Faith, Honor & Freedom (30 page)

“Faith,” I blurt out.

“Faith?”

“Faith. I don’t know why, but it just popped into my head. I guess probably because I had faith that everything would work out in the end, and it did. I just didn’t think it would be my ending. I still can’t believe this is happening to me. It’s too much for one person … I didn’t know I could be so happy,” I say, throwing myself into his arms.

And I can’t. I truly can’t fathom being any happier than I am, here in this moment. I have the love of a good man, the love of a beautiful baby girl, and great friends and family. Things couldn’t be better. I finally look down at the ring he placed around my finger. A single solitaire diamond rests on a thin platinum wedding band. It’s simple, stunning, and absolutely perfect.

“Wait,” I say, suddenly realizing that I still have no idea where we are. I guess the other two huge pieces of news seemed to be more pressing. “Where are we?”

“Our new house,” he says with a smile. “I put the condo up for sale, and I bought this place. There’s still some bank paperwork and stuff to be done, but they accepted my offer. This is our home,” he says smiling.

“Wait a minute … we live here?” I ask astonished. Did he seriously buy us a house? Did I just get engaged, adopt a baby, and buy a house within ten minutes.

“No …” I say, looking around. “Where did all of this stuff come from?”

“The realtor gave me the keys and Violet helped,” he says, shrugging sheepishly. “I can’t take all of the credit, but …” I stop him, throwing myself into his arms and kissing every inch of his face that I can. “Thank you,” I say, biting my lip to keep the tears from falling. “This is … everything.”

“You’re everything to me, Lana, everything.”

~

I look down at Faith, tucked safely inside her new purple car seat and wonder if I should jump back inside the car myself and drive away or take a deep breath and enter my parents’ house. Jade has been living with my parents now for six months, and last week she asked to meet Faith. Although Weston and I are now Faith’s legal guardians, the thought of Jade wanting her back, now that she’s in a stable place, has been weighing heavily on our minds all week.

Although rationally, I know that’s probably not the case, it’s still hard not to worry. Jade’s come a long way these past few months, and is actually thinking about returning to school. Mom’s been homeschooling her and as of now, she’s only a grade behind in a few subjects. Mom says she picks things up quickly, and it’s going really well. Her reading and writing is actually well above average, as it seems she always made good use of the library. Mom and Dad couldn’t be prouder. They’re going to try a placement test at the local high school soon. I know Jade’s nervous about it.

So far, Weston and I have only visited Mom and Dad’s alone, so that one of us can stay home with Faith. I know why Jade hasn’t wanted to see her yet, and I completely respect her reasoning. I’m hoping today isn’t too hard for her, either. We have never talked about telling Faith that she was adopted and that Jade is her biological mother. I’m glad she’s only a baby, and we still have time.

Jade has also never promised to stick around at Mom and Dad’s. She seems incredibly happy there, but I feel like she’s still waiting for something to go wrong. Mom says she reassures her daily that even if she messes up, she’s always welcome there—that it’s human to make mistakes, and it doesn’t mean you’ll be loved any less. It takes some time to move past all of those issues, though. She’s been working closely with a therapist, but Mom and Dad aren’t privy to the information shared in the sessions. We can only hope that she is sharing and healing.

I’ve been toying with the idea of asking an old friend’s sister to come and talk with her. I know she lived a hard life as well with an alcoholic mother, and I know that they’re doing really well now. Maybe it will help her see that there’s hope.

I kiss Faith on the forehead and unbuckle her harness, thankful that Weston, who’s been standing next to my jeep, hasn’t tried to rush me inside. I know he’s just as anxious as I am. I lift her up into my arms and hug her tightly. I can only imagine that the tension is going to get worse when we enter the house, so I take a deep breath of fresh air.

“It’s going to be okay, Sunshine,” Weston says, squeezing my arm. I swallow the lump in my throat and walk up my parents’ driveway. Weston gives me a final look to make sure I’m okay, and kisses Faith on the forehead before opening the front door.

Dad’s standing in the entryway, and I know he’s probably been waiting there since before we even pulled in the driveway. He really loves Jade, and I know it would break his heart if she ever left them. He’s worried about both of us today.

“Hey Daddy,” I say weakly.

