Fairy Circle (37 page)

“
I will not speak harshly to you about all this. I know why you did it. Ny confessed he sent the dream to trick your soul. That dream was a fabrication. Your soul can rest knowing the shore will never be empty for you, Saffron. I will always be waiting for you on that shore. Not the frozen tips of the earth or the fire within could keep me from you. I will always be there. There will be others, too, always there for you.” Li looked through the window into Saffron’s bedroom. “Would you like to see it? Hm?” Her voice was lower than a whisper, cooler than the bottom of an iceberg. Her lips were so close they grazed Saffron’s ear. “Would you like to see me waiting on the shore for you? Would that help?” Her voice was slithery. “Go look, Saffron, go look for me on the shore.”

Li sat up straight, looked around the dark night, and squinted her black eyes. She felt Jethin still. When would he go away? She raised her head proudly. She refused to blame herself for this mess. Jethin could blame her for the senseless life she led as Molly all he wanted. But the fact was, she was Molly no longer. He had no Godly right to hold her actions unforgiven. She persisted in ignoring his presence and continued to chant to Saffron’s unconscious form. “Now Saffron, Ny will be there on the shore as well, and hundreds of others. Each and every one of us has a crowd waiting to receive us on the shore when we die. That was a dreadful trick Ny played on you, but how could you have believed it? Since the dawn of time, the shore has been empty for no soul! Why do you always place such trust in Ny? It is ridiculous! Try loving him as I love him - as a playful soul with boundless energy and a zest for adventure. But don’t give in to him; he can never give back.”

She looked down at Saffron’s pale, clammy face, and watched her eyes move rapidly beneath her eyelids. Li knew Saffron could hear her. “You are in a bad position right now. You will be in pain for quite some time, I am afraid. Then again…you don’t have to be…” The movement behind Saffron’s eyelids slowed, then stopped. Li knew Saffron had left her body.

Chapter 23

S
affron floated in a sea of black. Luminescent colors drifted past her and soft breezes washed over her skin, soaking her in the essence of warm, night-blooming flowers. She saw a light. The light grew. It was the full moon, one hundred times its normal size, suspended over the snowcapped mountains of her dream. Her body started a slow spiral. It drifted down. She landed in the glass boat and found herself opposite her beaming Grandmother.

Only, her Grandmother didn’t look like herself. Grandmother was now somewhere in her twenties; her figure perfect, muscles toned, skin tight, smooth and beautiful. Her hair was jet black and hung like ribbons over her shoulders. She peeked out from under a heavy fringe of black bangs. She had large eyes, almond-shaped and the sparkling color of cognac. Her full lips spread open to reveal beautiful white teeth. She laughed with a joy so pure Saffron could feel the sound loosening her own heart and chasing away the darkness.

“
Grandmother, what are you doing here?”

“
Darling, I died just a little bit ago.” She tilted her head. “You didn’t die, did you?”

Saffron shrugged. “Li told me to come meet her at the shore.”

Grandmother stretched her eyes shut and used the voice saved for very naughty young children. “So, she’s found a way to be with you in this life, has she?”

Saffron nodded glumly.

“
And she’s told you to come meet her at the shore?”

Saffron looked down at the neon fish.

“
Well, you’ll do no such thing!” Grandmother slapped Saffron’s knee. “You just went ahead and did what she told you to do, didn’t you?”

“
Grandmother, I was in so much pain.”

Grandmother softened. “Oh, my darling. There will be more pain to come in this life. Go back. There is more love than pain waiting for you.”

“
How can you be sure?” Saffron wanted to cry, but no tears came, as if it was impossible here.

“
God is telling me. He is telling me to tell you to go back. You can’t hear Him, can you?”

“
I only hear the boat in the water.”

“
Then it’s not your time to be here.” Grandmother gathered her dark hair and pulled it all over one shoulder.

“
Why do you look like you’re Chinese?”

“
I’m trying this on for next time. What do you think?”

“
You’re beautiful.” Saffron smiled. “Enjoy yourself with the fairies.”

Grandmother balked. “With the fairies? Did I murder someone?”

Saffron frowned. Jethin had made the same comment, “Did I murder someone?” He actually
had
murdered someone; but he found a loophole. When Jethin said it, she thought he was being facetious, he didn’t like the fairies. Why was her grandmother saying it? “Li told me…” Grandmother rolled her eyes. “…that we all become fairies when we die.”

Grandmother chuffed. “Lies. We don’t
all
become fairies…only those of us who have caused great grievances against mankind become fairies when we die. Then those souls wait out their time steeped in nature and denied some pleasures, while they contemplate their actions. Without tactile senses like touch and taste and smell, they are free to put more effort into their other studies…like how to be a good human. To smell again. To taste and touch again. The desire for these things inspires us to be better souls. Some of
us
don’t wait too well in the fairy world, and get stuck there longer. If a fairy absolutely refuses to evolve, he devolves. That’s where you get into your hobgoblins and demons and such. They’re just fairies that revel in their rot until they become scary little monsters. Which brings us to angels; good angels are good angels and bad angels are the ones who collect and set to task all of the demons.

“
When one is allowed to be reborn after one’s stint in the fairy world, one must be born into a strict, religious lifestyle. Religion is the lowest rung on the ladder to understanding God, so that’s where one begins.” Grandmother grinned.

Saffron sat in stunned silence.

“
Saffron, I was thinking. I know you must have made agreements with others who are to become your children, but I was wondering if you would consider having another. Could I come back as your youngest child?”

“
Well, yeah. If I marry a Chinese guy, I guess.”

“
Oh, you! The looks aren’t set in stone. What do you say?”

