Famous (Famous #1) (7 page)

“Let’s watch a movie. Comedy? Action? Dark? What are you in the mood for?”

I gave him a quick, playful shove as we fell onto the sofa together. It brought a smile to his face as he looked at me. I leaned into him to rest my head on his shoulder as the movie started, and his arm fell easily across my knees.

“
It doesn’t matter as long as you’re here
,”
he murmured softly, as he used the remote to start the movie.

We snuggled closer as we watched a movie we’d watched ten times before on nights just like this. It was bittersweet and sad, as the memories washed over us, but I wouldn’t trade a minute of it for anything in the world. I was going to lock those memories away in my heart to hold on to when we were apart.

We had a way of making each other feel better. We’d watch old movies, play guitar together, listen to music or talk well into the morning hours. The time we spent developing our characters and how they should relate to each other, became hard to distinguish from reality. It was a love story of epic proportions, but filled with a lot of angst and sexual tension. Cade had rewritten every scene from Ryan’s perspective so he could draw on real emotions.

He was amazing.

At the audition when I read for Julia, I’d been so nervous. It was my first reading up against a big Hollywood star and I was literally on the verge of a panic attack. I’d read the books and wanted the part so badly. I wanted the emotions to be raw, and with Cade, it was easy. It was like we became those characters, we lived and breathed them the minute Martin said “action.” The script was intense, and so was our connection. It just felt right. Meant to be. Right before I left, he grabbed my hand and met my eyes. “
You’ve got this,”
he’d mouthed, his back turned so the director wouldn’t see.

I felt more in sync with Cade than I’d ever been with anyone in my life, and the vulnerability necessary for the film came easily. I literally cracked myself open. We both did. Cade was worried if we didn’t dig deep it might come off as cheesy, and neither of us wanted that. We had to really trust each other to be that raw.
Raw
, I thought with a sigh. That was how I felt in this very moment.

I chewed on my lower lip as I watched the cast and crew laughing, and milling around the restaurant. I knew I should join them, but I wasn’t feeling happy or sociable.

The end of the shoot had been hanging over me like a huge storm waiting to drown me for the past two weeks, and I was still feeling its effects.

Just three days ago, during the last rehearsal of the park scene, watching Cade, it stabbed me in the heart. He was screaming, and crying. My breath stopped. It was like the crew all disappeared, and there was no one on set but us. At the end of it, I was the one sobbing my eyes out. I couldn’t stop. I wanted him to feel for me, the depth of emotions he was portraying for my character. This was the end and an uncontrollable sadness washed over me. I couldn’t stop crying. When the scene was done, Cade heard me and rushed to my side. His own face damp with tears as he pulled me into his strong arms, which only made me cry harder.

“Brook, what are you doing here? What is it?” he asked desperately, his eyes searching my face. I felt so out of control, like something inside me had burst, and I just cried my heart out.

Cade touched my face, trying to wipe away the tears. “Sweetheart, tell me what’s wrong!” His face was filled with pain as he searched my eyes with his.

I couldn’t speak. All I could do was clutch his shirt and sob into his chest. He took me away to one of the trailers so he could console me in private. When the director tried to follow us, Cade put up his hand to stop him. “Martin, I’m sorry; please give us a few minutes. I’ll be back if we need another take; I’m sorry,” he said again.

“Is she okay?” he asked

“I’ll take care of her,” Cade said as his arms tightened around me again, but his words had me sobbing even harder. “She’ll be fine.”

When we got inside, he pulled me onto his lap, and wrapped his arms around me. He rubbed my back, stroked my hair, and kissed my forehead, over and over again, as I clung to his chest, sobbing softly into his shirt. We didn’t speak, but after some time, I got control of myself and my sobs subsided to small hiccupping gasps.

“Cade, I’m s-sorry… your s-shirt.” I sniffed.

His arms tightened slightly, and he sighed. “Love, you can drown me in your tears whenever you want.” Then he kissed me so sweetly, so softly that I thought my heart would burst. He’d called me ‘love’ before. That sweet British-ism that was commonplace in his culture but made my heart stop each, and every time.

