Fallen (7 page)

Work was beginning to get harder and harder to get through with thoughts and images of Kai on my mind. For the past three weeks, good morning texts had wakened me up and good night sex settled me in before I crept back home to my family. Sweet messages and erotic pictures kept my mind afloat as I struggled to get through my paper work. I knew everything about our relationship was wrong, but somewhere along the way I began developing feelings for him. Those butterflies that I hadn’t felt since a teenager fluttered in my body day in and day out. I knew better than to leave my husband, but I just hoped that this wouldn’t have to end.

The problem with cheating is that there’s little you can do unless you want to get caught. Movies, dinner, walks down Penn’s Landing or anything that you look forward to would be out of the question; unless like I said, you wanted to get caught. As much as the break from reality had my mind in a whirlwind I knew better than to flaunt it for my boys, husband, or any of our friends to see. But, I realy wanted those kinds of date nights with Kai just to see how it would feel. Sex was good, hel great, but it didn’t replace the romance. Yet, somewhere in between Jay’s attempt to wine and dine me, and Kai’s great sex I was happy. Together they made the perfect man!

I was startled out of my day dreaming from the sound of a bang slamming down on my desk. I looked back to see Tori standing over me.

“What the fuck is this!” She said as she leaned over my shoulder. My eyes got big and I burst into laughter as I saw the dark brown curly haired little baby girl in a light purple summer dress lying across my desk.

“O my Tori she looks like your twin!” I couldn’t stop laughing. I couldn’t believe that Joe had me pick out this dol for Tori al along, I hadn’t thought about it since that day.

“I’m glad you’re getting a kick out of this Mae, read the tag.”

I picked up the dol making sure to hold her like a real baby to irritate Tori even more. The dol had a tag around it’s wrist just like the ones babies wear in the hospital. On the dols bracelet it read:
This could be yours
.

“That’s so sweet Tori! So what are you going to do?” Putting the most sincere look on my face I waited for her answer.

The only answer I got was Tori snatching the dol from off my desk, and stomping back to her cubicle. I guess things were beginning to get to real for Tori and it was time for her to make some decisions. That was my pick me up for the day.
These office
lesbians have gone too far.
I laughed again at my new term for them because that was exactly what they were office lesbians. Joe had a husband, and Tori had Joe’s husband. Just one big mess!

Now that Kai had become a part of my daily routine I was working overtime. Trying to lie and come up with excuses to be out of the house wasn’t always the easiest thing to do. Not only that, but I was living a double life. Often cooking meals for two households I was happy that I didn’t have two families. Kai was one man and making him a meal usualy meant leftovers that would last at least an additional two days.

I enjoyed cooking for both houses and seeing them enjoy my meals, and it became a rewarding line of work. I got the chance to experiment with new dishes and reinvent old recipes. Jay was a very picky eater so often I sacrificed my own taste buds to accommodate to his. I didn’t notice how often I was doing this until it became time to prepare for another man. If I didn’t eat what I prepared for my own home I always blamed it on my diet. At Kai’s I could conjure up a dish exploding with mushrooms, peppers and other fixings that Jay never cared for.

Kai would give me the money to go grocery shopping for him and I took on the role with care. My maternal instincts would always kick in to make sure that I fed him things that would keep him healthy. So after making a grocery list for the night’s dinner at my desk I dashed over to the local supermarket to buy a few things. I would be making barbequed salmon with onions and a tossed salad on the side with ranch dressing. I specialized in barbequed salmon and I couldn’t wait to knock Kai’s socks off with the smoky flavor of my fish.

Knowing there was no way that I could dare bring food into the house and take it back out in front of my boys I left the bags in the trunk. Everyone was home and I played my mommy role as usual. I declared it to be hoagie night in our home, caling for homemade sandwiches for everyone. We puled out al of the dressings, onions, lettuce, cheese, mayo, peppers, oil and of course turkey, and individualy worked on their masterpieces.

“Mom, aren’t you going to eat?” Jamir asked.

I watched everyone else as I made smal talk about work while I asked the boys about school and Jay informed us with his stories about the shop.

“No, Zumba tonight.” I said.

