Facing Me (7 page)

Walking into the
hotel room, I am instantly hit with the smell of perfume. “What the fuck?
 How many of them are there?” I ask, heading straight to the mini bar.
 Grabbing a beer, I look at the evil that is the scented candle on the
table. “Motherfucker!” I shout before blowing it out. “The only scent I want is
of her when my face is buried between her legs.” I growl, then chug the bottle.
“Get fuckin’ started with her.  I’m gonna jump in the shower first.”

Hunter rubs his
hands together then heads down the hall to my bedroom with Henry following
behind.  I walk into the bathroom and toss my clothes to the floor.
 Not waiting for the water to heat, I step into the cold spray to jolt my
senses.  Even over the water I can hear the moans of the chick, while
Hunter, Henry, or both, are playing with her.  I bet I could make her
scream so loud security would come knockin’.  The thoughts of what and
how, start to go through my mind, making my dick stand at attention.

Visions of the
beautiful naked body that is on my bed ready and waiting, immediately becomes
Cam.  Bucking and fighting against the restraints holding her to the
headboard while I touch her.  My hands stroking over her curves, my lips
kissing my way along her hip.  Camaron’s
breath
rushing out the closer I get to her core always making me want to bury my cock
in her heat instead of dragging it out. Cam’s moans were like a driving force,
making me desperate for every single one as if it were the last.  

I slam my fist
against the wall, reminding myself that it’s over.  No more.  There
are billions of fucking women in the world.   I have one waiting for
me right now, one that comes with no expectations and no heartbreak.
   

I wash the night
off of me and shut off the water.  Yanking a towel around my waist, I head
for the bedroom.  Deciding if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.  I hear
her screaming and begging for more.  I can’t help but laugh to myself because
that’s exactly what I am trying to convince myself I can give her.  Just
the goddamn
more
that she is begging for.
 

I open the door
to the craziness that is going on in the bed I
will not
be sleeping in
after this shit is over.  She is sprawled over Henry, going to town on his
cock, while Hunter is drilling her in the ass.  Nails clawing at Henry’s
chest while he attacks her mouth. “Get the hell over here brother.  I’m
not lastin’ much longer in her ass, but Henry here can go for fuckin’ days.”

Something changes
in me, and I can’t follow through with the foursome my genius brother has
planned.  I’d rather go to bed with blue balls or yank one out, I can’t
bring myself to saddle up to this.  Visions of Camaron being put in this
position flood my head, the anger bubbling in my gut.  The thought of
sharing Camaron with another man makes me sick.  Just the thought that she
could move on and date makes me want to punch a hole in the wall.  My
libido is gone.  I know now that I’ll never be able to do this with them.  “I’ll
pass man.  I’m not into getting dick grazed by you or Henry tonight.” I
toss out, heading back down the hall after another beer.

Not long after I
sit on the couch, Hunter walks out into the living area and flings open the
mini bar. “Big motherfucker and his need to keep all the goddamn pussy for
himself.” He grumbles, “I guess I won’t be getting another go at that bitch,
Henry just claimed her.”  He whines in disbelief. “That sorry bastard and
his enormous girthy tow hitch has once again stolen my pussy for the night.”

“You’ll get over
it.” I reply when he flops into the chair. “Big Man needs love too.”

Hunter just
rolls his eyes, “Whatever.  He’s always stealing my bitches.”

Katheryn is
moaning so loud that it’s echoing off the walls. “Well, so much for sleepin’
tonight.” I mutter, flipping off the hallway. “Let’s go and beat on Daisy and
Gray’s door.  If I’m not gettin’ any, neither is he.” I huff, hoping it is
a good excuse to maybe talk to Daisy about all this.  She gets it, maybe
she can give me some insight.  As always, she pegged it; fucking Cam out
of my system won’t work.  Hunter and I both jump up scrambling for clothes
then dive out the door.  “You got a song to sing through the door bro?” I
ask in the hallway outside their door.

Hunter’s smile
spreads. “Oh, I have tons saved up for those two.” Lifting his hand he begins
beating on the door. “A poem for my spooners!” He shouts through the door.
“Roses are thorny…”

“Roses are red,
you dumbass!” I shout, nudging him in the arm impatiently.