“Hey sweetheart,” Dad says, pressing his lips to my forehead and then to Faith’s. They’ve been visiting her at our house a few times a week, and I know that despite everything, they’re thrilled to finally have their granddaughter in their own home. He shakes Weston’s hand, before taking a deep breath. “They’re in the kitchen,” he says, leading us toward it.

I squeeze Faith tightly, as she grabs fistfuls of my hair and squeals excitedly. I’ve probably lost a good amount of my hair these past few weeks, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s been a dream being her mother. Weston rubs the small of my back, and I follow my dad into the kitchen. I spot Jade with her back toward us, looking out the window by the dining room table.

“Jade,” I say, my voice shaking. I can see her body trembling. She’s filled out some since she’s been with Mom and Dad. Nobody can resist Mom’s cooking, and I’m so glad she’s looking a lot healthier. She turns, nervously, keeping her eyes glued to mine, refusing to look down at Faith. Being in the same room as them both, I can’t help but notice how much they look alike.

I feel the tears well up in my eyes as I walk toward her. “Would you like to meet her?” I ask.

“I don’t think I can,” she says, biting her lip. “I thought I was ready … but now I’m not sure.”

“It’s up to you, but she looks just like you. She’s beautiful Jade, just a sweet innocent child,” I say, feeling protective of my little girl. Weston’s caring hand rests against my back. He’s stayed quiet this whole time, and I know it’s out of respect for Jade. She’s grown pretty close to him, but she’s still skittish, and he doesn’t want to scare her.

I catch Jade’s eyes, flicking down for a brief second, and then darting straight back to my eyes. She squeezes her eyes tightly, and I know she’s scared. I am too. When she opens her eyes again, she’s staring right at Faith. I look down and notice Faith is still turned toward me. She hasn’t seen her face yet. I kiss her forehead and turn her toward Jade. Faith coos and giggles as she spots Grammie standing beside Jade.

Jade is still staring, a blank look on her face, and I suddenly feel like this is a huge mistake. It’s too much for Jade, and it’s certainly too much for me. I try and take a step backward but Weston’s hand on my back presses firmly against it.

“You’re strong, Sunshine, you can do this,” he whispers into my ear. I can hear the fear in his voice too, but he’s still concerned about me.

“Jade?” I ask uncertainly.

“She’s beautiful,” she whispers.

I let the tears flow freely now. Faith has finally met her biological mother. It’s something I can never be to her, and even though that hurts, I can never be thankful enough to Jade for giving me the gift of motherhood.

Jade

“How did you feel when you first saw her?” Marie asks, intrigued.

I fumble around looking for an honest answer to give her. I’ve really grown to like Marie since she arrived a few days ago. At first I thought it was a stupid idea, and it would break my confidence rather than fix it, but she’s been pretty incredible. I’ve opened up to her about almost everything so far, and it hasn’t been hard. For most of the horrid stories I’ve told her, she’s come back with one of her own. She’s a lot easier to talk to than my therapist.

I know it’s terrible to feel this way, but it feels good to not be alone. Marie seems normal, friendly, and kind. She said that before she moved away, she was just like I was. I’m hoping to start school in two weeks when summer is over. I did my entrance exam a few months ago and was surprised to find that they’re going to let me into the grade I’m supposed to be in, provided Tanya keeps teaching me at home as well, to make sure I don’t fall behind.

I can’t say enough good things about Steve and Tanya. They’ve been like a fairy tale to me. I keep expecting them to change, and to be these horribly cruel people that will hurt me in some way, but they haven’t shown me they have a mean bone in their bodies. They’re kind, and encouraging, and have almost convinced me that I can lead a normal life. Normal is all I’ve ever wanted.

I look back over at Marie, who’s sitting against the side of the couch, still waiting for an answer. “It was terrifying,” I say with a smirk. It’s almost humorous to look back at the first time I met my daughter now. Well, she’s not
my
daughter anymore. “She was nothing like I expected her to be. In my mind she had his eyes, and she would look at me with the kind of disgust that her father looked at me with. She wasn’t, though. She had big beautiful green eyes, and she was soft and pudgy … she even giggled. I couldn’t believe it. I was standing across the room from her, scared to see the evil inside of her, and she was just completely oblivious to everything, giggling.”

