False Regret: Pikorua - Book 1 (39 page)

“Why
would he want to kill you, knowing what you mean to me? It makes no sense. He
saved you when we were kids, for that very reason.”

“That’s
his story, but now the answer is obvious. I work for the FBI, and he knows I’m
coming for him. Don’t you think that is motive enough?” He glared at me as my
eyes filled with tears again. His face softened when he saw my distress, and he
kissed my cheek. “I hope I’m wrong about the car, for your sake. No matter what
he has done, he is still your father, and I understand a part of you wants to
find goodness in him. Maybe it’s no different than what I felt about Willow. Your
dad is not right, though, El. He has mental problems, you must see that, so his
motivation could be anything. I want you to stay behind the cars.”

The
dogs arrived on site and went to work, wasting no time before entering into a
barking frenzy. Cade’s suspicions were correct. My father and Marisha rigged a
bomb in the trunk. My face fell into my hands as I sobbed. We might’ve all died
if any of us had opened the lid. The idea broke my heart all over again, for
the millionth time, and I wondered how many pieces a heart could lose before it
ceased to function. How could my dad be so cruel and utterly sadistic?  Why did
he hate me so much? Why did he even go to the trouble to give me Cayden back,
when he planned to kill us all anyway? 

Cade
came up and put his arms around me. “I’m sorry, El, I know you hoped for a box
of candy, but you have to remember who we are dealing with here.”

The
reality that my little family would never be safe until my father was dead, or
brought to justice, overwhelmed me. Cade stroked my face. “He intended the bomb
for me, not you or Cayden.”

“It
makes no difference. He didn’t care a bit if that bomb killed all of us. As long
as he is alive, we will never be safe or free of this violence. My dad murdered
Camerson so I wouldn’t have to testify, but what about the next shady deal? The
whole thing just makes me sick.” I sighed heavily. “I am so tired of being a
victim to his evilness. How could he say he wanted to see me happy and then do
this? I don’t understand him at all. Can we please just take our son and go
home?” I begged, the tears streaming down my face.

He
exhaled, as if getting ready to divulge more devastating news. “El, I was ready
to do just that, but in light of what’s happened, I feel it’s important to
finish what I started. I have to find your father and his wife. Like you said,
this thing will never end until he is eradicated or put in prison.”

“Why
does it have to be you?”  

“I
became a part of this the day I was born, simply by inheriting my father’s name.
It didn’t just start with you and me. Bradley Meyers waged a war, leaving you
and me to finish it. I can’t walk away with this much unfinished business. When
I set aside my goals for you, it made sense because you are the most important
thing in my life, but the imminent danger Camerson presented, has passed. We
are so close to nailing your dad, I can taste it. It’s time I stop playing
house and get this done. Please, I am begging you to stand by me in this
decision. I love you with every ounce of my being, and I want to make this a safe
world for you and Cayden. Can you do this? Will you support me?”

I
wanted to scream at him and tell him I needed him, but that would be selfish. He’d
come home with me if I insisted, but it would lead to tension and resentment,
so I had to let him go. “I will support your decision,” I said sadly.

He
kissed my cheek. “Thank you,” he whispered in my ear, giving me chills. “Wait
here, I need to talk to Rodriquez and Roberts.” He kissed me again and opened the
car door for me. Having no other choice, I got in the backseat next to Cayden.
He was sleeping, and I leaned over to brush my lips on his forehead. Cade
smiled at me and shut the door.

 Cade
paced outside the car while talking on his phone. He looked furious again.
Rodriquez and Roberts, stood listening intently until Cade handed the phone to
Lucas. He wore his irritated, angry face, one that seemed to be more permanent
these days, as he ran his hands over his hair. When Lucas put the cell back in
his hand, Cade’s demeanor changed to satisfied. He got his way, whatever way
that was. He hung up and jogged to the car.

“Ellia,
we’ve picked up a lead on your dad and Marisha so I have to leave right now.
Rodriquez will fly you and Cayden home. Are you okay with that?” he asked. I
wanted to be truthful and say no, but he would go anyway.  Cade was obsessed
with bringing my dad to justice. He’d set me aside before, and I knew he would again.
I tried to understand, but it still hurt my feelings. We’d just gotten our son
back, which should take priority above all else, but Cade had his own idea of
what took precedence.

