Fear and Aggression (8 page)

“
Man, that’s a scary
thought, too.” Mark uttered in all seriousness. To him and many
other people, the idea of interacting with other worlds did not
seem too farfetched. In Mark’s mind, it was when, not if. Visions
of space battles often raged in his head. For a moment, things
seemed so clear, and a dichotomy of excitement and vulnerability
emerged from his limbic neurons. “I can’t wait until I’m out there,
too. I just hope that you don’t destroy
all
the aliens before I have a crack
at them.”

“
I'll see what I can do,”
Steve said, chuckling again. “So you think that you want to do this
too, huh?”

“
Oh yeah, of
course.”

“
You got to get those
grades, man.”

“
Oh, I forgot about that,”
Mark said, mostly sarcastically.

“
Don’t
forget about that.”

“
I know, I
know.”

“
Are you doing alright? I
mean, it’s got to be hard, missing Mom, and Dad, and the girls,”
said Steve softly.

Mark was quiet for a moment. “It’s hard,” he
said quietly.

“
I miss them, too. I'm
here for you, you know,” Steve remarked sincerely.

Mark was getting a bit teary-eyed, but
forced a little laugh, and then said in a slightly shaky voice,
“You’re on the other end of the universe!”

“
You know what I
mean.”

“
I know; I do. You’re a
great big brother. You’re going to do awesome as a
Captain!”

“
Thanks, Mark. My time’s
about up. I love you, and I’ll talk with you again
soon.”

“
I love you, too, Steve.
Bye.”

“
Bye, Mark.”

The connection discontinued and both parties
hung up. Mark felt full, but within moments that feeling
transformed into a feeling of a larger void than he had even felt
before. The one thing that could have picked him up was the chance
to talk with Steve. But he hadn’t even had an opportunity to
anticipate it. It had just happened, and as wonderful as it was, it
was now over with not even the hope of something else to
anticipate. All he had now was an evening at home with Grandpa,
likely watching television, and then the sick feeling of starting
school the next day. It wasn’t that school was so awful, it was
just that getting some momentum after being stationary for so long
felt overwhelming. Mark stood by the phone for a few seconds,
taking the conversation in, and savoring every bit of it. Then he
started to feel overcome, and tears once again entered his eyes. He
quickly wiped the overflow, and then headed into the living room to
join his grandpa watching the TV.

Bellerie Lodophin was calmed down and
actually in a rather good mood. Alleff, although somewhat subdued,
was in rather good spirits and was feeling much better. The
electrical safeties had been repaired, the lights were on, and
everything was working. The boys were running around and creating
all sorts of mischief (sort of their way of expressing how relieved
they were that Alleff was okay, and glad to be getting things back
to normal, not to mention catching up on all the trouble that they
had surprisingly not caused during the stressful afternoon) of
which Mrs. Lodophin was nearly oblivious to. So, when Mayor Palador
and Mr. Olefften arrived at the door, Bellerie had to think for a
moment why they were at her door at all, not to mention
transforming her mindset back to the victim and disgruntled
citizen, which in this instant was emotionally too draining for her
to give a full effort to. But, not being one to give anyone,
especially male authority figures, the upper hand, she did
half-heartedly address the Mayor in a like state to that which she
had approached her earlier visitors that day: “Mayor Palador, I’m
surprised you had not been by earlier today.” She of course had
been informed that Mayor Palador was unaware of her calamity, by
Seryen himself, and that he had left, only an hour or so ago, to
inform the Mayor and, although not actually spoken, to retrieve
him; but this, though somewhat annoying to Seryen, was of no
consequence.

“
Seryen has told me of the
traumatic afternoon you and your family have been through,” he said
sincerely and with a serious enough tone, though with a cheerful
expression in his eyes. Roloff had a way of calming those around
him. In this case Mrs. Lodophin was already calmed internally. But
he also had a way of reading people through and through; he knew,
almost instantly, that he was here on ceremony, and that quickly
all of their designs (Both Mrs. Lodophin’s and his and Seryen’s)
would be accomplished, and that he would likely get home before the
evening was too late. But he also understood that he would have to
play the part for a while, which he settled into comfortably.
Seryen, on the other hand, was more ill at ease, and Roloff
suspected that he had not yet grasped the situation.

