Famous (Famous #1) (10 page)

Nate watched me with narrowed eyes.

“In the process, we learned a lot about each other, and we did get close. What do you want me to say? I can’t pretend I don’t care for him! He’s one of my closest friends.”

Nate’s eyebrows raised, and he leaned his head back on his chaise, no longer looking at me. “Yeah. Sure, Brook. I thought you were going to tell me the truth,” he mocked.

“I did. Are you asking if it was hard to say goodbye?” I could feel the emotions overwhelming me again. “Yeah, it was horrible. It was harder than anything I’ve ever had to do. Satisfied?” I lay back on the lounge chair, swallowed the pain and prayed he’d drop the subject.

“How did Cade take it with David there?” Nate kept pushing, and I realized he knew that David was a big issue last night.

I sighed. I could see Nate wasn’t letting go of this until I spilled my guts.

“The whole thing was really hard, but we got through it. Barely. It was hard on Cade, too, and yes, it was difficult to say a proper goodbye with David there. Cade wasn’t expecting him to show up, and I didn’t even know to warn him. Isn’t that what David intended; to keep Cade away from me, and stamp me with his brand? I was pissed, but Cade was a complete gentleman to David. Cade was hurting, but it was David who acted like an asshole. I felt like scratching his eyes out.”

I kept my glasses on and my face toward the sun as I spoke. I sighed, and said more softly, “Nate, I care more about Cade than I ever intended. My whole world has revolved around him for the past several months, and I only began to realize how important he’d become toward the end of the shoot. I’d be lying if I said it was easy to leave him, it wasn’t. It was hard for both of us.” I turned on my side toward my brother.

“What happened?” Nate asked. He was contemplative, and didn’t seem judgmental so I kept talking.

“We arranged to meet privately for a while this morning.” I could feel the emotion thicken my voice again, and I hated it. “We held each other and cried, okay? I’m not strong enough yet to really talk about it, but please don’t tell David the details. I’m not sure how I’m feeling about things right now, and I need some time to sort it out.”

“Cade’s in love with you, Brook.”

My eyes popped open, and my heart beat faster.

“You think?” I asked. Okay, here goes nothing. I decided to put it out there with my brother so I could be myself when I was with him. “I hope so, Nate. I hope so. The truth is, he’s a huge star, and women are throwing themselves at him all the time. You should see it. It’s embarrassing to watch.”

Nate’s eyes widened as he stared at me. I knew he expected me to slough that off with a laugh, but I couldn’t. I just needed to get through the next months as best I could, and that meant I had to have at least one person close to me that knew the truth. Someone I trusted, and someone I could talk to about my feelings without feeling judged. That was my brother… he had always been my confidant. Even though he was a friend to David, blood was thicker than water.

Ping… Ping…

I hesitated to pick up the phone, because I figured it was David or Wendy bugging me to go out somewhere. I just wanted to stay at home for a few days, absorb all that had happened, and if I were honest with myself, think about Cade. When I reluctantly looked at my phone, I saw Cade’s name on the face of the phone.

Hey, just landed in New York. Another 8 hours until I get to London.

Miss you more than I can say.

I smiled. It seemed silly to think Nate could hear the hammering of my heart, but it felt like he should be able to.

As I went to my room to get ready for bed that night, I thought about how tired Cade would have to be. The eight-hour time difference was just another painful reminder of the distance that separated us. He’d just be getting in, and it was morning in London. Tomorrow he would have serious jet lag if he didn’t stay up for at least eight more hours.

*****

It was after midnight, and my mom came into my room to say goodnight. Nate and I both still lived at home. We were just eighteen, and while he was going to college, I hoped to do more films, though now, I wondered how weird it would seem without Cade.

“Hey baby,” Mom said. “I saw the light on. Can I come in? We haven’t had a chance to talk since you came back. It’s been a long five months, and I’ve missed you.”

“Oh, hey. Mom, yeah, sorry, it’s just been an overwhelming few days. You know how it is. I didn’t mean to hole up in my room, but I’m tired.” I wasn’t ready for one of her heavy discussions.

“Have you spoken to David since you’ve been home?” The bed gave way next to me as she sat down on its edge.