“Hurry
home,” I said, avoiding his eyes. I knew he’d see the truth there if I looked
at him.  He kissed me on the head and told me he loved me, and then he was in
another car with Agent Roberts, racing away from me again.

 Lucas
opened the door. “There are tickets waiting at the airport for us. Buckle up
the baby and we’ll get moving.” He shut the door and got in the driver’s seat.
“You okay?” he asked over his shoulder.

“As
okay as I can be, I guess,” I said, staring at my sleeping baby.

It
was an emotional reunion with my mother, and a week after I brought Cayden
home, we all slipped into an easy routine. He was a good baby and often slept
through the night, at least when I didn’t accidentally wake him with my night
terrors. Cayden had been declared in excellent health by the pediatrician, and I
had to give Willow credit for at least that much. She’d taken excellent care of
him, and Cayden was none the wiser. Bonding didn’t seem to be an issue as I
feared, either.

The
ever present fear of my father’s return tortured me, especially at night when
every noise became an imagined intruder. Although Cade called me nightly, right
before I went to bed, it wasn’t the same. Loneliness became a normal part of my
existence as it had in the years when I thought he was dead.  Cade was on his
way out of the country the last time we’d spoken, and he wasn’t sure when he’d
be able to call again. I expected as much, so wasn’t devastated by the news. I
was a single mother, and I had to come to grips with that.

A
part of me was letting him go, and I wondered if we were ever really meant to
be together. It seemed there would always be something keeping us a part, and I
was tired of allowing my heart to chase after him with a yearning that was
never satisfied for very long. A wall had cropped up between us, and its
construction had started with Cayden’s disappearance, and I didn’t know how to
scale it with thousands of miles between us. I worried that his hatred for my
father was tainting his feelings for me. He was often distant when he called,
just wanting to deal with the facts of the day, like how Cayden was doing. My
only hope was that my father would be found soon, and he would come home to me.
I hoped it wouldn’t be too late to repair whatever was happening between us.

Lucas
returned to his field office in Detroit, but he called almost every day to
check on me. Most days, I felt more comfortable talking to him than to Cade,
and I didn’t have to worry about my desolate feelings causing Lucas any guilt
or worry. He became a positive and uplifting influence in my life, and I loved
him for it. We had many conversations about my relationship uncertainties.

“Don’t
worry Ellia, you guys will be fine when this over. Sometimes when we work a
case, it has to be our sole focus. He isn’t shutting you out because he doesn’t
love you, he is just trying to do his job and get back to you and the baby. I
never get into relationships anymore. The job is hell on the spouse. Divorce
rate is high amongst law enforcement, as you know. I’ve already been there once
myself. You and Cade have overcome unbelievable odds to be together, and I know
you will find a way to make it work. How about I come up this weekend and take
you out to dinner.  Let’s get your mind off things for a little while.”

“That’s
nice of you, Lucas, but you have a life down there. Don’t disrupt it for me.
I’m fine, really I am. Besides, I won’t leave Cayden alone, even with my mom here.
I can’t even bear to put him in his own room. He sleeps by me every night.” I
said.

“That’s
understandable. I will come up anyway and bring dinner to the house. I miss
your mom. I think we’re in love,” he joked. We said goodbye with the plan that
he would come for dinner on Saturday.

***

When
the day arrived, I found myself anxious for Lucas to get there. As much as I
loved my mother, having another person around would be a welcome distraction.
He held true to his word and brought a feast to prepare for us.

“I
am going to treat you both to authentic Mexican food,” he said, beginning to
prepare the meal. I opened a bottle of wine and poured a glass for each of them.
I had tea, instead. Cayden sat in his carrier on the counter, the center piece
of my life.

“I
love Mexican food,” said my mother, sipping her wine. “And I love not having to
cook.”

“You
don’t cook, Ellia?” Lucas asked. My mother snorted and laughed, while I shot
her a dirty look.

“My
mother never taught me to cook,” I teased, even though it was true. “Matt
taught me the basics, but I never mastered any special skills, I’m afraid. Matt
and I actually met while I was buying cook books, funny enough.” I got lost in
a moment, and my mother touched my arm, bringing me back to the present.

