Faith, Honor & Freedom (22 page)

“It looks like we have company, Miss Carter. We need to be quicker than I anticipated. I was hoping to get to fuck you one last time.”

I close my eyes, praying that he drops dead of a heart attack, or I do. I’m not exactly in a position to be picky. I hear the engine cut in the distance and a car door open. I thrash my body around, and scream against the gag, hoping somehow they will manage to hear me. It’s a long shot, but what do I have to lose? It’s a deep, dense wood, and we’re pretty far out here.

“Stop it, you little bitch,” he whispers.

“Lana,” I hear in the distance, and I strain my ears, trying to recognize the voice. “Lana!”

It’s Hoss! My heart starts singing as I realize he’s found me. He’s come to save me. I’m going to be okay. I look back to Alec, who looks panicked, as we begin to hear sirens in the distance.

“Fuck, fuck!” he whisper shouts. “I left them something to distract them! They’re not supposed to be here.”

I have no idea what he’s talking about … I just hope Hoss can hear the rustle of the leaves as I continue to thrash around.

“I said shut up, you little bitch!” he howls. I watch as he raises the knife above my abdomen, gripping it with both hands. He brings it down roughly, and I scream out, but the gag muffles it. I feel the blood pouring down my abdomen as he drags the knife down. I know in that exact moment that I’m going to die. My only two regrets before everything goes black are that I didn’t get a chance to find Jade’s baby good parents, and I didn’t tell Hoss how I really felt about him.

“He’s still here,” I hear whispered from a small mousy voice.

A deeper, but still feminine voice answers back. “He hasn’t left her side except to use the washroom. I almost wanted to offer to cath him,” she chuckles.

What the hell is going on? Where am I? I try and open my eyes, but they’re heavy, and don’t want to cooperate. I concentrate on moving a hand, and it’s only then I notice that there’s a hand touching mine. I waggle my finger slightly, but the hand doesn’t respond. That’s about all I have in me before I feel the sleepiness take over once again.

I wake up, wondering if it’s been a minute that’s passed or hours since I last came to. I can’t be sure. I try my eyelids again, and this time, with some effort, they seem to respond.

Hoss is sitting next to the bed, hunched over, his hand gripping mine. He’s gazing down at the blanket in front of him, and I can’t say I’ve ever seen him look so disheartened.

“Hey,” I manage to croak out.

His eyes widen, and he turns toward me eagerly.

“You’re awake,” he says, a huge grin spreading across his face. It’s not until then that I look around and realize we’re in a hospital room. I’m in a hospital bed. Oh my God. Alec. It all comes rushing back to me.

He must recognize the fear on my face, because his mouth opens as if to say something, but he holds back.
They didn’t catch him.

“He’s still out there, isn’t he?” I ask. I feel the pain in my stomach, but it’s numb. I’m guessing I’m on a myriad of painkillers, and that’s the only reason it’s remotely tolerable at the moment.

“Yeah, Sunshine, he is. We’re going to get him though. I have every officer in this county and every neighboring one out searching,” he says, stroking the back of my hand. He looks like he hasn’t slept much, and I feel guilty.

“How did you know?”

He looks away from me before swinging his eyes back to me, the pain written all over them. “Vi,” he says, frowning.

Oh my God. I had sex with him. I had sex with someone who wanted to kill me. Worse, I had sex with someone who had tried to kill me. Oh my God, was he trying to kill me when Violet walked in? I thought it was breath play … just kinky sex. The internet said that was normal, but that’s probably not what he was doing … he was trying to choke me to death.

I am such a fucking idiot.

I close my eyes, tears stinging them.

A warm, rough hand cups the side of my cheek. “It’s okay, Sunshine. He’s never going to hurt you, or anyone else ever again. I promise you,” he says and fear shoots through me.

“Anyone else?” I ask, my voice shaking slightly.

“Shit,” he mutters, looking away.

“Hoss, please. Don’t lie to me.”

“He was the serial killer I was looking for. I knew I didn’t like the fucking guy, but I thought it was just because I was in love with you,” he says painfully.

In love with me?
They must have really doped me up on painkillers. I’ve gotta be hallucinating.

“What?” I croak out.

