Falling into Surrender (7 page)

Alanna shakes violently with sobs from my revelation, and I pull her into a hug. We stay like that for a long time before we both finally calm down.

“I understand you never meant to hurt me Alanna, and I forgive you. You aren’t a bad person, you were just struggling with things beyond your control at that point. Please, let’s just forget all of this. I want things to go back to the way they were.”

Alanna nods as I pull away slightly. “I do too,” she says. “I’ve been so worried about you. And Gabriel too. He loves you so much Victoria.”

My heart swells as I glance back through the glass windows to meet his eyes across the room.
Always watching over me.

“I love him too.”

Chapter Nine

Victoria

I spend the rest of the evening surrounded by Gabriel and my friends. As I watch him laughing and smiling along with everyone else, I can’t help but notice how different he is these days. He’s a far cry from the angry, brooding man I first met. When he looks at me, I can see the intensity of his love, along with his ever-lingering concern. I love this man. And now I’m free to be with him.
But what does that mean for us?

My wandering thoughts are interrupted when the last of our guests stand to leave. I hug Angelina and agree to have lunch with her the next day before sending her down in the elevator. Abel and Trevor both left earlier, and now Alanna is the only one that remains. She looks at Gabriel nervously as the three of us stand at his front door.

“What’s the matter?” I ask her.

She opens her mouth to speak, but Gabriel interjects. “Victoria,” he says softly. “Alanna was attacked in your apartment when Allan came for her. After she got out of the hospital, she couldn’t handle being there anymore.”

I give her a sympathetic glance, wondering where exactly they’re going with this.

“I’m sorry, Toto.” She nods. “But it’s true, it was too hard to stay there, so I had to move out.”

“Okay…” I nod. “But where are you living?”

“I moved in with Nathan,” she says. “He asked me to.”

“And we moved your stuff here,” Gabriel says. “I want you to stay with me.”

“Oh.” I take a quick glance around the apartment, feeling a little weird about the whole situation. “I don’t want to stay here because you feel obligated, Gabriel. I can find somewhere else.”

He furrows his brow and clutches my hand in his. “I don’t feel obligated. I love you, Victoria. I never want to let you go.”

Alanna grins stupidly at his sentiment, and I can’t help my own goofy smile. “We’ll figure this out later,” I say.

Alanna hugs me before making a quick exit, leaving me alone with Gabriel.

“Finally,” I murmur. “I have you all to myself.”

He smiles softly, but there is an unfamiliar emotion in his eyes. He doesn’t look happy, in fact, I would venture to guess that he looks a little sad. “I’m sorry baby,” he says. “I have to catch up on some work.”

“Oh.” I frown. “Okay.”

“It’s been a long day,” he says. “Why don’t you let me run you a bath and you can catch up on some sleep.”

“I’m not tired,” I protest. “All I did while I was away was sleep. I can wait up for you.”

Gabriel runs a weary hand through his hair and looks as though he’s in physical pain, but I can’t understand why. “I’m sorry Victoria, but I’m afraid I have a lot to do. I’ll be up very late. I’m meeting with some investors tomorrow for the new business, so I have to get this done.”

“Okay.” I smile, trying to hide my disappointment as I kiss him softly on the lips. “I guess I’ll see you in the morning.”

After my bath, I turn into bed and am surprised by how tired I actually am. Even though Gabriel is just down the hall, I feel an aching loneliness inside of me. He’s acting strange. I can’t remember him ever denying me before and find it especially odd considering how long we’ve been apart. As I consider all the possibilities, I drift off into a fitful sleep.

When I wake in the morning, I roll over to find the space beside me empty. Gabriel is either up early or never came to bed at all last night. There’s a gnawing feeling inside my stomach as I walk to the bathroom and wash up.

When I walk into the kitchen, I find him at the breakfast bar reading the newspaper, already dressed for work. “Good morning,” he says.

“Good morning,” I mumble. “I was wondering where you were.”

He looks away as he takes a sip from the orange juice in front of him. “I have to go in early today, you know to get all of this taken care of.” He waves his hand around at the imaginary burdens in the air around him.

