Faith, Honor & Freedom (26 page)

“Surprise!” I hear yelled out in unison.

I feel my heart skip a beat as fear is replaced with amazement. It’s a surprise party. I see my mom, dad, Jack and Vi, Angela, my aunt and uncle, and about a dozen other friends and family members. Not to mention what looks like half of the police force.

My mom rushes toward me excitedly. “Happy birthday, sweetheart! Do you know how hard this was to keep from you? I’m a terrible liar.”

“You did well Mom. I had no idea,” I say, accepting her hug.

The music starts up again and “Wagon Wheel” by Old Crow Medicine Show starts blasting over the speakers again. A crowd of people rush over to say happy birthday, almost all of which I haven’t seen in at least a month. I accept all of the hugs and well wishes graciously, thankful to be surrounded by people who genuinely care about me. There’s a few who seem to notice my ring, which is now perched on my left hand ring finger, but I just say Weston bought it for me, and not the meaning behind it. Right now, it seems too personal, and so perfect. I don’t want to spoil it with someone else’s opinion on the matter. I know it would seem soon to most of the world—most people have never actually seen us together as a couple. But I’ve known Weston my whole life—I’ve always loved him—and falling in love with him came even easier than I thought it would.

I feel a pang of sadness when I think about Jade. She’s never had this kind of love from friends and family members, but I hope and pray that someday she will. Everyone deserves to be loved. Vi rushes toward me with a tequila shot, and I know this night is going to be insane. As the old birthday tradition in my family goes, you’re not allowed to turn down a shot or drink bought for you all night. Always makes for an interesting morning after.

Three tequila shots, one lemon drop, and two Singapore slings later, I’m on the dance floor with Weston, my arms wrapped tightly around his neck, and his hands traveling dangerously low to my ass. I’m thankful that my parents have already gone home and aren’t bearing witness to this. I can’t help myself.

Tonight has been absolutely incredible. I’ve caught up with friends and family I’ve missed dearly, got to dance with some girlfriends (which drove Weston wild), and I was able to do it all in safety of almost two dozen officers. I figured even if they were half in the bag, they were still probably packing.

The song “Pour Some Sugar on Me
,
”
by
Def Leppard
comes on, and I look over to Vi, knowing this was definitely her doing. She looks back and winks at me, before continuing to dance with Jack. I look up at Weston and bite my lip. He should know what’s coming. I turn around and start grinding my ass against him and am pleasantly surprised to find he’s already hard as a rock. It feels good to know he wants me just as much as I want him.

I dip down low, coming up tantalizingly slow, as I continue to try and drunk seduce him. I know from experience I never look half as sexy as I feel, but with the alcohol pumping through my veins, the music loud in my ears, and Weston’s hot body pressed up against mine, it feels perfect to me.

As the song comes to an end, he pulls me by the hand out the back door of the club. I follow eagerly. At this point, the alcohol has pushed any inhibitions out of my mind and the thought of being caught seems exhilarating, instead of terrifying. I thought he would lead me back to his truck, but instead he walks around the side of the club and pushes me up against the brick wall, his lips finding mine in the dark. His tongue dips deep inside of my mouth, and I moan my approval into his mouth.

The wetness pools between my thighs as he pushes my dress up roughly. His finger dips into the side of my panties before he rips them off in one swift motion.

“All mine,” he whispers into my ear.

A quick rustle of his pants and then he’s lifting my legs around his waist as my back rests against the brick wall. And then he’s inside of me, thrusting hard and fast. My body—already primed from the dance floor—responds immediately, and I feel my release building quickly.

“You love this, don’t you baby?” he asks coarsely.

“I do,” I respond weakly.

The first orgasm shakes my whole body fiercely as it continues to pound through my veins. I sag against him, spent, while it runs its course.

“So fucking tight,” he mutters into my ear and then bites on my collarbone. Fuck that’s hot.

I hear the back door of the club open, the music spilling out into the night. When it closes again, I hear Vi squealing, “No Jack, no!” It sounds like he’s thrown her over his shoulder, and I hear his footsteps beat down across the parking lot.