Hunter looks at
me, “Is this your poem?  No.  Then shut the fuck up.” Turning back to
the door, he clears his throat loudly. “Roses are thorny…  Thorny rhymes
with horny…  Poems are hard, so am I… Open the door and suck my dick!” He
shouts.  

The door flies open,
standing in front of us is an enormous, bald, black man that could give Henry a
run for his money. “You were sayin’?” He asks, arching his brow.

Doubling over, I
laugh so hard it hurts.  “Yeah, Hunter, you were sayin’?”   

Shaft Calling

*Camaron*

Spending time
with Luke is easy.  While I mend my heart and evolve into this new Cam, he
is there to encourage me. I stumble, but he is supportive and patient while I
find my footing.  Finally gaining ground, getting stronger every single
day; even when I saw the missed call from Aiden.  Out of all the people on
the bus, he was the last name I thought I’d ever see flash across my phone.
 

The night of my
official first movie date night with Luke, I turned off my phone when he did.
 I haven’t heard from Aiden since leaving Minnesota, so why now?
 Since he didn’t leave a message, I try to tell myself it is probably just
an accident and let it go.  Besides, if it were an emergency, wouldn’t Daisy
be the logical person to call me?

Honestly, I
should be pissed off that he even tried to call me in the first place.
  I did what he wanted right?  Aiden begged for me to tell him
that I loved him.  When I did that, he just sent me away.  I flew all
the way there just to say ‘I love you’ because I didn’t want to say it over the
phone.  What I should do, is call him back and tell him to fuck off.
 Tell him I’ve moved on with Luke and listen to him squirm.  Even if
that's not entirely true.  Would he even care if I did?  That’s the
million dollar question.  Am I even on his thoughts while he is banging a
different groupie every night?  He’s not giving a shit about the chick who
couldn’t say the only thing he commanded me to admit more than once. 
Aiden knew my body, every thought in my head, and my feelings better than me at
times but I couldn’t say the three words.    Finally, when I do,
it’s not good enough?  I spent days analyzing the entire trip, but still I
come up empty handed.

Shaking off the
bad vibes, I decide to call Daisy later and check in after my date.  Chase
has demanded we go out and eat food not in plastic bins.  Luke was eager
to agree, saying it was about time he got to show me off.  Harmless,
unless you’re like me and prefer the background.  I don’t want to be on
display.  If you are front and center, you are open for judgment.  I
try hard to avoid it.  

My bedroom door
flies open, my ass flying nearly off the chair. “I just let Luke in.” Chase
starts then shrieks. “See, this is why you need me.” She tisks, flopping on to
my bed, clothes flying everywhere. “What the hell is this shit?  You
cannot be my friend, go out with my brother and walk out in public wearing
this!  Especially, when we know what kinda hot bod is underneath it.”

“What’s wrong
with my clothes?” I ask her reflection in the mirror.

“That’s just
it.” She sighs. “You get all toned, cut your hair off in that sexy layered
deal, but you hide away.  Quit hiding Cam.” She stomps across the room in
pure Chase all-out dramatic fashion, toward me. “Stand tall, be proud of the
fuckin’ vixen you are.  Shit you wreck ‘em babe.”

I ignore her
until she slaps a dress in my face; deep blue lace covering white fabric that
barely covers the goods.  I bought it months ago but have never been able
to wear it. “Cut the tags off of this sexy thing and work that ass.”

I roll my eyes,
because, yes, I could fight with Chase about this for hours but she is
relentless and I will lose.  So I nod, grab the hanger, and stomp into the
bathroom to change.  Once I’m done, Chase dives into my hair then re-does
my makeup.  After sulking for the better part of an hour, I watch her
smile. “You’re one beautiful bitch, if I do say so myself.  One day you
might start believin’ it.” She recaps my lipstick and yanks my arm. “Now go
have fun.”

My eyes meet the
reflection in the mirror.  I stand there in shock.  My hair is curled
in loose spirals that she has pinned back out of my face.  My eyes are
framed in gold and brown while my lips are deep red.  “I look…”

“Hot.” She
finishes with a grin. “I’m a total jealous bitch of you and those long ass legs
you have.” Chase teases, slapping my hip. “Now, let’s go.  Luke’s been
waitin’ long enough, poor guy will starve to death.  I’ll let myself out.”

