Fallen (6 page)

I suddenly couldn’t breathe. My eyes stung as tears clawed their way out. “Did I kill her?”

His eyes dropped. “She was alive when we left.”

So he didn’t know. Not for sure.

I wiped my wet cheeks, feeling…I didn’t even know. Numb, I guess. It was preferable to all the other emotions roiling underneath my surface.

“What do I do?” I asked in a small voice.

“Right now, we go home,” Thomas said, putting the car in gear. “And you feed on me.”

Chapter Ten

EMILY

“How do you want to do this?”

I brushed past Thomas, not bothering to hide my disgust. “I
don’t
.” I crossed his bedroom and flopped down on his giant bed, pressing my face into his silky pale blue bedspread.

He ignored me. “Should we do it in the bathroom? It might get…messy.”

Lifting my head, I turned around and glared at him. “Did you hear me? I said I don’t want to do this.”

“Too bad.” He took off his jacket and lifted his shirt over his head, throwing them on the bed. 

I watched him flit in and out of the room, coming back with a stack of towels and a bottle of tequila. He paused and took a long swig from the bottle, wincing as he swallowed it. 

Great, he’s gotta be drunk in order to do this. Super encouraging, babe.

It made sense, though. Probably wouldn’t hurt as much…

Hell, who was I kidding? There was no “taking the edge off” when it came to someone ripping you apart with their teeth. And Thomas was going to be in for a hell of a surprise if he thought that he could.

I’m
not
doing it. I don’t care what he says.

I pulled back the covers and climbed under. 

Thomas peered out from the bathroom. “Ready.”

Groaning, I yanked the sheet over my face, wishing I could disappear. The bed dipped as I felt Thomas climb in. He pulled the sheet back and lay next to me.

“I miss you,” he said. “I miss
us
.”

I knew things hadn’t been rainbows and sunshine lately, but damn. That shit hurt. My heart ached as I rolled over to face him. “I’m right here,” I said, cupping his face.

He scowled and sat up. “No, you’re not. You’re…I don’t know—preoccupied. It’s like you’re a million miles away sometimes.”

I lowered my eyes. “I’ve got a lot on my mind—”

“And I don’t?”

My eyes jerked up at his raised voice.

“I feel like I’m the only one left in this relationship, Em. You gave up and mentally checked out
weeks
ago. Now I’m left to watch you waste away to nothing.”

I was floored. “
Checked out?
Are you kidding me? I’ve been busting my ass trying to make this work! Do you have
any
idea how hard it’s been not to—”
rip out your throat?

Despite my best efforts, my eyes dropped to his neck, to the soft spot I so often caught myself ogling. 

“Go on,
say it
. We both know you’re thinking it.”

I couldn’t. I couldn’t say anything.

He got off the bed and paced in front of it, running his fingers through his blond hair. “Why can’t you admit it?”

My eyes pricked and rapidly filled with tears. “Because then it’s real.”

He stopped and faced me, his fervor dying down. “It already
is
. Look at you,” he said, gesturing to me. “You need to feed to survive.”

Big, fat tears slipped down my cheeks. “I know.” 

He kneeled in front of me. “Let me help you,” he begged.

I shook my head, my breath catching in my throat. “No. I can’t do that to you.”

“Then do it to someone else! I don’t care
who
it is at this point.”

It felt as if he’d just slapped me. “You don’t care if I murder someone?”

“Not if it means you get better.” His steely eyes held mine, his jaw working. “I wouldn’t have stopped you tonight if we hadn’t been in public. I would’ve let you finish her off.”

I reeled as his words cut me to the quick. How could he say that? 

My eyes watered as I gritted my teeth, trying to keep the tears at bay. “You would let me do that?
Knowing
that I’d have to live with it for the rest of my life?”

“Yes. Because you would have
lived
.” He held my face in his hands, his eyes growing shiny. “I can’t stand by and watch you slowly kill yourself, Em—I
won’t
.” He rubbed his face and squeezed his eyes shut, clearly frustrated with me. Taking a deep breath, he composed himself and spoke calmly. “If you keep this up, you’re either going to die, or you’re going to lash out at someone else, maybe even me.”