Afterward, we never talked about what had happened that night or why. We didn’t need to. He knew why I was breaking, and it was clear he felt the same way. His strong arms around me, his kiss in my hair, the patient way he rubbed my back, told me all I needed to know.

Get a grip, Brooklyn, I told myself. You’re never gonna make it through tonight if you keep this up.

I sat down at the bar, and ordered a Coke. Gavin, the actor that played the father to Cade’s character was there. He smiled, came over, and put his arm around my shoulders. Though he’d only been on set for the last two weeks of filming, I’d gotten to know him pretty well. He was handsome, with a warm smile and sandy brown hair. He always had this look of understanding and compassion behind his blue eyes.

“How you holding up, honey?” he asked.

“Oh, you know,” I attempted a weak smile, “I’ll muddle through. I guess I wasn’t prepared to feel so sad, so I hope we’ll stay in touch after we leave Vancouver.” I felt my voice catch, and the tears begin to burn the back of my eyes again. I swallowed hard to try to maintain some semblance of control.

Gavin smiled, and rubbed my arm. “We will, Brook. How will you live without my gourmet pasta dinners?” He laughed. His character only had a couple of scenes in the first book, though the entire cast was on set to prep for the second film, and he’d made dinner a few times for those of us working. Every time it was pasta, and Cade came to call him ‘Chef Boyardee’.

“No clue,” I smiled softly through my tears, and took a sip from my glass.

“It’s natural to feel sad at the wrap of a film that has been in production for a few months, and this being your first one, it’s probably even more pronounced. Um… Brook?” He hesitated, and I heard the concern in his voice.

“What is it?” I wanted to know, but a feeling of dread washed over me.

“Well, I probably shouldn’t say anything, but Cade seems…” Gavin paused. “Well, he’s a complete wreck, and has been his last week on location. He won’t talk to me, but I think he’ll tell you what’s bothering him.” He cleared his throat. “He really needs y—” He broke off mid sentence, and looked at me seriously. “Is Cade at your hotel this time?”

I flushed. He was, but since they put us in different hotels during filming, we didn’t really tell anyone. I nodded.

“I’m surprised. I think he only came back to talk to you. Wrap parties are nothing special after so many films.”

I frowned. Yes, I knew what was bothering Cade, because it was bothering me, too.

“Okay, Gavin,” I shook my head, and touched his arm. “I’m pretty sure I know what’s wrong, so yeah, I’ll find him. I only saw him for a minute across the room when he first came in. Do you know where he went?”

He nodded slowly. “Out to the patio. I hope you can bring him back into the party.”

I wasn’t sure that was what Cade needed, but I smiled at Gavin regardless. “I’ll do my best. Bartender, may I have a Heineken, please?”

I took my Coke and the beer in hand, then turned to walk outside, but paused to look back.

“Gavin, can you do me a small favor? David isn’t keen on me spending any time alone with Cade, and he doesn’t understand our relationship, so could you… um… keep him occupied?” I hesitated, my brow knitting. “Make sure he doesn’t follow me out so Cade and I can talk?”

Gavin smiled knowingly; as if he knew exactly what I was trying to say. “Sure thing, sweet pea,” he said.

“Thanks, I’ll see you later,” I said, heading back.

Cade was leaning over the balcony of the rooftop, looking out over the city. Lost in thought, he didn’t hear me approach. My breath caught at how absolutely beautiful he was.

My Cade.

My heart was racing, hammering against my ribs like crazy. I knew it was selfish to think of him as mine and that I had no right, but I couldn’t help it. Surely Julia would think of Ryan as hers, and honestly, it had all become a blur of emotion, and the implications were clear. Would I ever get through the coming days without seeing him, without being able to talk to him, or find excuses to touch him? I realized how his easy smiles, gentle wit, and calming presence had become such a big part of my life. And, how I always looked forward to seeing him every day.

