Fallen Too Far (17 page)

I was alone. I covered my eyes against the morning sun and looked around the room. Rush wasn’t up here. That was surprising. I sat up and looked at the clock. It was after ten. No wonder he wasn’t up here. I’d slept the morning away. Today we would talk. He was going to let me in. Last night we’d had amazing sex. I needed words now.

I stood up and found my discarded shorts lying on the end of the bed. Rush must have brought them upstairs because I remembered leaving them on the stairs last night. I slipped them on and then looked around for my shirt. One of Rush’s tee shirts was folded neatly beside my shorts so I slipped it on and headed downstairs. I was ready to see Rush.

The doors on the family side of the hall were open. I froze. What did that mean? They were always closed. Then I heard voices. I walked toward the second flight of stairs and listened. My father’s familiar voice carried up the stairs from the living room. He was home.

I took the first step and stopped. Could I face him? Would he ask me to leave? Would he know I’d slept with Rush? Would Nan have her mother hate me too? I hadn’t had time to work through all of this yet.

My father said my name and I knew I needed to go down there and face this. Whatever it might be. I forced myself down each step. I made it across the foyer and stopped once I could hear them clearly. I needed to know what I was walking into.

“I can’t believe you, Rush. What were you thinking? You know who she is? What she means to this family?” It was his mother talking. I’d never met her but I knew.

“You can’t hold her responsible. She wasn’t even born yet. You have no idea what all she’s been through. What HE has put her through.” Rush was angry.

I started to walk to the door but paused. Wait. What I meant to this family? What was she talking about?

“Don’t go getting all high and mighty. You were the one who went and found him for me. So whatever he put her through,” she spat, “you started it all. Then you go and
sleep
with her? Really Rush. My God what were you thinking? You’re just like your father.”

I reached out to grab the doorframe for support. I didn’t know what was coming but my breathing was becoming shallow. I could feel panic rising in my chest.

“Remember who owns this house, mother,” Rush’s warning was clear.

His mother let out a loud cackle. “Can you believe this? He is turning on me over a girl he just met. Abe you have to do something.”

There was silence. Then my father cleared his throat. “It’s his house, Georgie. I can’t force him to do anything. I should have expected this. She’s so much like her mother.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” the woman roared.

My father sighed, “We’ve been over this before. The reason I left you for her was because she had this draw to her. I couldn’t seem to let her go—“

“I KNOW that. I don’t want to hear it again. You wanted her so damn badly you left me pregnant with a bunch of wedding invitations to rescind.”

“Sweetheart, calm down. I love you. I was just explaining that Blaire has her mother’s charisma. It’s impossible not to be drawn to her. And she’s just as blind to it as her mother was. She can’t help it.”

“ARGH! Will that woman never leave me alone? Will she always ruin my life? She’s gone for crying out loud. I have the man I love back and our daughter finally has her father and now this.
You
go and sleep with this, this girl!”

              My body was numb. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t take deep breaths. I was still dreaming. That was it. I hadn’t woken up yet. I closed my eyes tightly forcing myself to wake up from this sick and twisted dream.

             
“One more word against her and I will have you leave.” Rush’s tone was cold and hard.

             
“Georgie, honey, please calm down. Blaire is a good girl. Her being here isn’t the end of the world. She needs somewhere to stay. I explained this to you already. I know you hate Rebecca but she was your best friend. The two of you had been friends since you were kids. Until I came along and ruined everything the two of you were like sisters. This is her daughter. Have some compassion.”

             
No. NO. No. No. No. I did not just hear that. This is not real. My mother would never have broken up someone’s wedding. She would have never had my dad leave a woman who was pregnant with his child. My mother was a sweet compassionate woman. She would never, ever let that happen. I couldn’t stand here and listen to them talk about her that way. They had it all wrong. They didn’t know her. My father had been gone so long he’d forgotten what really happened.

             
I let go of the death grip I had on the door frame and stalked into the room where they were disgracing my mother’s name. “NO! Shut up all of you,” I yelled. The room went silent. I found my father and leveled my angry glare on him. No one else in here mattered right now. Not the woman who continued to spit lies about my mother or the man I thought I loved. The one I’d given my body to. The one who had been lying to me.

             
“Blaire,” Rush’s voice sounded far away. I held out my hand to stop him. I didn’t want him near me.

             
“You,” I pointed my finger at my father. “You are just letting them lie about my mother,” I screamed. I didn’t care if I looked crazy. I hated them all right now.

