Fated (14 page)

I
saw a flare of excitement in Caden's eyes, but he nodded nonchalantly. "Of
course. You'll control everything that happens. I'm just the observer."

I
took a deep breath. As much as I wanted to say yes, I was still hesitant.
"Can I tell you tomorrow? I have to think about it some more."

"Sure."
Caden glanced at the calla lilies again before rising from the seat and going
to his desk. I was aware of his gaze straying towards me for the remainder of
the day, but I studiously avoided returning his looks. I was grateful when it
was time to go home.

"Do
you need anything else before I leave?" I asked.

Caden
shook his head. "No. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See
you tomorrow," I echoed as I grabbed my purse and walked quickly out the
door. Tomorrow I would tell Caden whether I was willing to be his model. I had
a feeling I wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight.

The
bulk of my evening was spent torturing myself, going back and forth about
whether I would allow myself to be so vulnerable as to let Caden photograph me.
I weighed the pros and cons as if I was making a major life decision, instead
of whether I would let someone take a few pictures of me. But I knew it was
more than that. Once I opened this door, I had a feeling that all the
boundaries would dissolve. The thought exhilarated me and scared me at the same
time.

It
wasn't until late into the night that I made my final decision. I had spent my
entire adult life making sure I was in control, that no one would have the
ability to dictate what I did. But this ironclad control had also made my life
bleak, with no surprises or bends in the road. I was ready to take a chance.
Caden had said I didn't need to pose nude, but I knew that if I agreed to this,
that's where it would lead. Instead of scaring me, that's what ultimately made
me decide to agree to the photo shoot. If I could feel what those women in his
pictures felt, if I was able to just let go and allow my body to enjoy the
sensations of arousal and release, then it was worth the risk of what would
happen afterwards.

The
last thought on my mind before I fell asleep was whether Caden would be the one
to bring me to orgasm.

I
felt lighter Friday morning, now that the decision had been made. Caden wasn't
in the office when I got to work, and I was glad for the time alone. I had made
my decision, but telling Caden would be a little unnerving.

Caden
arrived not too long after me, dazzling me with a smile. I smiled back at him
automatically, surprised by his open demeanor. He walked straight to my desk, sitting
on the edge and looking at me expectantly.

"Well?"
he asked. "Did you make your decision?"

"Good
morning to you too, " I said with a laugh, although I was flattered that
he was so eager for my answer. Caden lifted an eyebrow.

"That's
yet to be determined. It'll depend on what your answer is."

I
took a deep breath before replying. "My answer is yes."

I
had expected Caden to be pleased, but the way his eyes blazed with excitement
took me off guard. His voice was low when he spoke, but he had a slight smile
on his face. "It
is
a good morning."

I
flushed but forced myself to remain calm. There was more to this than me simply
saying yes.

"You
said that these pictures would be strictly private if that’s what I wanted,
right?"

Caden
nodded. "This doesn't have to go beyond us."

"Can
I..." I took a deep breath, trying to gather my nerve. It was one thing to
let go of my inhibitions. It was another thing to let the world see them.
"Can I get that in writing?" I spoke in a rush as Caden frowned.
"It's not that I don't trust you. It's just..."

I
didn't know how to finish the sentence. Of course it was because I didn't trust
Caden. Not completely. Did I believe that he was trustworthy and a man of his
word? Yes. My dealings with him had led me to believe nothing else. Was I
willing to stake my life and privacy on it? Absolutely not.

Instead
of getting angry, Caden studied me thoughtfully before speaking. "Of
course. I'll have an agreement drawn up."

I
was relieved that he had acquiesced so easily. I reminded myself that despite
his gruffness, Caden was a reasonable man. Now that things had been settled, I
didn't want to discuss the photo shoot anymore.

"Well,
now that it's decided, is there anything you want me to do today?" I asked
briskly, trying to take on a professional tone.

"You
don't get off that easy," Caden said wryly. "Now we have to discuss
the particulars. Are you available tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?"
I winced at the way my voice squeaked. I hadn't expected him to want to do it
so soon. "Don't you need more time?"

He
raised an eyebrow. "Time for what? Time for you to back out?"

"No,
time to prepare."

"All
the preparation I need is for you to show up. Does tomorrow at noon work?"

I
had assumed that the photo shoot would be at night, although I had no idea why.
I guess I expected something as illicit as being photographed naked to happen
in the shroud of darkness.

I
nodded jerkily before I could back out. "Okay, tomorrow at noon."

Caden
looked supremely satisfied as he sauntered back to his desk. It was hard to
concentrate for the rest of the morning, but the mountain of letters and emails
I had to go through helped take my mind off what I had agreed to.

"Do
you have more personal errands to run during lunch today?"

Caden's
voice startled me. We had exchanged few words since I had informed him of my
decision.

"No,
why? Do you need me to do something?"

"Let's
go out to lunch. You're always stuck in the office."

"I
appreciate the offer, but I have a ton of your correspondence to go
through."

I swallowed
as Caden approached my desk. Now more than ever, his presence seemed to fill
the office.

"Don't
worry about it. It can wait."

I
bit my lip. If I was going to let Caden see me naked a mere twenty-four hours
from now, the prospect of lunch shouldn't be so daunting. But for some reason,
eating a meal with Caden seemed much more intimate. There would be no camera
between us. I told myself I was being irrational.

"Okay,
where do you want to go?"