“Okay, well what time will you be back tonight?” I try to contain the emotion in my voice. I’ve missed him, and I have no idea why it feels like there’s an ocean between us.

“I’m not sure,” he says, rising to his feet. “I’ll let you know, baby. I’ve got to go.” And with a quick peck on the cheek, he’s out the door.

The morning seems to drag on. I find that Gabriel has already put all of my clothes into one side of his walk-in closet, and the rest of my stuff is packed neatly in boxes. I sort through the boxes, pulling out my makeup and other necessities before I shower.

After I’m dressed and ready for the day, I call Marvin at the courier office, only to be informed that I no longer have a job there. He had to hire two other couriers while I was gone, but at least had the decency to sound apologetic. I suspect that it has more to do with my stint in the slammer than anything else, but thank him politely anyway.

I grab my camera and head into the city to take some photos. But after an hour, I’ve already given up. My heart just isn’t in it today, so I hop on the subway and make my way to Café Dolce to meet Angelina for lunch.

It’s just past noon when I walk into the small Italian themed café to find Angelina waiting patiently for me. She jumps from her seat and pulls me into a warm hug. “Hey, dollface!”

Her enthusiasm to see me feels nice, and I grin back at her. “Hey Angelina, thanks for meeting me.”

“No problem,” she says, taking a seat across from me.

The waiter appears and I order an iced tea while I look over the menu. Angelina watches me closely, and then laughs when I give her a strange glance.

“You look like you might blow away over there.” She smiles. “I’m under Gabriel’s strict instructions to make sure you eat, so you better not even think about ordering a salad.”

I laugh and roll my eyes. “He would say that.” But even as I say it, I feel a little pang of sadness. He didn’t seem so concerned about me this morning when he was rushing out the door.

“What’s the matter?” Angelina asks, noticing my sudden shift in mood.

I set down my menu and shake my head. “It’s nothing.”

“Tell me,” she demands, with the same intimidating look Gabriel likes to use. I smile at the resemblance I never noticed before. “Did he do something to piss you off?” she asks. “He’s good at that.”

“No.” I laugh. “It’s kind of weird, he’s your brother, I don’t really want to…”

“Just tell me,” she says, exasperated. “We’re friends, aren’t we? You can tell me anything, I promise I will be totally unbiased.”

I blow out a breath and shrug as though it’s not really that big of a deal. “I don’t know,” I say softly. “He just seemed kind of distant last night after everyone left, and this morning too. I don’t know what’s going through his mind.”

Angelina dismisses my line of thoughts with a wave of her hand. “He’s just worried about you honey,” she reassures me. “You should have seen him while you were away. He was so angry, geez you couldn’t say one little thing to him. And then yesterday when he knew you were coming home, he lit up like a Christmas tree. Trust me, you have nothing to be worried about, Victoria, he is madly in love with you.”

“Okay,” I say, resigned.

Angelina smiles knowingly, reaching across the table to squeeze my hand. “You’ve both been through a lot, it’s just going to take some time to get back in the swing of things.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re right.” I nod. “I’m just being silly.”

“Well, you shouldn’t feel weird. I’ve never seen Gabriel so happy before. Quite frankly, it’s a little creepy.” She laughs. “But seriously, he’s head over heels with you honey. You’re all he ever talks about.”

“Thanks, Angelina.”

“And you don’t have to worry about Anya anymore because I told her exactly that the night she showed up at Gabriel’s. She was trying to play his sympathy card, and I told her to forget it. I even threatened to tell the media about all the work she’s had done.” She smirks. “So you can rest assured you won’t be hearing from her again.”

Over the next hour, Angelina makes sure I order an entrée, a main, and a dessert. By the time I leave, I’m stuffed, but surprisingly relaxed. I feel good after our conversation, and it gives me an idea for tonight. An offer that I’m sure Gabriel can’t refuse.

***

The minute I hear the front door shut at six o clock, I scurry down the hall and into the sex room. I’m wearing one of my corsets and matching thongs along with my best stockings and stilettos. Grabbing my phone, I type in Gabriel’s name and send off a quick text.

