Fairytale Not Required (25 page)

"I know that," he said tightly. "I have work to do. You can leave." He strode across the room and ripped open another box. Flour. Great. Some dead weight was exactly what he needed. He shouldered the cartons into the back room, relishing how fucking heavy they were.

"No one has ever believed in her," Eppie called out. "Even Astrid doesn't believe in herself."

Jason ignored her as he began to set the bags on the shelves. How in the hell did the fact Astrid had problems make him the bad guy? He'd fucking tried.

"She can't even design jewelry anymore," Eppie said, her voice carrying into the rear of the store with surprising ease. "Her spirit is broken."

Jason rested his forehead against the cool metal of the shelves, too drained to keep working. "So, what's your point?"

Eppie walked into the back room, still munching on the chips. "My point, Jason, is that you're a bastard because you gave up on her."

"I didn't—"

"Just like you gave up on your marriage."

Jason scowled. "I didn't give up on my marriage," he snapped. "Don't go there, Eppie. I've had enough of this conversation."

"Even though you went through the actions of trying, you gave up in your heart. That's where it counts. All the words and actions in the world can't make up for a lack of faith." She raised her brows. "It's not the marriage that was the problem, Jason. It's not Astrid. It's you. You have no heart left. You have nothing to give Astrid, or your son, or even this store. You just want to bleed it all dry and use it to hold you up because you can't hold yourself up anymore."

Jason stared at her. "Fuck that," he snapped. "I've been holding up the damn world. I've given it everything I have."

Eppie raised her brows, raised the empty bag of chips and let the crumbs drop all over his new floor. "No, you haven't. You've got shit, Jason Sarantos, and until you figure that out, you'll never have anything more. Including Astrid." Then she dropped the bag and walked out.

Jason stared after her, fury roiling inside him. How dare she accuse him of giving up? She had no idea about his marriage, or Lucas, or anything.

She was wrong.

She was so damn wrong.

But he didn't move. He didn't unpack another box. He didn't make any plans for his grand opening.

He just stood there in his back room, alone.

Always alone.

Even in his marriage, he'd been alone.

And in this store...he looked around at the dream he'd worked so hard to achieve, at the polished wood, the shiny fixtures, the well-organized shelves of ingredients and supplies, and suddenly, it didn't look like the key to a new life, a new future.

It looked like nothing.

* * *

"What are you doing?"

Astrid jumped at the small voice right behind her. She spun around to see Noah standing in her living room. The boy's blond hair was sticking out from under a Yankees cap, and he was wearing a New York Jets football jersey. His blue eyes were fixed on hers without reservation, with the unabashed curiosity of a six year old.

She glanced at the moving box she was filling up. "I'm...um...rearranging."

Noah looked around the room. "It looks like you're moving. We had boxes like that when we moved up here."

She thought of Noah tattling to Jason, and quickly shook her head. "Oh, no, I'm unpacking." She took her new lamp from Emma out of the quilt she'd wrapped it in so carefully. "See?" She set it on the kitchen counter. "What do you think? Does it look good there?"

Noah tilted his head to study it. "No. It looks too fancy for a kitchen. A kitchen should be stainless steel so you can keep it clean."

Astrid stifled a smile. "Stainless steel, huh? Is that what you had in New York?"

"Yep." Noah eyed the fridge. "I'm thirsty. Do you have any juice?"

"Um, sure." Astrid hurried over to the fridge and peered inside to see what Clare and Emma had left her. "I have ice tea and orange juice."

"Orange, please." Noah perched on a kitchen chair while she poured it. "My mom liked stainless steel."

"Did she?" Astrid set the juice in front of him, suddenly feeling awkward. What did one say to a child who had lost a parent? "I bet she loved you a lot."

Noah studied her. "Maria loves me a lot," he said. "She cried when we left."

"Maria?" Astrid glanced restlessly at the boxes she still needed to pack. She had to get the open ones out of sight before Jason came home, in case he came in. He hadn't yet, but he'd waited in the driveway last night for what felt like forever. He'd sat there watching her house, no doubt waiting for a sign that she was still awake. She'd barely gotten her light out in time after she'd heard his car arriving, and she'd sat in the darkness for so long, waiting for him to give up.

