Fast Forward (22 page)

“Should I go and say
Thank You
then? Or maybe I should write her a card?”

Josh made a point of ignoring my sarcasm. “You said you wanted to know my world. So here we are. You can’t get much closer to it than this.” He waved a hand at the crowd, in their tuxedos and designer dresses.

I waited for Josh to comment on how I looked. It’d been all for him, for him to be proud of me, but he didn’t say anything. Instead he nodded at some guests passing by. It was as if there was a wall of ice between us.

After several long minutes passed with me fidgeting in my corner, he finally asked, “Don’t go mental but Megan invited us to spend the weekend in the Hamptons. She’s having friends over. I told her we probably wouldn’t come but I wanted to ask you first. You’ve never been.”

I’d never been anywhere really but, hell, I was going to look like a loser. “I won’t be able to go anyway. I mean, I don’t think I will.”

“Why?”

“I’ve been asked to go to L.A. to record a duet with Shawn.”

“And what’s keeping you from accepting?” His question fell between us like an axe.

“You said we should take those decisions together as a family, so I told Shawn I’d check with you first.”

“That’s very considerate of you.”

I
, for one, didn’t miss his sarcasm. I dropped my glass onto a passing tray and turned to face him with the room behind me. “Cut the attitude, MacBride. You’re angry about what happened in Steep Hill. I get it. You’re angry with me because I went all cowboy on your father, but I know you’re even angrier with yourself. Because more than anything, you hate losing control.”

Ten days apart and I’d had plenty of time to chew on what happened.

Josh threw several glances over my shoulder. “Watch your tone, Cass. We’re not in—”

“—in a honkytonk. I know. Hewitt already gave me the low-down.”

He shrugged. “You shouldn’t have talked to that jerk in the first place.”

“You can be such an ass.” My voice broke off. All the pent-up tension since Christmas was taking over and piling up in my throat. I wasn’t the crying type, but my eyes started tingling. I had to leave before making an even bigger fool of myself.

I sliced through the crowd keeping my head down so that no one could see the turmoil all over my face. I went through the barrier by the men in black without incident. I waited for the elevator but, after ten seconds, I couldn’t stand it any longer, so I opened the door to the service stairwell. As it shut behind me, I heard my name.

Josh had come after me. I didn’t care and went down the first flight of stairs at pace. These freakin’ stilettos of mine were the only thing in the way of me getting the hell out of there. I kicked them off and my bare feet resented the cold of the tiles. I picked the shoes up and hurried away.

“Cassie!” then another “Cassie!” I didn’t slow down. “Cass, I’m sorry. Please wait.”

I stopped and waited for him to catch up with me. He rammed his hand through his hair. He’d had it cut as soon as we’d returned to D.C.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I was an ass up there, but we need to talk about what happened with my father.”

I had my back against the wall of the stairwell and, with my shoes off, he now had an even bigger height advantage over me. I didn’t need that. “You’re right. We need to talk about that and…” I had to come clean. “… and how I pushed you away after losing Lucas for Christmas.”

“I’m angry with you for what happened in Steep Hill, but I’m even angrier with myself.” I didn’t say anything, so he continued. “I’m angry with myself for doing too little, too late. The truth is that I knew my father would stand in our way and I didn’t do anything about it. I waited and waited until he dropped his bombshell and screwed us up.”

“Hopefully he’s out of the picture now, and—”

“—I’m angry with you because you beat me to it. You did what I should have done six years ago.” I kept staring at him. “Six years ago, I should have pointed a gun at him and—”

“And what? Fired it? Going to jail for life wouldn’t have really helped with our family plans. You were right.”

“The truth, Cass,” he repeated, “is that I still feel the same as in high school, like you don’t really need me. I want to look after you, after Lucas too, but you’re always one step ahead.”

If there’d been a chair nearby, I’d have dropped my butt on it. I hadn’t seen that coming. “I’m sorry. That’s—That’s not how I want you to feel. At all. Everything I do now—my music, Lucas — that’s because you’re by my side, because you believe in me. Even me learning how to cook, that’s you.”

Josh chuckled and I indulged in the dimples creasing his cheeks. He took one step toward me, then a smaller one. “I’m not sure the cooking is a blessing or a curse.” My back straightened up against the wall. His eyes searched mine and I couldn’t escape his hold on me. He lowered his head so that his mouth came an inch from my ear. His voice was coarse when he said, “Sometimes… I’m scared of you.”

My head tilted in surprise and the skin of my cheek came to touch his. “You’re not scared of anything,” I answered in one breath.

“I’m scared of how reckless you make me. Or of how reckless I want to be for you.” His hands came to rest around my waist. Slowly they slid down my thighs. He lifted one of my legs slightly so that the hem of my dress eased up. His hands snaked back up but they were brushing over my skin this time.

My whole body became tuned to only the tips of his fingers. “Josh, not he—”

“I’m scared of how my heart takes over as soon as you come close.” I shut my eyes as if the sound of his voice had stolen my sight. His hands palmed my ass and my legs parted to welcome him. He was hard against the thin material of my thong. “I’m scared of how my whole body comes to life by simply hearing your voice. So when you sing...”

He rested his forehead against mine and his nose teased mine in our ‘kiss without a kiss.’ I opened my eyes, swallowed hard and tried to warn him again. “We can’t—”

But his lips were massaging mine now. His tongue entered my mouth. I loved how his kisses felt like a full-body exploration. They always did. He lifted me up and my back slid against the wall. I looped my arms around his neck. I slid further up and my face leveled with his.

The pressure of his body against mine increased and his hips pinned mine.

“The truth, Cass, is that I’m plain scared to lose you all over again. You made your way back inside me and I can never let you go.”