Hide and seek?

Waiting for you x

I don’t bother waiting for a reply as I chuck the phone aside and get into position. My head is down, my eyes cast to the floor while five long minutes tick by before the door creaks open. I sneak a glance up at Gabriel when he doesn’t move.

He’s still in his black work pants, but his dress shirt is unbuttoned and his tie undone around his neck, casually showing off his bare chest. He has a glass of whiskey in his hand which he brings to his lips as he circles around me slowly, like a cat hunting it’s pray.

I cast my eyes back to the ground, waiting nervously for his instructions. This is what I want from him. What I need. But when he stops in front of me, not moving or saying anything else, my throat burns with repressed emotion.

A glance upwards only serves to confirm my fears when I find his jaw rigid and his blue eyes stormy. That isn’t desire I see staring back at me, but irritation. My shoulders slump as the realization hits me hard in the gut. He doesn’t have any intentions of dominating me right now.

When he sees the disappointment on my face, he reaches down and scoops me into his arms, carrying me to his bedroom silently.

“What are you doing?” I protest.

“Shh baby,” he whispers. “Not today.”

He lays me down on the bed, climbing on top of me and kissing me gently. It isn’t our usual passion laced routine, but I’ll take what I can get right now. I rock my hips against him, his erection digging into my belly. He looks at me with a forlorn expression, and I want to shake him. To demand he tell me what’s wrong, but instead, I say the only words I can.

“Gabriel, I need you.”

“I know,” he says softly, kissing my cheek.

To my relief, he stands up and removes his pants and shirt, tossing them onto the ground in a haphazard pile. He climbs back into the bed and lifts me so that I’m straddling him. I’m surprised by this, and more than a little disappointed. He’s giving me free reign again, but what I really want is for him to take control of me. To guide and comfort me the way that only he can. But if his expression is anything to go by, I know arguing is pointless.

I slide my thong aside and mount him, pushing his cock inside of me slowly. My hips ease forward to give him access to my breasts, and he palms them both gently for a moment before resting his hands on my hips.

Unable to hold back my emotions, a sigh escapes me. I want to feel his wanton hands and mouth on my body the way I remember them, to know he still desires me in that way. I rock my hips against him harder, increasing the pace before he grabs them and slows me down again.

My frustration comes to an all-time high when I realize I’m not going to come. My mind has shut down and can only focus on one thought….
he doesn’t want me anymore
. When I look into his eyes, I know he isn’t enjoying this the way he usually does. We’ve made love before, but it was different. This feels so stilted, so… wrong. I’ve never needed or wanted him more than I do right now, and I can’t understand why he doesn’t feel the same. I need his passion, his guidance, his control. And he’s refusing to give it to me.

Resigned to my fate, I pull off of him, watching his thick erection flop back against his belly. I scoot down between his legs and pull him into my mouth. His hand reaches out to stop me as he speaks.

“Victoria, don’t.”

I ignore him, giving it my all as I suck him furiously. At least one of us should come. Eventually, his protests are drowned out by his groans as he relaxes back into the bed. I suck him into oblivion, and within moments he explodes in my mouth. I swallow everything he has to give me along with my pain and sorrow.

And then I gather what’s left of my dignity and walk towards the bathroom.

“Victoria,” he calls out, “come back, baby.”

I don’t respond because I can’t. The minute I have the door shut the tears spill down my cheeks. I want Gabriel back. My rough, possessive, dominant Gabriel. But somehow I fear this is the end. We’ve been through too much. I pulled him into my fucked up life, and now he doesn’t want to deal with it. It’s the only logical conclusion I can come up with.

I turn on the shower and strip off my clothes, leaving the door locked behind me. As I relax under the stream of hot water, I think back on my time in prison. How I imagined what it would be like if I got out and came back to Gabriel. I envisioned it in my head hundreds of times but never was it anything like this.

When the water finally runs cold, I step out and dry off, my skin as raw as my nerves at the moment. The bed is empty when I open the door, and Gabriel has disappeared again. I’m sure he’s holed back up in his office, and if last night was any indication, he’ll be there all night.