Faithfully (21 page)

             
“I don’t know if there is a way, but you can’t keep it if you don’t love him. The longer you keep it the harder it will be.” I thought of Johnny. “Obviously Alex and Johnny don’t know.”

             
“My God, no, they both hate Brian. I was only seeing him again because I was bored.” I could hear the guilt in her voice.

             
“We will figure this out. I’ll help you. You need to talk to Johnny and tell him about Brian though.” I knew I was asking a lot of her. “He loves you, Sam, like really loves you. Neither of you will tell me your history, and that is fine, but I think he will make you happy.” We sat there for another second and finally got out of the car and walked into the house.

             
When we walked in it was a sight to see. The girls were all in their pajamas and the guys had on their matching pajama bottoms. They were all on the floor with pillows reading Christmas books. I grabbed my camera and started snapping pictures.

             
“Does this mean we have to go put ours on now?” Sam didn’t sound too enthused about it.

             
We finally got the girls to bed and had to wait a few hours before we could get the gifts out. Alex did the honor of eating the cookies. Sam wrote the letter back to the girls from Santa. Lily was getting smart and I thought she might recognize my handwriting. 

             
Finally, around one in the morning, Sam and Johnny headed back to Alex’s. I was beat and knew the girls would be up in a few hours. I went in, washed my face, and was getting ready for bed when Alex tapped on the bathroom door. When I opened it, he handed me my cell and walked back into the bedroom.

             
“Hello?” I wasn’t sure who would be calling now on Christmas Eve.

             
“I need your help. I fucked up.” It was Sam.

             
“What, now?” I wasn’t sure what help she could possibly need this early in the morning.

             
“Yes, now. Johnny knows about Brian. I blurted it out, and before I could explain, he was in the guesthouse with the door locked. He won’t answer my calls or texts.” Sam sounded panicked.

             
“What can I do?” I still didn’t understand.

             
“What if he starts using again?”              “Wouldn’t he need something to use? I don’t think there is anything in the guesthouse. I’m sure Alex doesn’t keep crack or coke in there for his company.” It sounded bitchy when it came out, and I didn’t mean for it to sound like that. “Listen, I’ll head over, but what do I say to Alex?”

             
“Tell him I started my period.”

             
“That won’t work. I have a ton of shit in his bathroom.” He would know since he bought the store out of supplies.

             
“Tell him I only use certain ones, he will believe that.” It was true, she was high maintenance.

             
“Fine.” I hung up the phone, walked in, and threw on a sweater. I explained to Alex that Sam had an emergency and needed a certain type of tampon. He offered to take it, but I told him to keep the bed warm for me. I quickly threw on boots and a winter coat and headed over to Alex’s. I pulled up in front of the guesthouse, ran up to the door, and started knocking. Johnny didn’t come to the door. I called and it went straight to voicemail. My only option was to use my key. I hated doing this, because I felt like I was invading his privacy.

             
When I got into the house, the downstairs was dark. I knocked on the door leading to the upstairs. There was no response. I opened it and started up the stairs slowly. I called out for Johnny, but he didn’t answer me. When I got up there, I saw his silhouette on the couch in the dark. His hands were on his knees and his head was resting on his hands.

             
“Hey, are you okay?” I started over in his direction.

             
“Let me guess, Sam thought I would go on a binge?” Johnny questioned, sounding irritated.

             
“No, she was worried about you. I thought maybe we could talk.” When I got closer, I noticed the bottle of Jack on the table in front of him and the glass. I walked over and hit the light.

             
“I didn’t drink any yet.” He leaned back on the couch and rubbed his face with his hands.

             
“Are you planning to?” My voice wasn’t very pleasant.

             
“I’m honestly not sure. I’ve been staring at this glass for the last thirty minutes.” He picked it up and brought it to eye level to look at it. I wanted to grab it from him, but it didn’t look like he was going to take a drink. “A year ago, Christ, a month ago I would have downed the bottle by now.” He set the glass down. “I want it, I can practically taste it, but my promise to Alex keeps running through my head. I’ve lost everyone. I can’t lose the last of my family.” Johnny had tears running down his face and I saw the struggle he was having.

             
I walked over, took the bottle and glass, and dumped them both down the sink. “Where the hell did you get this?”

             
“Remember when I said I like the music making part, but tend to leave on the music creating? This is all part of the creating.” Johnny stood and turned to me. “That’s why I escape to your house.” I understood now. “Did Sam call you? Did she tell you her happy news?” He sounded hurt and pissed.

             
“She told me earlier tonight, but listen, you have to talk to her. She didn’t tell me, but I know she’s in love with you.” I walked over and stood in front of him. “I see the love you have for her and how she tries to hide her feelings for you. Please go talk to her.”

             
“Okay,” was all he said as he turned towards the stairs. “Abby.” He turned back. “For the record, I wasn’t going to drink that. I needed to see if I really had changed.” He turned and headed down the stairs.

             
When I finally got home, Alex had already fallen asleep. I curled up next to him, taking in his warmth, and was asleep pretty quick. I felt like I had just fallen asleep when the girls were standing next to the bed, asking to go downstairs to see if Santa came. I rolled over and looked at the clock, only to see that it was only five in the morning. I was not calling my parents that early to come down to see the girls open gifts.

