Fallen Angel (27 page)

“I love you.” He breathed heavily into her ear. She turned her head so they were face to face.

“I love you.” She said softly and felt her eyes fill with tears again she moved forward slightly and rubbed her nose against his. He grinned and kissed her. He reached out and pulled her closer so she was half way laying on him. It felt good to feel his skin against hers the whole length of her body. She sighed and laid her head on his shoulder.

“Are you alright? I didn’t hurt you did I?” He whispered.

“I am wonderful.”  She whispered back but her happiness was bittersweet. He was trailing his fingers up and down her back, he was so perfect. They were perfect together it was heart wrenching to think that they would never be like this again.

Angelica opened her eyes and she saw Luke still sleeping beside her. The sky was just beginning to turn pink with the rising sun, she was tempted to wake him, to make love to him one more time but as much as she wanted too she didn’t want to have to say goodbye to him. So she slipped out of the makeshift bed and put her clothes on as quickly as she could. She took one last look at his sleeping form, he was gorgeous his blond hair falling over his forehead and his bare chest exposed down to the waist. She wanted to touch him, to kiss him one more time but she knew she couldn’t.

“I still don’t see why we have to leave so early.”

“Mother,
trains don’t run on your schedule.” Her mother fell silent again and Angelica continued their accelerated pace. She had managed to get her mother out of the house and away from the ranch without encountering anyone else and she was thankful but it didn’t make this any easier. She knew what she had to do, she had figured out her plan down to every detail, she knew she was doing the right thing. So why did she feel like she was dying?

“You’re going to love Oklahoma, we’ll get you a new wardrobe
, you’ll make new friends and you’ll feel good as new in no time you’ll see.”  Angel chattered excitedly.  Angelica only nodded. Once they reached the train station she only purchased one ticket and Angel looked at her wide eyed.

“You’re not coming with me?”

“Mother, you have made yourself a new life, a good life and I am so happy for you. Now I am going to go make mine. I will be in touch.” Her mother looked at her for a long moment and then smiled.

“Well you could do a lot worse than Luke, he is a good man.”

“I know.” Angelica forced a smile.

As Angelica stood on the platform watching the train carrying her mother pull away from the station she drew a deep breath. She withdrew two envelopes from her pocket and looked at them, now she had another stop to make. She tucked the letters back in her pocket and turned only to come face to face with Luke. She hadn’t expected to see him there but she wasn’t surprised either.

“You didn’t go with her.” His voice was as soft as always, he didn’t look happy but he didn’t look as angry as he had every right to be.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want her life.” She said simply. He looked into her eyes and she felt her chest ache. “I’m not going back with you either.” She said softly, hoping she didn’t sound harsh, this was exactly what she was trying to avoid.

“I know.”  She wasn’t sure what else to say she pulled a receipt from her pocket and offered it to him.

“The horses are at the livery in your name, here is the slip, I was going to mail it to you but…” He took the slip from her hand but still didn’t say anything.  “Well I should go.”  She turned away but his voice stopped her.

“Will you answer one question for me?”  She turned back and looking into his eyes nodded once. “Why?” That could be in reference to so many things she wasn’t sure which to answer, she frowned slightly.  “You knew you were leaving today so why last night?” He would have to ask that question. She drew a deep breath she wasn’t sure how to explain it but she knew she owed him an answer.

“I may not be able to live my bliss but at least I have the memory.”

“Why not just wait until… until you found the right person.” She laughed bitterly and tears rushed to her eyes despite her best efforts to stop them.

“You think I would ever let anyone else touch me?”

“Angie you’re not making any sense.”
She sighed and rubbed her eyes as if she were tired but really she was trying to brush away the tears.

“Of course it doesn’t make sense to you, you have everything you’ve ever wanted.” She turned away again and began walking down the platform she did
n’t want him to see her cry she didn’t want to have to say goodbye she just wanted to pretend like no matter where she was they still belonged to each other.

“And now I am watching everything I ever wanted walk away.” His voice still wasn’t loud but she heard him clearly. She stopped, everything hinged on the idea that she was letting him off the hook, she couldn’t take the thought that she was hurting him. She turned
around and looked at him again he hadn’t moved he was still standing on the platform with his hands on his hips. She walked back to him so that she was close enough not to be overheard.

“What did you say?”

“I said now I am watching everything I ever wanted walk away.” She looked into his eyes trying to determine his motives. “This is not new, I told you how I felt about you. I told you I wanted to marry you.”

“You made a bargain with God, but you fulfilled your bargain you asked. You don’t have to marry
me because of some perceived obligation.”

“I wouldn’t. The bargain I made was that I would tell you how I felt, I promised myself and God that if you survived I wouldn’t let another day go by without telling you what you meant to me.”  She searched her brain trying to remember what he had said to her that night, she
had been so certain that he had said he had promised God he would marry her, sort of like promising to make an honest woman of her, but the way he said it now it didn’t sound like that at all. She felt her resolve starting to crumble, she couldn’t let that happen. She crossed her arms and lifted her chin defiantly.

“You kept us a secret.”

“What?”

“You hid our relationship
, no one alive has ever seen you kiss me. You didn’t tell anyone at the ranch that you intended to marry me.”  Luke sighed and looked away from her for the first time. Then he looked back at her and shrugged.