I hung around until they were deep into their eating before sliding off to the bathroom. Being cautious I didn’t want to shower before I went to Kai’s so instead I just spent a little time at the bathroom sink freshening up. Quickly I rushed into my bedroom and changed into a pretty lime green and pink pair of boy shorts and bra set. I hurried back into the clothes I had previously worn, grabbed my gym bag and trotted down the steps. They were stil munching on their meal when I yeled from the front door that I would be back later.

“You’re wearing that to the gym?” Jamir questioned which made Jay look up.

I was caught off guard by him asking the question but I had already prepared myself incase Jay did. I by passed it like it was a stupid question and gave him a quick answer to shut him up.

“Have you ever done Zumba? You sweat so much! There’s no way I’m leaving there in those sweaty clothes, and sitting in my car.”

I found myself doing a lot of explaining lately. None the less it was Jamir, a simple explanation was al that was required. Kai had left the door unlocked for me as usual so I could walk in and work on his dinner.

“Damn babe that food smels good.” Kai’s nostrils flared. He entered the kitchen which was ful of good smeling treats.

“I told you I was making something special.” I smiled. He pressed against me from behind and greeted me with a kiss and a comforting hug. We were like newlyweds. I simply loved being in his presence and everything we did had a wave of love sprinkled over it.

Every day I got to enjoy a vacation to Kai’s even if it was only for a brief moment. Spending time with Kai made being at home even easier. I would go home wel fed, relaxed, and my hormones would be fuly released. Showering at Kai’s would alow me to go home to cuddle next to my husband and put me at piece for the work day. Our sexual encounters would help with creating gym hair.

When I got home Jay was sleep in the bed. He was a sound sleeper. I didn’t worry about him hearing the front door close or my car’s engine puling into the driveway. Before heading upstairs I turned the living room TV on and made sure to leave it on. I took my shoes off and puled out a blanket from underneath the coach. If Jay found me downstairs sleeping on the coach with the TV on he would know why I wasn’t in the bed. He always woke up in the middle of the night to search for me if I wasn’t next to him. I would use a late night reality show as my excuse for faling asleep downstairs. I snacked on a bowl of grapes that I intentionaly placed on a side table next to the remote and went to sleep waiting for my husband to wake me.

Good days and good nights life was good. I Puled up to the house after work and I was surprised to see Jay’s car sitting in the drive way. I was kind of excited to see my husband home and was hoping for some good spooning time for us. When I walked in, the house was stil. I assumed Jay was taking a nap, but after a few more steps into the living room I could hear him shuffling around in the kitchen. I dropped my pocketbook on the coffee table and began taking my shoes off at the foot of the couch when I heard the echo from the other room yel.

“Don’t take them off.”

Usualy this would mean something kinky was in store for me, but Jay and I hadn’t had sex for two months so that couldn’t have been the case, plus the cold calm tone of his voice left a concerned feeling in my gut. I paused by the couch watching him enter the living room. Jay slowly paced around closing the wooden blinds and floral curtains one by one never making eye contact with me. The room became dim with very little sunlight peeking through the cracks that the closed blinds didn’t cover. Like a child, I stood waiting for my punishment. I wasn’t sure what I did wrong, but I knew when to listen to my husband. When he finished closing the blinds, he walked around me locking the door. I didn’t let my eyes leave him.

“You okay babe.”

“Yup, I’m great.”

To say I wasn’t scared or worried would be a lie because I was more than a bit terrified. He was making the moves of a serial kiler, closing off the house into complete seclusion and moving in silence. Instinct told me to shift my focus from him to the door, in case I needed to make a sudden move. Jay sat down with his hands together, fingers clasped between one another bent over looking at our floors. His eyes looked up at me with a world ful of sadness in them. Not anger but sadness.

“I’m having trouble with getting it up. Maybe its early stages of erectile dysfunction, I don’t know. Too much pride to take it to the doctors, I’ve just been trying to relax and not let the stress get to me. They usualy say that stress wil stop a man from performing properly.” He starred at me a little longer trying to read the response on my face. I took a deep breath and exhaled.

“I’m sure it’s just the stress from the shop Jay.”