Each time he was near, my heart raced. This was not the first time, but it was the first time I was trying to separate us from the characters we played on film.

I walked up quietly beside him, and nudged him with my shoulder, trying to speak but failing. The nudge. It was part of our script, but it had become us, as well.

Cade didn’t look at me, so I tried again. “Hey you, what ‘cha doing out here all by yourself?” I asked softly.

He shrugged ever so slightly, but still didn’t say anything.

“I brought you something.” I offered him the beer, and he took it, being careful not to touch my hand. I felt his misery without him saying one word.

“Cade, I didn’t invite David tonight.” Knowing his misery the night of my birthday, Cade should know I’d never invite David on our last night together.

Silence.

“Um…” I began, “he just showed up at the hotel right before I was leaving. Wendy must have told him about the party. I’m sorry.” My heart ached when he didn’t answer; just kept staring out over the edge of the balcony. “I’m very upset that he’s here, I didn’t want him here…” I let the words drop off as I stared at his profile. After a minute or two, I couldn’t take it anymore. “Say something.” I turned my face toward him again. “Please, Cade.”

“He has a right to be here.”

“Then why does it feel like he’s intruding?”

He turned to me, his expression guarded, but intense. I knew him well enough to know that with the slightest push, it would all tumble out of him like water from a burst dam. His expression softened as he looked at me.

“You look beautiful tonight.” His voice was like a caress.

The dress was a deep shade of blue that I knew he particularly liked on me. I had taken extra effort with my hair and makeup. This was the last time he’d see me before the promotional stuff started, and at this point we had no idea when that would entail. I wanted him to remember me like this.

Clearly, I wouldn’t be able to keep my feelings from showing on my face, so I drew in a shaky breath and tried to calm myself, but looked straight ahead, over the rooftop’s edge. “I wore this for you,” I whispered. My throat was aching, and I knew Cade heard it in my voice.

Finally, I turned and had the courage to look into his eyes. His face twisted in pain.

“God, Brooklyn. I just… I can’t do this
!
” He took a deep breath, his voice thick with emotion. “I can’t say goodbye to you tonight. I don’t want this to be over.”

He shook his head in defeat as he looked at me with those deep blue eyes. My heart skipped a beat as his words hung between us. I couldn’t bear to see his pain. I knew in my heart I was in love with him; so in love that it stole the very breath from my lungs. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him so. I wasn’t sure if the feelings we felt throughout this whole process were really Brook and Cade, or just shadows of Julia and Ryan. I wanted, and needed, to be certain before we turned our lives upside down. All I knew for sure was that sadness was suffocating me, and I felt everything he’d just said.

“Why do we have to?” I asked achingly, as one tear slowly slipped from beneath my lashes. He lifted his eyes to mine hopefully, then reached over to wipe the tear away. I caught his hand with mine to stop him. If he touched me like that, I would crumble.

“You’re right. This isn’t the place for us to say goodbye.”

“Uhhmmmm.” I tried to clear the tears out of my voice before continuing, but my heart was breaking as they threatened to overflow. I couldn’t let that happen. The tears would come in torrents tomorrow, but not now. Not here. “Why don’t we go back in there and try to have a good time, like we always do? Then tomorrow, before my flight, I’ll come to your room so we can talk.” I reached out for his hand again, and he took mine between both of his. Electricity shot through me at his touch.

He stared at me unflinchingly, his heart pouring from his eyes. I could see he wanted to hold me, and I wanted to be in his arms more than anything. Others were watching us through the glass wall between the restaurant and the patio, so all I could do was lean on him a little, and hope he knew I wished for more.

Even through all of this sadness, the pull palpable, the connection undeniable. Always undeniable.

“Yeah, we can do that. So much has been on my mind lately; I know I’ve been distant. I’m sorry. I should have stayed here last week, but to say I’ve been struggling is putting it mildly.” His hand ran down the length of my arm and then rubbed the top of mine in a soft caress, and I nodded in silent understanding. “So you’ll come by in the morning?”

“I promise.”

