.”

“I don’t have to explain myself to my own children.”

I close my eyes against the rage building up in my chest. She’s so fucking antagonistic. “You should get to know her. She’s sweet and kind and talented, and she loves me…”

“Sandra loves you.”

I burst into laughter, a marked contrast to my sobbing fifteen minutes ago. “Sandra loves my money and this family’s stature, but she most certainly doesn’t love me.”

“Are you going to marry this girl?” She turns her hard eyes on me, and I’m struck with how cold and sad she is. I want to hug her, and I hate myself for feeling that way after all she’s put me through. But she lost her husband this week, she’s fighting with her kids, and she thinks she’s lost standing in the community because Sandra and I have broken up.

“Mom, I don’t know. We’ve only been dating six weeks. Give me a break, will you?”

“You don’t even know her.”

“I know plenty about her,” I roar, slamming my hand on the table. “She’s amazing. She’s scrappy and resourceful. I think she reminds me of great-grandma Park… like she was during the Korean War.” My great-grandmother scavenged for food for her family during the war so they wouldn’t starve. She was strong and capable, too. Picked up her whole family and moved them to Busan, then split sons and daughters up, and sent her sons to America. All of the stories I’ve heard about her remind me of Laura.
 

My mouth suddenly won’t move. I imagine the love of my life in her mid-twenties, skin and bones, starving and picking rotting meat out of garbage cans in a back alley, and a shock of nausea turns my stomach on its side. No wonder she loves to cook and eat good food now. “She’s one of the best people I’ve ever met.”

“But, Lee…”

“Stop, Mom. There’s more potential with Laura than there ever was with Sandra. Sandra didn’t want kids. She wanted me to settle down and spend money on her. She wanted the big house and the country club. And I could just see us, ten years from now, and I hated it. I want to marry someone I love who loves me. I want kids and a family. I want a spouse who’s happy no matter how much money we have in the bank. And I definitely don’t want to live here in Seattle.”

She turns her face from me and stares silently out the window again. I wait, stupidly hoping she’ll say I’m right and that I do deserve all those things because that’s what a loving mother should say to her child.

I lean forward and try to catch her eye, but I’ve been dismissed. I might as well be dead to her now, just like Dad.

I grab Laura’s scarf and stand up. “Okay, well, I’m going to get Laura, and we’re leaving before dinner.”

I wait again for some kind of acknowledgment, but she sits as still as stone.

Without saying goodbye, I walk out of the kitchen and straight into Jin, Mimi, Nari, and Daniel in the front entryway.

“Lee,” Jin says, his tense shoulders relaxing. “Were you talking with Mom?”

“Yes. I’m not welcome here anymore and neither is Laura, so we’re leaving.” I stretch my neck around them all to see the caterer’s van pull up in the driveway and block me in. “Where are the boys?”

“They’re playing video games.” Nari reaches for my arm, and I extend both of mine and hug her. She even feels different from how she used to, substantial and real. Nari is a whole new person.

“I’m sorry we didn’t talk. I think Laura and I will be in town for a few more days. Will you come meet us for dinner?”

Nari squeezes me and lets go, looking to Daniel, and he nods. “We’ll get a babysitter.”

I give Mimi a hug and kiss on the cheek then hug Jin too. “You all should come to South Korea this summer. I’d even be happy to take Kade and Leland for a few weeks if you want to travel.”

“We’d love that,” Mimi says with a smile. “I don’t remember the last time we had time to ourselves.”

“I can’t take credit for the idea, it was Laura’s.” I step away from them all and grab my shoes. “Now I need to tell this van to unblock my car.”

“Oh, I can go.” Jin turns for the door. “I still have my shoes on.”

“Don’t bother. I have to get something from the car anyway before I meet Laura downstairs. We’ll say goodbye on the way out.”

Lee’s words echo in my head as I descend the stairs to the basement. He doesn’t want to lose me. He still thinks I’m worth it. Our first kiss has grown into a beautiful relationship, a real relationship. The seed has sprouted and wound between the two of us, a strong vine with a few new leaves. It flourishes despite others trying to stomp on it and kill it. I wonder what our relationship will be like a month from now, a year from now. I can’t wait to find out.

The stairs empty into a room the same footprint as the house with tall ten foot ceilings, track lighting, and dark wood floors. In the left corner is a large gas fireplace, already lit, with huge leather chairs placed in front of it. On my right, a long bar with eight tall stools and a fully stocked bar back. A dumb waiter sits open at the end that must go up to the kitchen, and opposite the bar is a pool table and big screen TV on the wall.

I could live in this room. It’s easily twice the size of my Manhattan apartment. My old apartment, I remind myself. I don’t live in New York anymore. I had managed to stop myself from crying, but now I’m at it again. I gave up my life in New Orleans to take care of my mother, then gave it up again when she moved in and my relationship with Rene ended. And yet, I stayed. I let her take advantage of me because I thought it was what she needed. I have devalued my life over and over in order to please others. This is something I need to put a stop to. I’ll accept my past — it’s part of me — but I can’t let it hold me back forever.

On the other side of the bar are sliding glass doors to the outside, a level below the kitchen and to the side. The basement must have been carved into the hill here. Along the far wall are three doors. The first one I open and find storage and mechanical equipment. The second one is a spacious bathroom with natural light spilling in from a thin window along the ceiling. I grab a tissue from the vanity and dry my eyes before I cry anymore. The other door leads to the wine cellar, a cool, unheated, room with seven standing cases of wine that hold roughly forty bottles a piece. I flip the switch near the door and each aisle is flooded with light. Lee’s parents obviously love wine because only a few available slots sit vacant.