“Shit. I shouldn’t be opening my mouth right now,” he says, looking away.

Ah, so it’s a ‘you look like you’re on your death bed, I should probably say something nice’ sort of thing. I feel the disappointment course through my veins.

“Oh,” I say, pulling my hand from his. I miss the warmth and comfort immediately.

Hoss looks back over at me, and as much as I try and hide it, I know he can see the disappointment in my face.

“Lana, I meant every word I said. Every fucking word. I’ve been in love with you since before I even knew what love meant. You taught me what it meant to want someone, to care for someone so fucking deeply that it physically hurt to not be near you. I’ve never stopped loving you … not for a second,” Hoss says, his blue eyes staring back at mine with all of the seriousness and warmth in the world.

I’m afraid to blink—frightened that if I do, this moment will be gone, and it will all be a dream. I open my mouth to speak, to say something, but what do you say to something like that?

“Marsha,” is what I finally manage to choke out when my voice decides to work. I watch as a mixture of anger and sorrow passes over his face.

“Rhett,” he breathes. I look at him, confused, and feel the irritation set in. What the hell did my brother have to do with him having sex with Marsha Connors? On my favorite hammock, no less! “Look, you should be resting, Sunshine. We have the rest of our lives to have this conversation. You underwent major surgery yesterday, and you need to rest before you talk to the doctors.”

“Just tell me what Rhett has to do with it,” I order.

“He was protecting you.”

“From what?”

“From me.”

“What are you talking about Weston?”

“Lana, I’m not exactly a stand-up guy. He didn’t want me to date you. Shit, that’s an understatement,” he says chuckling. I still can’t find the humor in the situation.

“But Rhett loved you.”

“He did. He was my best friend, and he always will be. But he knew me better than anyone else. He knew I wasn’t enough for you. I was an asshole back then, and I didn’t know how to deal with the feelings I had for you. I didn’t even
want
to have them. Nobody should fall in love with his best friend’s little sister. It’s just fucking awkward. It would have killed our friendship, and I still would have let you down.”

“But Rhett died …” I say, wondering why he hasn’t said anything for the last three years.

“I respected him, Lana. I still do respect him. I always will. I made a promise to him, and I swear to fuck I promised to keep it, but Christ. I don’t think you understand how beautiful you are—every word you say, every move you make. You’re the hardest person in the world to try and resist.”

“Weston,” I whisper, my mind a tangled mess of memories I’m struggling to piece together. It couldn’t have been Rhett keeping us apart, he wouldn’t do that. He knew I had a crush on Weston when we were kids.

“Still doesn’t answer why you slept with Marsha,” I blurt out, grasping at straws. It might have happened twelve years ago, but my pain then was real. Hell, it still hurts. I was hoping he would kiss me that night. I wanted him to be my first, my first everything … but now, all of those firsts are long gone, and twelve years have passed. We missed all of those moments together.

“I did it to hurt you.” Ouch!

“Why?”

“Violet was drunk, she told me you liked me, and Rhett snapped. I wanted to push you away, mostly to make it easier on myself. If you hated me, then I wouldn’t have to think about kissing you every second of every day, knowing you would kiss me back if I tried. I wanted you to think I was scum, because I was. I was a shithead teenager, who probably would have broken your heart.”

I swallow the lump in my throat, afraid to ask, but dying to know. “And now?”

“Now you’re here. You’re alive, and Rhett’s gone, and as much as I love that guy, I love you more, Lana. I know I could never hurt you. I’m not some confused teenager anymore. I can protect you, and I can love you like you deserve,” he says with a passion I never knew he possessed.

I nod my head slightly, afraid to speak. Am I really lying in a hospital bed, having my best friend confess his love to me after being stabbed by my serial killer boyfriend?

Alec.

Fuck. Just the thought of him makes me want to vomit. I feel tears roll down my cheek at my idiocy. The shame I’ll have to bear for the rest of my life.

“I’m sorry,” Hoss says, standing. “I’ll go get your mom and dad.”

I want to tell him to stay, that he hasn’t left my mind since this all started, but right now I feel dirty. Alec killed Jenny, and it’s probably my fault. Oh my God, if I hadn’t have left that night, he would have killed me and not her. She could still be alive. I feel my heart shatter as I let him walk out of the room, not knowing how I feel about him.