Cade raised his hand to my face, his thumb brushing back and forth on my cheekbone as I pressed into his hand. I’d just postponed the hardest moment of my life for a few more precious hours.

He let go of my hand as we walked back into the room full of our friends. We were soon swallowed up, and surrounded. I actually had a decent time after I got control of my emotions, but caught Cade looking at me several times throughout the evening. He would give me a small, sad smile whenever his eyes would catch mine.

Yes, we had postponed the moment of our goodbye, but we both knew it was coming much too soon.

Chapter 2

If You’re Not the One

The hardest part of the evening came when Martin got up and asked Cade to come sing a song or two. It wasn’t bad enough he was beautiful, built and sensitive, he could act, and write music. Lethal, especially when he was so unaware at how incredible he was.

Everyone cheered as he asked Cade to come to the front of the room. My heart swelled with pride just to know him. He was very talented, and deserved every bit of adulation he was getting, and more. The lead singer from the band that had been playing moved off to the side as Martin took the microphone.

“Let’s give our boy some encouragement, and maybe he’ll do a song for us! Come on up here, Cade!” Martin encouraged, and motioned with his hand to bring Cade on stage. In my gut, I could feel how uncomfortable it made him to be the center of attention, and he resented Martin putting him on display. Especially after our talk, I knew the stage was the last place he’d want to be.

The room erupted with applause, and cheers as Ethan and Dawson pushed Cade forward. Dawson played a character named Harris, the boyfriend of Jennifer’s character, Ellie. He’d become a good friend to both of us over the past months, and he was also a musician so he and Cade had jammed at some of our cast parties. I was pretty sure Cade had confided many of his feelings about me with Dawson.

“Thank you. I’ll sing, but just one, and not one of mine.” He picked up a guitar, fastened the strap around his body then leaned back to talk to the band.

He turned back to the mic and looked out over the room. “Um, I’ve been on a few sets but many of you have become some of the best friends of my life, and this experience has meant the world to me. So, thank you. I’ll never forget you.” His eyes searched my face, and I held my breath. At least I’d get to look at him unhindered, without being obvious or ridiculed by David.

“This song is called,” he cleared his throat, and hesitated. “Well, it’s called,” he paused for another second, “‘If You’re Not the One’.”

I felt my heart stop.

Choosing to sing with just his acoustic guitar, he began, the soft sounds of his voice calling out to me. Jennifer came up to me and grabbed my hand. She squeezed as the strains of the song and Cade’s soulful voice rose above the room. My eyes started to tear up as I listened to the words, and the intricate strains of the notes he plucked and strummed on the guitar.

Cade’s beautiful voice filled the room as everyone fell silent. The words of the song spoke to me, and it was clear why he chose it. It asked the question, “If you’re not the one, why do I love you so much? Not knowing the future, I wouldn’t change it.” My heart was screaming inside my chest, and I was certain I was visibly shaking.

“My God, Brook,” Jen said, as I took a shaky breath. Clearly she knew he was singing to me, and probably so did most everyone else in the room.

As he sang, I was sure he could read the pain in my face as my eyes glossed over. My hand clutched at my chest like it would help me breathe. I listened as if my life depended on it, unable to tear my eyes from Cade’s. Tears fell, and I didn’t care who saw them. My hand went to my heart to try to stop the pain. I couldn’t breathe; it hurt so badly.

A small sob escaped me as I struggled not to break down. Jennifer put her arm around me and leaned her head against mine, as many eyes looked between Cade and me. It was clear to everyone in the room that he was singing just to me. For the first time, I didn’t care. My throat ached as I fought the pain.

I closed my eyes as more tears fell from my lashes. I knew I was going to break down any second. Still, I was frozen in place.

“If you’re not made for me, then why do I feel this way? Why do I feel this way?”
As the song faded out, it was like time stopped and there was only Cade and I in the room. But it was Cade and I, and three hundred others.

Stunned silence.

Then the applause broke out, and I tried to join in, but I felt every pair of eyes on me.

I have to get out of here
, I thought.
Now.