“Is that realy you think?”

“Why would you ask that?”

“Because we both know that’s a lie.”

“Jay-”

He put his hand up before I could finish. I stood silenced as I had been told to do. There was a long pause before he finished his words.

His head dropped back to his chest and eyes never left the floor as he stuttered trying to break into his next statement.

“Don’t feel sorry for me now. Don’t feel sorry for me when you’d rather be a neighborhood whore than wait for your husband.”

The adrenaline causing my heart to pump went into over drive. I bit my tongue not knowing what could be said to cure the moment. I was in pure disbelief. As I starred at my husband who wouldn’t even look at me, I saw a tear drop down his cheek and run down to his knuckle. Seeing Jay cry sent a bulet of guilt into my heart and one into my stomach, yet I couldn’t cry. I just stood by the door numb, like a manikin in a department store; totaly speechless, emotionless and motionless, I was lost.

“Being the good husband that I am, washing your clothes and shit, I noticed they looked kind of crusty. They were smeling realy strong too, like some good ass pussy.” He said. “But I know you got your toys and what not so I let it go. I figured you’d been in the toy shop a lot lately since you’ve been tripping.”

“I have been.” I said.

“Right, right, but that wasn’t true. You think I’m stupid huh?”

“No, not at al Jay.”

“You do. You’re my wife Mae. I’ve never seen you go through so many kinky pairs of panties and lingerie in a month’s worth of wash since I’ve known you.”

“What difference does my panties make?”

“Not that much of one, but I know you.”

“So why would you cal me a whore?” Tears started to form in my eyes. I watched Jay’s expression change and he bit down hard on his lip. My heart boomed harder than a door knocker on an old wooden door.

“Do you know how it feels to have someone tel you they suspect your wife’s cheating?” He questioned as a stream of tears began washing his face. “Another person teling you your wife may be cheating with their neighbor!”

Jay’s voice echoed so loudly that I was sure the neighbors could hear. He stood up and made eye contact with me and began making his way across the room towards me. Panicking and scared I let out the loudest cry hoping it would soften his heart. Worst come to worst and if Jay was crazy, I hoped that my cry was loud enough for the neighbors to hear. My cry increased as I felt a sting from his left hand on the side of my face. Shocked and hurt, I sat down on the living room steps and tried to calm myself down, I knew he would make no remorseful attempts. Jay had never put his hands on me, and I knew I deserved it.

My husband went into a rage. “One of my customers felt the need to tel me about my wife’s whereabouts.” He said.

“They went on to tel Jay that they knew it wasn’t their place, but they wanted to make sure that I knew that my wife’s car was parked on their block almost every night for the past month.” He went on to tel the story.

“Who?”

“Oh no,” he said, “not my wife. Not the mother of my three sons, the one I’ve been married to almost her whole life, she wouldn’t be sneaking out on me.”

Halfway through his story I zoned out and he sounded like I was hearing him underwater. My mind felt like a race track as I tried to figure out who could’ve been teling my husband about what I was doing. Who could possibly care enough to spread my business as if it was their place? Why would they even care? I was nauseous.

“You disgust me!” He shouted. “You’re sleeping with your son’s friend? Are you that desperate and washed up for attention that you are wiling to fuck up a marriage and friendships for sex?”

“No, Jay I’m not.”

“Don’t lie to me Ramae.” He spat.

Seeing him standing over top of me, eyes red and streams pouring out of them, voice deep and belowing through the house al matters of regret sunk in to the fulest.

“I’m sorry Jay!” I cried.

Never in our life time had Jay ever rejected my tears. As he watched me cry my plea al I wanted was for him to reach out and touch me. I knew I was wrong, but I wanted to know that he was stil my husband, stil the man I knew. The man in front of me was a stranger. A yeling, crying, crazed stranger, I never expected to wreck his emotions like this. I couldn’t have prepared myself for this reaction. My stomach couldn’t take the numerous emotions overtaking my body. I ran to the kitchen trashcan and threw up my entire lunch. As I cleaned myself up at the sink my heart sank even more. Sounds of Jay rummaging through my pocketbook scratched my ears like fingernails on a chalkboard.