It had taken him a long time, and she'd wanted desperately to open the door and invite him in. She'd wanted to stop fighting her need to see him. To stop trying to be smart and practical by keeping her heart protected from him. "Who's Maria?'

"My nanny." Noah took a gulp of the orange juice. "We used to go to the movies every Friday, and she let me order the big popcorn." He sighed, a big shaky sigh that made Astrid's heart tighten. "I miss Maria," he said softly.

"Oh, sweetie." Astrid sat down at the table, her heart aching for the tears brimming in his eyes. She remembered so clearly what it was like to be six and trying to find her way in a new place. She'd moved to Kansas City on her sixth birthday, moving into an apartment that didn't allow animals. "I had a kitten when I was five," she said. "Her name was Chocolate Chip. I had to leave her behind when I moved, and I missed her so much."

Noah studied her. "Was she black?"

"She was white with black spots. She used to sleep on my bed."

"My mom is allergic to cats and dogs," Noah said.

Astrid nodded. "Some people are—"

"She's dead, you know," Noah said. "She's in the spirit world. She's not coming back."

Astrid's throat tightened. As hard as her life had been, she'd always had her mother. "I'm sure she visits you from heaven," she said. "Angels do that."

"My mom wouldn't do that," Noah said matter-of-factly. "She's too busy. I'm sure she's working in heaven. People need her help. She's important."

Astrid was suddenly filled with sadness for Noah, for a child who was taught that kind of lesson. She thought of her mother, and all the hours they'd spent together. Men had come and gone, but in the end, it had always been Astrid and her mom in the car, onto their next destination. "Yes, she was busy, but that doesn't change how much she loves you. Parents can be a little crazy, but they always love their children more than anything. It's how they are."

Astrid had a sudden memory of her mother buying her a Dairy Queen blizzard on her tenth birthday to celebrate her turning to double digits. She still remembered so clearly her mom counting out the exact change, the way the sunlight had sparkled on the coins that her mom had saved up so carefully for Astrid's birthday. She would never forget the delight of ordering her first Blizzard, the pride she felt as she carried it outside to the picnic table to eat, all by herself. Her own Blizzard, on her birthday.

Noah studied her thoughtfully. "That's what my dad says. That parents always love their kids, even if they forget to show it."

"It's true."

"Are you a mom?"

A lump settled in Astrid's throat. "Sort of."

Noah nodded, apparently not concerned about her half-answer. "Is your mom dead, too?"

Sudden fear leapt through her at his question. "I don't think so." But even as she said it, she realized she didn't know. Would anyone contact her if her mother had died? Or would her mom have simply passed away with no one caring, and no one noticing?

He looked at her. "How come you don't know? Shouldn't you know?"

"Well, I haven't seen her for a while."

"Oh." He nodded. "Like when my mom went to South America to help people."

Astrid laughed softly, trying to imagine her flighty mom injecting people with medicine. "Yes, exactly like that."

Noah nodded sagely. "I'm going to hunt dragonflies," he said, changing the subject with the alacrity of a child. "Do you want to come?"

She raised her brows. "Dragonflies? Where?"

"On the dock. There are like a billion of them down by the lake. I'm going to catch a bunch and then let them go in my bedroom so I have company when I go to bed. Don't you think that would be awesome?"

Astrid laughed, remembering the first time she'd seen dragonflies. "Did you ever look at their wings? They're really beautiful."

He held up his hands so his palms were about six inches apart. "And they're huge! I've never seen such massive bugs!" He jumped up, getting excited. "You have to come. My dad won't let me go down by the water without a grownup, but grandma is making curtains for dad's shop. My grandpa is in the kitchen making pizza sauce, and Dad's at the store." He grabbed her hand. "Come on! You have to!"

Astrid hesitated. "I really need to unpack—" Then she saw Noah's crestfallen look, and sudden resolution surged through her. She'd spent too many lonely nights as a kid while her mom had gone out on dates. Screw that. If she could give back what she'd wanted, she was doing it right now. "We're going to need jars to keep the dragonflies in once we catch them—"

"I have some in the shed! Let's go!" Noah raced to the door, shrieking with delight.