“I was letting you change your mind. There are no explanations to be made, your reputation remains intact.” She was looking into his eyes and she could see that he was telling the truth, which only meant that he had been
expecting her to walk away the whole time, he probably wouldn’t be here now if it hadn’t been for the night they had spent together, it was something he hadn’t been expecting. She couldn’t believe how much that knowledge hurt.

“You never expected me to stay?” she whispered the tears she had been trying to hold back escaped.

“Angie, I could see that you were way out of my league. Your mom said it best, you are meant for great things so much more than being a rancher’s wife.” She could only stare at him stunned that he would talk about himself that way, that her mother would have said that to him.

“You would prefer wh
at for me, that I was a Politician’s wife so I could be a pawn in someone’s twisted game?”

“Of course not.”

“What then marry some tycoon and be a status symbol, the trophy wife just trotted out for parties?”

“
No Angie, I just want you to be happy.”

“But you don’t think it’s possible that I could be happy with you, that I could actually want to be a rancher’s wife?” She asked angrily but she didn’t wait for
him to respond. “Well I’ve got news for you Lucas Harrison I do actually want to be a rancher’s wife, I could never love anyone as much as I love you I don’t even want to consider the possibility, there is nowhere in the world I would rather be than the Double H.” She was nearly growling by the time she finished, her eyes daring him to argue but he met her gaze calmly asked,

“Then why did you leave?” With that simple question she felt completely deflated.

“Because I had to.” She sighed.

“Why?
”

“Because I love you.”

“Again, you’re not making sense.”

“I know.” She bent her head rubbing her eyes, he was never going to understand.
“You shouldn’t have to worry about what could be coming.” He stepped forward closing the small space between them.

“You don’t think I can protect you?” He whispered she looked up.

“I know you can, but you shouldn’t have to. Luke, I am… the nightmares what if they never go away? Do you want to spend the rest of your life getting woken up by my screaming?”

“If it means spending the rest of
my life with you in my bed then yes.”  She felt warmth wash though her with his words and wished it didn’t. It was making this that much harder.

“Luke think about your children, do you really want them to have the legacy that I would give them.”

“I think you would be an amazing mother, exactly what I want for my children.”

“Luke,” she sighed, “You’re not thinking this through.”

“You are wrong, I have thought everything through. There is nothing that you can say that is going to make me change my mind.”

“And there is nothing that you can say that will make me change mine.” She said softly. The
y stared at each other neither speaking and neither backing down until finally he shrugged,

“Fine I won’t say anything.” He pulled her against him and kissed her. She gasped, it was completely unexpected both because of the situation and because they were standing in public where anyone who happened to look would see them. It was completely out of character for him. As much as she wanted to she couldn’t pull away her body wouldn’t listen, she was kissing him back, if she thought the intensity was bad before it was nothing compared to
what she felt now that she knew what came next. Finally he released her and whispered,

“Angie, we are perfect together, made for each other. Are you going to let him take that from you?”
She looked up at him, he had broken the kiss but he was still holding her and it felt so good.

“Excuse me ma’am.” Angelica snapped out of her trance at the unfamiliar voice. “I wanted to let you know that an axel broke on the stage, so the stage to Houston will be delayed until tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” She said quietly and the ticket agent walked away. When she looked back at Luke he finally looked angry.

“No.” He said simply.

“Luke…”

“He didn’t kill you last time so you think you should give him another chance?” He had pulled away from her and she could practically see the anger emanating from him. “Has living with me made you suicidal?”

“Luke, I know you don’t understand but this is the only way I can get on with my life.”

“Fine.” He turned and walked away.

“Where are you going?”

“You have to wait for the stage tomorrow but I have a horse.” She ran after him and caught his arm,

“No, this isn’t your fight.”

“Oh no, why not? Didn’t he almost kill the woman I love? Wasn’t that my imaginary baby too? I have as much right to vengeance as you do.”

“No.” He looked into her eyes and she realized exactly what he must be feeling, her heart was pounding with fear at the thought of him putting himself in danger.

“And you expect me to what, just go home and let you walk into hell alone?”
She sighed and wrapped her arms around his waist. She felt him relax a fraction as he put his arms around her. “I can’t Angie.” She began to sob against his chest.

“I know, I’m sorry, I’ll figure out something else.” She mumbled against his chest.

“Come let’s go somewhere we can talk alone.” He held her tightly against him as he led her away from the train station.

Angelica took a deep breath as he closed the door on the room he had rented. The sight of the bed flooded her mind with images of him in the firelight and suddenly talking was not what she wanted to do.

“I just brought you here so we weren’t standing in the middle of the street, I wasn’t insinuating anything else.” He said softly, noticing the way she was staring at the bed.  She sighed and sat down on the end of the bed, he was making a point of telling her he wasn’t interested in that and yet that was all she could think of at the moment.

“I am going to hell.” She said with a resigned tone. He frowned,

“Why?”

“Because I have the heart of a wanton woman.”

“No you don’t.”

“No, well you brought me here to talk and all I can think about is the way your skin feels against mine. So what does that make me?” He grinned and she sighed again and fell back on the bed.  He leaned over her bracing a hand on either side of her head.

“Wanting to make love to your husband does not make you a wanton woman.”

“But you’re not my husband.”

“Do you love me?”