Fated (34 page)

I
looked at Caden as he sat down next to me and smiled at me as if we were old
friends. Macie was wrong. He looked far from miserable. His face was relaxed
and his amber eyes were clear as they watched me.

“Hello,
Lauren.” Just the sound of his voice thrilled me, but I forced myself to remain
calm.

“Hi,
Caden.” I didn’t know what else to say so I automatically hid behind
pleasantries. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s
good to see you too.” His voice rang with sincerity, and I tried to not let it
get to me. I concentrated on my food like it was the most fascinating thing in
the world.

“Hi,
Caden,” Hillary said as she leaned forward since she was on the other side of
the table. “I’m glad you got here in time for dinner.”

Caden
nodded and smiled politely. “Hillary. It’s been a while.”

The
others chimed in with their greetings while I just stared at my plate. I didn’t
know whether I wanted to flee the scene or throw my arms around Caden. It was
deeply agitating to know that I was still so affected by him.

Hillary
engaged him in conversation, and I couldn’t help but listen since I was between
them. She asked him about his work and he explained that he was dabbling in
other mediums while he took a break from photography. He mentioned his
installation piece that he was working on for the MCA in Chicago, which was a
composite of photographs he was using to create a 3-D piece of art. I blanched
at his explanation and then reminded myself that he didn’t have any photographs
of me anymore. Despite everything, I trusted that he had given me all the
photographs and film. I still hadn’t looked at them. The envelope was stuffed
in a drawer in my dresser. I was afraid that if I actually saw them, if I saw
how Caden had seen me, I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Jessica,
who was sitting on the other side of me, elbowed me. I turned to her as she
spoke in hushed tones.

“Whatever
you’ve got, you’ve got to bottle it and sell it.”

“What?”
I asked confused, my voice hushed as well.

“Caden
can’t stop staring at you, even though he’s talking to Hillary. Between him and
Jason, you’ve got some plum choices.” Jessica gave me a sly look. “Or maybe you
don’t have to choose. What if you got to ride a Lear jet and a tricycle at the
same time?”

I
spluttered at her suggestion, my face turning red at the implication. I felt a
warm hand at my elbow and jerked, knowing that it was Caden. He handed me his
glass of water with a frown.

“Drink
this.”

Although
I didn’t want to take it from him, for appearances sake I took a sip of water
and then handed the glass back to him. “Thanks. I must have swallowed wrong.”

“What
are you whispering about over there?” he asked in a low voice. Hillary was
distracted by someone else at the table and had turned away from Caden.

“Nothing
important.”

Caden
didn’t look like he believed me, but he didn’t push the topic. “How are things
going in Chicago?”

“Good,”
I said, amazed that we were having a normal conversation. “I like New York, but
it took leaving Chicago to realize how much I like it as well.”

There
was a flicker of an unreadable emotion in his eyes but I didn’t try to decipher
it. I wanted to keep things civil and calm between us. “That’s great about your
installation piece. When will it be finished?”

“I’m
not sure. I’ve got a long ways to go and it’s a totally new process for me.
Fortunately, the MCA has promised to showcase it when it’s done, whenever that
is.”

I
wanted to change the topic because I didn’t want to think about the possibility
of Caden spending time in Chicago. “How’s Millie? Macie told me she couldn’t
come because she’s in Phoenix.”

“She’s
spending a few weeks with a friend who lives out there who’s also recently
widowed. She wanted to come back for the engagement party but the scheduling
didn’t work out.”

“That’s
too bad.” I bit my lip before continuing. I remembered Macie telling me that
Caden wasn’t taking Millie’s calls, but that had been a while ago. “Do you
speak to her often?”

The
corner of his mouth lifted. “I can imagine why you’re asking that. I get the
feeling you have some insider knowledge.” His half-smile disappeared. “I wasn’t
in the best frame of mind after you left. I’ve…had a hard time most of my life
accepting people’s help. But I’ve come a long way in the last few months, and
Millie’s been a pivotal figure in that. I’ve been trying to sort a lot of my
shit out, and finally realized I couldn’t do it on my own.”

I
was shocked at his admission. He was speaking to me so openly, without
reservation, that it was hard not to gape at him.

“I’m
happy to hear that.” I took a sip of my wine, not knowing what else to do.

“I’m
sorry about what I said in Chicago.” Caden leaned towards me, his voice husky.
“I was messed up and not thinking straight. I don’t want you to ever think that
you’re damaged. You’re strong and beautiful, inside and out.”

I
swallowed, unsure how to deal with this side of Caden. “Thank you. I’m just
glad to hear that you’re doing well.”

He
gave me a sad smile. “I’m doing better, not well.”

I
was saved from having to respond to his enigmatic statement by the waiter who
placed our main courses in front of us. Caden frowned at the scallops on his
plate and then glanced at my sirloin.

“How
come I got shafted?”

I
burst out laughing at his befuddled expression, amazed that I was starting to
feel more comfortable around him. “They took our order when we first sat down.
Macie’s cousin must have ordered the scallops.”

Without
thinking, I cut my steak in half and placed it on his plate. “Here, I’m not
going to be able to eat all of this.” I froze as soon as I realized what I had
done. It seemed like second nature to share my meal with him. We had shared
countless meals in the past, when our days had been filled with making love
holed up in Caden’s townhouse, until we were forced to venture outside because
we were starving.

I
glanced up at him, hoping that he didn’t read too much into my gesture, but he
just smiled at me. “Thanks.” I didn’t say anything as he placed some of his
scallops on my plate.

I
looked up and saw Hillary watching us. She raised her brows when she caught my
gaze and I just shrugged. We were being too obvious so I made an effort to join
the table’s conversation, and Caden went along with it.

