Fallen Angel (18 page)
Authors: Heather Terrell
I walked out of Professor McMaster’s building and into the sea of students that filled up Harvard Square. For a split second, I felt like one of them, caught up in the excitement of fresh discoveries and the frenzy of deadlines. I slung my bag across my chest, imagining it to be full of term papers instead of scribbles on the mysteries of myself, and pretended to be a student at the college of my dreams.
But then I saw a distinctive flash of short, white-blond hair across the square. My heart started racing and, even though my gut told me to run in the opposite direction, I followed it as it bobbed away from the square. I needed to know if that hair belonged to Ezekiel or Michael—and whether they had already found me. Plus, I told myself that it would be better to learn the truth while in a crowd. Safety in numbers and all that.
The person moved quickly, darting from one side street to the next in a mad dash somewhere. I tried to keep his pace while keeping my distance, but it wasn’t easy; I was no trained detective. Just when I thought I’d hit my stride, he took an unexpected, sharp right turn down a more commercial road and disappeared from my sight. I craned my neck trying to get a look. Countless blond students walked down the road, but none had the distinctive platinum shimmer of Ezekiel or Michael. I slowed down, furious with myself for losing either one of them. If it was really Ezekiel or Michael.
The remnants of adrenaline coursed through me. I allowed the remaining momentum to carry me away from the commercial thoroughfare into the far reaches of the campus. The crowds thinned as the students raced into classes, and I found myself in a little brick courtyard bordered by ivy-covered walls. It was straight from a campus movie set, picture perfect—almost too perfect.
The spot looked so inviting. A wrought-iron bench sat in one corner, under a weeping willow tree. I hadn’t slept the night before, and nothing in the world looked more enticing than that courtyard and that bench. I slowed my pace even more, strolled over to the bench, and sat down.
For the first few minutes, I just breathed in the calmness of the place and watched the students trickle into class. They reminded me of the feeling of belonging I’d experienced just before I’d glimpsed the possible Ezekiel or Michael, the brief fantasy I’d had about actually being a Harvard student. I realized that the fleeting playacting might be the closest I would ever come to being a college student. How could someone like me—whatever I was—hope to move past all this drama and strangeness and go to college?
I started crying. Pretty quickly, the trickle of tears turned into a torrent, and I was sobbing. All I wanted was a normal life—a high school boyfriend, a good college, supportive parents, and nice friends. Instead, here I was, a sixteen-year-old girl, totally on my own—no parents or friends that I could contact, and certainly no boyfriend to speak of—trying to figure out what I was.
Out of nowhere, a sweet-looking blond girl wearing a Harvard sweatshirt stood before me. She asked, “Are you all right? Can I get you anything?”
Through my tears, I answered. “No, I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”
Before I could offer her a seat, she sat down beside me. She didn’t actually touch me, but her presence felt comforting. Almost as if she’d hugged me.
“You know, when you are looking for answers, it is always best to start with the questions.”
“Pardon me?” Her advice seemed an odd choice to offer a sobbing stranger on a college campus, even though her demeanor was otherwise soothing.
She laughed a delightful, tinkly-sounding giggle. “I’m sorry. My friends are always accusing me of being obscure. All I meant was that you look like you are struggling with some big issues. I always return to the questions when looking for answers to a tough problem. Then I start my research.”
“I’m sure you’re right.”
The girl smiled serenely and then handed me a tissue. Abruptly, she stood up and said, “Well, I better run. I’m really late for class.”
After wiping away the rest of my tears so I appeared somewhat presentable, I looked up to thank her. But the girl had disappeared into the thicket of sidewalks and buildings surrounding the courtyard.
Her words lingered, as did her pervading sense of calm. Maybe she was right. Maybe the answers lay in the questions themselves—in part, anyway. And maybe I should start researching the answers to those questions. After all, I was at Harvard, one of the research capitals of the world.
