Family Reunion (23 page)

Hope's wide eyes were glued on her brother's face.

Mike walked behind the desk to look out of the window, behind his father. Manny was seated and turned to look at him as did Hope.

Mike shook his head, and blurted irritably.

"You know, to be perfectly honest with you, I don't give a damn what this ship or that is doing or who is due what pay. Furthermore, I'm getting tired of you trying to shove this shipping business down my throat! My mother is out there somewhere…all I want to do is find her, she is the reason I agreed to come here with you."

He turned from the window ignoring Hope's hurt and angry glare as he faced his father. "This business is yours, not mine, I didn't-..."

"Don't do this Mike." Hope pleaded.

"…-ask you for it. So there's no need in you trying to put it off on me-..."

"Mike - stop it!" Hope pleaded almost in tears.

"...-I just want - to find - my mother, that's all!"

"Why are you doing this!? Don't you think we want to find her too?!" Hope stood from her table, her palms pressed flat as she stood before him in gripping anger. Manny had said nothing the whole time. He sat, preferring to let his son speak. Mike ignored Hope's tight lip inquiry as he awaited his father's reaction. Manny held onto his thoughts as he turned back to his desk, pulled out a drawer, removed a purse of money from it and handed it to Hope.

"It's close to lunch hun', run to the Hampton and pick us up something to eat. Don't walk, take the carriage…and your time, okay?"

"I'm not hungry daddy." She said staring harshly at her brother.

"Well I am, and your brother probably will be shortly, so please, just do your father a favor and get him a good lunch, anything will do. They arrange amazing baskets, just say it's for me and they'll prepare what I like. Make sure you get enough for us all. Go on, please."

Hope looked at her father, her eyes apologizing to him for her brother. Manny smiled and winked at her. Taking a deep breath she reluctantly picked up her reticule, placed the purse inside, grabbed her wrap and left the office, closing the door quietly behind her.

When the door closed, Manny stood from the desk and walked to the other side where he sat on it with his back to Mike, who was now leaning against the window frame watching the traffic outside. His mind racing from his father sending Hope out for their lunch, he knew to prepare himself.

With his arms crossed over his chest Manny opened the floor for the discussion he knew could no longer be avoided.

"Son…it is obvious to me that what stands between us can no longer be set aside. We have a problem. Do me a favor, come from behind my desk and let's face this here and now.”

“
Take a seat or stand, either way, let us be done with it."

Mike stood behind him with his system racing like crazy.
'So he wants a face off does he, that's just fine with me!'
Taking a deep breath, Mike rose from leaning against the window and walked before his father, preferring to stand. He leaned with his rear to the empty bookcase, crossing his arms over his chest, mirroring his father's pose across from him.

Manny stared at his son as he collected his thoughts on what their problem could be. He had an idea, thanks to Jordan, but he thought their time together had ironed most out, obviously not.

"Let's hear it Michael, lay it bare."

'Just like that, lay it bare he says?'
He thought. It really wasn't all that simple. Now that he stood before his father, it wasn't so easy to be forthright.

What he felt, could not always be put into words, sometimes he knew what he was feeling and why he was angry and sometimes he didn't. It wasn't that he was afraid of his father; it was that this man
was
his father. Knowing that froze him from being able to speak his mind. Before all other men, he was bold and arrogant, yet…before this man, it was something entirely different. Standing there, he felt tongue tied, making him hesitant and unsure. Blood was pumping in his temples. He realized he was afraid of hurting him, something he didn't wish to do. Right then he knew that what he felt was better left unsaid, otherwise he might possibly destroy something between them that would never be regained. Mike swallowed; he couldn't do it, not just like that. What he felt was too intense to just begin at the drop of a hat.

Manny noticed the unsure change of expressions on his son’s face and the deep intake of breath that said he would avoid the truth of what stood between them. Manny knew if they didn't get it out and over with now, it would come up again, and at the wrong time therefore he would have it out there and then.

"Well, I'm waiting, let's hear it."

Mike shook his head. "I'm sorry, I'm just frustrated about mother, I have nothing to say." Mike lied.

Manny took a deep breath, shook his head and said as rudely and bluntly as possible. "Do I look like a bloody idiot to you? Everything you see, I've built for us, for you; and you tell me you don't want it? You just want your mother - like some little milksop puss whimpering for his mother's tit while I'm trying to make a man out of you, one who can stand-…"

"Make a man our of me?!”

It worked, he’d found the fuse and lit it.

"Yes, that's right…a man, one who can stand on his own two feet
and not have to depend on anyone or anything for what he must have for his family or himself! Instead of getting a little appreciation, I must be subjected to your continuous whining for your mother! If you were half the man I tried to raise you to be-…"

"You didn’t raise me! I raised myself!"

"You lower your voice when talking to me!" Manny warned. "As for raising yourself, believe me - it is obvious. I'm getting fed up to here -(Manny gestured to his forehead)- with your goddamn childish fits and tantrums! How dare you say you don't want this! That I'm shoving it down your throat! As long as you have sons that you care for…this is worth whatever hell you must endure to see it through for them! So if there is a problem between you and me… spit it out. I have too much to do, I don't have time to rub and pat you while you twiddle your thumbs up your ass. The least that you can do is be more creative at inventing a target for your dislike, other than this business!"

Mike turned red as his eyes widened in shock; he couldn't believe that his father had spoken to him in such a way. "You know what ol'man…I don't need this, and I don't need you!"