             
“Blaire let me explain—“

             
“SHUT UP!” I roared. “My sister, my other half, died. She died, Dad. In a car on her way to the store with YOU.  It was like my soul had been taken from me and torn in two. Losing her was unbearable. I watched my mother wail and cry and mourn and then I watched my father walk away. Never to return. While his daughter and wife were trying to pick up the pieces of their world without Valerie in it. Then my mother gets sick. I call you but you don’t answer. So, I get an extra job after school and I start making payments for mom’s medical care. I do nothing but care for my mother and go to school. Except my senior year, she gets so sick that I have to drop out. Take my GED and be done with it. Because I had the only person on the planet who loved me dying as I sat and watched helplessly. I held her hand while she took her last breath. I arranged her funeral. I watched them lower her into the ground. You never once called. Not once. Then I had to sell the house Gran left us and everything of value in it just to pay off medical bills.” I stopped and took a loud heaving breath and a sob escaped me.

             
Two arms wrapped around me and I screamed, slinging my arms and moving away. “DON’T TOUCH ME!” I didn’t want him touching me. He had lied to me. He knew this and he had lied to me.

             
“Now I’m being forced to hear you talk about my mother who was a saint. Do you hear me? She was a saint! You are all
liars
. If anyone is guilty of this bullshit I hear pouring out of your mouth it is that man.” I pointed at my father. I couldn’t call him that anymore. Not now.

“He is the liar. He isn’t worth the dirt beneath my feet. If Nan is his daughter. If you were pregnant.” I swung my eyes to the woman I had yet to look at and the words froze on my lips. I remembered her. I staggered back and shook my head. No. This was not what it looked like.

           
“Who are you?” I asked as the memories of that face slowly came back to me.

             
“Careful how you answer that,” Rush’s tight voice came from behind me. He was still close to me.

             
Her eyes shifted from me to my father then back to me. “You know who I am Blaire. We’ve met before.”

             
“You came to my house. You… you made my mother cry.”

             
The woman rolled her eyes.

             
“Last warning, mother,” Rush said.

             
“Nan wanted to meet her father. So I brought her to him. She got to see his nice little family with pretty, blonde twin daughters he loved and an equally perfect wife. I was tired of having to tell my daughter she didn’t have a father. She knew she did. So I showed her just what he had chosen instead of her. She didn’t ask about him again until much later in life.”

             
The little girl my age that had stood holding her mother’s hand tightly and studying me as I stood at the door. It had been Nan. My stomach rolled. What had my father done?

             
“Blaire please look at me.” Rush’s desperate voice came from behind me but I couldn’t acknowledge him. He knew all this. This had been Nan’s big secret. He had protected it for her. Did he not see this was my secret too? He was my father and I knew nothing. Woods’ words rang in my head. “If he has to choose between you and Nan he will choose Nan.”

             
He knew then that Rush had chosen Nan. Everyone in this town knew the secret but me. They all knew who I was but I didn’t.

             
“I was engaged to Georgianna. She was pregnant with Nan. Your mother came to visit her. She was like no one I’d ever met. She was addictive. I couldn’t seem to stay away from her. Georgianna was still pinning over Dean and Rush was still visiting his dad every other weekend. I expected Georgie to go to Dean the minute he decided he wanted a family. I wasn’t even sure Nan was mine. Your mother was innocent and fun. She wasn’t into rockers and she made me laugh. I pursued her and she ignored me. Then I lied to her. I told her Georgie was pregnant with another of Dean’s kids. She felt sorry for me. I somehow convinced her to run away with me. To throw away the friendship she’d had all her life.”

             
I pressed my hands over my ears to block out my dad’s words. I couldn’t listen to this. It was all lies. This sick world they lived in wasn’t for me. I wanted to go home. Back to Alabama. Back to what I understood. Where money and rock stars weren’t an issue.

             
“Stop. I don’t want to hear it. I just want my things. I just want to leave.” The sob that followed couldn’t be helped. My world and what I’d known of it had just been blown to a million pieces. I needed to go sit by my mother’s grave and talk to her. I wanted to go home.

             
“Baby, please talk to me. Please.” Rush was behind  me again. I was too tired to push him away. I moved away from him instead. I would not look at him. “I can’t look at you. I don’t want to talk to you. I just want my things. I want to go home.”

             
“Blaire, honey, there is no home.” My dad’s voice grated on my nerves. I lifted my eyes and glared at him. All the pain and bitterness I’d kept from creeping in when he left us had consumed me.              