After five minutes of hemming and hawing, I choose four bottles, all from the 1980s or 1990s, three reds and one white, Italian and French. Lee suggested I pick out wine for our hotel room, and I hope I haven’t chosen anything sentimental. I turn off the light, and, placing the bottles on the bar, I search the bar cabinet for food. My stomach is growling and hollow now that I puked up everything I had in me. I find a stash of pretzels and take it over to the fireplace, kick off the slippers, and slip my iPhone from my pocket. No service. Damn. I want to text with Nicole or Justin or Theresa and ask them what I should do next, if I’m making the right decisions. There’s a wifi network called “Park_Family” but it’s password protected so I mold myself as far into the chair as I can and listen. No more shouting except for the occasional cries of boys playing video games.

I wish things had gone differently for both Lee and me. We have a lot of strikes against us already, and I can’t foresee what’s coming next. It’s crazy to think about moving in with someone I’ve only known for five weeks, but I just don’t care anymore. I know what I want. I hope Lee hasn’t changed his mind.

With the few handfuls of pretzels in my belly, I set them on the table next to me and close my eyes, letting my mind drift until I hear the door open and feet descending the stairs.

“Hey, baby.” Lee leans over me and kisses the side of my nose sweetly. I open my eyes and he’s standing with the white bag from his earlier shopping trip. “I’m glad you found the wine.”

“I did. I grabbed a few bottles for us.” I blink my eyes, pressing them closed with my fingers for a moment. “I shouldn’t have closed my eyes. I’m more tired than I thought I was.”

“I’m absolutely exhausted.” He collapses into the chair next to mine and setting the bag between us. “And we’re going to get in the car and go in a few minutes.”

“Things didn’t go well with your mom?”

“Nope. Not at all. I’m not welcome here anymore,” he says, his voice even and shoulders slumped. “But it’s okay. I’m not coming back to Seattle again for a very long time.”

I lean forward and take his hand gently. “I’m sorry, Lee. I wish there was something I could do.”

“There is, Laura.” He holds my hand in both of his and rubs some warmth into it. “I’ve been thinking a lot about our first date and how amazing that night was for me. It was so simple, just dinner and coffee, but the most memorable night. There was this moment, when I was talking about traveling and your eyes lit up, and I had to stop myself from rolling mine.” He laughs and shakes his head, and I blush at my own childishness. “I didn’t understand how caged you felt, and how my lonely life would be so thrilling to you. You make me really happy, you know that? And I don’t want to spend another day apart from you.” Warmth spreads through my chest as he smiles at me. “I still want you to move to Korea with me. I honestly have no idea how we’d date if you didn’t come with me, and I don’t want to lose you. My father’s death…” He halts, his chin trembling for a moment. “Life is too short to waste it lonely.”

I close my eyes and cry again, relief driving tears down my face to my shaking lips.

“Come and make my empty apartment a home. Travel with me. Help me find a better job and be happy.”

I nod, the tears plopping onto the leather chair loudly. “I’d love to. I’ve wanted to for some time.”

“Are you sure, Laura? You’re so selfless. I want to make sure this is something
you
want to do.” He turns my hand over, lacing his fingers with mine and squeezing.

“Oh yes, most definitely. You asked me back in New York, and it felt so right. In fact, I was just sitting here thinking I’d force you to take me with you somehow if you had changed your mind. Maybe put a spell on you.” I waggle the fingers of my free hand at him and laugh.

“Too late.” He fakes a faint before laughing back at me.

“But won’t I need a visa or something?”

“After a while. You’ll be fine for a few months, and I have to go to Tokyo next and then to India after going back home to Seoul. You can come, of course. I’ll make it happen.”

“Japan and India.” My eyes must be glittering like diamonds because he laughs again.

“Yeah. I’m sure they’ll be more exciting with you around.”

“I’ll try not to get jailed.” I cross my heart with my finger. “I was thinking about getting a job teaching English in Seoul?”

“Sure. Or maybe you’ll want to study yoga at an ashram in India and teach, or do administrative work, or maybe…” He reaches into the white bag and pulls out a brand-new MacBook Air. “Maybe you’ll want to write again. I read more of the pages from your journal you kept by the bed. You’re a beautiful writer. I don’t know why you ever gave it up.” He hands me the box, and I press it to my chest. “For you. I know you left your computer at home.”

“This is really for me?” I drag my hand across the box and thumb at the flap, wanting to open it right now. “I love new toys.”

He laughs again, and it’s good to see him happy, his earlier sadness put to rest. I do make him happy, and he does the same for me. I can close my eyes and imagine us traveling and talking all the time. I could spend the days he’s in the office exploring new places and meet him for dinner and drinks, stay in fancy hotels or backpack when he doesn’t have to work, make love in different countries, and lie naked together until the sun comes up.
 

“Yep, all for you.”

“Maybe I’ll start a blog about traveling. Write about our adventures and post photos. That would be fun.” It would be a better version of my old journal, one I could share with the world instead of hiding in a box in my closet.

“Whatever you want, Laura.”

Whatever I want. No one has ever let me have whatever I want. This is a first.

“What do you want, Lee?” I ask, slipping the box back in the bag, and standing up, he stands up, too, and wraps me in a hug. I take a deep breath, his scent swimming my brain, and rub my forehead against his chest, warm and solid. During all of those FaceTime dates, I longed to hold him and have him hold me. I would have given anything to be in his presence like now because nothing is better than actual face time. Nothing.