Fallen (11 page)

“Kahliyah’s pregnant mom I’m not going away for school, so save your money and put it towards the baby.”

My heart sank into my stomach hearing his words. He struggled to speak because he was fighting back tears. Not wanting to cry but feeling hopeless Jalal repeated the statement. I guess he thought I didn’t hear him and felt the need to say it again. But I heard every word he said. It was a direct stab to the heart knowing that this was something that was out of my control, yet I felt as though there was something that I could’ve done to have controled it from happening. Al those times I caught them having sex in my basement I should’ve banned her from our house. Had it been my daughter it wouldn’t of even had been a question. Instead, I listened to Jay who told me to let him be a man. Trying to hold back my feelings I closed my eyes and tried to put myself in their shoes. Young in love and clueless, I wanted more for my son. I couldn’t believe what he was teling me, pregnant? I knew they were sexualy active but Jay and I preached safe sex to our children to the point that it became a normal kitchen table topic. Kahliyah even told me she was on birth control when I spoke with her about their relationship. I felt lied to and betrayed but most of al I was hurt. My son had a future ahead of him and no fast ass teenage girl was going to trap him.

“Are you sure she’s pregnant?”

“Yes ma”

“Wel are you sure that it’s yours? You can’t trust a female al the time Jalal some girls wil do what they have to do for them to succeed.”

“Mom this is my girlfriend. You know I can’t go anywhere without her by my side so of course if she’s pregnant its mine.”

But that wasn’t a good enough answer for me I smeled conspiracy al over this scheme. Maybe it was the mother in me but I wasn’t about to let any female get in the way of my son’s future, girlfriend or not. If she realy cared about him she wouldn’t have let herself get pregnant.

“Ja you’re going to colege so get your shit and let’s go. After she gets the abortion you leave that girl alone because al she sees are dolar signs.”

“Ma she’s not getting an abortion. We talked about this for the past two months she doesn’t want to have one.”

“Two months? She’s two months! Why didn’t anyone tel me?”

“Because you were too busy trying to make your own babies! Dad knows, everybody knows…he was just waiting for me to tel you myself.”

I dismissed his disrespect because that wasn’t the issue or the problem at the moment but I surely put it to the side to be acknowledged later. Such an array of emotions stirred my body as tears of frustration found its way out of my eyes. But that soft side vanished quickly as it turned into anger and my motherly attack instincts kicked into play. Without thinking, I flew down the steps and bust through the front door smacking Kahliyah’s phone out of her hand.

“What the fuck do you mean you’re not getting an abortion?”

Shocked and silent Kahliyah failed to look at anything but the clouds. I grabbed her by the arm tightly to let her know this was not a game for me.

“I wil be making your appointment and you wil be going.”

“I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do! We made this baby so we’re going to take care of it. I told him he could stil go to colege I wouldn’t stop him from doing that Ms. Ramae!”

Her wet face from flowing eyes didn’t change my stance. I knew she saw a future and I knew why she wanted to have his baby. She wouldn’t have much else going for herself in the future and I could tel that by her mother how her family operates. Had Ja been the kind of guy that came from a broken home and no education headed his way she wouldn’t even had considered having a baby by him. But being that he had it al and she couldn’t even get through high school he was her ticket to a better life. I knew the game and seen it too many times. I had girlfriends in high school who joked about landing the guys that played sports or that got good grades as their ticket out. Hel if I knew Jay was going to be opening a shop 3 years earlier that would stil be running today, he would’ve been my ticket too. That’s just how women are trained to think so I couldn’t blame her, just not on my watch. I could hear the screen door swing open with ful force but I paid it little mind. Jalal came to the door begging me to let go of her arm but I wouldn’t let up.

“Jalal get in my car…Kahliyah get away from my house.” My son knew this was not the time to play adult and did what I said as his girlfriend tried to plea her case.

“I’m not going anywhere! Ja what are you doing?”