I stopped the pity party, and really homed in on my questions, the ones I’d scribbled down on the train ride. More than anything, I wanted to know who I was. I didn’t know whether I was a fallen angel, one of these Nephilim beings, or some creature related to the biblical stories. But I did know that I was important enough that two “good” fallen angels sacrificed their own immortality to raise me as their own daughter. I also knew that one of the “bad” fallen angels—Ezekiel—said that I was destined to rule at his side. I didn’t think his words were mere flattery; given his advanced gifts, Ezekiel could lure any number of people to join his ranks without hyperbole. Whatever I was, the stakes were high. And I needed to find out, to deal with Ezekiel.
Only six hours left until I met Professor McMaster again. I would use the time to prepare—even arm myself—for the coming days.
I left my peaceful little courtyard with reluctance, even though I welcomed the safety of the student crowds. When I finally reached the throngs in Harvard Square, I felt like I’d been tossed a life preserver.
But then I saw that distinctive flash of platinum again. And I knew that evil lurked in the masses as well as on deserted streets. Ezekiel was here, and he was taunting me.
After consulting a guidebook, I decided to visit the Andover-Harvard Theological Library, on the northeast part of the campus. The guide described the library as containing a preeminent collection of biblical research materials, one of the largest in the United States. If I was going to find helpful information on angels or other biblical creatures, I guessed the Andover-Harvard Theological Library would be the place.
The directions from Harvard Square to the library were a little complicated, and I was more than a little distracted by any blond passersby. So it took me half an hour to get there, rather than the estimated fifteen minutes. I got more and more anxious with each step; the clock was ticking.
Finally, I spotted the stone gothic building described in the guide: Andover Hall. The hall connected to a building of more modern design, and the library nestled between the two. Following the map, I entered the hall through a center entrance under the gothic tower. I then started down a long hallway called the cloister walk, which was lined in old stones and what looked like discarded church pews.
At the very end of the cloister walk waited a closed door—the library entrance. I opened it with a deafening creak, and then busied myself with a lobby display while I waited for the circulation desk to become busy so I could sneak in. I had read that the library was used primarily by masters’ and doctoral students and, while I might pass as a college freshman, posing as a graduate student was a major stretch.
After skirting past the circulation desk and racing up a flight of stairs, I headed into the Houghton Reference Room. I sat at a computer dedicated to searching the library collections, and placed my fingers on the keyboard. Where should I even begin? I typed in “fallen angels,” but got thousands of hits. So I narrowed my search to the unusual word my dad mentioned: Nephilim.
A few matches flashed on the screen. Other than the Book of Genesis from the Bible—which I had expected—I saw entries for the Book of Enoch. What was that?
I quickly scribbled down the reference number for the Book of Enoch and headed into the stacks. Along the way, I grabbed a copy of the Bible—an easy matter in a theological library—so I could look at that Genesis quote again. But finding the Book of Enoch was another matter altogether.
The stacks were endless. And overwhelming. How would I ever find this crazy book and read it in my dwindling time?
I must have looked lost, because a nice, but seriously nerdy-looking, student approached me. “Do you need some help?”
I almost said no, but the passing of time nagged at me. I smiled at the bespectacled student, and said, “Thanks so much. I’m looking for a copy of the Book of Enoch. Do you have any idea where one might be?”
“All too well. Follow me.”
Silently, he led me down two flights of stairs. We entered the labyrinth of a different, larger set of stacks. Following his lead, I turned right and left and right again. Until he came to dead halt. He reached up to a high shelf, plucked down a book, and handed it to me.
The guy knew the book’s location so well that I figured he must know something about its content. So I thanked him and whispered, “You certainly seem familiar with the Book of Enoch.”
“I better be. Apocryphal Gospels are my area of focus.”
“Apocryphal Gospels?”
He looked at me a bit askance but answered cordially enough. “Biblical books that were considered for inclusion in the Old or New Testament, but that never made it, never became part of the accepted canon. You’re not a divinity student, are you?”
“No. Is it that obvious?”
“Just a little.” He smiled.
I smiled back. “Can you tell me anything about this Book of Enoch?”