“Don’t
honey,” she said. “Don’t think about painful things right now, let’s just enjoy
Lucas’ meal and have a nice evening.” I nodded, though sadness had fallen on
me, as it always did when I thought of him.

After
dinner, the three of us talked for hours, until my mother, after too many
glasses of red wine, began nodding. She went to bed while Lucas finished off
the second bottle by himself. “Do you mind if I spend the night? I probably
shouldn’t be driving, truth be told,” he said, with a little laugh.

“That
would be fine. I hope you don’t mind the couch,” I replied.  I got a blanket
and pillow for him, and when I had his bed all made on the sofa, I turned to
fast tripped on the coffee table. Lucas grabbed my arm to steady me. He looked
at me with complete yearning, and then he kissed me.

I
pushed him backwards. “Why did you do that?” I asked, angrily wiping my mouth
off. “What the hell, Lucas?”

He
held his hands up in front of him as if to ward off a physical attack. “Shit,
Ellia, I am sorry. I am so sorry. I don’t know why I did that. It was just an
impulse, and I gave into it. It must be the wine. Jesus, I am so sorry. It will
never happen again, I promise,” he said, looking mortified and embarrassed.

The
tears welled up in my eyes. My disappointment in him was profound. “Lucas, you
are my one and only friend, and I thought I could trust you. I think you should
just leave. Call a cab and go to a hotel.” I picked up the baby’s carrier and
took him to bed with me, not saying another word to him. I changed Cayden’s
diaper and put him in the crib next to my bed. He went right back to sleep. I locked
my bedroom door, for what purpose I wasn’t sure, other than that I didn’t trust
Lucas anymore. I changed into my pajamas and cried, furious with him and missing
Cade, until I fell asleep.

The
next morning, I stayed in bed and fed Cayden, tired and not wanting to get up
yet. When I finally surrendered to the need to urinate, I figured I might as
well get on with my day.  I found Lucas having breakfast with my mother. Still
angry with him, I avoided eye contact. He seemed contrite, and I knew he
wouldn’t give up until I forgave him.

“Good
morning,” said my mother.

“Morning,”
I replied, getting a cup of decaf coffee and a plate of eggs. “Sleep well,
everyone?” I asked.

My
mother nodded, and said, “You must have slept well, too. There was no blood
curdling screams coming from your room.” She laughed, but I didn’t find it
amusing. The dreams still sporadically plagued me, and I found no humor in it.

“There
are occasional blessings, I suppose,” I finally replied, shooting Lucas a dirty
look. He looked down at his plate wearing a mask of shame.

After
breakfast, my mom wanted to give Cayden his bath, so I agreed, though I didn’t
care to be left alone with Lucas. “Shouldn’t you be heading back to Detroit?” I
asked, wiping the counter.

“Not
until we talk,” he said seriously. “I’m sorry about last night, Ellia. Can you
just forgive me and forget it happened?”

“But
why did it happen? Do you try to kiss all your friends after a couple glasses
of wine?” I asked.

“Only
the pretty ones,” he joked. His face got serious when I didn’t play along.
“Okay, here is the thing. I do think you are pretty, for the record.” He
grinned again, but I didn’t bite. This was not a joking matter for me, he’d
crossed a line. “I admit I am attracted to you, but I know you are devoted to
Cade and he is to you. In my right mind, I never would’ve done something so
inappropriate. I guess I’ve been lonely, too. It’s been a long time since I had
a wife with which to share my thoughts.  It’s not excuse, I’m just trying to
explain.  I have come to cherish your friendship, and I don’t want to lose it
over one stupid incident. Please just forget about it.”

I
sighed. “Our friendship feels weird now, so I am not sure I can just forget it.
I don’t think about you like that, Lucas, and you made things awkward.”

“Don’t
let it be, just forget it. In fact, let’s not even mention it again. So what
are your plans for the day?” he asked.

I
exhaled in exasperation, knowing he was going to push forward whether I liked
it or not.  “Hmm … I don’t know, maybe take Cayden for a walk later, if it
warms up a little bit,” I said. Just then, the phone rang, and it was for my
mother. I took over the rest of the bath, and when I emerged, Lucas was by the
door, putting on his coat.