I sighed, and rolled my eyes simultaneously. “No. I really think I need a break from him, Mom.” I saw her face tighten. She loved David like a son because he’d been around so much for the past couple of years.

“What does that mean, Brook? You guys have been together for so long,” she said.

“So what? Who do you know who ends up with their high school boyfriend? Besides, I’m confused over feelings I have for someone else,” I said, more snark in my voice than I wanted. I stopped to look at her.

“Cade,” she stated without a second thought. My eyebrows lifted as I watched her face for further reaction.

“Yeah. He’s just so—” I couldn’t find words good enough to describe him, “—amazing, I guess.”

“I know he’s handsome, Brook, but he’s a huge star with women throwing themselves at him. How will you deal with that?” She watched my features intently as I got up and nervously moved around the room, pretending to put my things away.

“David’s been in movies. Why haven’t you lectured me about him, then?”

“Because you’ve known him and we know his family. Also, he’s not from another country.”

I groaned, and sat back down on the bed. “That crap doesn’t matter at all, Mom.”

“What makes Cade so amazing, anyway?”

So many things. I bit my lip as I tried to articulate his magnificence in a way that didn’t make me sound like an idiot.

“He’s just…” Again, I struggled for words. Whatever was between us seemed so personal, I wasn’t ready to talk about it with my mother. “He’s incredible. He’s not full of himself like you’d expect. He’s kind, brilliant, and so talented. Musically he’s unbelievable and he’s an amazing writer.” I shrugged, and sighed the grinned. “He’s tall, hot, and British. He’s gorgeous.”

She looked up at me with pursed lips. “Beauty is only skin deep, baby.”

“Being beautiful is only a small part of him, and he doesn’t even see himself like that. He’s deep, you know? He has a very old soul, and he’s taken the time to really know me. He cares about me, and took the time to get to know me better than anyone else in my life. It doesn’t matter that I’ve only known him for six or seven months. I seriously think I’m in love with him, Mom.”

She looked thoughtfully into my eyes, and rubbed my arm. “How does he feel about you? Did he say?” she asked. I knew she was skeptical. We had numerous talks about ‘Hollywood men”, and her misgivings about their intentions.

“Mom…” I was pacing back and forth and I stopped, shaking my head and shrugging at the same time, “You’ll never believe how difficult these last couple of weeks have been, knowing that we’d be leaving each other after filming ended.” I stopped to clear the rising ache in my throat.

“Last night, he was so broken. We couldn’t say goodbye because David showed up just before the party and I didn’t have time to warn him. This is how good Cade is; he didn’t get angry that David was there. He was so gracious, and it was David who acted like a jerk.” I knew my mom didn’t want to hear anything bad about David, but I continued anyway.

“Martin asked Cade to sing a song, and he did, but in a room of two hundred and fifty people, he was singing only to me. He found a way to communicate, even though David made it impossible for us to talk.” As I looked up at her, my eyes were soft. She grabbed my hand and squeezed.

“This morning, I went to his room a few minutes before he left for the airport. Mom…” I looked at her as my voice cracked, “He told me he was in love with me. We hugged and cried, and honestly, I… I didn’t want to let him go.” Tears were running down my face now. “It felt like I was dying. Then, I get back here and I realized I didn’t tell him I loved him back.” I wiped at the tears with the back of my hand. “I’m such a bitch.”

“Brook, you are obviously overwhelmed by all of this. Take a few days and see how you feel. This may all be a residual from your characters. Have you thought of that?” she asked softly.

A little sob escaped me. “Yeah, I have. That’s what’s holding me back from saying it. I want to make sure, but my heart is just breaking right now. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt, and I have to trust that.”

“Give it some time, honey. And, maybe some space from him.” She put her arm around me and gave me a hug.

“Isn’t half the planet enough space?” I asked, anger replacing my sorrow. “Are you saying I shouldn’t be in contact with him at all?” I couldn’t believe she would suggest such a thing. “I can’t do that to him, Mom. I won’t make him feel like I don’t care about him, it would kill him right now.”

Ping…

My phone went off.

Just landed at Heathrow. I’m in the car on the way home, looking at the gift you gave me. It’s perfect. You’re so beautiful. I miss you, love.

My heart thumped in my chest as I returned my eyes to my mother.

She looked at me with sad eyes. “What will you say to David?” she asked, as she handed me a tissue.