Marie looks intrigued by it all. Her sister just gave birth a few weeks ago, and so she’s been immersed in the world of babies as well. Lana, Hoss, and Faith all flew up to New York so Lana could help Brynn give birth. They stayed for a few weeks to go sightseeing and shopping, and ended up bringing me back a huge, new school wardrobe. It’s hard accepting all of these things I don’t deserve, but hopefully someday I can pay them back.

“Did you want her back?” Marie asks curiously.

I think about her question for a minute before answering. For a brief second I did just want to grab her and run. My biggest fear turned out to be nothing to fear at all. She was perfect. “I wondered for a minute if I made the right choice, but seeing her there in Lana’s arms, with Weston protecting them both … I knew I made the right decision. I’m still just a kid. I’m not ready to raise one. I don’t think I ever want to be anyone’s mom.”

“I do,” Marie says, smirking.

Hoss

I wipe my palms against the side of my black tuxedo pants, my nerves shot to hell. I’ve been waiting for this day a long time, and I can’t help but get the feeling that something is going to go wrong. Nothing can be this perfect.

Especially not since last week Andrew Marshall, Alec’s real identity, was sentenced to four consecutive life sentences. The idiot kept all of the trinkets he stole from his victims, and with Jade and Lana’s statements, it wasn’t hard to get a conviction. He’s not going anywhere, and I’m so glad that Lana and Jade never have to worry about him again. I’m also glad that families like Jenny’s now have some form of closure.

I hear the traditional “Here Comes the Bride” start to play, and I feel my body stiffen in anticipation. The church doors open, and even though I know she’ll be coming in last, I can’t help but hold my breath.

Faith and Gavin come around the corner first—Gavin in a little tuxedo, holding Faith’s hand. Gavin’s a better walker now at eighteen months than Faith is, but her little toddle just warms me inside. Her blonde hair reaches just below her shoulders and forms tiny little ringlets at the ends. “Dada!” she says excitedly when she sees me. They both ambled toward me. Everyone in the pews laugh as the two make their way down the aisle. I bend down and hold my arms out, encouraging them to keep coming.

She’s had me wrapped around my finger since the moment I first laid eyes on her, but there’s something to be said for the first time your little girl calls you Dada. I wait for Faith and Gavin to reach me, and watch as Vi and Jack round the corner, laughing at Gavin and Faith. Vi looks beautiful in her long emerald gown, the tiniest bump protruding from her abdomen. I still can’t believe she’ll be having another baby in six months, but they’re over the moon.

Brynn and her husband Blaze come around the corner next. We’ve been really close with them since we flew out to New York so Lana could deliver their first born son. Marie came back shortly after and her and Jade have become really close friends. She flies out as often as possible, and I know Lana’s parents were thinking about letting her spend a few weeks in New York this summer, which is pretty huge. I think we have all stopped worrying about Jade fleeing. She loves Tanya and Steve, and last week even started calling them Mom and Dad on her own. There have been few times I’ve seen Steve cry in my life, but that was definitely one of them.

Speaking of Jade, her and my uncle Ned turn the corner, coming down the aisle. I give her a huge smile, letting her know how happy I am to have her here, because I am. She’s given me half of my heart, and I’ll never be able to thank her enough. Marie and Parker come down the aisle next and I feel the tears prick my eyes. I’ve been waiting for this moment for almost two decades, and I can’t believe it’s finally here. I look down in the pews at my aunt Patti and give her a huge smile. I know she’s thinking about how proud my parent’s would have been too. I’m finally marrying the girl I’ve been dreaming about since I was a little boy.

Lana and her father turn the corner and I feel my heart stop beating. She’s wearing a beautiful strapless white gown, and I’m thankful as fuck it’s not big and poufy. I want to be close to her tonight while we dance. She’s too beautiful to put into words. I can see her smile from the other end of the aisle, and I can tell she’s ready to cry. I scoop up Faith and kiss her forehead, unable to tear my eyes away from my wife-to-be.

“Your mama is beautiful, just like you Button,” I whisper into her ear. Vi reaches for her and I give her a final kiss before handing her over. The wedding party lines up on either side of me, and finally Lana is by my side. She’s breath taking. Her hair is down and framing her face in soft black curls. Her dad kisses her cheek, and the first tear falls. He wipes it away quickly for her.