             
“My mother and my sister’s graves are home. I want to be near them. I’ve stood here and listened to y’all tell me my mother was someone who I know she wasn’t. She would have never done what you’re accusing her of. Stay here with your family, Abe. I’m sure they will love you as much as your last one did. Try not to kill any of them,” I spat.

             
Georgianna’s loud gasp was the last thing I heard before I left the room. I wanted to leave but I needed my purse and my keys. I ran up the stairs and threw everything I could back into my luggage and slammed it shut. I swung my purse strap over my shoulder and turned to the door to see Rush standing there watching me.

             
His face was pale and his eyes were blood shot. I closed my eyes. I did not care that he was upset. He should be. He’d lied to me. He’d betrayed me.

             
“You can’t leave me,” he said in a hoarse whisper.

             
“Watch me,” I replied in a cold flat voice.

             
“Blaire, you didn’t let me explain. I was going to tell you everything today. They came home last night and I panicked. I needed to tell you first. He slammed his fist against the door frame. “You were not supposed to find out that way. Not like that. God
not like that
.” He sounded truly upset.

             
I couldn’t let the tugging at my heart from the look on his face get to me. I would be an idiot if I did. Besides, his sister… Nan was his sister. No wonder he’d grown up protecting her. She’d been the child without a dad. I swallowed the bile in my throat. My dad was a horrible man.

             
“I can’t stay here. I can’t see you. You represent the pain and betrayal of not just me but my mom.” I shook my head. “Whatever we had is over. It died the minute I walked downstairs and realized the world I’d always known was a lie.”

             
Rush dropped his hands from the doorframe and his shoulders sagged as he hung his head. He didn’t say anything. He just stepped back so I could get out. The little heart that I had left in tact shattered from his defeated look. There was no other way. We were tainted.

              I didn’t look back and he didn’t call my name again. I headed down the stairs with my suitcase in hand. When I got to the bottom step, my dad came out of the living room and into the foyer. A frown was etched on his face. He looked fifteen years older since the last time I’d seen him. The past five years hadn’t been good to him.

              “Don’t leave, Blaire. Let’s talk about this. Give yourself time to think about things.” He wanted me to stay. Why? So he could make himself feel better for ruining my life? For ruining Nan’s life?

              I pulled the phone he’d wanted me to have out of my pocket and held it out to him. “Take it. I don’t want it,” I said.

              He stared down at it and then back at me. “Why would I take your phone?”

              “Because I don’t want anything from you,” I replied. The anger was there but I was tired. I just wanted out of here.

              “I didn’t give you that phone,” he said still looking confused.

              “Take the phone, Blaire. If you want to leave, I can’t hold you here. But please, take the phone.” Rush was standing at the top of the stairs.  He’d bought me the phone. My dad had never told him to get me a phone. The numbness was settling in. I couldn’t feel any more pain. No sorrow for what we might have had.

              I walked over and put the phone down on the table beside the stairs. “I can’t,” was my simple reply. I didn’t look back at any of them. Although I’d heard Georgianna’s heels click on the marble floor alerting me that she had entered the foyer.

              I grabbed the door handle and pulled the door open. I would never see any of them again. I’d only mourn the loss of one.

              “You look just like her.” Georgianna’s voice rang out in the silent foyer. I knew she meant my mother. She had no right even to remember my mother. Or speak of her. She’d lied about my mother. She’d made the one woman I admired above everyone else seem selfish and cruel.

              “I only hope I can be half the woman she was,” I said in a loud clear voice. I wanted them all to hear me. They needed to know there was no doubt in my mind that my mother was innocent.

              I stepped out into the sunshine and closed the door firmly behind me. A silver sports car spun into the drive as I made my way to my truck. I knew it was Nan. I couldn’t look at her. Not now.

              The car door slammed and I didn’t flinch. I threw my suitcase into the back of the truck and opened the door. I was done here.

              “You know,” she said in a loud amused tone.

              I would not respond to her. I would not listen to her mouth spew more lies about my mother.

              “How’s it feel? Knowing you were left for someone else by your own father?”

              It felt numb. That was the least of my pain. My dad had left us five years ago. I’d moved on.

              “You don’t feel so high and mighty now, do ya? Your momma was a cheap hussy that deserved what she got.”

              The calmness that had settled over me snapped. No one was gonna talk about my momma again. No one. I reached under the seat and pulled out my nine millimeter. I turned and aimed at her lying red lips.

              “You say one more word about my momma and I’ll put an extra hole in your body,” I said in a hard flat voice.