I’m tainted now, inside and out. This is for the best.

I feel the bile rise up in my throat. I let Alec inside of me, and worst of all, I had liked it. I had begged for more. So as sweet as Weston’s speech was, it wasn’t going to cheer me up. Not today.

“NO,” I scream, springing upright in bed. My heart is pounding out of my chest, and the terror still feels real. I look around the room hurriedly, expecting my nightmare to be true—expecting to find Alec in the hospital room, his hands locked tightly around my throat, but he’s not here. It was just a nightmare; it’s not real.

Hoss rushes into the room, looking around for what has me so distraught. What the hell is he doing here?

“Are you all right? What happened?” he asks, coming to my side, still looking panicked.

“Bad dream,” I say, slightly humiliated. “Why are you still here?” I hadn’t seen him since he went to go get my mom and dad. I figured he’d gone home then, too.

“I didn’t want to bug you, so I’ve been sitting outside your door,” he says sheepishly.

“Why?” I ask, before realizing it’s probably because Alec is still at large. Police business.
Thank you, Lana, for once again making yourself look like an idiot.

“Because the thought of losing you yesterday was unbearable. I never want you more than a few steps away again,” he says sincerely.

I laugh, but immediately regret it as the pain in my stomach makes itself present, and the reminder of what the doctor said earlier comes to the forefront of my mind. I push it aside, afraid that if I think about it now, it will bring me to a meltdown, and my stomach wouldn’t be able to handle that at the moment.

“Weston, that’s impossible. You work, I work, even if whatever this is, turns into something, we’re bound to be apart sometime.”

I watch as a pained smile forms on his beautiful face. “Whatever this is? This is everything, Lana.
You
are everything to me.”

He sits down on the bed beside me and puts a hand on the other side of me, leaning over.

“Weston,” is all I manage to say. His words are simple, but the meaning behind them is deep and thoughtful.

“Fuck, Sunshine. I know you’re in a hospital bed, but if you say my name like that one more time, I can’t be held responsible for my actions.” He shifts uncomfortably.

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s just say you should stick to calling me Hoss. At least while you’re incapacitated.”

I look down toward the massive bulge in his pants.

“Seriously, your name?” I ask incredulously. It’s not like it’s a dirty word or even sexual in the slightest.

I recant that; Weston is sexual. I know this firsthand.

“Can’t help it,” he says, his lip twitching. “How was your visit with your parents?”

“It was good,” I reply, thinking back to how worried they had been about me. My father is now out prowling the streets in search of Alec, as well, and as uneasy as it makes me, I expected nothing less from him. He’s a cop at heart, and retired or not, he wasn’t going to sit by idly.

“Violet called, she wanted to come visit, but I told her to stay home with the baby. You’ll see her tomorrow. I have an officer driving by her house every thirty minutes. She’s got a good security system, too.”

“Thanks. Should you be out looking too?” Shit, that sounded bad. “That’s not what I meant. It isn’t that I don’t want you here or anything,” I add quickly. “I just don’t want you to get in trouble for being here with me.”

“Sunshine, there’s no place else I’d rather be. I’m doing all I can from here in leading the search, but we don’t think he’s in the area anymore. If anything breaks, I’ll probably have to leave, but until then, I’m all yours.”

I start to smile, but my thoughts start running rampant again. “Weston?”

“Yeah?” he says, the corner of his lip jerking.

“I guess my biggest question is, why do you
want
to be here? I slept with a serial killer. Willingly! And you’re a detective. Doesn’t that bother you? It sure as hell bothers me.”

He responds immediately, a dark look washing over his face. “Lana, first of all, do you really think that I have any room to talk about who you’ve slept with? I’m not exactly a role model. Secondly, you were drunk, and any man that takes advantage of an intoxicated woman is no man at all. You are an incredible, emotional, loving person, and he played on those emotions. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

I try and get on the same page as his reasoning, but I just can’t. Flashbacks of that night, his hands around my throat, flash in front of my eyes again, and I burst into tears.

“Fuck babe, it’s going to be all right. I’ve got you, I promise,” I hear faintly as he sweeps the hair out of my face. “I’m not going anywhere.”