The thought of hurting Thomas like that horrified me. And he was absolutely right, it
could
happen. Especially since I spent ninety-nine percent of my time with him.

I looked down at his beautiful face, reaching out to push his hair off his forehead. He had such lovely skin. Golden, flawless, and smooth. How could I ever mar this?

I pushed it from my mind. I
refused
to let that happen. I’d rather die first. 

So you know what you have to do.

Tears sprung forth for the millionth time that night as I said, “I’ll feed.”

His brows shot up. “You will?”

I nodded, forcing a small smile. “Tomorrow, okay? I’m exhausted right now… Lay with me until I fall asleep?”

He climbed in behind me, holding me as silent tears streaked my pillow. His scent enveloped me, wrapping around me like a second blanket. I breathed it in like I’d been starved for it, ignoring the ache it caused my stomach and throat. His heart beat a steady rhythm behind me, almost like it was trying to lull me to sleep. To think I’d have to hurt it tomorrow…

Two months ago, I’d have given anything to have forever with Thomas. But it turned out forever came with a price—one I wasn’t willing to pay.

Chapter Eleven

Saturday, January 16th

THOMAS

My groggy head registered empty space beside me as I woke. Huh. Usually Em was all up on me in her sleep. She had a hard time retaining body heat otherwise…

I felt around, but my hand only touched empty, cold sheets. 

What the
—

My eyes cracked open as I lifted my head, seeing that I was alone in my bed. “Em?” I listened throughout the house, but it was still and quiet.
Too
quiet.

I jumped out of bed, running towards the bathroom with my heart in my throat. Christ, if I found her lying on the floor, unconscious—or
worse
—I didn’t know what I’d do. I’d fucking lose it.

Grabbing the doorjamb, I hurtled myself into the bathroom, my eyes darting all around. She wasn’t here.

“Emily!” I wheeled out of the bathroom, running for the bedroom door, when my eye caught a slip of white on her light blue pillow. Frowning, I crossed over to it. How had I missed that?

I picked up the note, reading her delicate handwriting:

I’m sorry.

I stood there, reading and re-reading the note. I tried to make sense of it, but I couldn’t. 

She…left?

The words repeated in my head until it sank in. She left. She left…me.

My heart chipped away, slowly shattering into a million pieces as my world came crashing down around me. I couldn’t breathe. I gasped and gasped for air, but none came. My chest and throat were so tight it felt like I was suffocating in wide-open air. 

The room spun and the earth shook below my feet as it opened up and swallowed me. Time slowed as her note dropped from my trembling hand. I watched it float to the floor as something dripped down my face and a strange, muffled sound broke out. Belatedly, I realized the sound came from me. I was crying.

Clutching my chest, I collapsed to my knees, colliding with the ground in a deafening thud. I curled up into a ball on the floor, as everything faded to black.

She was gone. Just like that. And she’d taken my heart. Ripped it right out of me.

PART II

Chapter Twelve

GABRIEL

A high-pitched chime broke through my sleep-induced haze, making me crack an eyelid open.

Was that…was that my
doorbell
?
 

I blinked several times, vaguely noticing it was still pretty dark outside. I stilled for a moment, listening for the sound again, but the house remained silent. 

Must’ve imagined
—

The chime rang again just as I closed my eyes. I lifted my head, squinting at the clock on my nightstand. 6:17 AM. 

What the shit? Who was at my door
this
 early? I hadn’t even been asleep for two whole goddamn hours.

I rolled off my stomach and sat up, wiping my eyes then throwing the covers off me. I ran my fingers through my hair as I walked to the front door, not bothering to put any clothes on over my boxers. 

A scowl settled on my face as I opened the door, preparing to rip the person a new asshole for disturbing me so early in the morn—

My face fell as I saw Emily standing on my porch, her eyes red and brimming with tears. She looked awful, and it wasn’t just from the crying. She’d lost weight, her face almost gaunt. Her skin was pale and blotchy, with dark circles under her eyes. 