Bellerie typically wore long loose dresses,
of which she had a brown and yellow, fairly light-toned, one on
this evening. She, having always been obese, carried her weight
naturally. She had light brown hair, neither long nor short, that
tonight was worn down straight. She had glasses that were rather
large, but not so much that they overshadowed her plump rounded
face. Her green eyes were somewhat magnified by her hyperopic
lenses, giving her glances an added punctuation, yet adding to her
largeness in an unattractive way. Ordinarily, she was always
pleased to have important visitors in her home, but tonight she
felt too relieved to be effectively manipulative, and was eager to
get back to her comfortable and relaxed state of mind. Still, they
were here, and it wasn’t like she wasn’t going to take advantage of
the situation; plus, she liked Roloff’s company well enough.

“
Is Alleff well enough
that we may see him?”

“
Alleff? Oh, he, well, he
has had a terribly bad day. Um, I think you can see him, that is,
I’m sure you will see him. He’s been running around...his brothers
have him riled up, and they’ll probably be in and out. But you
should have seen him this afternoon, how his face was so white and
he was so scared. I was beside myself with fear, and I wanted—well,
I’m not sure I want to have the substation on my property. My boys
are the most precious things in the world to me, and...” The sound
of things falling to the floor was heard with a crash, and almost
instantly a boy’s voice was heard crying. Bellerie, subconsciously,
rolled her eyes, and was about to go on explaining how precious her
boys are to her when Seryen volunteered to see what was happening
with the boys; and then got up without waiting for a
reply.

Roloff continued to listen while Bellerie
continued on, “This electricity is so powerful, and dangerous for
my boys, I am afraid that something awful may happen. Oh, dear, it
has been hot today, I’m glad they were able to fix the power so
quickly. I don’t know what I would do without it.” Bellerie sat
back, more relaxed, not even remotely aware of the mistake she had
just made in consistency. Seryen walked back into the room carrying
Alleff, who had tears in his eyes, but was no longer crying
aloud.

Roloff arose and walked to Alleff. “Ah,
Alleff, how are you, lad? I hear you had a rough day.” Alleff
stared at him with a sober expression, as if to say, ‘not someone
else to check me out again.’ “Are you still ticklish?” Roloff
queried with his eye brows raised, and then lowering his brows
smiled warmly. Alleff’s eyes brightened as Roloff spoke, and Roloff
reached over and tickled his ribs lightly. Alleff giggled and
squirmed a little. Roloff reached over to pick him up, “My boy I am
so glad you are well,” he said as he lifted him up from under his
armpits and bringing him to his chest gave him a warm embrace.

Bellerie smiled and stood up. “It takes more
than a little shock to knock out a Lodophin boy. They’re tough as
can be,” she called out as more crashing sounds could be heard from
the down the hall. “And about as wild as electricity itself,” she
commented and the group shared a hardy laugh. “I suppose it will be
best to keep the substation here. They couldn’t have repaired it so
quickly, if it happens again, without it being here. Besides, my
boys are even more likely to wind up in trouble if it’s where I
can’t keep my eye on them.”

“
I’m pleased to see that
all is well here. I’m glad to see that you are back to your
mischief,” Roloff said, turning to Alleff with a smile that was
returned by the boy. “We were very concerned to learn of all this.
Aspiria will be coming by tomorrow to see how you are
doing.”

“
Oh, it will be good to
see her. Well, Mayor, it is getting late and I must get Alleff to
bed,” she said, not hiding her desire to get rid of her guests so
that she could relax.

“
Get some good rest,
Alleff. You as well, Bellerie,” Roloff spoke with a cheery smile as
he made his exit.

“
Goodnight, ma’am,
Alleff,” Seryen said with a serious expression.