That song said everything I knew we were both feeling. It told of Cade’s anguish over David and not being able to be with me, crying out the agony of our impending separation, and the loss of not being able to be together in a moment that was killing us both. I wanted to die. I wanted to go to him, but I couldn’t.

I ripped my eyes away. “Jen,” I said as I turned to her. “I have to get out of here for a minute. I’m sorry,” I said softly.

“I completely understand, Brook. Go.”

As I hurried to the bathroom to collect myself, David came toward me with a pissed look plastered across his face. Jen stepped in to stop him, placing a hand on his arm. “David, Brook isn’t feeling well. Give her a minute,” she said sternly. I didn’t wait to see his reaction as I took off.

I drew in several deep breaths to steady myself, went into one of the stalls, then sat down and put my head into my hands.
Breathe
, I thought. I just had to make it through a few more minutes. I tried to inhale, but it hurt.

I blinked back the tears, and prayed to God for the strength I needed. Finally, I was able to go to the sink, splash some water on the back of my neck, and take a few deep breaths to steady myself. I knew I had to get back to the party before anyone noticed I was gone. Before David’s reaction got worse and he made a scene; if he hadn’t exploded already.

As I made my way out of the bathroom, Cade was waiting in the hallway, leaning with his back against the opposite wall. He didn’t say anything, but as I walked past his hand brushed down my arm. When his fingers reached mine, I let mine close around his for a few seconds, letting him know I understood the message he sent with the song.

My eyes met his for a brief second, and I knew I’d rather die than to see that pain on his beautiful face. He raked his hand through his dark gold hair, turned abruptly, and walked away. I stood frozen in place for a minute, finally making my way back into the crowd, and doing my best to appear normal when, in fact, I was shaken to the core.

For the remainder of the night, I talked to everyone I needed to talk to, and made sure to tell Martin thank you for giving me the opportunity to work on the movie. “Thank you for having faith in me, Martin. I hope I didn’t let you down.” Both Cade and I had argued with him over and over, which, given this was my first movie, I would never have had the guts without Cade’s support.

“Of course not, honey. You and Cade were more perfect together than I could have hoped. I’m grateful you two insisted on trying new things with some of the scenes. I owe you, big time.” He was a little drunk, and though not affectionate by nature, hugged me goodbye before stumbling out the door to a waiting cab.

Everyone was filing out, and for the last time, through all of the goodbyes to others, my eyes searched for Cade. I hugged Ethan, Gavin, Wendy and Dawson goodbye. Dawson whispered in my ear as I hugged him.

“How you holding up, Brook?” I just looked at him, and gave a small shrug. “Find a way to talk to Cade. He is losing it.”

I nodded slightly, my heart seizing again. “I have. I will again, I promise. Thank you for everything, Dawson. I’ll miss you.” He leaned in to kiss my cheek.

“Bye, Brook.”

David was tugging me out, knowing full well I hadn’t said goodbye to Cade. I saw him watching us from across the room, and I wanted desperately to go to him. He held my eyes, and pushed away from the bar he was leaning on to move toward us.

“Hello David, sorry I wasn’t able to talk to you much tonight. Thanks for letting us borrow Brook these last months. It wouldn’t have been the same without her.” Always the gentleman, Cade said what was politically correct and included David in our conversation. As he spoke to David, his eyes were on me, only flickering to David’s face once or twice.

Cade let out his breath as the corner of his mouth twitched in a half smile as his eyes came back to my face. It didn’t go unnoticed by David, and I could sense the tension building between the two men. David couldn’t wait to leave; evident by the way he was pulling on the back of my dress.

Not to give up our secret meeting in the morning, Cade made the pretense of telling me goodbye for the others’ benefit. Everyone was watching us to see how it would go down, our on-set chemistry something that was speculated by many of the cast and crew to be an off-screen romance as well.

Cade took me in his arms and when he held me tight against him, his arms tight around my back, it felt like heaven. Breathing in his scent, I clung to him, my arms around his waist.
All I need are his arms around me
, I thought. He kissed me twice, once on the side of my face, and then my temple.