“Your
mom has to leave, Ellia,” he said. “Something went wrong with her house, and I
have to take off, too. Are you going to be okay here alone?” My mother joined
us, suitcase in hand.

“What’s
going on mom? What happened with the house?” I asked.

“Oh,
it’s nothing too serious, honey, just a water leak. I need to get an insurance
adjuster in there and get it fixed. I will probably be gone a few days. Are you
going to be okay here?” she asked.

I
wondered why everyone but Cade was so concerned about leaving me alone. He had
no problem disappearing from my life when it suited him.  “Yes, I will be fine,”
I said to both of them. “Mom, don’t feel like you have to rush anything, to get
back here. Do what you need to do, and don’t fret about us.” I hugged her.

“You
know I am a phone call away if you need anything,” said Lucas.

“Thanks,”
I replied. “Just keep me updated, okay? Cade is so evasive, I never feel much
in the loop with this case.”

“You
got it,” he said.  He looked at me very seriously. “Do you feel safe, Ellia? I
can make arrangements to stay up here if you want me too.”

That
was the worst idea I’d ever heard. “No, last I knew my evil father was out of the
country with the family he actually cares about, so I am sure I am fine.” He
nodded and gave me a wave goodbye. I watched them both drive away from the
house.

The
quiet house felt instantly lonely, but I had Cayden and that was enough. After
a shower, I took him for a long walk. When I returned, nothing seemed out of
place. I fed him and put him in his crib for a nap, then I lay down in my bed
to rest as well. A noise in the kitchen made me bolt upright. I checked the
baby and grabbed a gun from the nightstand. I crept down the hallway, but no
one was there. I lowered the gun, wondering if I had fallen asleep and dreamt
the noise. Then I saw the package just inside the door. I checked the alarm and
realized I’d forgotten to set it. It was a careless mistake, and I wanted to
smack myself. I quickly remedied that and double checked all the locks. I then
searched the house to make sure the delivery person was not hiding somewhere.
All rooms were empty.

I
stared at the package in its brown cardboard confines. The box was heavy and
the contents felt dense. There was an envelope taped to the top, I opened it
first.

Dear
Ellia,

This
is what was supposed to be in the car for you. I am sorry my husband thought it
necessary to dispose of a few FBI agents, including your Cade, by way of an
explosive in the Lexus he gave you. Thank God you did not open that trunk. I
fear your father’s mental state has seriously deteriorated. I promise, the
explosive was not meant for you or your baby. His narrow focus didn’t allow him
to comprehend the danger he created for you and his grandson, but he regrets
that decision now. He is grateful that neither of you were harmed. Please take
this as a token of my sincere apologies for the atrocities you and your family
have suffered. This is all yours to keep. The money is from my personal
account, a product of an inheritance, not your father’s ill-gotten gains. Do
what you like with it--a fresh start for you and Cayden perhaps. Best of Luck
to you and yours.

Sincerely,

Marisha

I
understood I should probably call Cade or Lucas, or anyone in the FBI, for that
matter, before opening it, but I didn’t. For some reason, I trusted Marisha. She
had seemed kind and sincere, even though she had to be a monster in her own right
for standing by my murderous father. I doubted that a bomb would be in the box
since it was addressed directly to me. Marisha had to know that I was alone
while Cade was off chasing after them. Just to be safe, I pushed the box out
into the back yard, protecting Cayden if anything nasty were inside. I put my
ear to the cardboard and listened for some time and heard nothing. I ran inside
and retrieved a box cutter. Opening a small square on the side seemed safer
than ripping open the top, hoping to avoid a detonator.

I
cut a tiny opening first and nothing happened. I saw a gray plastic bag inside.
I cut away more of the cardboard and still nothing went awry. I tipped the box
on its side, no easy feat with the weight of it, and cut the entire side out. I
stuck my hand in and felt around the perimeter of the bag. There seemed to be
no wires or lumpy objects, but of course I knew nothing about bombs.
Perspiration covered my face, and I absently wiped it away.  I gasped when I
tore open the plastic. It was money, just like she said, but it was an
unfathomable amount of money. I flipped through the mega stacks, and found no
booby traps. I was shocked and had no idea what to do with it.