Jalal didn’t even look back. Part of me felt bad for the girl. I knew she didn’t make the baby 100% by herself, but she wasn’t about to have this baby. Hysterical cries screamed from her mouth as we walked past her down the pathway. Ja paused for a second as if he had second thoughts, but I nudged him and told him to get his ass in the car. He may have been grown when I wasn’t around but this was not one of those times. We puled off from the house leaving her sitting on the steps in tears. I was being cold hearted, a bitch, whatever name you choose, and I probably was making a mark on that girl’s heart that wouldn’t heal for years but everyone had to go through it. I never liked that girl so I would be damned if she was going to be a part of my family.

After a long day of drama and shopping I couldn’t wait to get home to my man and a pil. Porscha stil wasn’t talking to me so the E was the only friend I had. I popped one in before going inside relieved to be home. How quickly that relief ended when I walked through the door to see a bunch of twenty year old men in the living room playing video games with the sound turned way up. No one stopped to address me it was almost as if I didn’t exist. Disgusted, I stomped up the steps and slammed the bedroom door. Kai never bothered to see what was wrong or why I didn’t bother to come back downstairs. It was almost as if I was invisible to him and I didn’t just mean today.

Whenever his friends came around it was like I was, wel it was almost like I was his mother. You know how young guys ignore their mom until she turns off the TV and stands in front of it waiting for him to take out the trash, yea that’s how I felt when his friends came around. I’ve tried watching television shows with them a few times but it just didn’t feel right. I always felt like a complete outsider. And God forbid one of them had a girl with them, I would catch her giving awkward stares my way the whole night.

I dosed off with my clothes on zoned out after a self-session as usual. After a disastrous day I shouldn’t have had to be alone. How can someone be so close yet so far away? And I wasn’t referring to Kai I meant Jay. I wanted to pick up the phone and cal my husband to confide in him but I knew that wasn’t an option. We should have been going through this together but I was alone right now. We both were. Stil, I wanted to talk to Jay one on one to get his insight on Jalal and Kahliyah, to get his insight on
everything
. As I dosed off I made it a mission to stop by the shop to talk to Jay. He couldn’t run and wouldn’t make a scene in there, it was my only option I needed his words and comfort.

I woke up with my phone going off startling me out of my sleep like a buzzing alarm clock. It was Tiffany teling me she was on her way to do my hair. I was happy to get that cal because I was feeling lonely and needed someone to vent too. On most occasions I would be the one to reach out to her but I assumed she wanted to get high. I asked her to pick up a bottle of vodka on her way over which she had no problem stating that she wanted parts of it because her night was empty.

Tiffany, being Tiffany, arrived at my house in a pair of tight yelow sweat booty shorts and a pink tank top that showed off the crease of her round cheeks. I didn’t want her standing over top of me in that outfit and I didn’t want her around Kai in it either. But I relaxed and regarded her age as the reason for how careless she was being without even noticing. She was my comfort that night as I poured out my heart to her. With a mature ear she listened and gave her opinion on the pregnancy.

“Ramae I know you’re upset but you have to let him grow up. Forcing him to have an abortion ain’t it. That’s your grandchild, you should embrace it.” She said.

“I’m too young to be a grand mom.”

“You’re not that young.”

I glared at her remark. “Too young for that.”

“Okay maybe, but at least he’s not in high school.”

“He didn’t finish school yet, and he is stil a child.”

“He’s not that much younger than Makai honestly. Would you make Kai get an abortion?”

I almost smacked her. “What are you saying?”

“I’m just saying you have to let him make his own decisions.” She rubbed my shoulders. “Take another shot.”

I respected her words and tried to move past the subject as we took on shots of vodka. I wanted to get her opinion on Kai’s change of behavior, but he was upstairs watching TV so I didn’t want him tuning in.

We drank and drank until everything appeared funny and al my problems seemed a mile away. She teased me for missing out on so much in my youth as she introduced me to schemes and things that I never knew about. It felt good to have a female to talk to. She even had me considering getting a tattoo from the way she insisted that they spiced up the bedroom. She showed me the one right above her crease that said
YES
in big bold letters. I could imagine Kai’s eyes if I came home with a tattoo on my ass ready to attack, I took it into serious consideration.