Chase giggles
and reminds me to breathe.  Why the hell am I so nervous?  I never
was with Aiden, even that first night.  This is Luke, I remind myself.
 The same guy who was so scared of the movie
Insidious
; he wouldn’t
go home in the dark.  We spent the entire night on the floor of my living
room, trying to sleep with all the lights on.  Oh that’s right, because
it’s the same Luke who came into my office one day, kissed me stupid, then we
decide to try to be more than friends.  Now I'm desperate to feel a
fraction for Luke, hell anyone, like I felt for Aiden.  If I can cheapen
or lessen what we had then it won't hurt so much that I'll never have it again.

I am about to
run back into my bedroom and hide, but I remember what Chase has been saying.
 Swallowing my nerves and trying to dismiss Aiden from my head, I walk out
and meet Luke’s eyes.  His gaze runs down my body slowly, making me squirm
under his intense stare. “Damn.  Maybe we should just stay in.” He groans,
pushing to his feet.

My face falls;
suddenly my shoes are very interesting.  What have I done?  I’m two
seconds away from showering and putting my sweats back on.  The thoughts
of how I’ve messed this up; or that Luke realizes he doesn't want to be seen
with me in public creeps into my head just as his chuckle grabs my attention.
 Oh great, now, he’s laughing.  

His arms circle
my waist, pulling me hard against him. “Cammie, when I said that just now, I
meant you look so gorgeous, I don’t want anyone’s eyes on you but mine.
 It was a bad joke I guess.” He says, kissing my cheek softly.

“I’m not fishing
for compliments.” I blurt out, angry at myself more than anything for my
reaction.

“Of course
you’re not, but you could learn how to take one.” I look over at Chase who is
trying to sneak out the door.   Nodding her agreement, she flees out
my front door.  Traitor! “Now.” Luke murmurs against my neck, getting my
attention once more. “I can’t wait to make all the guys in Vegas jealous of me
because you’re on my arm.” I grab my bag and let Luke lead me out the door.

Since it’s a
clear night, we walk from my apartment down the strip to Gino’s.  It’s an
Italian restaurant that Chase has been going on and on about for weeks.
 Especially since Mitch took her a few nights ago.  It seems that
after our talk, she took a line from her page too and went for Mitch on all
cylinders.  He appears to be putty in her hands and she loves every second
of it.  Chase isn’t looking for Mr. Right, but Mitch is definitely fitting
her bill as Mr. Right Now.  If I had my guess, I would have thought that
Hunter was it but she mentions nothing about him to me.  I don’t know if
that’s because of Aiden or there is just nothing there.

Luke wraps his
arm around my waist possessively, while we walk down the crowded sidewalk.
 I force myself to relax.  Holding my head up as we walk, I return
the smiles from people as we pass them.  It’s recognition that I’m
changing, getting stronger and braver on my own.  I can’t help the grin
that spreads across my face as we move farther down the street.

Luke stops us
under the awning, spinning me around to face him, those hazel eyes heat as his
hands cup my face. “You really do look beautiful.  I don't wanna wait
another minute to try this.” He whispers, before covering my mouth with his.

Luke and I
haven't kissed a lot since that day in my office.  When we have, it lacks
the heat I thought was there before making me question everything. Even he
could tell it just fizzled.  Still, he insisted on holding my hand and
just being able to touch me when he was near, which I never minded before and I
definitely don’t see myself objecting to it now.  But, something is
different about this kiss.  I can feel the need and, yet, his uncertainty
in every brush of his lips.  It's comfortable but it's not wowing. 
It would be too easy for me to be able to have that connection with someone
else wouldn’t it?    

Breaking the
kiss, Luke presses his forehead to mine.  Our lips almost touching as
those amazing hazel eyes meet my blue, making me smile. “It still isn't
working, is it?" Luke asks.  Smiling, I just shake my head, making
him grin; his dimple peaks out from the side of his goatee, “I like you
smiling, Cammie.  It’s like water in the desert.”  That's just how we
are.  It doesn't work so we go back to the familiar.

“I always do
when I’m with you, Luke.” I whisper, because it’s true.  Luke has always
made me smile when I needed it.  With any other person this would be the
end of the night.  Not us, we label it away and move on.

"I like that
too.” Pulling back, he opens the door, ushering me inside in front of him.
“Let’s eat.”