“Well, it’s an apocryphal gospel that was written between 300 B.C. and the first century B.C. It is not part of the canon for most Christian churches, except the Ethiopian Christian Church. But many of the New Testament writers were familiar with it, and it is quoted in the New Testament Letter of Jude. These facts have given it some credence in certain experts’ minds.”
“What’s it about?”
“It’s about many things.”
“Anything in particular?”
“The Book elaborates on a passage from Genesis that deals with angels and Noah’s flood. It discusses the creation of the Nephilim, as they are sometimes called—half angel and half man—and their destruction at the hands of a very angry God. Some say that their destruction was the impetus for Noah’s flood.” He pointed to a carrel jam-packed with books nearby. “I’m sitting just over there. Once you’ve read it, I’d be happy to try to answer any questions you have.”
After thanking him profusely, I sat down in an empty carrel not too far away. I opened up the Bible and read the section of Genesis that my father had summarized. Although the language was dense, it told basically the same story as my dad. I was just about to close the Bible up and open the Book of Enoch when I noticed a footnote at the end of the relevant Genesis section. It read, “The Nephilim were thought to have been a race of giants, whose superhuman strength was attributed to semi-divine origin. They were the legendary worthies of ancient mythology.” That sounded eerily familiar.
Then I started on the Book of Enoch. Although most of the language was old-fashioned and really hard to follow, one line toward the beginning was very clear:
The fallen angels were in all two hundred, who descended . . . and these are the names of their leaders: Samyaza, Arakiba, Sariel, Rameel, Armaros, Kokabiel, Tamiel, Ramiel, Baraqijal, Azael, Daniel, Hananel, and Ezekiel.
I froze at the sight of my parents’ names—and Ezekiel’s. This ancient biblical story was becoming more and more real.
Tearing my eyes away from the list of fallen angels, I turned back to the story. In time, I got its archaic rhythm and began to parse together its tale. The Book told of all the wrong things the fallen angels did, the fury of God at the angels’ creation of the Nephilim, and God’s decision to bind the fallen angels to earth until the day of judgment. It sounded like the story my dad had told me, just a lot longer and lot harder to comprehend.
Certain passages jumped out at me. For example, I kept noticing that the Book of Enoch sometimes called the fallen angels “Watchers.” I remembered that my mom had called Michael’s mom a “former watcher.” Were Michael’s parents fallen angels too?
But I still wasn’t sure what I was. The Book of Enoch bolstered my parents’ statements that I wasn’t a fallen angel; after all, they were fixed in number and listed right there in the text. The book also rejected the notion that I was a Nephilim; they’d all been killed in Noah’s flood from what I could tell. So the book hadn’t answered my core question. Maybe there was a whole other category of biblical creatures that I’d overlooked.
I stopped by the carrel of the nice student who’d helped me. We chatted for a few minutes about the density of the ancient texts, and I thanked him again. I nearly reached the stairway when I thought of one last question and turned back.
“Assuming that the creatures described in the Bible really exist, would the Nephilim be around today? Or were they all killed in the flood?”
He paused for a moment, and then said, “Actually, at least one biblical expert maintains that a Nephilim will return at a critical point in mankind’s existence—the end days.”
“The end days?”
“Yeah, the end days—or Judgment Day, as the concept is sometimes called. They’re a turbulent time preceding the return of a Messianic figure who’ll judge all earthbound creatures and shepherd in a heavenly reign. All three of the Abrahamic religions—Christianity, Judaism, and Islam—contain this notion in some form.” He talked as if he were reading from a textbook.
“And this expert thinks at least one Nephilim will emerge around these end days?”
“Yes. In fact, he believes the Nephilim is the creature referred to in the Book of Enoch as the ‘Elect One.’”
Suddenly I remembered the predominance of that phrase throughout the book. And I also recalled one of the last lines of the Book of Enoch. It stated that the Elect One will lead at the end of time.
I felt goose bumps on my arms.
“Can you tell me the name of the expert who believes that the Nephilim will return?”
“Sure. His name is Professor Barr, and he’s a professor of Biblical Studies at Oxford University in England.”