              Nan screamed and threw her hands up in the air. I didn’t lower the gun. I wasn’t going to kill her. I’d just wing her in the arm if she opened her mouth again. My aim was spot on.

              “Blaire! Put the gun down. Nan, don’t move. She knows how to use that thing better than most men.” My dad’s voice caused my hands to tremble. He was protecting her. From me. His daughter. The one he wanted. The one he left us for. The one he’d deserted most of her life. I didn’t know what to feel.

              I heard Georgianna’s panicked voice. “What is she doing with that thing? Is that even legal for her to have it?”

“She has a permit,” my father replied, “and she knows what she’s doing. Stay calm.”

  I lowered the gun. “I’m gonna get in that truck and drive out of your life. Forever. Just keep your mouth shut about my momma. I won’t listen to it again,” I warned before turning and climbing into my truck. I tucked my gun back under the seat and backed out of the driveway. I didn’t look to see if they were all huddled around poor Nannette. I didn’t care. Maybe she’d think twice before she fucked with someone else’s momma. Because, by God, she better never talk bad about mine again.

              I headed to the country club. I’d have to tell them I was leaving. Darla deserved to know not to expect me. So did Woods for that matter. I didn’t want to explain but they probably already knew. Everyone knew but me. They’d all just been waiting on me to find out. Why one of them couldn’t have told me the truth I didn’t understand.

              It wasn’t like this was life altering for Nan. Everything she’d ever known hadn’t just been blown to hell. My life had just flipped on its axis. This wasn’t about Nan. This was about me. Me, dammit. Why did they have to protect her? From what did she need protecting?

              I parked the truck outside the office and Darla met me at the front door.

              “You forget to check the schedule, girl? This is your day off.” She was smiling at me but her smile vanished when my eyes met hers. She stopped walking and grabbed the railing on the porch of the office. Then she shook her head. “You know, don’t you?”

              Even Mrs. Darla had known. I simply nodded. She let out a long-winded sigh, “I’d heard the rumors like most folks but no knew the whole truth. I don’t want to know it ‘cause it ain’t my business but if it’s close to what I’ve heard then I know this hurts.”  Darla walked down the rest of the stairs. The commanding little firecracker I knew was gone. She opened her arms when she got to the bottom step and I ran into them. I didn’t think about it. I needed someone to hold me. The sobs came the moment she wrapped me up in her arms.

              “I know it sucks, sugar. I wish someone would’ve told you sooner.”

              I couldn’t talk. I just cried and clung to her while she held on tight.

              “Blaire? What’s wrong?” Bethy’s voice sounded worried and I looked up to see her running down the steps toward us. “Oh shit. You know,” she said, stopping in her tracks. “I should’ve told you but I was scared to. I didn’t know all the facts. I just knew what Jace had overheard from Nan. I didn’t want to tell you the wrong thing. I was hoping Rush would tell you. He did, didn’t he? I thought for sure he would after the way I saw him looking at you last night.”

              I eased back out of Darla’s arms and wiped at my face. “No. He didn’t tell me. I overheard. My dad and Georgianna came home.”

              “Shit,” Bethy said in a frustrated sigh. “Are you leaving?” The pained expression in her eyes told me she already knew the answer to that.

              I only nodded.

              “Where will you go?” Darla asked.

              “Back to Alabama. Back home. I have some money saved up now. I’ll be able to find a job and I do have friends there. My mom and sister’s graves are there.” I didn’t finish. I couldn’t without breaking down again.

              “We’ll miss you around here,” Darla said with a sad smile.

              I would miss them too. All of them. Even Woods. I nodded. “Me too.”

              Bethy let out a loud sob and running over to me she threw her arms around my neck. “I never had a friend like you before. I don’t want you to leave.”

              My eyes filled up with tears again. I’d made a few friend here. Not everyone had betrayed me. “Maybe you could come to Bama and visit sometime,” I whispered in a choked sob.

              She pulled back and sniffed. “You’d let me come visit?”

              “Of course,” I replied.

              “Okay. Is next week too soon?”

              If I could’ve managed the energy to smile, I would have. I doubted I’d ever smile again. “As soon as you’re ready.”

              She nodded and rubbed her red nose with her arm.

              “I’ll let Woods know. He’ll understand,” Darla said from behind us.

              “Thank you.”

              “You be careful. Take care. Let us know how you’re doing.”

              “I will,” I replied, wondering if it would be a lie. Would I ever talk to them again?

              Darla stepped back and motioned for Bethy to come stand beside her. I waved at them both and opened the truck door to climb in. It was time I left this place behind.