“Shh,” Weston whispers into my ear. He clamps one hand over my mouth, using the other to hold up my weight. He looks at me mischievously before pounding into me again, over and over. I feel myself crying out into his hand at the delicious assault, and that only seems to fuel him more.

I hear two car doors close before a car speeds off around the other side of the building.

Weston keeps his hand where it is as he continues to drive into me recklessly before finding his own release. He shudders and breathes a “fuck,” into my ear, panting hard against me.

“Love you Lana,” he says hoarsely.

Chapter 18

I cuddle in closer for what is quite possibly the last time I get to hold Button. My heart is breaking for her. She’s going to a foster home that has five other children residing there. I was really hoping she would be going straight into the arms of a loving couple, but I guess things don’t always work that way.

Button snuggles in closer, keeping her eyes trained on me. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’d take you in a heartbeat if I had the money and the room.” Rhett hadn’t thought about having a family when he bought that house. It’s not a bad size, but there’s only one bedroom. I’m not even sure how I’m going to keep with the bills with my savings gone; how could I possibly raise a child?

And then there’s Weston. We’ve really just begun our relationship since the attack, and most of it has been spent in the hospital and hotel rooms. He gave me the ring, and that was one of the sweetest things ever, but he said it himself, he’s not ready for a child yet. It could destroy our relationship.

I feel my heart being ripped in two; one half screaming she’s worth the risk, and the other half yelling to play it safe, we’ve got something good going on with Weston. Button grabs a fistful of my hair and pushes her face into it.

“Yeah, you smell pretty good, too,” I whisper, trying not to cry. She starts to squirm so I grab the bottle I made for her before we sat down and slip it inside her little mouth. She sucks back willingly. She has become so proficient at feeding this past week, and has had her tube out for a few days now. I watch as her frenzied sucks become long, slow pulls, and all too soon, she’s asleep in my arms.

I let the tears fall then, wondering how I’m supposed to put her in that cot and walk out of her life. Why couldn’t I have met her a year from now? When I would hopefully have some savings built back up, Alec would be behind bars, and I would know where things were headed with Weston.

And then, as if I were in a dream, I hear a familiar, “Lana.” I look up into the eyes of a disheveled Jade. I feel my stomach lurch as I struggle to say something.

“What are you doing here?” I finally manage to croak out.

“I called the social worker to make sure you were able to take her home. They said you didn’t want her …” she trails off, looking offended and confused. She crosses her arms over her chest in a protective stance, and I notice her eyes are focusing on me, as she refuses to look down at Button.

“I c-c-can’t,” I stutter, wondering how I’m going to explain this to an emotionally fragile child.

“Why? I promise there’s nothing wrong with her. I didn’t drink or use drugs; I ate as much as I could. Or is this about her father?” she asks. “She’s a girl. She won’t end up like him. She’ll be a good baby if you just love her,” she pleads desperately.

“Jade, calm down, sweetheart. She’s perfect, absolutely perfect. I’m just not ready for a baby yet. I don’t have a husband, or an extra room in my house, or money to buy the things she needs right now. I kind of had something come up,” I say cautiously. I don’t need her to know there are more evil men out there than the ones she has already encountered, but she needs to know that I didn’t just forget about her.

“You don’t need all of that stuff; you told me you didn’t when you wanted me to parent her.”

I take a deep breath before responding. “Jade, it’s just not that simple, believe me. This is eating at me. I love her, and it would be an honor to be her mother, but it’s just not the right time,” I say as serenely as I can. I look around to see that we’ve caused a scene. Fortunately, aside from a few nurses, there are not many other visitors around.

“I can’t just leave her with anyone. As hard as this is for me, she doesn’t deserve the kind of life I had. I don’t want her moving from house to house never knowing why doesn’t have anyone to love her. Even if she does find an adoptive family, it doesn’t mean they’ll love her. I had two parents, and neither of them loved me.”

My shoulders sag. I don’t want that for Button either. I look down at her sweet little face, peacefully asleep and oblivious to everything going on around her.

“I’m just going to lay her down and maybe we can talk somewhere private?” I ask her.

“Yeah,” she says, looking defeated. “I’ll meet you in the cafeteria.”