"We
can go to my club."

I
shook my head. The last place I wanted to go was a restaurant where Caden would
know everyone. "Actually, there's a French café around here that's really
good. Why don't we go there?"

Caden
was agreeable, knowing the café when I told him the name of it, and he waited
while I grabbed my purse. As we exited the office, I couldn't help feeling
weird stepping outside with him and walking side by side. I was used to him
only in the confines of the office, with the exception of the party Saturday
night. And that night had shown me how dangerous Caden could be outside the
office.

I
was intensely aware of his arm close to mine as we walked. I tried to ignore
the tingles of excitement that ran through me when his arm brushed against mine
a few times. I struggled to think of something to talk about, but my mind drew
a blank. Caden seemed perfectly content to walk in silence, so I gave up on
trying to think of a topic to talk about.

When
we reached the café and he held the door open for me, I wanted to roll my eyes
at myself for the way it made me feel. It was a small gesture, one that I'm
sure Caden did automatically, but it made me feel like this was more than a
boss and his employee going to lunch. I reminded myself that soon our
relationship would reach far beyond that.

I
forced myself to calm down when we were seated at the table. It was hard to
suppress the flutter of excitement as I sat across the small table from Caden,
especially as his eyes studied me. We didn't speak until after the waiter had
taken our order.

"Tell
me about your life back in Chicago."

That
was the last thing I wanted to talk about, but I forced myself to remain
casual. I could have a normal conversation about my past, just like everyone
else.

"There's
not much to tell, besides what I've already told you. I spent most of my time
working."

"You
said your family wasn't in Chicago. Where are they?"

I
sighed inwardly. Caden's persistence in getting deeper answers was getting to
be irritating. "I have no idea about my extended family. I've never really
known them. My parents died in a car accident when I was young."

His
eyes dulled a little. I expected him to change the subject, especially
considering his past, but he pressed on. "I'm sorry to hear that. How
young were you?"

"Eight."
I couldn't help being short with him. I didn't want him to think that just
because I had agreed to let him photograph me meant he had permission to delve
into my personal life. I wanted to turn the question around on him, but there
was no way I was going to bring up his painful past. I was at least grateful
that it seemed as though Michael hadn't shared any details of our conversation
with Caden.

"That
must have been hard. Who raised you?"

"Caden,
I don't mean to be rude, but I prefer not talking about it."

Instead
of looking chastened, his lips thinned and he seemed displeased. I quickly
tried to change the topic.

"So
how has your time off been so far? I'm surprised that you still come to the
office every day."

Caden
didn't answer right away as he studied me contemplatively. I was relieved when
the waiter came by with our food, breaking the tension. I started eating my
omelet, grateful for the distraction.

Caden
took a bite of his steak frites before answering. "It's been good so far,
although it hardly seems like a break since I'm working on other
projects."

I
grabbed onto the topic, relieved to have veered away from my personal life.
"Do you mind if I ask what sort of projects you're working on?"

"I've
been working a lot with charcoal," Caden replied easily. I was surprised
by his openness and took advantage of it.

"How's
it going?"

"It's
frustrating at times, but that's the whole point. It's so different from
photography. It's a lot more personal."

"Isn't
photography personal? I mean, it's just you and another person." I
desperately wanted to ask about the women he photographed, about whether he was
responsible for their orgasms, but I knew I could never ask that question.

"It
is and it isn't. Even when I'm directing my model, I'm just a spectator trying
to capture what I see. And the best photos are the ones where the model is
totally uninhibited and takes control. I'm just along for the ride." Caden
paused in his explanation before speaking again. "Don't forget that,
Lauren. You'll be the one in control tomorrow."

I
nodded, but I didn't want to talk about tomorrow. It was one thing to agree to
the photo shoot, but I didn't want to talk about it. All it did was make me
more nervous. I decided the best thing to do was to change the topic again.

"It
seems like you and Michael are really close." I regretted the words as
soon as I said them. It was too personal, but it was the first thing that had
popped into my mind. Fortunately, Caden didn't seem bothered by the question.

"We
are. I have to admit I'm a little worried about him. I called his wife to make
sure he wasn't lying about his health, and she told me that the doctor thought
he needed to slow down."

I
frowned at the revelation. "He seems so active and energetic. I can't
imagine him slowing down."

Caden
sighed. "That's the problem. He still thinks he's in his twenties, with
the way he works so hard."

The
rest of lunch was spent in easy conversation, and I started to feel much more
comfortable around Caden. I had to admit that it was a heady experience to be the
sole focus of his attention, and I imagined it could become addicting.

Caden
insisted on paying the bill when we were done, and I didn't argue too strongly,
not wanting to seem ungrateful. I told myself it was simply a boss treating his
employee and not a date.

The
companionable mood lasted for the rest of the day, although I felt a fluttering
in my stomach every time I thought about what would happen tomorrow. The best
way to cope with it was to try to push it out of my mind, and I was marginally
successful. But the closer it got to the end of the day, the more jittery I
felt, knowing that the next time I would see Caden, it would be in his studio.

"I'll
be leaving now unless there's something you want me to do," I announced,
hoping my tone sounded casual.

Caden
looked up from his computer, his golden eyes piercing into me. "No,
there's nothing. Noon tomorrow?"

I
nodded, unable to stop my cheeks from reddening. "Is there...is there
anything I need to do to prepare for tomorrow? Do you need anything?"