My breathing faltered as my heart dropped to my knees. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and breathed, “Em?”

She gave me a weak smile, despite the tears steadily streaming down her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she murmured as she looked away. “I didn’t know where else to go.” Her brows drew together as she bit her lip, trying not to cry any harder.

Without thinking, I stepped forward and reached out, cupping her small face in my hands. Her cheekbones felt as breakable as glass, and just as smooth, as my thumbs swiped under her eyes, wiping away her tears. I froze, my eyes widening as I realized what an intimate gesture this was. Frowning, I pulled back and wiped the moisture from my thumbs onto the fabric of my boxers.

Why
did I just touch her like that? And why did I have the sudden urge to wrap my arms around her and hold her? 

As I watched her, an uncomfortable pressure grew in my throat and chest until it ached. It damn near 
hurt
, and I tried to stifle a wince as I looked down at the ground, scratching my head. 

What the hell was I supposed to do? This crying, broken girl came to me for what, exactly? Help? Comfort? Those were words I didn’t understand. 

After all, I was a villain, not a hero.

She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself, teetering on the brink of full-on sobbing.

Jesus, she looked so…pathetic. I took another step onto the porch, ignoring the biting cold morning air, and awkwardly placed my hands on her arms, rubbing up and down in an effort to warm her and…
comfort
her. The idea still felt foreign. 

A sob shook her delicate frame. It looked as if she could topple over at any second. 

Fuck it. I
want
to touch her.

Closing the space between us, I put my arms around her, resting my cheek against her hair. I cradled the back of her head as she sobbed into my chest, her tears hot and wet against my skin. 

I’d seen plenty of human women cry before—usually when they realized I’d only used them for sex—and while it was always awkward and unpleasant, beyond that, I couldn’t have cared less that those women were upset. But seeing Emily cry was different. 

This should be uncomfortable.
Why
isn’t this uncomfortable?

She sagged against me, and I tightened my grip around her to make sure she wouldn’t fall. “I’ve got you,” I whispered beside her ear, frowning when my voice cracked. 

Bending down in one swift move, I draped her legs over my other arm, picking her up and carrying her inside as I kicked the door shut with my foot. I brought her into the living room, grabbing the blanket lying on the ottoman before I sat down on the couch, with her sitting across my lap. She leaned against my chest as I wrapped the blanket around her.

I held her as she cried, gently rubbing her back. I didn’t say anything. Words weren’t enough. Nothing I could say—no “everything will be okay”—would help. Sometimes things happened that prevented things from ever being “okay” again. I knew that better than anyone. And I had a feeling this was one of those times.

This had to be about Thomas. Something happened between them, or maybe
to
him, I wasn’t sure. 

What if he hurt her?

My jaw clenched at the thought, and I tightened my grip on her. 

If that piece of shit Healer laid one goddamn finger on her, I swear to God I’ll
—

I’ll what?

Why was I so protective of her all of a sudden? She wasn’t mine to protect. She wasn’t my responsibility or my worry. She wasn’t my anything. She meant nothing to me. She was just a job.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

I frowned at the unwelcome thought, then noticed she’d grown still and quiet. My eyes closed and I laid my head against hers, nuzzling my nose into her hair. It still smelled the same. Like coconut. I smiled into her hair. Out of everything about her that had changed in the past month, the scent of her hair had remained the same. It surprised me how much that little fact comforted me. And with her in my lap and my arms wrapped around her, I realized I’d missed the scent. 

Hell, who was I kidding? I’d missed
her
. 

Goddamn it, that nagging voice in my head was right. I could lie to other people all I wanted, but I couldn’t lie to myself. Emily wasn’t nothing to me, she was definitely
something
, I just wasn’t sure what.

A friend, perhaps?

I opened my eyes and looked down at her closed, puffy eyelids. A tear escaped from the corner, running down her cheek. I wiped it away with my thumb, careful not to disturb her since she appeared to be sleeping. 

And that was when it hit me: somewhere along the way, I’d fucked up, and in the worst possible way. I
cared
about her. I didn’t know how it happened, but it did—I cared about this broken girl in my arms.