“No,” I cry, a little too harshly. I’m paranoid she’s going to run again if I let her out of my sight. “Please, just give me a second, and we’ll walk down together. “

“Okay,” she says softly, turning her back to me. I lift Button up to my lips and kiss both of her cheeks. This was definitely not what I imagined our goodbye would be like. I say a quick prayer for her, before laying her down in her bassinet. The tears sting my eyes, but I blink them away, determined not to let Jade see the hurt in them. I wave to the nurse, letting her know that we’re leaving.

As soon as Jade and I push through the doors of the NICU, she grabs a hold of my arm, spinning me around. “Please Lana, I’ve never begged for anything in my life, never even asked for anything, but I’m going to beg you. I can’t live knowing I damned her for the same life I lived,” she implores. I feel the hot burn of my tears rush down my face, and curse myself for not being stronger.

To make things worse, Weston comes barreling around the corner. He takes a quick look at me and rushes to my side. He was supposed to be standing guard at the door, but he must have gone to use the washroom.

“Jesus babe, what’s wrong?” he asks, looking back and forth between Jade and me.

“This is Jade,” I say, nodding my head in her direction. I watch as she takes a few steps back from him and looks down at the floor.

“Christ,” he mutters. “Nice to meet you, Jade.”

She doesn’t acknowledge his presence, and I immediately want to ask him to leave. He’s a big guy, and I’ll admit, if you don’t know him, he’s pretty intimidating. Especially when you’re a sexual abuse victim who’s already terrified of men. Weston doesn’t know her full story, though.

Shit.

“Jade, this is Weston Hoss, he’s a … friend of mine,” I say uneasily.

“Her boyfriend,” he says, correcting me.

Her head jerks up, and she looks up at him, curiously, but remains mute.

“One second, okay?” I ask Jade. She nods and looks away. I grab hold of Weston’s hand and move back a few steps so we’re out of earshot.

Quietly, I whisper, “She’s terrified of men. She’s been raped and abused, and you’re making her uneasy. We need somewhere to talk alone.”

“What is she here for?” he whispers back. I sigh, wondering if I should tell him or just leave it be. I decide on the truth, because lying never gets me anywhere.

“When she ran, she left a note here asking me to adopt her baby. She’s sixteen and doesn’t understand the logistics of it all, and it’s breaking my heart to have to tell her no,” I say, attempting to keep my emotions under wraps.

“Why did you say no?” he asks seriously. What the hell kind of question is that? There are a million and twelve reasons.

“Why not? I have a job that barely pays the bills, my savings have gone to my medical co-pays, I live in a one-bedroom house, and I’m not married,” I hiss. I don’t mean to sound angry, but I can’t help it. Nothing in this situation is fair, and it sucks!

Weston nods and pulls me into a hug. “Where did you want to go?”

I think for a minute before turning back to Jade. “Where are you staying?” I ask.

She shrugs, evidently uncomfortable. “I’m staying at a hotel right now; did you want to come back with me? We could get you your own room,” I offer.

She shakes her head. “That’s okay. I can stay at the church or the shelter.”

“Please Jade, let me do this. We need to talk, and this is the easiest way to do it and have some privacy,” I plead. Reluctantly, she nods and before she has time to change her mind, I have her following us out of the hospital and into the truck.

We drive back to the hotel, soundlessly, and book her into the room beside mine. She stays eerily quiet, and I can feel my heart trying to escape my chest. What the hell am I going to say to her to make this right?

When we settle into her room, she sits on the bed, and Weston and I sit down in the wicker chairs. “Jade, are you okay?” I ask, wondering if she minds him being here. She seems to be incredibly skittish around men, and I really can’t fault her for that.

She nods her head. “Yeah, I’m all right, I just …” she trails off. I wait a minute until she gathers her thoughts. “I don’t know. You’re so nice, and Marnie told me you wanted a baby … it seemed perfect.”

“I’m so sorry Jade,” I say truthfully.

“I’m not a horrible person. I never would have left her at the hospital if I thought you wouldn’t take her.”

I feel the tears start again. “I know you’re not sweetheart, I know.”

“What if I found a job and sent you the money? Could you keep her then?” she asks.