"The hell you don't! Don't waste my time with such nonsense…now what is your problem?"

"You…this…everything!" Mike ground out.

"Very well then, I'm willing to deal with me…and this…I don't have time for everything. So let's begin with me."

"Yeah let's begin with you…since everything in my whole life has to be about you, has to revolve around you…you the white man."

"Wait, I need some clarification here, is your problem with me, that I am your father, or with me the white man?"

"Both! God damn it - both! There was a time when I was proud of who and what you were, but that was way back before the facts of my life hit home. Before I spent night after night crying alone for you, because after a while I learned that tears change
nothing!
Don't accuse me of tantrums and wasting your time…I've been on my own for quite a while without you, and if I have to, I'll do it again!"

"Then why are you here!?"

"Because you brought me here and at the time, what the hell, I needed you…alright – I'll say it! I needed you – then! But not anymore, you see when I
really
needed you; you were off starting this
goddamned
business! When my mother needed you-…"

"I was off looking for you!" Manny interjected.

"Well you'll have to excuse me for that dad…I was off seeing the
world. You remember that right… let's see, if I remember correctly, that was not too long after your wife sold me. You talk about me being a man… if you had been a man, as you put it…you would have stood and fought for us, instead of compromising me and my mother because things were getting just a little too uncomfortable for -
you!
" Mike felt his anger building as his face reddened more. "You get it now dad…you understanding what my problem is with you…with - white? It has always been about you, the white man…why? All that mattered to you was pleasing your father, and the people." Mike smiled at him. "To hell with Lena! To hell with Lena's feelings, Lena's humiliation, to hell with her heart …that you…broke over and over again."

"I loved your mother! I still do, more than ever, I love you!"

"You owned my mother and you owned me! Besides, this is not so much about me, as it is about her! You know, there were times when I actually hated you! You stand here and tell me you loved her but yet it wasn't enough to stop you from marrying that woman.''

Tears gathered in his eyes, "You wanna call me names? Milksop puss did you say? Hell I can handle that…I've been called much worse dad. Let's see, whimpering for my mama's tit? Maynard Ramsey Webster, it does not shame me to love my mother! For a time, she and I; we were all we had! On occasion there was
you
dropping in on us. You love her." Mike mocked, shaking his head. "It didn't stop you from leaving my mother behind where she spent the better part of that year in tears. She couldn't sleep some nights for crying over you!"

Manny felt his face burning as he listened.

"Then after all that ... you had the nerve to return, after all the pain you caused her; you crawled
back
... into her bed. You know what; I hold one thing against her, and that is - she let you back in!" Mike shook his head disgusted. "You can never imagine what it feels like to get up the next day, walk around out in a world that knows your mother has just been bedded by the master. God I wish you knew what that felt like but you never will. Despite it all, no matter what shame she might have felt, my mother,
Princess
Ceś alena, walked out of her cabin always with her head held high. Pretending she felt no shame. I know better...because I felt her shame with her. I tried... I mean I really tried to forget and pretend it didn't bother me but there were others who wouldn't let me forget! I'm not talking about the white boys I fought either. I'm talking about certain grown ups on the plantation who made it a point to let me know, my mother was the master's whore-…"

"Don't call your mother a whore Mike! Say what you will about me
but don't you ever,
dare
, call her a whore!"

"I never called my mother a whore!!" He snapped angrily, jabbing his chest and then slinging his hand with the gesture he yelled. "They called her that! Because you treated her like one! She loved you so much, she let you! So many times, I wished you would have just, just left her alone!" He ground out angrily.

"But, that's the white man's right. That was your right and here I am, blessed…to look like one of you! Your little milk sop bastard!"

Manny couldn't believe his ears. He tried to act as if the words didn't hurt but they did. "You say one of
you
, so you don't consider yourself white?"

"I consider myself what all of my life has directed that I be, that all of my life has led me to be. A Negro! To the white man, the worst kind, the kind that can slip into their white world and turn everything up side down and boy have I! Every chance I got, I screwed up their world! I confused the hell out of'em! They couldn't for the life of them explain what the living hell was my problem, oh, but if they only knew!" Mike smiled sardonically, shaking his head.

"Why Mike?" Manny asked quietly, trying to understand.

"Why! Why?! Because I can't help it that's why! Because I hate sometimes having to walk around in this white face pretending to be something I'm not. You think I want to be like this? You tell me…why in the hell does everything have to revolve around being white? Why? It's not fair…a man is a man! His skin color should not matter. A woman is a woman…her skin color should not matter! Not every human being is a Negro but… by God every Negro is a humanbeing! Who should be fucking treated as such in this godforsaken land whose leaders pretend equality for all…ha! You will never understand what I'm saying to you. Until you must face as I did at nine years old, an old, stinking white drunk tell you, you aren't anything but a freak of nature and have no right to defend your mother because you’ve been tainted with nigga blood! Saying to you, the little nasty white boy has every right to kick you in the ass and smear your pride into the ground, why? Got red blood, but it's by a nigger mother. I should have never been made to feel I was tainted by my black blood, but made to feel enriched by it!" Mike couldn't hold the tears back and angrily wiped them away.

"You have no idea of what it's like to be bought and sold on a auction block for the use of the white man for whatever reason he sees fit! I know what it's like! No White man on this earth has done anything for me!”

“
When I was scared and cried, it was a black man that grabbed me and begged me to hush because he didn't want me to make myself so sick I might dry myself out. You know why?" He paused.