“
Sure, why not? Anyone else over there on that shore want to jump on the bandwagon?” Saffron squinted at the nearing coastline.

“
Good Lord, girl. Do you want to become ‘The Old Woman That Lived in a Shoe?’ Counting me, you’ve just agreed to have seven. And the one you agreed to have them with? Well he’s pure spitfire, and so will his children be. I don’t think it’s too soon to begin mental preparations.” Grandmother hooted and leaned forward to slap Saffron’s knee again.

Saffron hugged the delicious sensation of the conversation close to her. “And who am I to have these children with, Grandmother?”

Grandmother wagged her finger. “Ah, ah, ah! Not my place to tell. But, I think you’ve met him already.”

“
Already? Like what? I’ve met him once? Or, I’ve met him, and you know, I’m with him?”

Again, twenty-something Chinese Granny smiled. “Not my place. But I’ll tell you about me as your darling child. Why, I’m an absolute pain in the ass! I don’t listen, I throw fits, I’ll dump your expensive shampoo in my bath water, I pee my pants when I don’t get my way…”

“
Oh, great! Sign me up!”

Grandmother tapped Saffron’s nose. “But I’ll love you more than the sun, and the moon and the stars…just like I do now.”

Saffron’s face softened, along with her voice. “Great. Sign me up.”

The boat cleaved the black water. The neon fish were fat and plopped when they jumped.

“
Grandmother?” Saffron’s voice caught in her throat on barbs of guilt.

“
Darling, it’s okay.”

“
No, it’s not. I mean, I feel awful. I didn’t even try to talk to you or to help you. I’m so sorry. It’s just that…” Saffron sighed, “I was so afraid of you.” Shame pressed her head down.

Grandmother leaned forward in a scented swirl of sweet and foreign spice. She tilted Saffron’s chin up with two silky-skinned fingers. Saffron looked into her cognac eyes and found them to be like mirrors, reflecting her sad face and wild red hair. But then Grandmother smiled, and so did Saffron. And that’s what was in Grandmother’s eyes – herself, beaming and beautiful.

“
I know.” Grandmother whispered. “It’s okay.” She pulled Saffron close into her small, strong arms and wrapped her warmly. “Don’t be afraid.” Grandmother leaned back against the bow, her arms resting on the sides of the little glass boat. She shifted and crossed her legs, then tilted her head to continue studying Saffron. “So now, what do you think of this go-round?”

Saffron shook her head. The full moon behind her wore a skirt of clouds.

“
I’m sure there was a sonic boom in the world of fairy when you snuck away from your friends.” Grandmother’s tiny smile never left her soft lips.

Saffron grimaced. “How do you know about that?”

“
Oh, posh. Everyone knows of you three, inseparable since the dawn of time. And that last life time! What a doozie!” Conspiring, Grandmother leaned forward. Saffron met her halfway. “Did you hear what happened during your Ireland 1600’s incarnation?”

Saffron looked down. “Some.” The question was if she really wanted to hear any more…

“
Well, Li, who was Molly, had poisoned her father, who was Ny, and he expired just as he was having his jollies with that slutty widow in town…he died only minutes before Jethin threw Molly down that well. What a soap opera those three are!”

“
So that explains why Li is stuck in the fairy realm. But what about Ny?”

“
How do you think the old slut became a widow?” Grandmother’s eyes sparkled. She was enjoying herself.

Saffron hung her head. “And I didn’t do anything, did I? I just followed them like an idiot later on…right?”

“
Saffron, give me your hands.” Grandmother spoke earnestly. “You are not what they are. I’m not laughing at you. I can’t figure out what you’re doing here now. But what a joy you were to live with. Thank you for choosing us this time around. For whatever reason, thank you. And while you’re at it, congratulate yourself. Always did say it wasn’t good, what you were doing. Never saw a creature chain herself the way you did. We all do it, while we’re human. But you? You did it while you were in other realms as well.” Grandmother shrugged. “Why’d you do it?”

Saffron began to shake. If only she knew why. If only she could remember. “I don’t know.”

Grandmother sniffed. “Not important. What matters is that you left. That you did something for yourself instead of for them.” She winked. “Good for you, honey.” Then she looked hard at Saffron, and nodded. “Yes, I think it has worked. You seem stronger. Your essence, you feel stronger.” Grandmother threw a casual glance back over her shoulder and straightened. “Oh, look! There they are! Can you see them? Hellooo! Hello there!”

Saffron saw forms of light walking forward on the beach. She couldn’t make out the forms very well. They were vague, gesturing images, making not a sound. Grandmother was so ecstatic, Saffron wished it was all happening to her. But she couldn’t force a tear; she had left them with her body on the rooftop.

Grandmother turned around. “Now, honey, one more thing. Remember, you have control. The only time people go around controlling others is when people forget they
have
control. You need to remember you have effort. Effort will cure you. But you have to
sustain
the effort. It’s hard, but you can do it.” Then she patted her long, black hair, and ran her fingers through her long, black bangs, “How do I look?”

Saffron opened her mouth to answer, but Grandmother cut her off. “Hey, you need to get home before you give your mother a heart attack. I’ve already done enough damage to the poor girl today. Go home to her. Be with her through her troubles.”

Saffron nodded and willed herself back to her body. It took only the thought to start her spiral upwards and away. As she ascended, her Grandmother gave her the ‘Queen’s Wave.’ Grandmother’s smile lit up her body with a pulsing light that surrounded her and the little boat, and reached for her loved ones on the shore.

Saffron had never seen such a happy recently-deceased person. She drifted through the black abyss for only a few seconds, then felt her soul squeeze itself into her stiff body.

Inside her body, she was not alone.

She could feel him. Everywhere. She could feel his impatience. And his determination.

She was possessed.