Luke called
ahead, getting us a reservation for a booth in the back corner.  As the
hostess seats us, Luke pulls me into his side wrapping an arm around me possessively.
“I know I said that I wanted to show you off, but I’m really glad that we’re
back here, away from everyone staring at you.  I don't want to go to jail
tonight."  My eyes widen, glancing around the restaurant nervously.
 Grabbing my chin with his fingers, he turns my face back to him. “Cammie,
you’re fucking beautiful.  Men stare.  They always have, you were
just too busy hiding away to notice.”

Curling against
Luke, I relax into his arm while we order.  I catch myself smiling more
than I have in months as the night goes on.

By the time
we’ve finished, Luke’s eyes are focused on a live band that’s begun playing
near the dance floor.  My eyes follow a couple, probably in their late
sixties across the room.  The man holding her possessively as they dance
around the floor, eyes locked on one another in their own little world.
 He’s leans down whispering something into her ear, making her toss her
head back and laugh.  The realization hits me.  I want what they
have.  
Well, why can’t you have it Cam?  Yeah?  Why can’t I?
 Oh great!  Now I’m arguing with myself.  
Could I have that
with Luke?  I don’t think so, but right now I want the moment, if nothing
else.

“Let’s dance.” I
blurt, almost not recognizing the sureness in my voice.  My boldness
doesn’t go unnoticed by Luke either.  Taking my hand, he leads me through
the tables of people eating their dinner until we reach the dance floor.

Pulling me flush
against him, Luke sways his hips, moving us along the floor.  I wait for
the nerves to set in.  That feeling of everyone’s eyes on me that makes me
want to run, but it doesn’t come.  My eyes locking on Luke’s as the music
plays.  I can feel my heart racing, pieces of me falling away.  The
old Camaron that was insecure and scared of things in life is fading into the
background where she belongs.  This new person I’m becoming is ready to
live.  I’m ready to embrace it, grab that fucker by the horns and finally
take what I want.  

What do you want
Cam?
 That’s the question isn’t it?  I used to know the answer too.
 Aiden.  My answer for everything was Aiden.  He was the key to
all my happiness.  Now, though, is that still true?  Not completely.
Aiden can’t be the only thing that makes me happy.  Dancing in the arms of
another man, I see that now.  I haven’t thought of the possibility that I
could have forever with any man; especially now that I’ve lost Aiden.  I
never even gave Aiden that chance did I?

My heart is
healing.   At last, I’m seeing things clearly for the first time in a
long, long time.  Whether I ever settle down with anyone it’s time to let
loose.  No matter what anyone says about my choices, it’s time to make
some big decisions based solely on what I want.  It’s time to have fun,
make mistakes, fuck up and move on to a place where I’m happy with myself.
 Forget people loving Cam, it’s time that she let go of the past and
finally love herself.  

Luke leans down
and kisses my cheek as the song ends. “Come on Cammie, I can’t wait to hear
what just clicked together in that head of yours.  You look like you just
realized the sky was blue.”

Wrapping my arms
around his neck I can’t help laughing loudly because it probably is that
simple. “Maybe I did Luke.  I also realized that with everything I have in
my life, there’s no reason to be anything less than happy.” I reply with an
enormous smile.

Luke returns my
smile, flashing me his dimples, then leads me back to the table.  Yes,
things are changing for the better.  Making a promise to myself, I decide
to go after my happiness no matter the cost.  Camaron Allen will have it
all.  For the first time in my life, I believe that I deserve it.  

After Luke pays
the check, we start walking back to my apartment, and I begin to plot.
 Deciding on things I want to do now to put my plan into motion.
 Just as everything falls into place and I begin to figure out what I’m
doing my phone vibrates in my clutch.  I yank it from my bag; the name on
the I.D. instantly makes me smile. "Hi Daisy." I answer.

“Cam!” She
squeals. “Oh, Henry, she answered!” Daisy carries on as I stop dead on the
sidewalk.  Luke freezes alongside me, watching my expression warily.

“Is there a
reason why you’re callin’ me, Daisy?  I’m kinda busy.” I bite out into the
void of silence on the line.

“Are you?” She
asks.  I can hear her fingernails tapping the side of her phone in
aggravation, “What has our beloved Camaron so tied up this evening?” She teases
sarcastically.