Falling for Rain (22 page)

“The only thing I regret is not doing it earlier,” she said contemptuously. “I could have avoided this whole sickening incident.”

“Emily, stop it!” He jumped up from his chair and slammed his fist down on the edge of the desk, making her jump. “I know it looks bad. I’m trying to explain. Will you at least hear me out?”

Emily pushed her chair back from the desk, stood up, and walked to the window behind her. She drew back the heavy drape and, looking down into the street, rested her burning forehead against the cool glass. She heard a movement behind her. “Stay where you are,” she said firmly, keeping her back to him. “Tell me what you’ve come to say, then get out. I don’t ever want to see you again.”

“When I saw you last week, all I knew
was
that I never wanted you to leave again,” he implored. “Do you know how much I’ve missed you all these years?”

Emily didn’t answer. She could hear the emotion in his voice. He was reaching out to her like a drowning man reached for a life ring. But that didn’t change what he’d done. She wouldn’t forgive him.
Ever.

“I knew you hated me for what happened to your mother. But when I realized you didn’t know I had been charged with negligence, I was surprised. I thought you already knew. I thought that’s why you still hated me. I was afraid if I told you what had really happened, there was no chance of you ever forgiving me. I was going to tell you, one day, but not until I was sure you would forgive me. I thought if I could make you fall in love with me again, you’d forgive me. It was stupid, I know, but I was desperate. I didn’t want to lose you again. I couldn’t stand the thought of another ten years without you.”

“So you lied to me instead. You tricked me into your bed by covering up what really happened.”

“Yes,” he said. “I’m ashamed now, but I did.”

“You’re only ashamed because you were caught.” Emily let the curtain drop into place. Crossing her arms over her chest, she faced him across the room. “I’ll never forgive you. I won’t forgive you for lying to me, and I won’t forgive you for what you did to my mother, even if I do love…” Emily stopped abruptly. She couldn’t believe she had almost given herself away. She felt Rain’s eyes on her and looked away.

“You do love me, don’t you?” he whispered.

“You missed
the
if
,
Rain. No. I don’t love you. How could I, after what you’ve done?”

“You loved me the other night. Surely you can’t deny that?”

“I’m not frigid, if that’s what you mean.” The words were intended to hurt, but they sounded childish and unconvincing even to
her own
ears.

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it. We made love, and it was beautiful.”

“Don’t be presumptuous, Rain. And that was before I knew you were lying to me.”

Rain turned for a moment. He raised his hand and ran it through his hair, pushing it back from his eyes. It was a characteristic gesture, and Emily felt a stab of loss for what might have been but was now impossible.

Rain paced back and forth in front of her desk. She could feel his frustration and his pain. She hardened herself.
Good
, she thought.
Let him suffer. He deserves it.

“I know it doesn’t matter to you that I’ve been sorry every single day since your mother died. That I’ve gone through hell thinking about what I did. You know, it was an accident.
Avoidable, yes, but an accident nonetheless.
I messed up, but I didn’t do it deliberately. Does it matter to you at all that the charges were dropped?”

Emily turned back to the window to hide her surprise. She didn’t know they were dropped. Did it make a difference? No. It didn’t change the fact that he’d done it in the first place. “Why were they dropped?” she said, turning away from the window long enough to see him sink back into his chair.

“I don’t know. The police phoned and told your father they wouldn’t be going ahead with the charges. To tell you the truth, I’ve never asked why. I was too upset at the time to care. If they’d convicted me of criminal negligence and sent me to prison, it would have been nothing compared to the prison I’d made for myself. Do you know, Emily, there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about how different things could have been if I hadn’t been careless?”

“Well, that makes two of us,” she said abruptly, her bitterness washing over her in angry waves. To give herself something to do, she opened the drapes all the way. Outside dusk was already settling, hastened by the greyness of the day. It had begun to rain again.
A depressing, insistent drizzle.
The blinds were open in one of the offices in the building opposite hers. Two women were packing their briefcases and putting on their coats. They were laughing. No doubt they were happy because it was Friday with the weekend stretching before them like an oasis. One of the two women closed the blinds, and Emily glanced down at the snarl of Friday rush hour traffic and the bustle of people. Only the tops of their umbrellas were visible from her position, and they looked like little beetles as they rushed to start their weekends. It seemed to her that everybody else belonged to a world from which she was excluded.

She heard the soft sigh of leather upholstery as Rain stood up from the chair. “I’m sorry.” And he truly was. She could hear it in the rich, warm tones of his voice.

“I think you’d better go now,” she said, forcing her voice to sound businesslike. She at least would accept his apology. “My lawyer will be in touch with yours. My offer still stands.”

She heard the door open behind her, resisting the urge to turn and take one last look at this man whom she loved and hated so much. “I’ll sign the farm over to you,” he said, sounding defeated, “
because
it’s the only thing I can do for you. You know where to find me, if you change your mind.”

She was silent, and she could feel his reluctance to leave. She knew that he realized it was over. That the moment the door closed, he would never see her again.  “I love you,” he whispered, and the door clicked softly behind him.

His parting words echoing in her head, Emily placed her burning cheek against the window again and closed her eyes. He was gone and wouldn’t be back. She should be relieved. It was what she wanted. Wasn’t it?