Astrid couldn't help but chuckle as she followed him out, her heart lifted by the exuberance of youth. And as she stepped outside into the beautiful afternoon, she knew playing with Noah was the right choice. It would be her final salute to her dream home, a final afternoon at the lake before she left. A memory she could hold with her. It was good. It was how it was supposed to be.

* * *

It was almost nine o'clock by the time Jason jogged up the stairs to his son's bedroom, swearing at himself. Once again, he'd gotten home later than he'd planned, too late to put Noah to bed. Was it too late to talk to him? Would Noah be asleep already?

He quietly pushed the door open. "Noah? You still up?"

There was no reply, and regret coursed through Jason. He stepped inside and shut the door. He could see his son sleeping in the moonlight. Another day had passed without him seeing his son. It wasn't supposed to be like this in Maine. Noah was supposed to love the pizza store and want to hang around with his dad. But the youth had no interest. Instead, he had wanted to go to camp and hang out with his newly discovered grandparents.

Alone with his work, Jason had driven himself hard all day, unable to get Eppie's accusations out of his head. What did she mean by them? He still didn't understand it. With a weary sigh, Jason started to sit down on the bed, then leapt up when Noah erupted from the blankets with a shriek of outrage. "Dad! Watch out!"

"What is it?" Jason whirled around, his adrenaline jacked as he searched for the threat.

"You might squish the dragonflies."

"The what?" Jason stared at his son. "What are you talking about?"

"They're sleeping." Noah's hair was askew as he stared accusingly at Jason. "Did you know dragonflies sleep at night?"

"No, I didn't." Jason stared suspiciously at his son. "Are there real dragonflies in your room?"

"Of course there are." Noah ran his hand over the blanket where Jason had been about to sit, and then nodded. "There aren't any right there. You can sit on that spot."

"Well, good to know." Jason eased himself carefully down, waiting for another screech of outrage, but Noah just curled up happily under the blankets. "How many dragonflies are in your room?"

"Fifty-six," Noah said proudly. "That's a lot, isn't it?"

"Fifty-six? It's a ton. I'm so impressed." Jason looked around the room, wondering what the place would be like in the morning when all the dragonflies started flying around. He grinned, thinking about how much he would have loved that at Noah's age. "How on earth did you catch fifty-six dragonflies?

"Astrid helped me catch them. She's nice."

Something shifted inside Jason. "Astrid helped you?"

"Yeah." Noah beamed at him. "Everyone else was too busy, so Astrid went with me." His lower lip went out in a pout. "She wouldn't let me fall in the water. I tried six times, and each time she stopped me." Then he brightened. "I got wet in the marshes though. That was cool."

Jason raised his brows. "Astrid took you into the marshes? We have a marsh near here?"

"Yeah, there are frogs in there, and even turtles. And we saw a snake!" Noah held out his hands so they were as far apart as he could reach. "It was like that long! Maybe fifty feet!"

Jason laughed at his son's exuberance. "I used to trap snakes when I was little."

"You did? No way." Noah sat up in bed, his eyes wide. "Can you show me how? Can we keep them? I could get a box for my room and they could live in there." He swung his feet out from under the covers. "Let's go now. Can we? I don't have camp tomorrow. It's Saturday, right?"

Jason ruffled his son's hair. "It's nighttime, Noah, and I have to go back to the store."

"No, come on. You can't go back. There are bats in these woods. Bats! Astrid showed me some of them where they were sleeping under the eaves of the garage. They look like little black fur balls tucked up there."

"Astrid showed you
bats
?" Jason glanced in the direction of the carriage house. Astrid had actually taken his son into the marshes and hunted for frogs, snakes and
bats
? He almost started laughing at the image of Astrid traipsing around after rodents, with her colorful scarves, hand-crafted jewelry and audacious smile. Then his amusement faded as he thought of Eppie's claims, of Astrid's rejection, of the whole town condemning him. Astrid was so far out of his reach, and he had no idea how to change that.

"Oh, yeah." Noah leapt out of bed and grabbed his shoes off the floor. "Come on, Dad. I'll show you. Maybe we'll see the bats flying around. Can we go now? Can we?"