As we started cleaning up the kitchen from the hair and shot glasses that took over the table I could hear Kai’s thundering footsteps making their way down the stairs. He stood in the kitchen door way laughing at our slow motion progress as he smoked the blunt in his mouth.

“Oh shit yal fucked up huh?” He laughed. I tried to see if he was watching Tiffany but his eyes remained on me.

“Yes babe I am! You like my hair?” I blurted out barely being able to make out the words.

I was hot and drunk and I knew I looked wasted but I stil tried to remain sexy in my body language for my man. I smiled at him with flirting eyes trying to distract him from the fact that there was another woman in the room. My drunken stance was probably the least bit flattering but he stil played along.

“Yea, you looking real good. I don’t think it’s going to last long though.”

He walked over to me and gave me a smack on my ass signaling what I already knew was on his mind. Sloppy in my stance, I wrapped my arms around my boo’s neck giving him a kiss on the lips.

“You gonna like her even more once she gets that tattoo on her ass!” I could feel Tiffany’s hand palm my ass as I hugged Kai squeezing it in a suggestive mode. Not sure if she was just playing or not I ignored it.

“Oh yal down here having that kind of fun huh Ramae? I didn’t get the memo but can I see it again?”

“Stop Kai”

He was making me feel a bit uncomfortable but I should’ve been talking to Tiffany. She squeezed my ass again at his request this time pushing up on it as she did so. I tried to turn around but Kai was holding my body close to his to keep me from moving while tiff kissed my shoulder. A part of me wanted to embrace it but I couldn’t that easily. Having a female touch and kiss by body was something new to me that I never thought I would experience.

“Ramae your body is soft just like I knew it would be.”

Her sensual voice whispered in my ear as she dangled her fingers around my panty line and found her way inside. I shivered as the tingles went through my body and the liquor directed me to relax, but I couldn’t. I wondered how many times she thought about seducing me to use the words
like I knew it would be
. I flashed back to the night at the club when she was grinding on my body. Flashes of Kai’s eyes gazing on us as we danced, was an exact influence on how he was acting now. As many times as a fantasy may have played in my head I wasn’t ready to add lesbian to my resume.

Even more than that I wasn’t about to share some woman with Kai in a bed I would have to lay in. As Kai kissed me while she grabbed my breast I came to the reality with the situation. I was just a pawn in their game. I don’t think it was a coincidence that Kai had perfect timing on when to come downstairs. She had been texting al night and they were probably texting each other. Tiffany had never gone into details about her sex life prior to tonight and showing me her tattoo was the perfect setup to see if I would embrace her or not. They were both so focused on me and trying to get me to agree to their terms that they acted as if each other wasn’t in the room. I was their target and it was mutual, take her down then we can take each other down.

I wiggled out of their grasp and told Tiffany it was time for her to go. She tried some more to get me to succumb to her wandering hands but I had my mind made up. Kai’s insisting to keep it going only turned me off and made it easier to reject the both of them. He didn’t feel like my man at the moment. He felt like a sex hungry stranger that I would’ve left the club with who just wanted to see two women get it in.

My
man
wouldn’t want to share me with anyone not even in his sexiest fantasy. He could’ve at least saved that for a side chick or his porn movies. He wasn’t considering future trust issues or anything but his overly excited dick.

She finaly took the hint and shamefuly gathered her things and left. I could stil feel her kisses on the back of my neck as I watched her leave out the front door. Kai watched her too with a look of disappointment on his face. His apologies didn’t mean much because I knew it was planned out the whole time. The joke was on him because he didn’t get what he wanted and he just knew he was the slickest brotha in the land. I was being used even more than I thought. I held no true meaning in his life other than being the woman upstairs. Too easily accessible for him not to use me how he wanted. Unlike when I was with Jay, my existence had no other purpose than a fantasy. I wasn’t making any major contributions to the relationship as far as building it. I was dependent upon him and he just knew I would pay him gratitude.