Leaving the drapes open, she went back to her desk.

But could she turn back the clock? Pick up from where she’d been before she’d made the mistake of going out to the farm less than a week ago? No. There was no going back, because before she went to the farm, she was convinced she loved no one. But now she knew that she loved Rain Storm.

She sat at her desk, opened the electronic calendar on her computer, and contemplated the empty white spaces that represented her evenings. Well, she knew what to do with this evening and was just picking up the phone to tell Lee to make arrangements when she heard her secretary's familiar knock on the door.

"Come in," she said.

Lee came in, shut the door behind her, and leaned against it.

"What do you want?" Emily said wearily. The last thing she needed was a confrontation with Lee.

"I know it's none of my business...."

"You're right, it's not, and I can’t believe you let Rain into my office when I told you I didn’t want to talk to him.”

“I did it for your own good,” Lee said defiantly.

“And you know what’s good for me?”

“Better than you do.”

"Were you eavesdropping just now?" Emily asked incredulously.

"No. I don't have to eavesdrop to figure out what's going on between you and Ray."

"Okay, tell me. What's going on?"

"I'd say you're in love with him, but you're too pigheaded to admit it.”

"Lee, you're really out of line here," Emily said angrily.

"I don't care. I can't sit back and do nothing while you ruin your life."

"That's pretty strong." Emily turned away from her computer and rested her arms on the desk. "Let me get personal for a moment. Have you ever been in love?" Emily already knew the answer to this question.

"You know I was," Lee replied in a hurt tone.

"And what happened, Lee? Why aren't you married and living happily ever after?"

"You know all this, Emily. He was married already. When I found out, I broke it off."

"How did that make you feel?"

"It hurt like hell. He broke my heart."

"And now, are you completely over him, or does it still hurt?"

"Sometimes.
But when I meet the right guy...."

"Meet the right guy?" Emily knew she was being vicious and hurtful. It was if she was trying suddenly to convince herself as well. "You probably thought the married guy was the right guy. You know what I find amazing, Lee? That you think I'm the one in danger of ruining my life. I can't believe that women continue to give their hearts to men when it's only a matter of time before they break it."

"Not all relationships end up like that," Lee said defensively. “I think you’re trying to convince yourself, not me.”

"I know the divorce statistics, and the odds are pretty good that they will. So you go right ahead and find Mr. Right, and when you're left picking up the pieces, I'll try not to say I told you so." She turned back to her computer and began typing purposefully. "Now, I've got work to do, and I assume you do too. See if you can get Jonathon on the line for me. He's probably still at the office, but if not, give his cell phone a try."

"I can't believe you'd rather go out with Jonathon than Ray."

"Lee!" Emily said sharply.

"Okay, okay," she said tiredly. “But let me say one last thing, and I promise never to mention Ray Storm again."

"Fine.
But that better be a promise."

"You know, it's already too late for you. You're already in love, so you might as well go for it. It doesn't matter how much you deny it or overwork yourself or put on that tough
nothing will ever hurt me act
you're so famous for. You're still in love." Lee's cheeks were flushed with frustration. "You're hurting yourself far worse than anyone could – let alone Ray. I don’t know what went on between you two, but I’ve been around enough to know it was all a long time ago. It’s time to forgive and forget.”

Emily looked at Lee's flushed face and sighed. After her meeting with Rain, this was the last thing she needed. She was tired of people telling her what she felt. That both Rain and Lee were too close to the truth for comfort only intensified the feeling.  "Just get Jonathon on the phone, please," she said wearily.

"The fact that you want to see Jonathon just shows how desperate you are."

"You don't keep your promises for long, do you?"

"Alright, I'll call the creep," she said, opening the door.

"Thanks. And I do expect you to keep the promise you just made. If you comment on my personal life again, I'll suggest you find someone else to work for." Emily regretted the words as soon as they were out of her mouth. She was overreacting. It was just that she was so tired.

Lee came close to slamming the door behind her, and Emily went back to contemplating the empty white boxes on her appointment calendar. Her phone rang almost immediately. It was Lee. "I've got Jonathon on the line."

"Thanks, and sorry for the parting line.
It was a cheap shot."

Lee laughed. "That's the first time you've ever apologized to me. You really are in a state." She cut off her laugh with the transfer button, and Emily was connected with Jonathon.

“Jonathon?” she asked with as much energy as she could muster.

“It’s me alright. Nice to hear your voice again, baby. Glad you finally came to your senses and gave old Snowstorm the boot.”

Lee was right. Jonathon was a creep. But a creep she could handle. “His name is Rain Storm, Ray Storm to you. You got what you wanted. He’s going to sign his share of the farm over. It’s, as they say, a done deal.  There’s no point in wasting any more time. If your client’s ready, we can meet tonight and sign whatever needs signing.”

“Good. I’ll tell my client.
Downtown Diner at 5:30 pm.
We’ll celebrate.”

“Okay,” she said, feeling anything but celebratory. But she could get drunk.

“One more thing, though. You’re not going to wear those horrible clothes from the farm are you?
Because if you are, I can’t be seen in public with you.”