“I’m not really sure, Mom.” My lips tightened, and I shrugged. “But things have been really strained between us for quite a while. I feel guilty because I know I’ve backed away as I’ve gotten closer to Cade. After I have time to figure things out, I’ll probably just tell him the truth. He has to realize that our feelings would change over the course of all this time, as we’ve both grown up. I never thought I’d say this, but what I feel for Cade I can’t imagine feeling for David.”

I really wanted to call Cade. After a couple of minutes, I hinted that my mother should leave me alone. “Mom, would you mind? I really need to crash. I’m so tired; emotionally wasted.”

“Sure, honey. I understand. I love you.” She kissed me on the forehead then began to walk from the room, holding the door open as she turned back to me. “It’s really good to have you back home.”

When she left, I picked up my phone, and immediately pushed one on speed dial. “Hey, love.” Cade answered on the first ring.

“How are you doing? I bet you’re exhausted.” I hoped he couldn’t hear my stuffed up nose that was a residual from the conversation with my mother.

“Yeah. Thank you for your gift. I love it.” I could picture a soft smile on his gorgeous face.

“What did you do today?”

“Just flew home with Wendy. I couldn’t open your gift until I got home. I didn’t want to fall apart in front of her.”

“I’m sorry, baby. You shouldn’t have to fall apart. I love you, you know.”

“Thank you for the bracelet. I loved it. It made me cry all over again. How did you get to be so perfect?” I wondered if he could hear the love pouring out of my voice.

“I’m not perfect. I wanted to use our initials but I figured the Paparazzi would have a field day. I just didn’t want you to forget me.”

“Cade, you know that’s not possible. I’ll never forget you. It’s just beautiful. I’ll always wear it,” I said, my voice thick with emotion as I wiped a tear off my face. “Um… did Wendy bother you in the lobby?” I tried to change the subject so I could keep it together. The last thing he needed was me being a slobbery mess on the telephone.

“Not too bad. She wanted to get some coffee, and tried to hug me a lot.” Cade laughed. “I couldn’t get out of there bloody fast enough. Did you see me from the window? Were you watching?”

“Of course. I got my kiss. Thank you.” I was smiling into the phone.

“Brook, speaking of kissing; the kisses today in the room were…
wow
.” His voice was soft and husky. “I wanted to make love to you. I still do.”

“Yes, I couldn’t get close enough to you. I really want you, too.” My breath caught at saying the words out loud.

“God, Brook. Tell me this is going to happen for us, or I’m going to go crazy,” he said. I could tell from his exasperation he was running his hands through his hair.

“It’s complicated, Cade…” I began.

“If you aren’t going to be with me, I can’t keep going through this hell. I can’t bear more of what I’ve endured these past months. Don’t you see that?”

“I never meant to put you through anything. I’m sorry. It’s just… not that easy.” My voice was wavering. I wanted to just tell him that I loved him and end his suffering, but I couldn’t before I figured out how to handle my relationship with David. I couldn’t be with Cade until it was officially ended with David.

“I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, Brooklyn, but I just need you to make a decision; especially after yesterday morning. I know you love me, but if that isn’t enough to make you leave him, it isn’t. From my perspective it’s bloody inevitable.” His voice was conflicted. “I don’t have any choices when it comes to you.”

My chest was tight, and I was having trouble breathing. I hated hurting him. Those words were in the script.
I don’t have any choices when it comes to you.

“Cade, I’ll figure it out, okay? I promise.” I had tears on my cheeks, and I wished I could crawl right through the phone to him. “Just give me some time.”

“I’m sorry. Just - not knowing when we’ll see each other next, it’s unbearable.” He sighed loudly. “Jesus, I’m so fucked up with this.”

“I know, me, too.” My voice caught on the words as I wiped at my tears. I felt panic rise up inside. He could have anyone, why did he need to wait around for me to make a decision? “It hurts so much. Would it be easier if we didn’t talk every day?” I heard his sharp intake of breath and I knew he misunderstood so I scrambled to continue. “I’ve considered that we might take a little space until we can acclimate to being separated. Otherwise, every time we talk, I’m going to cry all over again.” God, I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. “I know you’re suffering, too, and it’s killing me.” A small sob broke from my chest before I could stop it.