             
Instead I talked them into crawling into bed with us. I listened to them talk about what they think they got. Alex was awake and joining in on the fun. I kept my eyes closed, wishing for more sleep. Finally, at six, the girls handed me my cell so I could call my parents. Alex disappeared to make coffee and tea. The girls asked if they could see the tree. I reluctantly rolled out of bed and followed them downstairs.

             
My sleepy mood changed when I saw their excitement about the gifts and tree. Lily read the note left by Santa and was amazed how he knew little things about them. Alex must have called Sam and Johnny too, because they arrived shortly after the girls started opening gifts.

             
Seeing their body language as they walked in together made me think that they talked and maybe, just maybe, a little more than talking happened. I was pulled away from looking at them by the girls. They were passing out gifts to everyone. I let the girls do some of their own picking out when it came to the gifts for everyone, and some of the gifts showed it.

             
At the end, Alex got up to hand out gifts. He handed my parents a large envelope, and inside was a vacation for two to Hilton Head so they could play golf. My mother was amazed and her eyes might have even gone misty. Sam opened her envelope and she didn’t fully get it. Alex had to explain how he deeded the LA house to her and it was now her house. Sam let Alex think she was really happy, but I could tell a lot of it was a show for him.

             
Next was my turn. I got a large envelope as well. When I opened it, I saw a letter from a man named Michael White. I skimmed through the letter and parts were popping out, but I was getting confused.

“
Michael White was my literary agent. I sent him the chapters in your book you had completed and he loved them. He wants to shop your book around.” I was shocked, followed by slightly upset and excited. “I know you wanted to do this on your own, and you are, but I started reading it and know other people need to read this book.”

             
I didn’t say anything, probably because I still needed to process all of this and read the letter fully awake. I leaned over, kissed him, and thanked him.

             
Alex threw over a small box to Johnny. When Johnny opened it, he pulled out the contents. “What the hell? Those are my keys.” I didn’t understand.

             
“Yes, they are. He needs a car while he is here, so I am giving him your car.” I saw the smile on Johnny and the amusement on Sam’s. Alex then reached over, pulled out a key chain, and dangled a key in my face. “You can drive this while he has your vehicle.”

             
“No, you are not giving me a car for Christmas.” I shook my head. I was not taking an extravagant gift from him.

             
“Didn’t you tell the girls a little bit ago that they had to say thank you and accept all gifts even if they didn’t like them?” I shot him a dirty look. Using my parenting words against me was a dirty move.

             
Sam stood up and clapped. “Come look at it. I loved driving it over this morning.” Alex walked me to the front door and the girls ran to the side window to look at it. They were yelling and screaming in their excitement. I looked out and saw a Yukon Denali parked where Alex’s Jeep was usually parked. It was beautiful. I slipped on my boots and walked out to the vehicle, sliding into the driver’s seat. Alex slid in next to me. He took the key from my hand and started it. He was pointing out all the features. I wasn’t really listening. I was busy smelling the leather and new car smell. As much as I hated for him to buy it, I was already in love with it.

             
“It’s big enough so we can all go together and take company.” He leaned over and kissed me.

             
We went back in the house and the girls gave him his gifts. I had a picture album made with pictures I got from Sam as them as kids, along with some from when he and the band had just been starting out, and recent ones of the girls and us. I also took a few prints and blew them up on canvases for his office wall. My final gift was a bracelet I had made for him. It was black leather and had a medal plate with the words:

WHEN 2 HEARTS ARE MEANT TO BE, NO DISTANCE IS TOO FAR & NO TIME IS TOO LONG
AM&AP

Alex placed it on his
wrist, leaned in, and kissed me.

My parents stayed for breakfast, but I couldn’t help noticing how pale and worn out my dad looked. My mom said
the cold he had was taking a lot of energy out of him. I told her that, with it being the holiday break, I would take care of the office stuff at the pub and help oversee things so he could stay home and rest. I would have the time with the girls leaving to spend a week with David’s parents and Alex returning to the studio with Paige.

We made it through Christmas dinner
, and Alex was a huge help in the kitchen. I didn’t have my parents return until it was time to eat. Bruce came as always. I loved having him around. He was a second dad and another grandparent to the girls. He and Alex had started to bond over the last few months too.

When morning came, I was sad to lose the girls for the week, but they needed to spend time with David’s parents as often as they could.
I took the girls halfway by myself. Derek was with his brother’s family, but he would be meeting me on the return trip with the girls. David’s parents met up with me and we had lunch. The girls were talking their ears off and telling them all about the excitement of Christmas morning. David’s parents seemed genuinely happy listening, even when a lot of it was filled with Alex, Johnny and Sam. They even came out and looked at my new Christmas present from Alex.

On my drive
home, I called Lexi. I hadn’t talked to her much the past week. She had flown back down to her parents. She seemed happy and said she had decided to take another week off and stay there until after the New Year. I was slightly surprised. Usually a week was all she could handle of her parents. I informed her that I ran into our handsome police chief and he was asking about her. Lexi played it off, but I think the news excited her.

My call with Alex was fast and furious. He was getting things ready in the studio and
trying to write different music to change the tempo of the last song. He was talking in music terms, and all I could do was say
yep
,
okay
, or
sure
. Nothing he was saying was making sense to me.

It wasn’t until I was an hour out of town that my mom called. Her voice sounded shaken, but she was trying to remain calm.
“Abby, where are you?”