By
the time dessert was served, Caden and I had reached a tenuous balance between familiarity
and civility. Even though I kept a tight lid on my desires for him, I was
reminded of how much I had valued Caden’s friendship. Between all the wild
bouts of sex, we had forged an actual friendship and I missed it. Caden seemed
to feel the same way, because he kept the mood light, making it easy for me to
relax around him.

After
dessert, the guests went back to mingling. Caden disappeared after saying that
he should go greet Macie and Brian, and I was both relieved and sad to see him
walk away. It gave me a chance to breathe and wrap my mind around this new
Caden, but I still craved his company.

“Is
there something going on between you too?” Hillary asked, her tone more curious
than accusatory.

“No.
But I worked for him for a few months when Macie was abroad so we got
friendly,” I reminded her, trying not to feel guilty for lying.

“I
know, but you guys weren’t acting like an employer and employee. And I’ve
never
seen
him look at Macie the way he looks at you.”

I
flushed, not knowing what to say. Maya took pity on me and spoke up, although
her words made me even more embarrassed. “Leave her alone. She’s turning as red
as a tomato.”

Hillary
shrugged. “I was just trying to be considerate. I’m not going to try anything
with Caden if there’s something going on between you two.”

I
should have stuck to the ruse that there was nothing between us, but the
thought of Hillary hitting on Caden made my stomach turn. She was so beautiful
that I doubted he could resist her.

“There
was something between us, but not now,” I finally admitted. “Now we’re just…” I
didn’t know how to finish the sentence because we certainly weren’t friends,
even though we had been getting along tonight. “We’re just acquaintances now.”

Jessica’s
eyes gleamed with excitement. “What happened between you two?”

Hillary
poked her in the arm with a look of disgust. “Can you stop salivating? It’s
obvious she doesn’t want to talk about it. I wasn’t asking for details. I just
wanted to know if I should back off.”

I
left them to bicker with the excuse of getting a drink. Not only did I want to
escape an interrogation about Caden, but I was unused to how quickly they could
go from bickering to laughing and joking. They seemed more like sisters than
just friends, and I was unused to that kind of closeness.

I
ordered a glass of wine from the bartender, although I didn’t really want to
drink anymore. I was already feeling anxious and my stomach didn’t need more
alcohol.

“So,
are you having a good time, Helga?” Jason appeared next to me and I laughed at
his joke.

“I
am, thanks. How did it go with your mother’s friend’s daughter?”

“Terrible.
All she wanted to talk about was her cat. Did you know cats have two vocal
chords and can make over one hundred distinct sounds?”

“Wow,”
I said, laughing. “That must have been one fascinating conversation.”

“Oh,
it was,” he replied solemnly. “I learned that you can be a crazy cat lady, even
if you’re young and hot.”

I
raised an eyebrow. “I thought being young and hot superseded everything else.”

Jason
shook his head. “Not being a crazy cat lady.” He grinned as he changed the
topic. “So, what have you been up to all these years, Lauren Sloan?”

“Nothing
too interesting. I’m still in Chicago and I’m just temping right now. I guess
I’m taking a little longer to find myself.” I said it lightly, although the
confession was truer than he would ever know.

“Chicago,
eh? A buddy of mine is in law school at Northwestern. I bet I could find some
time to visit him.”

I
was flattered by Jason’s attentions, but I was just enjoying the novelty of
flirting, nothing more. I definitely didn’t want to give him the wrong idea.

“I
have a feeling you might have better luck visiting New York on a regular
basis,” I said as I glanced over at Jessica meaningfully. I was surprised to
see that she had moved on to a well-built blond who towered over her. I looked
back at Jason ruefully. “Or maybe not.”

He
grinned, not seeming to be perturbed by my lack of interest or the shift in
Jessica’s attentions. “It was worth a shot. I always thought you were hot
whenever we visited Macie at school.”

I
couldn’t help blushing at his casual comment, annoyed that I felt inexperienced
even though Jason was younger than me.

“I
always thought you were a cute kid,” I replied, putting emphasis on the last
word.

Jason
just laughed and then the conversation drifted to random topics. I enjoyed the
banter because it was clear Jason wasn’t serious in his flirting. I appreciated
his easy manner and lack of intensity, so different from Caden where every word
was loaded with meaning.

Jason
was once again summoned by his mother, and he rolled his eyes and gave me a
look of suffering before he walked away, undoubtedly being introduced to
another prospective date.

“A
little young for you, isn’t he?”

I jerked
at the sound of Caden’s voice and turned around. He was standing behind me,
next to the bar, and I wondered how long he had been there. He raised an
eyebrow but he didn’t look upset.

“He’s
only three years younger,” I replied, although I had voiced the same objection
earlier to Macie’s friends.

Caden
walked closer to me until I could smell his cologne. It was an intoxicating mix
with his warm masculinity, and it stirred feelings in me that I wanted to
avoid. I noticed Macie watching us, but I quickly looked away.

“Still
young. But he’s smart.”

“He
is
smart,”
I agreed, wondering why in the world we were talking about Jason. I wanted to
believe that Caden was jealous, but he only seemed mildly interested. Still, he
persisted with his questions.

“Are
you interested in him?”

I
frowned. “The last time I saw him was five years ago. And I’ve only had a
couple of brief conversations with him tonight. That’s not really a basis for a
relationship.”

Caden
shrugged. “Not yet. But you could be interested in him.”

I
sighed, not wanting to participate in whatever game we were playing. “I’m not
interested in him.”

His
expression didn’t change at my admission, but he moved closer. “Lauren, I miss
you.”