My hand cradled his face. “I’ll never leave you, Josh. Please don’t be scared anymore. Trust me.”

It was his turn to shut his eyes but I had enough time to see them filling with doubts.

I had to make him believe me. I wouldn’t be the one bailing out this time. “Be reckless. Now.” His gaze was back on me. “Make love to me. Right here.”

It’d sounded like a challenge. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to prove something to him or if I expected him to prove something to me.

His jaw tightened and fire flicked through his eyes. In what felt like one single move, his zipper was down and my thong aside. He made his way inside me, then stayed still, filling me. My body welcomed him. His heart beat against my breasts and soon was in sync with mine.

Next the beating of his heart matched the pounding of his hips. He wasn’t gentle anymore and, with every single one of his thrusts, he let out a groan. I should have been worried about the men in black upstairs but my brain had gone AWOL.

Josh was making love to me in a delicious rush and it couldn’t last long. It was going too deep, too fast. The pressure was slowly turning into a raw wave. Somewhere, far away, I heard my own screams but Josh hushed them with his mouth. His tongue was now forceful, hunting mine and we shared the climb.

I wanted to hold onto him, to take us higher, but, at the end, I could only follow his lead. I dug my fingers into his shoulders and he gave one last thrust. Then I felt his head nudging in the hollow of my neck and we stayed like that immobile. The only noise was the meshed sound of our ragged breaths until…

“Shit!” Josh swore.

Somewhere in one of the landings above, a door shut and a man started talking. No one answered so he had to be on his cell. Panic ran through my veins, but Josh was already carrying me through a door. He kicked it closed behind him and we now stood in the recess of a dimly-lit corridor. He let me slide down and the thick carpet under my bare feet didn’t make up for the sudden emptiness from being cut off from Josh.

I pulled down my dress and checked my hair. Wisps had come free. I had another panic rush. “What if we were caught on camera?”

Josh readjusted his black tie and answered coolly. “There weren’t any on that floor. I checked.”

“Not so reckless after all.”

His eyes shot back on me. “You’ve complained about me thinking too much. I let myself go for once.”

For once.
Was he never himself around me? I had all those negative thoughts scrambling inside my head. Some girls cried after sex, maybe I was the type who started overthinking.

“Can we go home?” I asked.

“I can’t quite now. I have to get back up there and mingle a bit. Andy is due soon too. Do you want to come with me?” His voice had turned soft and maybe unsure. Or maybe I was just wishing he needed me up there.

I was tired and, upstairs, I felt totally overwhelmed. But if I kept being all self-conscious, I’d never be there for Josh. “Of course, but no more champagne for me.”

“Thanks, Cass.” I saw he meant it. “Before you join me upstairs, call Shawn and tell him you’ll be on the first flight to L.A.”

“I’m not sure…”

“I am. We’re going to Kansas City next Friday. After that, hopefully things will move fast with Lucas. You should seize the opportunity
now
while you still can.”

“But we’ve spent so little time together lately. I can’t just go away right before the weekend right when you’re back in D.C.”

“Yes, you can and you will. Don’t worry about me. I’m sure Andy can find me a speech to write or something equally exciting.”

The next words burst out of my mouth without me thinking them through. “Why don’t you go to the Hamptons then?”

Josh frowned. “I accepted tonight’s invitation but a whole weekend with Megan and I could become homicidal.”

Megan Alistair with an axe planted between her eyes? Nice… “You said she’d invited some of her friends too.”

“Yeah, Jack will be there.” Josh liked the guy: We’d stayed at his place in Alexandria before moving into our apartment.

“Then it’s a deal.” I laid my hands on his chest and went on my tip-toes to touch the tip of my nose against his. I got a smile from him and some more dimples.

Josh disappeared into the service stairs and I took my smartphone out of my clutch. Hopefully after this call, Shawn would be off my back.

I was flying to L.A!

CHAPTER 22

Cassie

“Now that work’s over and you’re all refreshed...,” Shawn opened the door of the limo for me to get in, “…let the fun begin.”

“Today has already been fun and scary and exhausting and goddamn amazing.” I didn’t often let myself go overboard but, after my first day in a recording studio, I was allowed to ramble about it.

I looked up at the clear blue sky and let the January sun warm my skin. It was my second time in L.A. The last time was an overnight stay during the tour back in September. A California winter definitely had its upside.

“Babe, I’ve got tonight all planned. So let’s start right now.” Shawn gestured for me to get my ass into the limo.

It was only the two of us inside, plus the chauffeur and a gigantic dude on the passenger seat who followed Shawn everywhere. He was paid by the studio. I wondered when Shawn would start minding his shadow. I’d be fed up with it pretty quickly.

“Gin & Tonic for our Kansas girl?” Shawn opened a mini-bar in the middle of the car. I was still trying to get my head around the idea of having a bar… in a car.

“Calm down, Shawn. It’s only just turned five.”

He let out a short laugh but ignored my comment by pouring me the stiffest Gin &Tonic ever. The limo had started moving throughout the West Hollywood traffic, but the car was so huge I couldn’t even feel the engine vibrating under my butt.

In a weird way, I felt more comfortable in the car than in my own room. “Don’t you mind living in a hotel?”

He chuckled in his drink. I hadn’t touched mine yet. “Cass, I’m not living in a
hotel
, I’m living at the fucking Chateau Marmont. Not the same. At. All.”

I shrugged. “I’d never heard of it before.”

“Don’t tell me you’re not even a tiny bit tempted by the lifestyle?” Shawn indulged in a big gulp.

“I loved recording the song with you, meeting the people from the studio, all the technicians, I mean, all those people I didn’t even know were involved in making an album.”

“Tonight I’m going to show you what it’s all about. What do you want to do first? You need to tell me now because someone is going to join us soon.”