The two late travelers walked silently down
the road until they were well out of earshot. Seryen was obviously
pleased that everything had gone so well. In fact, it was just what
he had hoped for. But for some reason he had a sick feeling in his
gut that was gnawing at him. His first thought was that it was
because this visit was unnecessary, and he had ruined the Palador
family’s special evening. Things could have waited until morning,
or he could have gone himself this evening and patched things over.
But as he tried to justify himself to this line of reasoning, his
gut feeling would not subside. That was the problem; if he had gone
on his own this evening, he could not have patched things up. Was
he jealous because Mayor Palador was so good and effective? No, he
genuinely admired Roloff’s powers and the esteem with which he was
affectionately showered. It was his own inadequacy that was
weighing him down. He may have done all the right things, and been
in all the right places, yet he did not have the power of
persuasion, nor the ability to penetrate and affect people
emotionally. Mrs. Lodophin had nothing against Seryen, as far as he
could tell. She seemed to genuinely appreciate his service rendered
to her this evening, and in times past; yet, she had shown, without
any intention at all, how meaningless Seryen’s hours were to her,
and how meaningful Roloff’s moments had been. Seryen felt no anger,
for no one had offended him, yet he felt bitterly disappointed with
himself, who he was, and where he was going. Perhaps a part of his
pain was the further realization that Roloff was returning to his
son to share what was left of a special day, and he was returning
to a home barren of children.

“
Well, I suppose we won’t
have to worry about the electrical supply for now.”

“
Yes, it does appear to be
solved. I’m truly sorry that I had to drag you out this
evening.”

“
Don’t be. It was a
necessary step.” It stung Seryen to hear him say that, but he was
only too aware of that statements truth at that moment.

“
So what made her change
so rapidly?”

“
She’d already changed her
mind when we’d gotten there. But if I hadn't gone there this
evening, she may have just as easily changed her mind
back.”

Yes, that was true. But there was more to it
than that. Roloff was being humble. It was not simply his position
that made the visit effective. It was his own inward power as well
that made her soften so quickly and completely. Now that Seryen
understood his own internal distress, he felt a bit relieved,
though not completely. They had reached the point in their journey
where Roloff was to return home one direction, and Seryen the
other. “Mayor, thank you once again.”

“
Thank you, Seryen.
Goodnight.”

The night had grown dark, and a little
cooler, though not uncomfortably so. But the moonlight was bright,
and the path clear as Roloff made his way home. He had spent the
day walking, and was perhaps a touch fatigued, but was not aware of
it at the moment. He was at peace with himself, and enjoying these
few moments of solitude. Though this excursion had taken away from
his valuable family time, it had not taken more than an hour.
Aspiria and Caryell had undoubtedly spent some nice time together.
He felt grateful to his wife and son for their understanding and
patience as he performed his civic duties. In the distance he could
begin to see the shadowy outline of the exterior of his home; the
front windows ablaze from the light within. Subconsciously he
quickened his pace towards home.

“
What’s Bob doing?” Kenny
asked Steve. Steve was staring straight ahead with a faraway look.
After a second or two a smile began to creep over his face and he
looked over towards Kenny about the same time that Kenny looked at
him. Steve shook his head slowly, and reached toward the console,
pressing a button.

“
Merick, report on deck.”
Releasing the button both men chuckled lightly.

With the mission underway for just a few
short days, the unofficial, unspoken, unwritten roles of each
crewmember were beginning to take shape. Bob brought a special
comic relief to the ship. It was neither overt, nor subtle, and it
seemed to flow naturally and effortlessly. His was not the
sharp-witted, dry, perfectly timed comment, surgically placed
within a group discussion or conversation—that was the domain of
Mike West, the engine specialist. Somehow the way Bob said and did
things was just funny. Rarely did it seem that he had meant to
evoke humor intentionally, yet when he brought a chuckle, smile,
giggle, or deep-bellied laugh, he would just smile brightly and
bask in the light-heartedness of the moment. It never felt like
anyone was laughing at him, it was always with him.