“I’m really going to miss you. Try to keep in touch if you can.”

I felt my stomach lurch and my heart drop. Tears stung my eyes despite the fact that I would see him in the morning. I hugged him closer to me not wanting to let go. I nodded, the top of my head brushing his chin. “You have to know I’ll miss you, too, so much,” I said into his chest. I’d been close to him a lot over the past five months, held in his arms, kissed him, held on for dear life, both on set and off.

I took a trembling breath and forgot David standing behind me, forgot everyone but Cade, as I looked up into his deep blue eyes. “I couldn’t have done this without you,” I whispered. “Cade, the song, was so beautiful. Thank you.” My voice cracked as he drew me back into his embrace.

“Oh, Brook,” he whispered softly, so only I could hear. I felt his breath in my hair as he breathed me in, and his hand at the back of my head as his hold on me tightened. My hands clutched at his back and shoulders of their own volition, my fingers winding into the material of his shirt. Behind him, Sarah, who played his mother, Elyse, was crying softly, as she watched the two of us clinging to each other.

Slowly, Cade pulled my arms from around his waist, lightly kissed me on the mouth, and then each of my two hands. “Take care of yourself, love,” he said.

I couldn’t speak, but could only look at him with pleading eyes. I nodded, not able to tear my gaze from his. Cade kept my hand in his as David finally hauled me out, following behind us to the curb where the car waited. Cade’s reluctant fingers fell away from mine as David shoved me inside.

I was shaking so hard, I thought my bones would break. Tears slipped from under my closed eyes and melted down my face. I turned toward the window, away from David as my heart broke. Hopefully, he wouldn’t see the depth of my grief, as I struggled to get control of myself. I didn’t need to worry. He was totally self-absorbed.

“Glad that fiasco is over with! Do you think he slobbered you up enough?” David laughed in disgust. He tried to put his arm around me, and I hedged away from him. For God’s sake, couldn’t he see how badly I felt? I was breaking, and he didn’t care why, though he could’ve been a little understanding.

“Please—just stop! I’m sorry, I wasn’t prepared for any of this.”

I was so mad at him for ruining the last night that I could spend close to Cade, which I knew wasn’t fair of me. He was, after all, my boyfriend. I looked back at the curb as we drove off. Cade was standing in the street, staring after us with his arms wrapped around himself. The look on his face nearly killed me. Gavin walked up and put his arm around Cade’s shoulders, but he remained frozen in place. I hated seeing him in pain. It was like a knife in my fragile heart, and I couldn’t breathe. After a few minutes, I was able to collect myself enough to speak. “David,” I cleared my throat, “I really want to be alone tonight. I have to pack up my things, and my flight leaves pretty early. I need some sleep. I’m wiped out.” I found myself thankful that my manager had booked my flight long ago, so David and I wouldn’t be on the same plane.

He looked at me with disdain. “Brook, I wanted you tonight,” he said. “After the fiasco on your birthday.”

Ugh!
I thought. I couldn’t bear the thought of it. It had been months since we’d been together like that, since before I started spending all of my time with Cade. Now, even though Cade and I had not touched like lovers, at least while not filming, I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone else’s hands on my body. So, what the fuck was I going to do now?

“Not tonight, David. I didn’t expect you to be here, and frankly, it made things harder. This was very difficult for me, and your attitude only makes it worse.” I could see this was going to be an argument, but I didn’t care. “Driver, can you stop by Mr. Walker’s hotel first, please?” I asked.

“Sure thing, miss,” he answered.

“What? Are you saying I ruined your night with your costar?” His voice was taking on an ugly tone as he almost sneered at me. I tried to dismiss him. I put my head down, shaking it, and sucking in my breath.

“I’m not up for this tonight. If you care about me at all, you’ll let me have some time to regroup. I’ll be fine in a couple of days, but I’m emotionally spent, and really just need time to myself.” I looked at him pleadingly. “Please try to understand.”